But Bama also has an upperclassmen quota. Is it only for juniors and above or did the sophomores get to count to the additional seven non-freshmen members that groups could pledge?

It really could have big impact on numbers if sophomores don't "count" in the main quota either.

I agree - If my daughter only could have the wisdom that age brings......Like I said, she really likes the girls in the one she is considering....I think it is just the uncertainty that has her wondering. I think she will do the right thing for her.

This may sound bad to remind you of this, but she can drop out of the group before initiation if she accepts her bid and still continues to want to re-rush.

Yes, I have thought of that - but that can't be a good thing when rerushing

I should add that my daughter really likes the girls in this sorority. I think the fear of the unknown and what if is what is making her hesitate. I am just going to tell her to do what feels best. Since she does like them, I think it will be a good fit for her.....

been there, kind of
 

AuburnPNMom, I was on this board seeking advice for a similar problem after formal recruitment. My daughter was incredibly disappointed when she received her bid to a sorority she liked, but at the time didn't see herself fitting in with. She was cut by 2 but was feeling devastated because her 1st choice had gone on and on about how much they loved her each time she visited. Looking for information, I too stumbled onto this board, sorry I didn't mean to impose all, but I also had no clue or experience with sorority recruitment, especially at a big, SEC school. I explained my daughter's situation and received excellent, thoughtful advice which I shared with her because her first reaction was to quit. She, like most girls, only focused on the groups that cut her, not the one that seemed to love her. I know we "helicopter" Moms are a pain, but I truly appreciate what I learned and what I shared with my daughter. It really helped her to see how fortunate she was despite her disappointment, and focus on the positive things about her new sisters.

My daughter decided to remain with the sorority that offered a bid. She initially didn't think ANYONE in that LARGE sorority would be someone she could relate to. Funny you mentioned the blonde thing, when my daughter walked up to the house, there to greet her was a sea of tall blondes! My daughter is very brown eyed and brunette and not the tallest. I thought, wow, she doesn't look like these girls. But guess what, there were great girls there. and a LOT of brunettes inside the house, and she is making many friends and having a blast. It turned out to be a wonderful decision to give this sorority a chance. Auburn has great sororities and while there may be a few small differences, my daughter tells me they are all really good. She didn't get a top tier, or even her 1st. choice, but she did get a great group of wonderful new sisters. She now is very happy where she is and wouldn't change a thing. I hope your daughter will really consider the sorority looking at her, I'm sure it is full of wonderful young ladies, some who will probably become some of your daughter's best friends.

NOTE TO GREEKCHAT MEMBERS...I know we Moms are a pain but I really appreciate the help and advice I and my daughter received from all! Thanks!

While I agree that people may not know the right "lingo", to say that "this" (meaning being COB'd by "lesser" sororities) would never have happened on the home turf because the family is so public and famous, that her daughter is worried that she is "blonder" (more attractive? more bleached?) than the sisters in the lesser sorority, really depicts her daughter in a very shallow, superficial and immature light. However, she knows her daughter best.

If she is truly interested in sororities for philanthropic work then any sorority she joins will have sterling philanthropy opportunities.

OTW has a cool signature.

just a quick question. did your daughter go into rush with an idea of which chapters she wanted to be in before she started? is it possible that these groups are in your home state schools and shes heard of them there and heard good things about them so decided that she wanted them at auburn? or maybe the ones that she got cob's for arent as popular in her home state and thats why she has second thoughts?? this could totally happen if she has friends in universities that have already rushed. i could be totally off here, but if thats at all the case then try to explain to her that all chapters are different at different schools. sorry if this is not the case but thats the first thing that came to my mind. i went to school out of state and heard lots of different things about different greek orgs that im very glad i didnt listen to--but its very hard not to!! good luck to your daughter!!

I don't think I need to respond to the insinuation regarding my daughter's character. She did have in mind what she liked before she started but it was formed during her visits to campus - The sorority system is completely different there than what we are familiar with....and the sororities are, too....so any knowledge of schools we knew did not help nor deter her in any way. She was more shocked by the fact that you needed to be from Alabama to get into a sorority. Needless to say, that is far more shallow than forming an opinion about whether or not you would fit into a sorority based on looks or not. and her blonde hair is what she was born with. Often envied by her friends that color is not required.

augreekmom! That is just what I needed to hear!

Many girls who weren't from Alabama got bids at Auburn this year. Check the lists of new members on their website and their hometowns.

Sure, they may not have the inside track that girls who are from the same hometowns as present members have, but her home state would not likely have been held against her in and of itself. (again, I can't know this for sure, but if you look at the list, you'd suspect it to be true.)

And if you re-read the thread you'll see you're the one who made the hair color comment, not us, so it doesn't make sense to get huffy about it now.

Glad to have helped! :)

Oh, I am soo sorry - I didn't mean to get huffy - I just took offense at the insinuation that my daughter was shallow and immature. I haven't slept much and am tired - I am grateful for the support I have given here. I had noone else to talk to about it and don't want to hound my daughter so that she can make up her mind. Yes, I do know that about the other states, I was responding to the poster who said that it made a difference where she was from. I didn't mean to combine the 2 - Please forgive me

I hope that you can get some rest and feel better. Your daughter had the benefit of your council for 18 years; surely, she's going to make a good decision tomorrow.

:)

I know I am bad for thinking about it this way, but maybe pledging a sorority of a different hair color might show your daught that you can be friends with people that are different than you and maybe were NOT homecoming queens, super-popular in high school, or like, blond. Actually, having people with a different perspective to converse with might enrich her life even more than the blondes that she feels initially more comfortable with.

Or, if she does pledge "brunette" and feels left out, she can go out and buy a big case of hair color for her new sisters. I'm sure they'd be really appreciative of her generosity in making them the sisters she so obviously deserves.

skylark - You missed the point. she is not seeking to be the blonde star. she is worried that her new sisters won't like her because she IS blonde.

If they didn't like her, they wouldn't have extended a bid.

That is what I told her!!

Ok- I think has done its time - I definitely got some good advice, but feel that perhaps it has run its course. Thanks to all who tried to help in such a nonjudgmental way!

Sorry but that doesn't make any sense to me (and maybe even a few others) because you said she didn't know if she would fit with them because she was blonder than they were.

But then there was another sorority that looked like she would fit with due to hair color but apparently they cut her? :confused:

So it doesn't really sound like she's worried that they won't like her because she's got lighter hair than they do?

Thank you, texas princess, for pointing out this obvious point... I actually thought for a second that I might have misinterpreted the comment. But yeah, they extended her a bid not even in formal recruitment, but in COB! They definitely like her enough to think she could be a part of their group. My guess is that those girls probably haven't given it a second thought that her hair color is different, unless what you are really trying to point out is an unwritten racial segregation issue... (I'll leave that out there, since I don't want to make an assumption out of thin air).

I guess the biggest part of what I don't understand is why any genuine, decent person would hesitate to pledge a sorority if they (1) wanted to be in a sorority so bad they would go through a second formal recruitment as a sophomore, adn (2) liked the girls in the org that gave her a COB bid (which you say she does). What else is there to consider, unless you somehow feel like the sorority isn't worthy of such a top-calibar PNM.

Bottom line: as great as your daughter probably is (I seriously mean this without sarcasm) several of the top sororities didn't think she was as great as other girls and the possibility of changing their minds to the point where she will get one of what would be very few if any chances in January to pledge is so slim that it seems absurd to give those sororities that much power over her happiness. My sincere guess is that your daughter will find out during the course of this year why she wasn't (a) invited back to pref, or (b) ranked high on bid lists. When she does, I'm pretty sure she's going to be pissed at the answer and probably will wish she took one of her COB bids because those girls liked her enough to extend a bid (even though they know going into it that they are not your daughter's first choice).

And by the way, the answer of why your daughter didn't get into these sororities was NOT because she wasn't from Alabama.... this may have influenced slightly but I have never heard of a voting or ranking decision where the state of origin was the deciding factor.

Apologies for the long post...

I think she is going to take the bid - They have a fun night planned and she is excited.

Yeah!! I'm so glad!! She'll have fun!

Yay! I can't wait to hear how it pans out!:)

It's OKAY if your daughter is shallow and immature. We all were at the age of 17 or 18. I think that you are doing a good job of trying to guide her past that.

It sounds like she took the bid, but a few things that may help her stick with it:

1. Make sure the roomie is not promising her anything. I know of women who depledged a chapter because their roomie promised they would get her in next semester or next year or something. This NEVER works out.

2. You will find countless recruitment threads on here where a woman ended up very very happy in a chapter that was not initially a top choice. My own retro thread is a story like that. Yes, there were times in college, even as a sophomore or junior, when it sucked to not get exchanges with the top fraternities or to have to work twice as hard during rush. But you know what? Every chapter has drama. EVERY CHAPTER. To this day, some of my best friends are women from my chapter. If it helps her to read something like that, point her to GC.

PLEASE let us know ASAP if she takes the bid (fingers crossed!)

Thanks for that perspective. It makes complete sense..- ...I know she is aware of that .... I know she is determined to give it her all and contribute anything she can to help her group be their best....and I know her well enough to know she will give her best without question. My greatest wish out of this is for her to realize that all people have worth....and that everyone deserves to be given the chance because some girls are shyer than others. and that a true friend is immeasurable. Most of all, I want her to always be postive and never say anything unkind about any one or any group. I have been trying to be sympathetic yet steering her on this path. I think it is going to be okay. I started this thread this morning when I was so worried she wasn't being realistic. Now, as the day has wound down, I appreciate being able to sound off here....even though I felt a few times I shouldn't have - It has helped me as a mom -

You have steered her well. I hope she has a blast!!:D

This thread brings up a good point and it has nothing to do with helicopter moms. There is a small but very real problem that exists when some young ladies, who are used to being the "Big Fish" in high school, go to college and suddenly become "Small Fish". These girls leave for college with high hopes and big dreams and one of their first experiences at college is recruitment. This may be the first time in their young lives that they aren't getting what they really want socially, and they see other girls who they feel may not be as pretty, smart, talented...whatever, getting into a sorority that they were released from. Most of the young women participating on this board probably had good transitions to college regardless of how their rush went, but they probably know girls who didn't. I remember when I was in college there were a few girls that I knew who left or transferred out of our large school because they couldn't make the transition. Let's face it, this girl is used to being popular and enjoying all of the perks that come with being well liked by her peers. She is now in a situation where she is no longer popular by her old standards and she is taking it personally. My thought is that a thread focusing on making the transition from "Big Fish, Small Pond" to "Little Fish, Big Pond" may be very helpful to many young ladies. I am sure she will regret characterizing the sororities by their hair color once she has a year or so of college under her belt. It was a very unfortunate choice of words to be sure but I can't fault her for her lack of articulation at her age. I have told my own daughter that college is the great equalizer. Popular kids may not be popular anymore, socially awkward kids blossom and are well liked, and you will be friends with people you may never have hung out with in high school.

ETA: I didn't read carefully enough, and I apologize. I see now that you were suggesting a designated thread.

WarEagle07,

Those very thoughts have been discussed in other recruitment threads. One in particular I can remember was about UGA recruitment last year and the girls who drop out of rush. I'm not saying they shouldn't be discussed again, but it's not really just been brought up this recruitment.

Maybe it too should be its own stickied thread for the recruitment forum, but again, the very people it most applies to are the ones who won't realize we meant them until they either drop out or are left unhappy and even then, what has seemed to happen here is that they still think they are exceptional and the system is flawed.

I'm not someone who thinks that new posters are obligated to research and read from beginning to end any possible thread that touches on a topic, but just because it's the first time something has happened to you (ETA: I don't mean you personally, WarEagle07, I just mean it generically) doesn't mean it's the first time it's ever happened. I just think people are going to be disappointed in the response they get from others who are more familiar with the process if they don't research a little before they post.

Bad house or just not the "best" house?
 

I may be joining the thread too late, but I just wanted to add my two cents -- I went through ACC rush, but I know SEC rush well, having grown up in an SEC state, and it is brutal. I agree with everyone who has said that your daughter's chances of getting a bid next year at "top" sororities are slim. SEC schools tend not to be kind to girls who rush twice or to sophomore rushees. The question she needs to be able to answer, in deciding whether to accept the bid that is extended to her now, is: "Will I be embarrassed to be a member of XYZ house?" She has the advantage of being out of state -- she isn't surrounded by friends from high school who are competitive about what sororities they joined. And her roommate is just one person and one opinion. If your daughter thinks she would be embarrassed, for whatever reason, to tell a lab partner or a boy at a party that she's a member of XYZ, she shouldn't join. If there's no embarrassment involved, I would encourage her to take the bid, because if the girls are nice, she will end up having a good time and finding sisterly love. I don't know any girls who were embarrassed to be part of their sorority just because it wasn't the top one. I did have a friend at another school, however, who joined a house that was, unfortunately, known for being a crummy house, and her embarrassment did ruin her experience. If the house that has extended your daughter a bid isn't known as a crummy house, and the only problem is just that it isn't a "top" sorority, I think your daughter should be fine.

[QUOTE=AlphaGamUGAAlum;1512314]
WarEagle07,

Those very thoughts have been discussed in other recruitment threads. One in particular I can remember was about UGA recruitment last year


Perhaps this is why I didn't see it? I've been a lurker for a long time, new to posting though. Sorry for the duplication in any case!

Excellent point. That has come up in conversation....but, I don't think my daughter is embarassed of the house, she is just having to accept what has happened rather quickly and swallow her preferences in time to fully consider this bid. Moreso, it is what others have said to her about this house that makes her hesitate.....which I why I have been hard on her to be less judgmental and decide for herself...Last I talked to her, she was going to accept it. She is there now.

[QUOTE=WarEagle07;1512356]I honestly didn't mean it come of as a criticism of your suggestion. I just wanted to note that it seemed to recur as an issue just like many of the issue regarding posts by parents.

(although to be honest, I don't think any of the UGA commenters at the time were parents of PNMs)

Do you think we need to have separate thread for every SEC school to make sure the folks have a chance to read them? (You only read the Auburn threads? Really? I can't resist any SEC thread.)

I am a sucker for any rush story! I don't know why, but I get a small thrill when there is a new XO in the making! And I also love the SEC threads but I do not read all of them. I did take a special interest this year in UGA, Alabama, as well as Auburn due to the number of girls that i know participating this year. And I will admit, I am partial to retro recruitment threads!

In your last post, you said that she accepted the bid. Are you willing to share the news which group she has joined?

I do hope that your daughter enjoys her new sisterhood, and has the opportunity to expand new leadership experiences!

I still don't know anything - But, I will hear later today....

I knew a girl at Auburn--a beautiful girl, who had been the biggest fish ever at her high school, and whether this is PC to say or not, the high school happened to be on the "wrong side of the tracks" (she grew up in my hometown, and back then the alums had a lot to say about who their SEC actives rushed) and was dropped by all the "top tier" sororities, and for whatever reason got released from rush. Come bid day she took a snap bid to one of the "not good" sororities. This girl was beautiful, articulate, intelligent, and quite frankly the prettiest girl in that sorority. They put her up for EVERYTHING, and being outstanding as she was, she got EVERYTHING..this made quite an impression on me. I saw many girls who had been huge fish in their high school ponds become just another fish in the pond in their "top tier" groups, while this girl racked up many prestigious honors, like War Eagle Girl and Glom Beauty. When my girls were going through rush I made sure they knew this story because there are lots of lessons here, and sometimes being a "big fish in a little pond" is not a bad place to be!

I think this is an awesome sentiment! I think a lot of these girls think they are above these non-"top tier" chapters. Too bad...they often miss out on a lot if they refuse to join a chapter that actually wants them!