I also read the comment in a more innocent and daughter-friendly light. I thought she was saying, in essence, "Since Auburn is full of shallow, judgmental beeyotches like the several thousand sorority women who ALL rejected my daughter, then maybe I should have sent her to a different school where the students have their heads on straight."

That sentiment is totally understandable under the circumstances, and there may be some truth in it, too. It's possible to make a mistake when you choose a school. Discovering that the school is a severe social mismatch (whether or not that is actually the case here) is a legitimate reason to question whether the school was the wrong choice.

My heart goes out to both the mother and the daughter for the emotional upheaval this whole process has cost them, but like others, I cannot believe she actually questioned whether or not her daughter belonged at Auburn. Talk about drastic.

Even if that comment was made in the heat of the moment, there was also her accusation that her daughter maybe hadn't "tried hard enough," which she then tried to explain in a later post, and that post to me did not sound like a heat of the moment kind of thing. Her poor daughter - I'm sure being rejected from all the sororities is a blow enough to your self-esteem without your mother questioning whether or not you genuinely put your best foot forward. Hurt feelings I can forgive, that post however, unacceptable.

While I have absolutely no child-rearing experience, like many I do have parents. There were (and still are) plenty of times where my parents would act childish or make a rude comment. Generally it was out of emotion, like many of the mothers on this board have commented on. A day later or so, my mom or dad would apologize for speaking so rashly and things were ok.

Parents are humans too, they're liable just like anyone else is, to allow their emotions get the best of them. It's all part of life and part of learning!

So, in my opinion, I think it's pretty silly to be judgemental about a woman none of us know in person. We have no idea what kind of day she had when she posted that, we also have no idea exactly how much stress she has endured watching her daughter hurt. Therefore, we cannot speculate on her ability as a parent, which is my inference based on the responses I have seen. Apparently she's done a great job to raise an intelligent girl who was accepted into a great school. A few typed words on the internet cannot really offer any insight on a person's tone, mentality, or background.

How's about we focus on the great stories that are going on, then send prayers/good vibes to the poor girls who have had their heart bruised by rejection? Kay? Great! :cool:

*shrug* I don't expect parents to be perfect, but that kind of reaction crosses a line in my mind. And, if I'd seen something other than "being in a sorority IS really really important, I was in one, maybe it was her fault she got cut so I'll ask her if she even tried" in that whole comment, I'd be more understanding about it. As I said, I haven't seen her say, "I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said that to her," and what I've seen is all I can base my opinions on.

And I'm not particularly judging her. I don't think she's a bad mother. I'm not judging her mentality or background. I think she should NOT have said that. Uh uh, no way in hell. And I don't understand how your daughter's pain somehow becomes all about you, not her. Even if she'd vented that on GC but not said it to her daughter, I'd feel differently about it.

And if you want to focus on happy thoughts, this is not the thread ;)

Umm, did I miss something?

This thread sounds like it's telling the GC regulars not to hijack threads, when from what I saw in the Auburn thread, it was a first-time poster who did so.

If I had that kind of mind power over other people, I certainly wouldn't be working here.

That's like putting prime rib in front of a dog and telling him not to eat it.;)

While my reaction to my daughter getting released would have been far different from the mother in question, I have learned that as a parent you can never judge another parent. Once you let the words out 'I would never' or 'I can't believe that they did/allowed that' then you will surely be put in the exact same position and perhaps even react the same way. We do not know this mother or daughter or what their relationship is like. She mentioned that her daughter is shy, perhaps by saying 'did she try hard enough' she meant small thinks like speaking audibly or making eye contact. Shy people do have to work at small stuff like that. As to the comment about Auburn being the right school for her daughter, that could have meant many things. I would like to assume that for a shy girl, going to a very large school and not getting into a social unit (in this case a sorority) would make for a tough start to a college career. Shyness is a hard trait to deal with, it does require effort to overcome. I hope that the mother in question has not been scared away from all of the harsh postings because I would love to know what happens to her daughter as the semester unfolds.

I know that shyness is hard to overcome, I'm not a naturally extroverted person, and I know it takes effort. I should have been more specific - the mom said something along the lines of, if you really want something badly enough, you give it 110% - leading me to believe she felt her daughter didn't try hard enough to get into a sorority because it wasn't so important to her. That's what I object to, the mentality towards her daughter embodied in that statement.

Time to quote the "Southern Belle Primer"
 

While I don't have a copy of the book in front of me -- the passage goes something like this:

"My mama was a Chi O, my aunts were all Chi Os and my cousins are all Chi Os. If I don't get a bid from Chi O...I'll just die. I'll have to move to Pittsburgh!"

My apologies to the nice people of Pittsburgh and to all the fine sororities at Ole Miss, but my point is -- some families DO take it very seriously.

I think what really killed me is that the mother obviously doesn't understand SEC recruitment. The mother said she was an AST. I'm absolutely not picking on AST, but they don't have many, if any chapters at ultra-competitive campuses. Therefore, the mother most likely went to a college where not only do most people get placed, but most people get their first or second choice as well...

And how is it that you understand it so well? Just wondering.

Because most ASA chapters are at similar type campuses. Someone did a "who overlaps with who" thread for NPC groups and ASA & AST share tons of campuses.

I understand that -- I'm questioning AlphaFrog's understanding of an SEC Rush.

I did not go to an SEC school, but we had a semi-competitive rush (not unheard of for girls to not get a bid, and it was fairly common for a girl to get her third choice).
However, being on GC for the past year and just reading others accounts had taught me TONS about SEC rush. Someone coming from a semi or non competitive school to an SEC school without the background would be completely lost.
That's why I love the advice of "do a search and read other threads". I don't think the Mom in question had been around for long and based on that you can assume that she really didn't know much about SEC rush. At least that's how I read it.

That doesn't make it right.

And, btw, what SEC school did you go to?

My point -- and I guess I should just come right out and say it! -- is:

The most knowledgeable posters are the ones who have been through a like situation.

I guess the second-most-knowledgeable would be the regular posters on GC?

Oh, and I totally agree with you there. I do not think it's the be all end all by any means. I do realize that there are several who don't get bids and indeed transfer to another school.

In another life I visited many campuses. Most recently I spent two weeks at Univ. of Alabama during their recruitment.

See, here's the thing - I've never been through an SEC Rush, I've never visited an SEC campus, and I don't plan to, but I do understand that 1400 girls divided by 9 or so sororities means that somewhere along the line, there's going to be some heavy cutting and huge heartbreak. Great women are going to go bidless, and not for lack of trying. Simple math and multiple heartbreaking SEC Rush threads here on GC will give you enough understanding that a woman is not the dregs of society if she doesn't make it into an SEC sorority, and it's not the end of the world OR even the end of university life if it doesn't happen.

Now, please, find something else in my post to question. I do so love it when you attempt to be snarky. It's highly entertaining.

I know you respect those who say what they think.

I do. However, questioning my knowledge of topics that have nothing to do with anything. I was not claiming to be an expert on SEC, rather pointing out that the mother in this particular situation probably didn't understand that her rush was 1000 times different than her daughter's rush.

To further add "what ifs"...

talked to a greek friend who was in my sorority at an SEC school in the 70's. Her subdivisions is full of transplants from other parts of the country.

She spoke to two mothers in her subdivision over the weekend whose daughters were rushing at Auburn. The mothers had already picked the sororities for the girls before they set foot on campus. The mothers only secured recs from certain houses and had "tent talked" their daghters into only certain houses before they got to campus.

My friend said when she "enlightened" these transplanted mothers, the look of horror on their faces were priceless. She said it reaffirmed to her its better to let your daughter decide to go where she feels comfortable.

P.S. none of these girls went into prefs with a full card of invites. (ie they didn't maximize their options)

I find this a disturbing trend.

p.s. these mothers weren't greek & didn't have a legacy connection to pass on.

A few years ago, my daughter and her best friend went through recruitment at different SEC schools. Friend's recruitment was the week before my daughter's. EVERYONE thought Friend would just sail through....she is cute, outgoing, smart,etc, all the things one would think all the sororities would be fighting over. My daughter is also cute and smart with lots of outside activities but is somewhat shy, so I was a little worried. As it turned out, friend got dropped by all sororities for pref after attending 6 parties the day before. Of course her Mom and family, she was a legacy, were devasted ( much more than she was) they wanted to go get her and bring her home to attend a school closer to home this was a trend in their family even in grade school. So, my daughter goes into her recruitment scared to death by Friend's experience. She had a great time, called me after Open house just ecstatic about the fact that she was able to go into each house and carry on conversations with strangers!!!! She decided that if her experience ended up like her friend's she was already a winner because "I just didn't know if I was going to be able to do it or not!"
My moral.... some parents don't allow their children to fail at anything, they always try to bail them out. I on the otherhand think that it is better for children to learn that you will not succeed at everything always and it is better to learn to acept your disappointment with class and learn from all experiences weather they are good or bad!!
Also my daughter did find a home, it wasn't her first pick at the time. But it was the right one for her!!!

Well bless your heart, you must just be the only national officer on GC or something. :rolleyes:

OK, this snarkiness has gotten out of hand. I'm appalled at some of you who are insulting posters who are concerned with these issues because you don't understand them...and with your letters in your name yet. Obviously, Greek life means a lot to some people. Get over it because it won't change..and why do you care anyway? You should be supporting Greek life, however it differs from your idea of it.

There are many GCers who are SEC alums or have children rushing there or at other competitive universities or, like NutBrnHair, have served the Greek world for a long time. If you don't understand us, we don't really care. Thank God that there's a place like GC where we can air our concerns and get support from each other, even if most of it comes from pms.

I think that the ugly posts have long since gotten pointless, so I'm closing this.