From what I gather in the original post, this ISN'T the chapter or the chapter's prez or exec board asking this girl to stay away from rush activities...it's a national consultant. That is, it's not someone who's around these girls on a daily basis or knows what they're like in a rush situation. Therefore, it's understandable that the girl has assumed this is based on her size.

I'll freely raise my hand and say I'm not a rusher. I HATE everything that comes with rushing. So what do/did I do? The computer stuff. It worked because they talked to me and it fit both the needs of our chapter (I'd have been really really awkward rushing girls) and my needs.

But you don't just say "fat girl, stay out of the room"
That said there may indeed be more to this story. But I'm only working on what was posted.

hahhaha

And lucky me, I was always the one people asked to talk to PNMs no one else wanted to talk to, because THEY brought up inappropriate topics. I could talk my way out of a shoe; all I did was steer the conversation back to the chapter, not her. :p

Since i didn't have to recruit, I was always a PNM during practice. I liked being "THAT" PNM to push my sisters. Better that they got it from me first than they got it from somene else. Plus they could reach out and slap me for being annoying, whereas a PNM would probably not appreciate that.

I LOVED doing that... like bringing up partying and guys in practice to see what they'd say or do. Funny stuff. Memories! :p

Yeah, everyone in my chapter loved to be the obnoxious pnm during conversation practice...we would have epidemics of everyone playing "THAT" pnm to the point that the membership chair would have to stop everything and announce that some sisters had to be nice, normal pnms!

Hahhaa, yes, this was a frequent occurrence at our chapter, too. haha

It sounds like it is not just this one girl but at least two, if not more. But i would agree that before coming to a conclusion I would like to know the whole story. To some degree it sounds like this girl could have decided that weight was an issue, when it could have been numerous issues. We just don't know.

HEY! That was me too! I'm a terrific conversationalist with people I know and am comfortable with. I tend to withdraw and get shy around those I don't know. I knew going into my first and all later subsequent recruitments that my strengths lay not in conversation but in making things easier for the other girls so I would help with the computer stuff or help the alums with setting up food, decorations, etc.

And like you stated, no one ever told my size 12 ass to hide b/c they were embarrassed by me. I chose to work behind the scenes rather in front of them. It sounds like this girl wasn't given the opportunity.

I agree with you here, unfortunately, some chapters don't offer a whole lot of "behind the scenes" kind of jobs. As someone mentioned earlier, some chapters are so small that the only people they can afford to have in the background are the sisters that are running the show, like the Membership Chair. That is where situations like this arise, usually.

Thank You and You are appreciated with Your Post!;)


High, I am Tom and I am your New Pledge Instructor, and You do not fit with us!

So, all I can say is Goodby!

I hate to do this! See Ya!:o

Is that because your daughters join only the BEST sororities?

This statement from you doesn't surprise me, because when it comes to rush you are pretty shallow.

Sorry to break it to you, but RUSH is shallow. If it wasn't, we could wear whatever we wanted, not wash our hair or put on makeup, and have rush parties in abandoned warehouses and still get the same turnout.

That being said, I stand by my previous statements on this issue.

Ding ding ding. I think this is the answer!!!

There's a difference between putting your best self forward and telling a sister her best self isn't good enough (although it was good enough to give her a bid and collect her dues).

You don't want to get involved in that fight.

That said, I know recruitment is shallow. It's based off of really quick impresions and connections with girls. The assumption that a heavy girl will turn off PNMs is offensive. And this girl is your sister. Are you going to take those "shallow" PNMS and pretend like the heavy girl isn't your sister until initiation? After? Any girl who would go "ugh she's heavy I don't want to be a sister with any of the girls in this room because she's heavy" should NOT be given a bid.

33girl + Drolefille:

I agree. I believe I stated this earlier in the thread; it IS wrong to discriminate against somebody based on their physical appearance, especially over something like this.

Actually, National Panhellenic is moving away from Recruitment "parties," meaning that it will be a lot less shallow, and primarily only based on conversation, as opposed to the glitz of decorations, make up, and skits. In the next few years, they just might be holding recruitment events in "warehouses," so to speak, because they won't be allowed to show off; they will only be able to have conversations with PNMs. Of course, this will be difficult for chapters to transition into, but it could be beneficial in the long run for the Greek System. ;)

How is a lack of decorations going to stop PNM's from thinking "ABC is the fat sorority, I don't want to go there?"

It might not make them think that, but they won't be looking at all of the skits and well-dressed ladies and thinking, this is where I want to be because they are all so super pretty and obviously have TONS of money. And if they think THIS IS A FAT SORORITY, then they are obviously idiots. :D

I don't know that calling it like you see it is shallow.

I see this as something that sounds good on paper but doesn't work in actuality. Again- you can tell if girls are good looking without decorations or door songs, and the same goes for the amount of money that a sorority or its members have. You can generally tell that by the clothing and jewelry that someone wears. Wearing Chip & Pepper jeans with a Lacoste polo indicates a higher income than wearing American Eagle jeans with a GAP polo does.

To judge a sorority based on the reputation it has, the amount of members in the chapter, and how long it has been around IS shallow.

I agree, but it cuts down on HOW MUCH each chapter is spending on recruitment, not how much each member spends on her personal wardrobe. It also makes it easier for chapters to compete, if they have less money. :)

Hahahaha!!!

I just remembered something that happened my last year at school during recruitment. The pamphlet that was given to all the PNM's had pictures of all the Rho Gamma's. One of the Rho Gamma's was just a real sweetheart but in the picture, she was wearing a cute shirt that said D&G. Some poor PNM's from her group suicided Delta Gamma because they wanted to so badly be her sister but it turns out she was a Tri Delta. Talk about jumping to conclusions. She was just wearing her Dolce & Gabbana shirt. :p

ETA: I am happy to report that both girls stayed in DG and were happy with their collegiate experience.

don't college panhellenics already regulate how much each sorority can spend on recruitment?

Some GLO's don't mind paying the rush infraction fines if it gives them a leg up on other GLO's.

Clarification:
It DOES cut down on how much chapters spend; it's not meant to monitor how much each sister spends on her own personal wardrobe. It makes it easier for smaller chapters to compete in recruitment, and possibly get their numbers up. Like you said earlier, some ladies make their decisions based primarily on outward appearance, and appearance includes decorations and skits. If those factors are not present, smaller chapters have more of a chance to get more new members. :)

Yea, see therein lies the problem. I went to a smaller school, granted, but ours was around $200 per party, as I recall. Nothing extravagent, but a few chapters couldn't afford it, or had to ask for help from alumnae.

I don't think that members in good standing should be asked to stay away from recruitment for any reasons. I don't think any members should be assigned a recruitment duty that she doesn't want for a disproportionate amount the other time, either.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we should all help figure out where we think we can best serve our organizations, but also be open to doing something else as long as the way duties are assigned is in keeping with the overall values of the organization.

At my chapter, I don't remember any actives not rushing unless they were in a goofy costume for a skit, so I don't remember any nonsense like this.

BUT some of you posting may have no idea what a big Southern recruitment is like. The way we want things to be and the way things actually are often not the same, and chapters feel pressured to do something wrong in terms of sisterhood to ensure that they get a particular outcome all along the return rate spectrum.

Carnation didn't want that organization to go under, I bet, and you misread her if you think it was her point. She was just aware that recruitment can be a game of superficial impressions, and if you don't play along, your group may not be around much longer to enjoy your authentic sisterhood.

ETA: I saw my friend who wasn't Greek who has a Greek daughter today. She takes all the directions about who can wear what and what's allowed and required at recruitment to be generally a reflection of the values of sororities. It breaks my heart what she thinks we're all about, but I also know that most groups that didn't spend time on image for recruitment are going to have a hard time attracting enough new members to fill a new member class. I wish there were a way to get away from it but not having decorations and skits isn't going to do it.

I realize. It's called no frills, and that's what we do. It doesn't mean that PNMs don't judge on appearance. No frills does not mean no makeup, either.

I think it's horrible to hide any sister from Recruitment regardless of their shortcomings. I've always felt, and perhaps I'm wrong, that one of the purposes of being a member of a sorority is to learn to be your personal best. If a sister lacks conversational skills, study skills, personal grooming, then help her to improve. Don't pretend she doesn't exist!

The only time I can truly understand the big push for numbers in a chapter is when they need the income to support the maintenance of the house. Otherwise, I think it's ridiculous. Fraternities manage to stay afloat without large numbers. Why can't sororities?

I can't help but think how far we've come from the original purposes that our founders had in mind. Do any of the 26 NPCs mention appearance in their Purpose or Creed? I don't think so. Our founders' had loftier ideals. I wish we could find some way to make Recruitment less shallow. I'd imagine that our founders would roll over in their graves if they knew that a sister was hidden because she was fat. For shame!

I hear what you are saying, but many groups have policies that instruct (and pressure) chapters to recruit to quota and chapter total. It's not what the founders had in mind, but it seems to be where we are today.

I too wonder if having women's groups be more like the IFC might not be more empowering to genuine sisterhood, but NPC recruitment IS different and creates different expectations for the chapters. A NPC chapter doesn't usually have the option to play by its own rules and be viable.

I know it doesn't mean NO make up; if you read what I wrote, I said it would be LESS about those things, not that they won't occur at all...

Let's be honest. Girls are petty. It's a known fact. It's why the guys still can't figure sorority rush or why we have all the rules that we do. No matter what you do, some girls are going to judge sororities based on superficial things. Take away decorations and door songs, they will judge on the cutest mascot, prettiest colors, number of cheerleaders, best dressed girls, etc.

Oh, I completely agree. We have to deal with things the way they are now. It just makes me sad...and a bit angry.

It's things like this, that makes myself and MANY other women leary about joining a sorority.

I know my convictions to join will hold true, I could really care less if I feel a connection with the "fat sorority" or the "slutty sorority" etc. If I feel like these are women I want to spend a lot of time with during my collegiate years, you are darn tootin' I will accept a bid from them.

How many wonderful, smart, talented etc. women have refused sorority (or weren't given the opportunity) life because of stereotypical behaviors like this? I would be absolutely disgusted if my GLO acted in this fashion. Granted, I am not in one (yet), I would just hope that my (future) sisters do not act this way.

Isn't part of being in a sorority demonstrating class, morals, scholarly talents, and a dedication to the community? How is forcing someone to abstain from recruitment due to their weight, or even overlooking a PNM due to her weight- despite her incredible resume, acting classy? How is it classy to say that you don't want to ruin your sorority's image by allowing a heavy girl in? Do you really have morals if you are acting this way?

um... no.

Even if this is true, that doesn't mean that these women should be members of sororities, if they are petty. And I refuse to believe that ALL girls are petty--anytime someone makes a generalization like that I am apprehensive.

Just a thought: What if your "fat/fugly/what have you girls" are Rho Gammas? They would show up at Bid Day, too. They may have met some of the NMs but not all. Are all Rho Gammas volunteers or do their GLOs choose them?