GreekChat.com Forums - What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

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- - What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you? (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=82704)

PrettyBoy

11-28-2006 02:39 AM

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete button.:p

No purple, pink, yellow ect hair either. All red flags.

Fake hair? Definite yellow flag, but after I got home and had time to dwell on it, it would turn into a red flag.

I once dated a girl and we went back to her place, once we got there she took her pony tail off. I looked at her, then I looked at the pony tail.:eek:
I had to cut her a loose. She tried to call, and I never returned her call, and then I would avoid her when I would see her on campus.

AlexMack

11-28-2006 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aephi alum (Post 1362578)

It's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene.

But I'd say that my red flags would include:

- bragging about sexual exploits
- talking incessantly about ex's
- getting too drunk (drinking responsibly on a first date is ok, getting falling-down-drunk is not)
- smoking (social smoking is ok, but regular daily smoking is not)
- admitting to current, regular use of illegal drugs (get off the drugs first, then we'll talk)
- strong fundamentalist religious views (e.g. a woman's place is in the home, watch your skirt - you're showing too much ankle, etc.)
- dresses in a very sloppy manner (e.g. torn or stained clothes) or in a manner inappropriate to the venue (e.g. jeans or sneakers at a very nice restaurant)

Yellow flags:

- late without a good reason (this is the first date - even if you're so chronically late that you'd be late to your own funeral, you should at least try to pick me up / meet me on time!)
- not tipping, or lowballing the tip, unless the service was actually bad (I used to date a guy who would never tip waitstaff or cab drivers... :rolleyes: )
- can't hold a conversation / gives one-word answers to open-ended questions
- dictates where we are going on the date. Asking me what type of food I like, asking me if I have a restaurant to suggest, suggesting a type of cuisine or a specific restaurant and asking me if I'd like that - all are good. But "I know this great place where they serve only liver and brussels sprouts, and that's where we're going!" is not ok.

Okay, so I'm picky. :p

Nah, I pretty much agree with everything you said AEPhialum. Regular use of drugs is a no-no. I can deal with occasional use, but not, 'I get baked every night, I can't survive without it.'
I couldn't deal with cosplay, anime or anything like that. However-I have friends who game (like Vampire, D&D). I don't do it, won't do it, do not see the appeal, but they're my friends and I love them. My SO used to game (doesn't anymore) and still has all the books etc. I do make fun of him for it occasionally, but he's not an anti-social, pasty white nerd so I just let it slide.

I'm also like Dolphinchica- make fun of my big bag o' drugs and you're gone. Once is cool, a couple of times, sure, but a consistent thing? Look, I need them to stay alive.

southernelle25

11-28-2006 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1363218)

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete botton.:p

No purple, pink, yellow ect hair either. All red flags.

Fake hair? Definite yellow flag, but after I got home and had time to dwell on it, it would turn into a red flag.

I once dated a girl and we went back to her place, once we got there she took her pony tail off. I looked at her, then I looked at the pony tail.:eek:
I had to cut her a loose. She tried to call, and I never returned her call, and then I would avoid her when I would see her on campus.

You are a trip. :p

southernelle25

11-28-2006 12:31 PM

If dude has a curl, s-curl, or relaxer/perm... red flag. :eek:

valkyrie

11-28-2006 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1363218)

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete botton.:p

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

jubilance1922

11-28-2006 01:07 PM

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

southernelle25

11-28-2006 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jubilance1922 (Post 1363394)

Dionysus and Munchkin03 mentioned the family drama and control issues that can impact/destroy the relationship. I co-sign those and add that my main issue is with the potential problems my (future) children would have, should I decide to marry the guy. While I may not be marrying his family, I would be bringing a child into it; I want to feel comfortable about doing that. I want my children to be proud of both sides of their family. At a minimum, I want to protect them from having to descend from a family with a history of abuse, addictions, diseases, etc. Moreover, if something should happen to me or my family, I want to know that my children will be raised with a family whose values and traditions I respect.

AChiOhSnap

11-28-2006 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jubilance1922 (Post 1363394)

Jubilance, I totally agree with you in every sense.

Suffice it to say, however, that it's not just GCers that would cut a date/SO loose based on their family background. For a lot of people, the date would have to be VERY special in order to make the family dramarama worth it. I can see it from both sides, I guess, but I agree that it's horribly judgmental to rule out a person before getting to know them just because of what their family is like.

AlexMack

11-28-2006 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie (Post 1363373)

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

I gotta agree. Tell her. Then when she starts stalking you, you can avoid her with the delete and ignore buttons.

teena

11-28-2006 02:14 PM

Yellow flags

-Really close friends with most recent ex
-Thuggy friends
-a lot of male gay friends
-no female friends
-dislikes his mother

Red flags
-No car
-Doesnt go to church
-No job
-wont shut up
-no sense of humor

FAB*SpiceySpice

11-28-2006 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teena (Post 1363426)

Yellow flags

-Really close friends with most recent ex

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is a little uncomfortable with this, I know some people might say this makes me "insecure" or whatever but I don't care. I just think it's a little bizarre to be extremely close to the person you last broke up with, I mean wasn't there a reason why you guys are not together anymore? Who knows.

Also to echo Dolphinchica and Centaur (though this is not technically a "first date" thing) but if we're going somewhere over night or I'm staying at your place/you're staying at mine, please don't comment on my bag 'o drugs. I need those pills to stay alive and there is NO reason why you should even see them b/c I always take them in the bathroom (alone!). If you point them out, then I will know that you're really nosy and have been looking through my stuff (happened several times). And if I wanted you to KNOW what all those meds are for, I'd tell you. :rolleyes:

AKA_Monet

11-28-2006 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie (Post 1363373)

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

PrettyBoy

11-29-2006 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernelle25 (Post 1363371)

If dude has a curl, s-curl, or relaxer/perm... red flag. :eek:

LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO!!!!! Yeah I wouldn't date a girl with a curl either.

PrettyBoy

11-29-2006 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernelle25 (Post 1363370)

You are a trip. :p

I don't like ankle bracelets either. Definite red flag.

valkyrie

11-29-2006 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet (Post 1363591)

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

Thanks, and I hope you had a nice T'giving, too. We were back in the Chi, so I was off the internets for a week. :)

OOhsoflyDELTA#9

11-29-2006 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1363716)

I don't like ankle bracelets either. Definite red flag.

Damn PB you're picky as hell.....what if she was beautiful, with a really good heart, from a good fam with upbringing that you approve of, but she wore an ankle bracelet during the summer or had 1 small tatoo?

Red for the anklet just seems severe....

AChiOhSnap

11-29-2006 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9 (Post 1364062)

I misread his post and thought he was joking about how his date being under house arrest would raise a red flag. Jeeez, I'm quick today....

My mom told me that, once upon a time, only super skanky women/prostitutes wore ankle bracelets. Maybe that stereotype still holds true in PrettyBoy's area.

AKA_Monet

11-29-2006 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9 (Post 1364062)

See that's the thing... Anything can be grounds for "dismissal"...

All those items he listed, with the exception of family, can be changed.

Homegirl with tattooes--laser surgery...
Fat girls: Exercise, nutrition and bariatric...
Hammertime in girl's hands and feet: manicures & pedicures every 2 weeks
Hair falling off in clumps: saved head style, wigs or weaves or if it's a sistah, au naturel...
Jheri Curled Hair: Braids that grown into locks... Takes 2-3 years... Can be nicely kept
Jacked up teeth: Visit to the dentist, get implants and brighteners
Bad skin: Visit to the dermatologist and plastic surgeon get work done
Overall malaise: Weight training exercise with core workout (i.e. yoga or pilates), visit to a motivational speaker or professional coach.
Odd and strange behavior unrelated to drug use: Visit to a psychological specialist and get therapy. Takes 2-3 years of stabilization with possiblility of medication...

Funky family: Prayer and honest discussion toward offending parts with professional mental healthcare provider present

Now basically, PB does not want to work with a woman thru her issues. He only wants to work on HIS issues with her... He needs to be by himself for awhile rather than unloading his miseries onto other unsuspecting women... ;)

I do like what Valkyrie said though... Be man enough to tell homegirl you're dating what you did not like about her. Of course you will be selfish little prick, but hey, you have your standards.

It's about lifting as you climb.

mulattogyrl

11-29-2006 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jubilance1922 (Post 1363394)

I agree with what you said here. And how could I forget that red flag (judgement)? That really gets under my skin.

PrettyBoy

11-30-2006 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9 (Post 1364062)

I know, I'm very picky, and I don't expect her to be perfect, because I'm not perfect, but if she came from a good family background, I don't think she would be wearing a tatoo or ankle bracelet, but if she did, no I wouldn't want anything but friendship from her. I don't like tatoos, ankle bracelets, or body piercings. I'm just into plain jane girls from backgrounds similar to my own. The nerdy girls that are very attractive under the glasses is what I go after:p .

PrettyBoy

11-30-2006 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap (Post 1364069)

My dad thinks the same thing your mom said. He said women who wear ankle bracelets like to screw around. My dad and mom have been married for 43 years and are old fashioned. She doesn't like it either. My thinking isn't as severe as theirs is about women who wear ankle bracelets, I just don't like it.

PrettyBoy

11-30-2006 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet (Post 1364072)

All of that still isn't going to change my standards. I guess I'll continue to be a "single" selfish little prick.:)

laylo

11-30-2006 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1364213)

if she came from a good family background, I don't think she would be wearing a tatoo or ankle bracelet

I hope you're not serious. It's one thing to have a preference, it's another to say if you are wearing X type of jewelry you must come from Y type of family or be Z type of girl. Funny how people who deal with stereotypes all their lives still don't get it.

AKA_Monet

11-30-2006 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1364216)

All of that still isn't going to change my standards. I guess I'll continue to be a "single" selfish little prick.:)

You will always be my selfish single little jackass... Not prick... ;) :D

macallan25

11-30-2006 04:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laylo (Post 1364222)

Women I know from good families wouldn't dare get a tatoo because they know how extremely trashy it is. I broke up with a girl once because she got one.

AKA_Monet

11-30-2006 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macallan25 (Post 1364243)

Women I know from good families wouldn't dare get a tatoo because they know how extremely trashy it is. I broke up with a girl once because she got one.

Macallan-

Please explain to us lowly simple creatures what a "good family" is?

mulattogyrl

11-30-2006 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1364213)

But you could meet a girl who has tattoos, body piercings, is nerdy and wears glasses. They do exist you know. I should know. ;) lol

jubilance1922

11-30-2006 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1364213)

Well then, I must not be a nerdy girl, even though I wear glasses and have 2 degrees in chemistry, just because I have a tattoo.

Oh maybe it was coming from a stable two-parent home that made me such a "bad" girl.

laylo

11-30-2006 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macallan25 (Post 1364243)

Women I know from good families wouldn't dare get a tatoo because they know how extremely trashy it is. I broke up with a girl once because she got one.

Surely you see that this is your opinion and not that of every woman from a family you would classify as good, whether you know some who agree with you or not.

macallan25

11-30-2006 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet (Post 1364245)

Macallan-

Please explain to us lowly simple creatures what a "good family" is?

Sorry, i'm not going to write you a dissertation on what makes a good family. However, I will say that a good family, among many other things, would teach their daughter that a tatoo is beyond trashy, unpresentable, and very unladylike.

BlessedOne04

11-30-2006 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macallan25 (Post 1364441)

A tatoo is all of that huh. What if you daughter got one...is she all of those things. What about ink on your skin makes you any of the qualities that you mentioned?

Thats funny because what I thought a good family was are parents (single or married) who teach their children right and wrong. A good family lends support to each other and adds productive members to society. JMO

AlexMack

11-30-2006 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macallan25 (Post 1364441)

What about tattoos? How do those make a woman look? By the way I do come from a good, stable home where I was taught respect, compassion, discipline, love etc. I was also taught to express myself. Tattoos are another way of doing that. Tattoos can be trashy and classless but they can also be exquisite works of art.
I'm glad I've never dated someone who would break up with me over something as shallow as appearance.

AKA_Monet

11-30-2006 05:16 PM

Ah, Macallan's mad at me because I asked him a simple question... ;)

Look, personally, I don't like tattooes. I would not get one, I am repulsed by permenant body markings--but that's me. If I had a child and he or she had to have one, I probably let them have a temporary one and they would have to pay for it. If they utterly desired having a permenant one, then once they didn't live in my house and did not consume any of my money, then they can do whatever they wanted to their body.

Does that make them trashy and unkempt? To judgemental folks... To others, like the Pacific Islanders it is one of royalty... So, who am I to judge? I just would not want my CHILD to regret an ill-informed decision. As an adult, making ADULT DECISIONS, he or she would have to live with the repercussions of his or her decisions...

macallan25

11-30-2006 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedOne04 (Post 1364509)

I never said that wasn't the mark of a good family....thanks. As long as my daughter lived in my house and was supported by me......she wouldn't have one....simple as that. When she moves out and is on her own.......then she can do whatever she feels is in her best interest......doesn't mean that me and her mother wouldn't despise the fact that she has one and tell her that we don't approve of her having it. However, I really don't see that happening if we teach her that getting a tatoo is not the least bit attractive or classy and is not something that a lady would do to her body.

macallan25

11-30-2006 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by centaur532 (Post 1364516)

I really am not shallow when it come to dating......however.....I truly despise tatoos and wouldn't bring a girl home to my mother that has them. Now......if the girl was perhaps a Pi Phi and dicided to get a tiny arrow on her foot (completely unnoticeable) then that would be ok. But when you can see them plain as day or if they put a huge tramp stamp on their lower back......then I have a problem.

macallan25

11-30-2006 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet (Post 1364527)

I'm not made, haha, just didn't want to have to spell out what I thouhg a good family was. I'm sure you and I could both share similar views on what makes a good family.

........and I agree with you on this quite a bit.

Good Lord people........this is the "dating red or yellow flags section".......loosen up.

valkyrie

11-30-2006 05:32 PM

LOL why is anybody getting defensive about the tattoo thing? Okay, so dude doesn't want to date a woman with a tattoo, because he thinks it makes her trashy and unladylike and whatever. Who the eff cares? I'm guessing that most women with tattoos wouldn't want to date him either, because they're probably not interested in such a conservative, uptight guy. So everybody wins, right?

Hell, I have tattoos and I don't give a rat's ass what some guy I'd never be interested in thinks of them/me/life/whatever. To each his own, and all that crap. Don't worry about someone else's red flags unless you want to date him, you know?

Scandia

11-30-2006 07:45 PM

Tattoos per se to me are a yellow flag. Tattoos in places visible while wearing casual clothes are a red flag. Tacky and large tattoos are a red flag as well. A small, discreet tattoo in a place that would only be seen by your spouse, your doctor, or at most at the beach if you are wearing a speedo, would be only at the yellow flag level. But I dislike tattoos in general and would prefer my future spouse not have a single tattoo.

I like people really clean cut in general- no tattoos, body piercings, or hair dyed in unnatural or psychedelic colors or styled unnaturally. I know that not everybody who has a tattoo/body piercing/funky haircolor or hairdo is a badass or trying to appear like one- but that is what they end up looking like.

ZTAMich

11-30-2006 09:31 PM

A red flag for me once was heavy smoking. The guy kept excusing himself to go outside & smoke. What really pissed me off wasn't the smoking but that he went out more than 2 times to smoke. I understand it's an addiction but have some manners!

ZTAngel

11-30-2006 10:23 PM

Personal attacks will not be tolerated. I don't care if her info is posted on the internet or elsewhere on GC. It won't be posted in my forum.

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