I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this coming weekend. We had the bridal shower 2 weeks ago and when I sent the invites out for the bridal shower, I included where the couple was registered....

That's different - you are giving the shower, not the bride/couple.

No offense intended, and to each his own, but I still think any formal registry mention on an invitation or website looks tacky. To me, it comes off as looking like the couple is milking its guest list for gifts. Which is the whole point of all the hoopla, I suppose.

:rolleyes:
It's extremely tacky & beyond rude. A few years ago, a girl I've known since high school got engaged. She invited me everywhere including shopping for stuff for her new house. Though I wasn't in the wedding party, I (stupidly) assumed I'd be invited to the wedding b/c we had grown so close in the year prior to her wedding. After months of parties & gifts, I was dismayed to learn that I was not invited to her wedding. Her explanation was that it was for immediate family & a few close friends. I would have accepted that IF I hadn't already known that these few family & friends totalled 300 people.
It's just tacky & rude. Needless to say, we didn't talk so much after that & only recently has she started talking to me again. Ironically enough, she's pregnant & is itching to talk about her pregnancy & her future baby showers.

[QUOTE=BetteDavisEyesIronically enough, she's pregnant & is itching to talk about her pregnancy & her future baby showers.[/QUOTE]

Ugh...she probably wants lots of presents from you, but won't actually invite you to the showers or anything.

Yeah, I was a bit put off to say the least, I did the classy thing and sent a nice gift anyhow. I'll be polite when I see her, but you can bet that I will not go out of my way for her anymore.

Agreed! Everyone's budget, standards, customs, and opinions will be different. You would get much better insight from getting the opinions of those who you will actually be inviting. They are from your region, they know your customs, and most importantly they are who matters. By coming on a website like this, you may get some good info, but you will also get everyone's view of the perfect/tasteful wedding (as they know it) w/little regard to budget, family relations, or just plain 'Who give a f*@k? Its your wedding, your day, and it should be however you want it to be.'

I agree with KSigkid.

I stopped reading posts after I realized how "wedding snooty" and self-important many people are.

how is this different from the ghetto weddings thread?

My comment wasn't on this thread in particular, but on the dating and relationships board as a whole. I think people on the board tend to be hyper-critical of others weddings. That's just my opinion, and others are entitled to theirs.

It's just not GC (but they are among the worst). If I ever get married, I think we will just go to Vegas or something, and have a crazy bachlorette's party (they don't have to buy me anything except drinks). Until recently, I had no idea how much weddings and wedding related stuff stir up sooooo much drama (among friends, family, and people you work with). :(

In the ghetto weddings thread we make fun of people for fighting at a wedding, getting arrested at a wedding or getting married in the parking lot of a White Castle. Here you make fun of people for participating in the dollar dance (a custom and standard in many communities), inviting (or not inviting - depending on who's posting) all of the family and friends to a destination wedding or notifying guest of where the couple is registered at. There we find humor in extreme situations. Here we pretentiously nit pick details. See the difference?


Note: I'm not saying that you can't have threads where you do this. I'm just saying that this is not the best place to come for wedding advice.

Kinda but not really. At the end of the day, in both threads, you're criticizing people for their wedding choices and whatnot. If you don't agree with it, don't do it in either thread.

I'll be the first to admit that I am hyper-critical in some respects when it comes to weddings -- there are certain things that I consider tacky under any circumstances and would be inclined to talk some shit if people do them.

For the most part, however, I consider weddings a colossal waste of time and money. They're like my-super-sweet-16 (or whatever that show is) for adults.

Just a question: Do you consider ALL weddings (courthouse, private close friends/family only, etc) a waste of time and money...or just the outragous multiple thousand dollar ones??

I didn't read that thread. My comments in this thread probably pertain to that one as well.

ETA: I hate it when people use the term "ghetto" so it's a good thing I didn't read that thread.

Oh, the irony.

:D I guess I can see the difference.

I'd say most. I find showers and bachelorette parties more exciting than the ceremony itself. Unless of course, if someone does something crazy like getting married on motorcycles. Anyone watch those crazy wedding shows on the NG channel?

I don't think I will feel any different if I get married.

:rolleyes: Silly girl.

I never said the thread couldn't exist. I just said this isn't the place to get advice.

Umm...I think she was referring to the irony of you nit-picking people for getting nit-picky about details. And the fact that you were also being pretentious doesn't hurt the irony argument.

So it's different to make fun of people for having wedding receptions at White Castle in the ghetto weddings thread, but if someone came and posted in the D&R forum about wanting to have his/her wedding reception at White Castle you wouldn't nitpick at those details?

Yeah...I got that. Thanks! :rolleyes:

Anyway, I haven't nit picked...only answered the question that was stated. Did u miss that post? Additionally, perhaps I am a bit pretentious. *shrug* Doesn't change the fact that if you look back at some of our wedding thread, these 'ladies' have attacked some of the ideas/customs/traditions/whatever with a nastiness and cruelty that is unrivaled.

You'll want to reread my post for the portion that discussed extremes versus small details. Of course we'd call someone out for asking what the board thought about having a wedding at White Castle. While, I'm not sure that I'd be as nasty as some of the people on here about even something THAT off color, I would definitely discourage it. However, when I read one poster say "Oh we had a dollar dance at my wedding." or "I sent out a registry announcement in my invitations." and the next post says something to the tune of "That is the MOST tacky thing I have ever heard of someone doing. I absolutley hate it when people do that, and they simply don't deserve to get married." then I have to say that you should limit your wedding questions to those who know you, your situation, and have similar thoughts/traditions as yourself.

I think she was saying that that other thread highlighted some extreme wedding no-nos that the average person would deem inappropriate. Fighting at weddings and nuptials at McDonald's are fine if that's what you want to do, but the general consensus is that those things are crazy.

However, wedding advice on and off the web should be taken with a grain of salt. Some folks will think it's okay to put gift registry stuff on the invite and others won't. As long as you aren't getting married at Burger King, you will be fine with whichever you choose and be able to ignore the naysayers.

This is true, and I will own up to being hyper-critical (but really, I'm like that about all social events and social etiquette--even funerals!). I remember reading one post where a member basically said that a wedding has to have a band. That, to me, was beyond the pale and is beyond being nitpicky--that's just classist. I may make a big deal about brides inviting people to the shower and not to the wedding, or about registry cards in the invitations, or people registering for anvil loppers, but I try not to be classist about my proclivities. After all, not many people can afford $40K weddings...

The most elaborate wedding I attended commenced the shortest marriage; meanwhile, my parents went to the JP and just celebrated their 35th. Food for thought...

Speaking of anvil loppers, I heard that she and plastic sawhorse served sheetcake at their wedding.

OH TEH HORROR.

I've been noticing this for some time now. The other thing I've noticed is that when a couple develops a "you & me against the world" attitude towards their marriage, hardly anything can break them up (elaborate wedding or not!).

This is a gay thread.

-Rudey
--In fact I bet this gay thread is having sex right now with another gay thread.

That is completely your right. Honestly, my wife and I had a more "traditional" wedding; we got married at our Episcopal church in Boston, invited a whole bunch of family (and some friends), and had the reception at a ballroom in town. It was traditional, big (we have huge, close families), and just right for us. On the other hand, my parents got married in Vegas, and they've been married over 30 years. Larger weddings don't necessarily mean the relationship is doomed, small weddings don't mean that the people have their priorities straight, and vice-versa...

I tend to think of a wedding as a very personal experience, and I think during the planning phases you can be very sensitive to other's feelings on the matter. That's why I didn't go near this forum while we were planning, and I don't think it's a good idea for others in the planning stages to read the posts. You're bound to find someone calling your wedding plan "tacky," "over-the-top," or a waste of money.

People have the right to be as picky as they want, but I think in most cases the posts on this board are the last things people want or need to hear about their own wedding.

Tacky is as tacky does. You aren't invited anyway, so you won't be getting a piece of me!

gift registry
 

As a college student, I appreciate having a little (printed) note inside the invitation with registry details. It just makes things easier on the guest. Should I go to Target? Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Where? It might not be etiquettely correct, but if it looks nice, I don't see any problem with it.

I actually had a couple of friends who got married, and the bride-to-be didn't want to say where they were registered. People actually said that was a bad / silly idea (I guess - what's the point of registering if people don't know where you are at / what to buy for you?).

Anyways, my sweetie was the best man. :D The end.

My roommate informed me that she received an invitation to a wedding at the "Hitchin' Post" chapel, via a MYSPACE BULLETIN. There will also be "a ragin' kegger" afterwards.

I think a MySpace bulletin is pretty damn tacky.

DING DING DING DING!

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

So some of you might remember my infamous cousin who refused to invite the family to her wedding b/c his wealthy family wasn't used to being around people like us (Latino's, Catholics, middle class).
He filed for divorce & kicked her out of HIS condo.
She gets no sympathy from me after the shitty way she treated the family.

Well, this is probably a late post, but it looks like the invitation should have said "Save the date" if invitations were to follow later. It pretty much should just have said they were having a destination wedding, the date and venue.

Whether or not to send a gift or not? I never feel obligated unless I really know the person and that includes co-workers..but close friends? I try to get a full place setting of china if I can swing it.

Giving this one a big ol' bump...

I have a group of classmates I'm pretty close with. One of the girls is getting married in May and sent out her invitations this week...she didn't "and guest" me. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend as long as this girl has been with her fiance, but I guess technically it's okay she didn't +1 me since the rules of etiquette say you should be engaged or shacking up before it's mandatory. However, another girl in our study group is MARRIED and her husband did not get invited. WTF?

She might not have a lot of $ to burn and therefore, only wants to invite/pay for the dinners of people she actually knows, not for their significant others.

But to not invite somebody's husband? I always thought spouses were mandatory.

I always thought that spouses are mandatory when following proper etiquette.

I agree with GP and 1920. Spouses and fiances/fiancees are to be included with guests you actually know, boyfriends are not necessarily included.