OK, everybody jump me:

I like dating people who are like me. I always date guys who are white, close with their families, went to college, like dogs, like church, etc.

I don't know why that is. It just kind of is. Why would I stress out over that?

I think this is an interesting discussion. Like HotDamn, I try to date guys that are similar to me. Over the years, I have dated people outside my race- Hispanic, Indian, etc. but when it comes down to it now that i'm older and more particular, i'm attracted to guys that look more like me. I'm generally not attracted to dark haired, very dark olive skin Italians, for example. (I am fair skinned, fair haired and fair featured, and 5'7 tall and always wearing high heels).

But then again, I don't date short men. Period. Under 5'8, no way. 5'9 to 5'10 is pushing it. 5'10 and over is where it's at... preferably 6'0 and over.

Does that make me prejudiced against short guys? I don't think so. Just means that I'm not programmed to be attracted to a short guy.

Why do most people ASSume that if you date someone of the same race that you would automatically have a lot of things in common? Yes, unless you grew up around people who had a different racial background than you, chances are that you will have more in common with those of the same race, but it is not always the case. Same thing, the other way around, I don't think it is hard at all to find someone of another race who you have a lot in common. If someone is not into dating other races, fine. But, I don't think saying "Oh, we won't have anything in common" is a very good explanation.

As for the OP, no I don't think you're a racist if you're hesitant to date outside of your race. I do think it is a red flag, especially if you are attracted to people outside of your race. Not so much of a red flag for racism, but for caring too much of what others think of you or not willing to get out of your comfort zone.

And, I agree with Rudey, that you can still mess around with those of different races and still be prejudiced. Anyone watch daytime talkshows? It's not an uncommon topic.

I'm the same way. For the most part, I've been attracted to guys who are like me. Light hair, light eyes, tall, college-educated, good family, upper-middle class, liberal ( :) ), etc.

I'm rarely attracted to people who are outside of that mold. At a bar, if there's a group of guys standing together, my eyes will always go to the tall, light-haired guy. That's my type. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It doesn't make me racist or predjudice just because I'm not attracted to someone who doesn't have those traits.

Look at your group of friends. I think few people can say they have a very diverse group of friends. People are more likely to build a relationship with someone if they have common backgrounds.

I agree with Dionysus that you could be the same race as someone and have absolutely nothing in common. Your geographic location and socioeconomic class plays a bigger part in your personality. I feel that I have more in common with someone who grew up the same way as me.

Fair skinned, fair haired and fair featured, and not programmed to like a certain thing.

Are you Vicki from Small Wonder?

She's a SMMMMAAAAAALL Wonder. DOO DOOO!

First of all, can we PLEASE put the "assume = ASS U ME" thing to rest? Because really folks.

That aside.

If someone is of the same race as I am, and close with his family, and went to college, and likes dogs, and likes church, I assume we have a lot in common.

Why are you turning this into a "She said ALL WHITES ARE THE SAME!" thing? That is quite obviously not what I said.

VICKI WAS TOTALLY PROGRAMMED. THAT WAS THE WHOLE PROBLEM!



Status: Ended
Premiered September 1, 1985
Show Category: Comedy


Small Wonder was a sci-fi sitcom about a family who has a robot daughter. Ted Lawson, an engineer at a huge robotics firm, brings home a project that he is working on: a robot in the shape of a 10-year-old girl. The robot was a Voice Input Child Indenticant, but was nicknamed Vicki for short. Not only did she brighten up Ted's wife Joan, but also was a great sister to their only child Jamie Lawson. They tried to keep the fact that Vicki was a robot from the entire world, but found it difficult when their neighbors, The Brindles, started snooping around the house. Brandon Brindle, the head of the Brindle family, was Ted's boss and he does his best to lie, cheat and steal to get him further up the ladder. His wife, Bonnie, was no better than he was, and his bratty daughter Harriet had a killer crush on Jamie.


Jamie, however, would rather play with Reggie, his best friend and confidant than to have Harriet chase him everywhere.
Jamie also tried to teach Vicki how to be a normal kid, but all she could do is mimic people and do things literally. Vicki also had an evil side to her named Vanessa, who was smart-mouthed, conniving and treacherous at times. But other than that, the Lawsons enjoyed four years of living with a robot and no one outside the family was ever the wiser, not even the ever-nosy
Brindles.

Small Wonder ran in syndication from 1985 to 1989 and was a ratings hit. There were talks of doing a spin-off series dedicated to Vanessa named Too Good to Be True but it died in the planning stages.



Theme Song:

She's a small wonder
Pretty and bright with soft curls
She's a small wonder
A girl unlike other girls
She's a miracle, and I grant you, she'll enchant you at first sight
She's a small wonder
And she'll make your heart take flight
She's fantastic, made of plastic
Microchips here and there
She's a small wonder,
Brings love and laughter everywhere!

Alright, yeah. Kddani was not Vicki then.

"Bright with soft curls" - Kddani, you're bright but do you have soft curls?

"She's a small wonder"- Nope. She's not a small wonder, shes a big wonder.

"She's fantastic, made of plastic" - Well, her being fantastic is all in ones opinion. Made of plastic? I don't think Dani has any plastic to her.

"Brings love and laughter...EVERYWHERE!" - Dude. Anytime I see Kddanis screenname in a thread the Darth Vador song chimes in. She doesn't bring love and laughter. She brings meanness and bullys people :( But ever since I confessed my fake love for her, she hasnt been that mean to people lately

Oh no! That could have came off as the wrong way. I didn't mean Big Wonder as in FAT wonder.

I mean, BIG WONDER, as in she isn't a little girl. She is an adult.

Sowwy :(

This is not an attack on you nor on whites. I said the same thing on the other thread where some blacks said that they would not date anyone white because of the same reason. No, you did not say that all whites are the same, nor did anyone else. But, the way some people phrase themselves, I do interpret it as that to a degree. But, that's just my opinion.

Back to subject.

Hotdamn, Dani, Zeta Tau Alpha Ngel, I don't think you are racist.

FINALLY I CAN SLEEP!



(don't make me bring Small Wonder into this again.)

Black, white, yellow, red...it's all pink on the inside.

-Rudey
--I think I saw that on Sesame Street or something.

damn you

Elmo said it.

-Rudey
--That disgusting little jerk.

i date who i want. i'm a grown man, bump other's people's opinions. when i get stares, i smile. one of two things are happening...

a. they want my girl
b. they want me.

oh well.

Good discussion.

I do think some of the posters got a little off topic.

We aren't talking about dating preference in terms of attraction.

Its hard to help who you are attracted to for whatever reason. So if you are only attracted to Pygmys, its all good.

What we are talking about here is a situation where you meet someone that you are highly attracted to, and feel compatible with but basically won't date because they are a member of a specific race.

IF you are never attratced to begin with, its a non-issue.

Also, I think the term racist intimidates a lot of people, I should have used the word prejudiced.

In this specific case, I think it's just plain dumb not to date that person and yes, I also think prejudiced to an extent.

Well, there are a number of issues at hand in picking a mate:

1) Looks: we all like certian looks, and many feaures are confines to race. Me, I like jaw lines and big eyes but I dont' like short or skinny -- which kind of rules out some Asian men.

2)Language: My Spanish is only OK, so I need a guy to speak some English, or all the realtionship can be based on is "looks".

3) SES: I can't date or marry someone who isn't intelligent or doesn't value education (since I have spent my entire life being educated I'd feel pretty worthless if they thought it was useless). That, and I can't deal with someone who thinks I'm "soft" because of where I grew up or "too low" on the social totem pole for them. I want to my partner to see me as their equal, and I want to them to be someone who values similar things as I.

4) Personality/ Relationsip Roles: Expections and how you were brought up to treat women/ men matters. I'm not into men who expect women to stay in the house and not really work. This can rule out a lot of people with differing cultural expectations.

that being said- my boyfriend is mexican ;-) Am I off the hook?

I think hormones supercede politics... Something to be said about "physical attraction" and "libido"-- when it all comes done to it, folks will get busy no matter what their politics are...

Thomas Jefferson once wrote that black people could never achieve the same level of civilization as white people. He either really believed that or used that as a justification of his behavior.

Question: Mr. Tau just revealed to me that he can't tell some family members of his about our relationship because I'm not white and Jewish. Has anyone experienced this? I have relatives that won't approve of me dating Mr. Tau either (in fact, some relatives prefer that I date a Chinese guy of the same cultural background (i.e. family from Hong Kong), but I really don't care what they think! Should Mr. Tau care?

It depends on Mr. Tau's family dynamics and who these family members are. If he's talking about aunt and uncles that you two would only see every blue moon maybe at a funeral, then I don't see why their opinion matters. But if we're talking about brothers/sisters/cousins and if his family is very close knit, I can see why he would care.

It is really irritating that so many posters have started their posts off with the whole "I may not want to date a short person or a person who is of a different religion, etc etc etc. but does that make me prejuduced against short people or people of such and such religion?" thing. The thread was started specifically about whether refusing to date someone of a different race despite being attracted to them in all other areas made that person racist. You all know damn well that race, especially in this country, is something in a category of its own and people look at it and feel differently about it than all of those other characteristics and physical traits mentioned and compared to it. You all know that if you took home someone of your same race who was short and possibly even in a different financial bracket, the reaction would be different than if the person was of a different race. I hate it when people play this game and beat around the bush. This is a very good topic and the question posed is an interesting one because race and all that people in this country do to go around it is something that americans refuse to deal with. So many people talk all day long about how much the country has changed and yada yada yada, yet when it comes down to it, in most people's intimate lives, things really haven't changed. I think that at the root of it all, you see the hesitation and down right refusal in many instances to date outside of ones race because of the generationally inherited notion of either supremacy, hatred or resentment. Its that simple and not facing that is what continues to drive the divisions in this country.

I always say this in topics on this issue, the laws may have changed, but people found a way to continue to foster their racist beliefs anyway, which is why the country is so heavily segregated and there still remain a lot of inequality and divisions. That being the way the people of this country want to be, you can expect to find a lot of people not wanting to date outside of their race. Its pretty logical to me.

The fact that anyone has to deal with so much crap when they simply meet someone that they like but they happen to be of a different race, and the fact that this type of thread would even be posted, shows that there are plenty of issues yet to be resolved with regard to race.

Oh ...

Ohhhh -- Not cool.
I suppose it depends on your relationship stage. If you guys are really serious he needs to be able to defend you to his family. If he can't do it now, he'll never do it.

Then, it also depends who it is;
If they are old great aunts who are stuffy who you will never see (unless they die and leave you money -- esp if they leave you money), then let them believe whatever they want. Just don't send them pictures.

If they are people that you will see, then it's really bad.

We've been going out six months and his family is in another city, so I suppose we're okay right now. I don't think his parents mind too much, but he does have family members who are really religious. Basically, if I ever see these family members, it would be like once a year (Passover).

I've dated a girl who was half Ethiopian and half Serbian. She was hot yow.

6 months isn't that long.... I mean, are you going to his house for passover next week? If you are: it's an issue. If not, it's less of an issue.

ETA: Some people in my family raised a few eyebrows at my current boyfriends obviously latino name. I happily squashed the single concern that was raised and challenged the offender to unearth their underlying reason for bringing it up. So -- how hard can it be???

To be blunt, unless he's like 17 years old, I'd hold out for someone who is less of a pussy.

LOL, cotdayum.

My grandparents would not approve of me dating or marrying a non-Jew. I dated a guy for a while with a German last name (which could pass for Jewish). My grandmother assumed that he was Jewish and my mom and I never bothered to correct her.

But, aside from my grandparents, I don't think I could marry someone who wasn't Jewish (or wasn't willing to convert). It's important to me to raise my children as Jews, and for my husband and I to share our heritage and values.

I have to say I pretty much disagree with that. Personally I dont care how attracted I am to someone if they are a liberal hippy freako (sorry for such the technical terminology)...it aint happenin

What's that, frater? So if there were an incredibly gorgeous girl, but she had different political views than your own, you wouldn't even hook up with her? Not talking long-term.

I guess politics are more important to some than others...lol

for a one time hookup maybe...but anything over than that its not gonna happen

Die, thread, DIE!!! :rolleyes:

:p

enigma_AKA

Well, me personally, I don't think that would make you racist. The reason why I said that is because I have found men in my race that I am attracted to, but I never dated them. To me, it's the same thing with other races. I have dated white men and black men. I am attracted to both races. I just feel that we are all God's children and you don't have to be a certain race to fall in love.

I know this thread is old but I recently got asked out by a girl in XYZ sorority. I think she just wants to be friends I guess.:confused: I hope:p . She's kool and attractive, but even though we are all GOD's creations, I know when we go eat or wherever we hang out, it's going to cause some snares and stares. LOL:p Seriously though, it just feels awkward.

I understand that and I've been through that, but you have to be confident in yourself enough to ignore all of that stuff. It will bother you at times, but you if you really like a person you can't let what other people do or say effect what you do.

I think that maybe, we could use a refresher of the only thing I've ever read (and hoped you have too) that I thought was absolutely true, and will be true forever, in all times, at any place, anywhere in the universe:

Love Conquers All


That's from Virgil. I couldn't spell the Latin. But think about it, really, think about that for a minute. If it was love, true love, then you wouldn't think twice about the color of the skin, etc. You wouldn't care at all. Well, you might care, and others might care, but if it was true love, it wouldn't mattered if you cared. You'll care that you get stared at. But it won't matter, and it probablly won't enter your head, because you'll be in love. They'll be staring at you b/c black/white but all you will think of that, if you notice the stares at all, is that they are staring at the same thing you are...her belu eyes. (i like girls with blue eyes, but this is just an example, and I hope it was clear enough that you got it)

In closing

skin color= an interesting aside [at least in dating, i know this has more implications in life, but not in love]

true love = the most important thing on earth and the most powerful force in the universe.

True Love is stronger than even the A-Bomb.

(that last line was an example of hyperbole)