I'm sorry you work for the silly ones

You know, silly is the best word I could come up with to describe a lot of things done at my office. There is no better word - Silly.

NO! I did NOT watch the *insert current sport* game last night!

I have a coworker who thinks our boss is hot- he started a spinning class and was saying something about his legs being sore, and was rubbing his thighs while talking to this coworker....
and about an hour after the boss walked off this coworker says- and i quote....

"he is so hot- he was rubbing his legs, he was making me moist- and well i am sorry but i had to go to the bathroom and take care of this issue he caused"

-yes this invoked shocked looks and gasped from all of us who heard!!

Take your phone off speaker phone and dial out like a NORMAL PERSON.

Just because "You must notify your supervisor before you leave a job site" is common sense to you & me, doesn't mean it would ever occur to the goobers that work out in the field. Therefore, if we are going to make asinine company policy, something such as the above should also be included in the viable section that's not total BS.

You know, in the climate of today's workplace, this could be construed as sexual harassment since you had to hear this gross comment and be subjected to it at the workplace, even though you yourself was not the one being lusted after, or whatever.

But in a nutshell, that's really gross.

Isn't it weird when our secretary walks like a man? Like she stomps and that annoying foot smacking shoe sound happens. Plus she does it rapidly. I feel like this is what an NPHC step show is like and I can't handle it anymore. Plus she's really loud when she talks and I have to close my door and jam music and I still hear her. I'm going insane over this.

-Rudey

People need to stop writing press releases about themselves.

Umm..ok you mrs. Boss lady, stfu and stop pushing all your crap on me! and YOU mrs. "assistant boss lady", how in the hell are you going to run your own store if you don't even know the BASICS! WTF is wrong with you two?!

When I'm obviously working (ie: typing on the computer, reading, on a phone call, etc), DO NOT TRY TO CHIT CHAT WITH ME.

I'm an intern and there's usually several of us in a very small space, and I swear, whenever I'm trying to study or type a letter or something, this happens:

Other employee: So, what did you do this weekend?
Me: Studied.
OE: Oh yeah... I went to this party, and there was this girl hitting on me, and... (continues for 2 minutes)
Me: Oh, cool.
OE: Why are you being a bitch?

I've seriously yelled out "I'M WORKING, LEAVE ME ALONE" before.

I worked for you for 2 years, before I switched positions. I have talked to you more in the last 2 days than I did in all of the 2 years I worked for you. Does that seem odd to you?

Oh and by the way, your voice carries and when you were "talking to" (read scolding for no reason) another employee the other day the entire office heard you. Everyone is talking about you, and it's not good either.

You are an ass. No one likes you. You'd be better off throwing yourself off the balcony in the hopes that a delivery truck will kill you.

Little help please? Really, I don't mind doing this, but you gotta give me a bit of guidance and maybe answer a question or two. Your name's on it, not mine, so one would think you'd care.

Just give me the file with your corrections on it, so I can report it back to finance....

I am LEAVING on vacation in 30 minutes and I won't care if you won't get your money because your customers aren't billed correctly. Stop whining and just do your job!

You are the reincarnation/direct descendant of Eva Braun.

Do you sleep hanging upside down?

Is it possible for the antiChrist to be a woman?

You have some chocolate on your chin... no wait, that's a 666 birthmark...

If you needed a kidney and I was the only available donor, do you know what I'd do? I'd remove my kidney and pickle it and put it up on a shelf next to your bed and MOCK you.

Yes, folks, not only does the devil wear Prada... she's also taking up all of the air that I breathe and she's occupying the office down the hall. And she's decided that the office next door is her own personal storage facility.

dang, that's hardcore.

I would say - you are a nice person and everything, but you squick me out in the extreme.

"No, I don't know why every time you call for xyz person she's unavailable. Maybe you just have bad timing. Or you're such a raging asshole that xyz avoids you at all costs."

You are all a bunch of annoying asshats and I can't wait till I leave this job and don't have to deal with you anymore.

Listen you insipid middle aged biznatch, I am here working as a FAVOR to the manager and I don't care if you got promoted TWO DAYS AGO you are not MY assistant manager and your behavior is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY THE HECK out of line and furthermore you are over 40 so WTF are you wearing bitch pants for, we don't want to see the line of your granny panties and DO NOT yell at me for wearing out of season footwear when you are wearing it too and ALSO sleeveless is not appropriate when you have armwaddle and IN ADDITION you talk too loud and the other employee is not your personal slave and I should NOT have to help all six customers while you stand there and try on shoes and chittychat with one of your whitetrashville friends. And how many side businesses do you need, miss Avon-PartyLite-LiaSophia? I'm sorry I make more money than your middle aged ass but maybe, just MAYBE, it is because a) I actually try and do work b) I apply myself c) I have aspirations in life greater than the mall.

Now I am going back to law school. I will not miss you and next time they ask me to come work for a few weeks as a FAVOR, I will ask if you have been fired yet. I sincerely hope for the sake of the company and all our nice customers that you have been.

<3,
GP

Dang Kath, nice release, do you feel better??


Dear boss,

Get your own scanner and scan the freakin 20 page submittals yourself.

Thank you.

Give me something to do. PLEASE give me something to do. Do you realize that you're paying me to sit here in this office and stare out the window at the birds? Do you realize that one day I added 1+1 on the calculator until it reached 15,873 before someone finally came in to give me something to do? And I was finished with that in about ten minutes and went on to play solitare on my phone for the rest of the day?

WHY did you hire me if you have nothing for me to do?

I do indeed. Hopefully I never have to work with this trainwreck again.

You work in retail,right? I feel your pain.:) If it wasn't for the fact that I need extra money to pay for my car, I so would not be working a Dillard's:mad:

On that note:

I know you're like a head cheese and whatnot,but if you don't know how to close the store, let one of the ASMs do it. That crap tonight was so out there. Dismissing us by level's? (we have 3 floors) Level 3,you're clear to shut down you're registers. Since when do we need government clearence? Bite Me ok.


I'm not your maid. It's fine if you want to try crap on,just put it back on the hanger when you're done. I'm sick and tired of going in to the dressing room and find clothes that you tried on just thrown on the floor.

Can I have a complete schedule for next month? Can you stop waiting till the last fricking minute to put the next month's schedule up? That's just annoying

Unfortunately yes. When I was in college I was a keyholder at a shoe store and I go back occasionally on breaks from law school to make some extra $$$.

You're a MORON. The guys already know that the old white shirts have polyester and are hot as crap. You don't need to tell them all about it. They are the same shirts we've had since before you worked here. AND THAT'S THE REASON THE NEW SHIRTS ARE 100% COTTON, ASSHAT. I know you think you're being helpful, but you really aren't everyone's mommy.

To same person in post above...KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY INBOX. I don't go rooting through your desk. If you're really that bored, ask me and I can give you some of my work.

Those of you who think you know everything annoy the hell out of us who do!

Something that I want to say everyday:

Worry about your own work and mind your own damn business!

Please do your job. Seriously. That's what you're getting paid to do. YOUR JOB. Now, if you want to pay me to continue to do your job, then fine. I'd love the extra cash. But quit pawning your work onto those of us who know how to manage our time.

Dear person in the office:

thank you for cleaning out my cubicle. Now if you can find those three cases of mine that YOU lost, that would be extremely helpful. And don't come to me with some bs because YOU can't keep your schedule straight!! We were supposed to have met over a MONTH ago. If you bring that up, I will politely show you the date and time YOU chose and I marked in MY calendar and the monthly scheduled meeting with me that did not occur. Please don't try to get shady on this b/c I HAVE my backups ready.

Give me three months, and I am UP OUT THIS PIECE!!!!

:mad: :rolleyes: :cool:

1) dude you stink
2) your mama n' em

I am tired of you belittling me. You are no better than me and I am tired of you trying to make me look like an ass in front of the boss. If you do it again, you will regret messing with me. I may be nice to you, but I am good at pretending you idiot.....

while you're up the director's ass, could you possibly j**k him off so we peons can get a raise?

It helps if you ask me to do something rather than tell me to do it especially since 1) I am higher than you on the org chart and 2) We don't even work in the same dept. By the way I found out the other day what you told me to do was the opposite of what your boss really wanted - lucky for me I hadn't bothered to get to your stuff yet.

I know it's none of my business technically but will someone pleeeeeease tell me why that girl got fired today?? She was on my "team" (small office with 4 supervisors, each with a team/staff of 5 workers) and now I am picking up most of her caseload. Like I said, it's not really my business, but I am nosey and I WANT TO KNOW NOW. SOMEONE TELL ME.

If you taught your kids about rules & limits AT HOME they'd be having a much easier transition to Pre-School!!

Okay Mr Vice President- I realize you and in waaayyy over your head and you are looking to cya- but don't f--k with me! I will fight back and you will regret it! Don't forget last month you send a "lovely" email to the president implying that I wasn't keeping up on the assignment-- have you forgetten that I responded pointing out that you totally f'ed up the spreadsheet and all your data was skewed! Now today, I walk in and you were on speaker with my boss complaining about me, saying I need to pay closer attention to the same spreadsheet that was in question last month-- well again you jackass, read the mother- f'in spreadsheet and the color key on the first tab-- yellow highlight means i have the paperwork, not that i did anything with it-- so don't complain that i did something with it when i didn't do it!!! Learn your own job before you complain about me! You won't look like such a dumbass! So don't forget dumbass you f' with me- you will regret it!!

Lady you are a fricking idiot. Are you capable of thinking a thought completely through before you act on it? Number One, you are the moron who installed WHITE cabinetry in a daycare center. Really ,who makes such a moronic choice as that? Children hang out there for twelve hours a day 6 days a week. Did you think the cabinets were going to stay clean? Not to mention that it isn't my fault you are married to a control freak.

Number two, that plant,which is an outside plant by the way, note the piece of lattice trellis that came with it,is going to get knocked over where you insist on putting it. And hey, you know what. I may even accidently do it myself. When it does fall, it is going to hit your precious white cabinets too.

Please leave the decision making to those of us who actually know how to run a business since you are clearly not capable of doing so.