If and when I do get married, I've already determined that I didn't want a Catholic wedding. That means I won't be doing the cord, the coins, the veil, and the candles either.

The money dance I wouldn't mind keeping, though.

Ah... that makes sense. My co-worker's in-laws are Mexican. That would explain the tradition thing and why I've never seen my relatives participate in one.

About half weddings the weddings I've been to recently had the dollar dance. Everybody thought it was cute! :)

(This was in Memphis.)

Yup. Since he's Mormon & I'm Catholic, neither of us felt comfortable holding a religious ceremony but we didn't want an interfaith one either so we're going to get married by a judge in a garden at the reception site. My mom had a fit about that as well as his but it wasn't their decision to make. My mom was upset b/c the cord & veil are family heirlooms but all my older sisters have eloped so I was her hope. Oh well. I still have a younger sister so maybe she'll get her wish one day.

I guess I'll have to pay attention at these next couple weddings I go to. All of them are Catholic ceremonies... but I don't remember a chord or coins in the ceremony.

Haha, I don't either.... And I AM Catholic! Oops. :p

okay i guess i'm tacky... yeah! we had a dollar dance at our wedding but it wasn't about the money. basically it was a tradition in which the bride and groom got to dance with EVERYBODY (including my 80 year old uncle Nappy) without dancing for the whole dance and being able to have some face time with everybody. so if that's tacky - sil le vie?!


- marissa

The coins and cords are more of an ethnic tradition than a Catholic one, AFAIK.

What are the coins and cords?!!

What she said.

Traditional Filipino ceremonies in the Catholic church and the coins etc usually go hand in hand.

The coins, cord, candle, and veil are implemented usually after the offertory and before the Eucharist. The veil is draped over the bride and groom, the coins represent wealth for the couple, the candle guides their path, and the cord binds them together as one.

In Mexican cultures, it's pretty much the same thing except the coins are presented to the bride by the groom. It symbolizes that he will always be able to take care of her.

Even for us middle class white folks, it's not about "dancing around expecting money from their wedding guests." It's not even about the money. Participating in the dollar dance is optional. I could have given two whits as to whether people gave any money, it was something fun and traditional that most guests at our wedding were expecting to do anyway.

And with over 300 guests, there was NO WAY I could have gone around and talked to them all personally. The dollar dance was a way that I did get to talk to some of them. (and yes, we knew when we chose to invite that many people we would not get to talk extensively with all of them. We were okay with that.)

Most of the weddings I've been to, you didn't dance with the bride or groom unless it was:
1. the dollar dance
2. you were the mother/father
3. you were the bride/groom
and half the time they were too busy talking, eating, socializing, making sure things were going okay to dance anyway.

Weddings are personal things. One person's preference may not be another's. That's fine. And as I said before, it doesn't bother me that people think it's tacky. It's when you start insinuating that having a dollar dance makes me greedy and a "five-cent whore" that I get bothered.

Ditto. Asking people for more money when they already got you a gift is just tacky.

And as for getting the money pinned to you... EEK! scary. Bunch of drunk ass people sticking pins in you? Sorry, i'm not dressing up as a pin cushion on my wedding day ;)

Maybe its my religion, or just where I'm from, but in my family weddings are super traditional. No dancing or drinking, all the gifts come in boxes, bags, or envelopes w/ bows on them, & the wedding & reception take less than 1.5 hours to get everyone in & out.

Its hard for me to imagine a situation where dollar dances are seen as the bride & groom actually asking for money, but I still can't imagine seeing that done anywhere around here (and I've played a lot of weddings in my time, of all different religions!)

Many weddings I've been to have had the dollar dance. It's along the lines of the Chicken Dance, the Hokey Pokey, the tossing of the garter and bouquet, the cutting of the cake and all the other silly things we do at weddings. It's not a tradition in my family so I didn't do it at either of my weddings, but it was a tradition in my first husband's family. I chose not to do it, but I kind of wish I had, not because of the money, but because I didn't get to dance much at my wedding and I really wanted to. Instead, I spent the whole evening going from table to table to make sure I greeted everyone. I would have rather done that on the dance floor. It's also a fun photo op.

I've seen a variation that I thought was cute.. they had each person who wanted to dance with the bride or groom write down some advice for the married couple. They put them all in a big binder and then read them at the after wedding lunch the next day. People put down some really comical stuff and we had a riot reading them. That could be an option if you like the idea of rotating dancing with everybody but not wanting to have it involve money.

There are many things we do in this society that are greedy. What about showers? The whole point is to "shower" the bride and groom or mother to be with gifts. Is that not greedy? I wasn't raised Catholic and I was furious with my parents when all my friends were having First Communion parties and making TONS of money and I didn't get to. Most of them got bikes too. Welcome to America!

Dee

FWIW, I realize that in certain cultures and/or areas, the Dollar Dance is expected and almost revered (note: remember, I mentioned the 3-generation apron).

Where I think it gets out of control is when a Dollar Dance or such is NOT part of your culture or where you live, and you still do it! Now, that's tacky to the nth power!!

I got a She-Ra Princess of Power Crystal Kingdom castle for my First Communion. :p

LOL - I was jealous that I couldn't get the First Communion dress & veil!!

I've seen it done where there was a big jar and people just stood in line and put in their money and danced with the bride or groom. I think it's kinda neat, but then again I've been raised around it....it's a normal thing at the weddings I've been to. But yea, pins could be scary!

I accidentally set a poor girls veil on fire during my First Communion. She had this elaborate veil on that would have made brides weep & was directl in back of her holding my lit candle. That thing went up in flames faster thanI could blink but luckily, a quick thinking godmother saw it & knocked the crown & veil off her head. Everyone at the church seemed to think it was funny once it was known that there was no harm done.

For my First Communion, we had a big celebration that included dinner, dancing, & tons of gifs & money that was put aside for future use (I used it to help buy my first car) but I did my First Communion w/my brother & cousin so there were three of us to share in the day. Still, it was great & the family representing was definitely a highlight for me.

When you convert to Catholicism at 17, you miss out on a lot of those fun "first communion" things. I had a very special, very beautiful, ceremony though, with only 2 other people being confirmed/ taking eucharist. It was easter vigil...beautiful. I didn't get to wear the big white gown, but they gave me a beautiful little orchid to wear...i saved it :)

Edit: It's been a big long while since there's been a family wedding (dads or moms), but I don't remember a "dollar dance" but I remember something similar to a circle dance...where women are on the inside, men on the outside (or vice versa), and the music plays, and the lines bow to eachother, dance side by side (similar to polka), and then the two circles move in opposite directions until the music stops again, bow, music, dance. It goes on for quite a while, but you get to introduce yourself to a ton of people and the bride gets to make her rounds as does the groom.

The one Chicago wedding I attended was probably the swankiest wedding I have ever attended! The reception was at "The Club" on the 60th floor of Sears Tower!

As much as I complain about the cost of real estate in Chicagoland, I think they could have bought a house - a NICE house! - for the cost of that wedding!!

This thread is starting to remind me of the wedding in The Deer Hunter. If my Serbian-heritage friend ever gets married, I have no doubt her wedding will be exactly like that.

You all really don't know the origin of the "Dollar Dance" ?????? Please check with your Sociology or Cultural Anthropology departments to confirm what follows. This is NOT meant to be an inappropriate comment but rather an historically accurate comment. It has to do with a very ancient Middle Eastern custom that spread to Eastern Europe and some other areas. Centuries ago, when the bride came from a not so wealthy family she could not marry until she had a dowery to bring to the marriage. The dowery was raised by her participation in the "Oldest Profession" and the Dollar Dance, or Apron Dance, or Basket Dance where money is given to the bride in exchange for the privelege of "dancing" with her is a sanitized symbolic reference to that long ago custom of raising her dowery.

Yeah I was mad when my cousins got to dress up in pretty dresses when I was little. And I didn't. I converted this last year, but no white dress for me.

I'll have to ask if my bf's parents had a dollar dance. It's apparently really popular in Polish families (according to TheKnot.com)... and my bf's dad is 100% Polish.

Interesting.

I understand that in this day and age, the dollar dance generally has good intentions. However, the bottom line is that people are paying to dance with someone, and I just can't understand how that could possibly be considered a positive thing. I haven't read anything in this thread that would make me change my opinion.

I figured this was Eastern European in nature because I really didn't see it till I started going to college friends' weddings (my hometown is probably around 90% German origin).

http://www.metclubchicago.com/

The Metropolitan Club? People have weddings in that place?? They should have just gone further and held the wedding in a conference room.

-Rudey

ANd here's another thing that is totally your preference. The toys, props and entertainers that come with some djs make me do this :rolleyes: big time. I think it's soooo tacky...My dj played the music I requested and that was it! Thankfully!

Also, we took part in our cocktail hour instead of waiting to be announced after everyone sat down so we got to chat up a ton of people before dinner even started. That was fantastic b/c I danced my arse off at my own wedding - which is what I wanted! :D

...

Interesting that people mentioned Polish and German families as having this custom more. My first husband was half Polish and half German and his family had this custom. The other weddings I've been to who did this were also either Polish or German.

OMG that rocked! My parents still have the one my sister & I used to play with!

It's in the attic now though :p

As far as dollar dances go, like Lindz said, maybe it's b/c I grew up in Texas, but I don't see what the big deal is. I've seen a few of them in weddings here, and they look like fun b/c the band is usually playing fun, upbeat music.

Ick, yeah! A wedding I went to last year the DJ did this. He had tons of props and hats and stuff. Fun for the kids (which there weren't many of there!), but not particularly fun for the adults.

And truthfully, that's all that matters. People are going to judge your wedding no matter what, so it doesn't matter what they (or people in this thread) say. As long as it's what you wanted, that's the main point.

We didn't have it at our wedding, and I've only seen it at one wedding I've attended. People had fun with it, so that was that. It didn't bother me at all, but that's just me.

We did that too. We figured that since we were paying for the baby lamb chops and the open bar, we were damn well going to enjoy them. :p It gave us a chance to chat with a lot of our guests without having to "work the room" instead of eating our dinner.

There is a custom at Nigerian weddings called "spraying". The guests shower the bride and groom with money-lots and lots of money.

I attended a wedding in Scotland where the bride "sold' kisses. She made quite a bundle too. I was like :eek: . I was told that this was a very old custom.

Guess all of this really just depends on your culture.

Don't even get me started on some of the wedding DJs I've heard. One played BREAD (this is in 1998). I went up to him and said "can you please play some Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd before my boyfriend has a seizure."

If a 33 wedding ever comes to pass, I intend to be total music Nazi and go through the dj's collection and REMOVE the music I find objectionable...and write into the contract if he plays something I told him not to, no money.

Yeah my cousins' weddings in NY have done this too but I think the adults were having more fun with them than the kids.

LOL! Alas, my sister is paying for the D.J. but I am planning on calling him & giving him a list of absolute DON'TS! I detest the chicken dance, the electric slide, & the macarena. I refuse to have that damn music played at my wedding. There is also some other music that I can't stand that I won't have at my wedding.