That is so tacky I can't even believe it. DO NOT GIVE HER THE MONEY. Doing so would only encourage this obnoxious behavior. I wouldn't even RESPOND or at most I'd say "NO THANKS" and that is ALL. Don't even offer an excuse.

I agree with AlphaFrog. Be polite in your email. Inform her that you've already purchased your wedding gift .You choose not to participate, and to leave your name off of the card. Don't go into details about your budget. That's your business.You have to stand your ground ladypi. You're being reasonable and it's not worth it to go into debt.

This precious wedding has gone overboard. If the bride and groom have supposedly gotten everything from their registry, then everyone should be off the hook in chipping for the "big check" from the wedding party. It sounds like the family is having money issues if they have to hit up the wedding party. Unbelievable.:rolleyes:

I think (hope) the Bride would be really upset if she found out her Mother and Sister were pressuring people to give gifts that are outside their means.

I am not saying tell the Bride about it, but I would tell the sister. I tend to be a very blunt straight forward person, so I would just tell the sister that: "While you are happy to be in the wedding, and realize that there are certain extra costs involved, but that you already spent more than you had planned on the shower gift and that you cannot afford to give $100 for the wedding gift as well." I would also maybe throw in that you did have to purchase an airline ticket to get there (additional cost some of the others may not have had to pay) and that you would be happy to chip in what you had planned to spend on the wedding gift, but if that is not satisfactory you will send your gift seperate of everyone else.

DO NOT let these people pressure you into not being able to pay your bills. Some people get squeamish about actually telling people you don't have the money, but I think if they are going to pressure you being straight forward is the best way.

that is utterly ridiculous!! i agree with those who said you can email back and say you already got a gift. you don't have to tell her what it is or say anything about your budget. thank her for thinking of including you, too!

the bridezilla i knew also became a pregasaurus! they don't get better!

Do NOT give in!! Send the $50 that you planned, and say that's all you can afford.

What's the worst thing that can happen? That you'll get kicked out of the wedding party? ($400+ saved) That you won't be allowed to go to the wedding (another $500+ saved)? That they'll talk about you? Because keep this in mind: what if you decide to get married, and make her a bridesmaid? A married woman doesn't have over $1,000 to spend on someone else's big day! She may even be pregnant, and beg off!

This is blackmail, pure and simple. Rise above it!

for my friends wedding, five of us got together and bought her, a bar set. it was a cute 15 piece set and only spent $20 each. she was very pleased with our decision and sent us each a thank you card.

I'm late to this thread...and I'm not sure if you want another choir member here, but..

1) 43 is WAY too many for 1 shower. I agree w/ honeychile - she should've had 3-4 (I had 4, of about 20 women each). Geez, I'd have hated to be a guest at the shower, and had to sit while the bride opened 42 other gifts. Zzzzzz....! How did it go, anyway?

2) As if you needed to hear it again, do NOT go along with the big cash gift. Just say, "Sorry, I already bought a gift." Short & simple. Personally, I never go for big group gifts - that's so unoriginal.

3) as for the gift - the sentimental ones mentioned are great. It's true - the best gifts are the ones that people put thought into. I love the photo collages I received. One friend used wedding pics she took & put them in those picture coasters...LOVE IT!

BTW, some of us brides DO remember who got us what....which is why I always try to get the same thing for every bride. I try to always get the coffee maker. (Quick note: I think I jinxed myself with getting everyone coffeemakers...because now we're living in Seattle!) Anyway, every time that I make coffee, I can honestly say I think of the couple who got us our coffee maker.

It was the most beautiful bridal shower ever. 32 attended including the bride who apologized to me and was incredibly gracious. Everyone had a great time. The gift opening went really quickly.

I figured out what inspired the outburst. Another bridesmaid was upset about some of the planning of the shower. Apparently, she blasted the bride which transformed her into bridezilla and explains her out of character behavior. This BM has been generally snarky and hostile lately, but not to me. I'm ignoring her.

ladypi I agree with valkyrie, GeekyPenguin, etc. Just say no thanks and go ahead with your own plans for a gift.

Thanks ya'll for the great advice. I emailed the sister this morning about the big cash gift. This is what I said,

"Hey! I think it's a great idea you have about collecting the money. Unfortunately, I have already gone in with my parents and we purchased a great gift for [bride] and [groom] that I am excited to give them, so therefore I will not be participating in this collection.

Please let me know if you there is anything I can do or be in charge of for the weekend of the wedding once we all get to [place of wedding] to make [bride]'s big day go smoothly. I am willing to help out in any way possible for her.

Thanks and I can't wait to see everyone,"

I tried not to stir up anything (I am super straight forward too!) and be eloquent and gracious. So what's done is done! I am over it!

Thanks again ya'll!!!!!

Good Job! Way to be a "Lady"Pi. Let us know what she responds with!

I think your response was perfect. You made your point, but it wasn't confrontational or rude. Good job! :)