Here is an Idea but I really think it could work.

I think that Greek Affairs needs to contact the campus Counseling Center about having representatives avaliable each night just so girls can talk to someone. Granted this would work better at larger schools where the counseling centers have numerous employees. I wouldnt need to be the whole staff each night but just one representative each night who could talk to those extreme cases where nothing seems to work.

While I do think that we should definetly spend time training our recruiment guides in this topic we should also provide professional resources to these girls. (I guess that it is just something that comes from all of the years of training residents assistants to listen and console but to know when to refer to a professional)

I think this could really help the relationship with greek life and many different departments. Why not call on those who are certifited to help students. I bet they would be flattered that you thought of them.

Another area you could look into is sensitivity training for recruitment counselors. Have a select few trained in dealing with releases, and make sure that they don't have px groups and other girls to take care of. That way they can actually spend some time with the girl processesing everything and continue to be available to her until she feels better about the situation or can get more professional help if she so chooses.

-in addition to having staff from the counceling center available each night, the campus could probably tap into the psychology and social work depts. there were several psych profs at my school who did have private practices and would do very well talking to someone who just had a loss. at large schools, there are probably grad students who would be qualified to help, too.

-if this is a campus where historically there are many pnms who either drop out of recruitment because they were cut by favorite orgs or find themselves bidless due to cross-cutting etc., then perhaps it is up to the school to contract with local social workers and therapists to be on hand each night!

-in my ideal world at schools with competitive recruitment, a councelor would go with every rho whatever to deliever the news to a pnm who had been cut.

-and this news should never ever ever be passed over the telephone.

-and if cob opportunities do exist on your campus, but patty pnm is dropping out mid-week bc her favorites (and chapters who never cob) cut her, don't tell her she can always cob!!! the chapters were are mostly likely to cob are still on her invite list, but she doesn't want them or else she would have continued with recruitment. perhaps in situations such as this, it would be better to say, i know you want to drop bc xyz has cut you, but historically they do not cob. it might be better to continue with recruitment, get to know the other chapters and if by pref you don't find something you feel like you connect with, then don't sign a bid card.

-eta: maybe this is something that should be addressed to all pnms at the beginning of recruitment by a councelor. not to rain on everyone's parade, but have a speaker (non-rho-whatever) who gives a presentation that the week may be difficult for some of the pnms and explain how provided resources will work.

I think a lot of it is that first, recruitment counselors are young and they don't know what to say, possibly thinking that they themselves never would've been in that situation. Yet I've seen new members queening it around campus in their new and prominent letters, never knowing that several of us in PH know that they were one space on the bid list away from not getting in.

Also, I think they get very spotty training on how to deal with rush problems. When I rushed, another PNM asked the RC what happened if a girl didn't get the maximum number of invites for that day. She sat there speechless and told it it wouldn't happen. Of course it did the next day and a couple of girls got no invites to the next parties.

Sometimes I think it hasn't gotten any better. Many girls who are RCs have told me that they weren't doing it to help PNMs, that they just wanted to get out of rushing. Most of the PNMs I know who got few or no invites heard nothing from their RCs and were just left to their own devices. This includes some who had paid for meals during rush and were too torn up to even go to meals with the successful PNMs so they just sat in their dorm rooms and ate snacks out of machines and cried for days. Several of them ended up becoming confirmed Greek haters.

This just infuriates me. Some chapters (and definitely some alums) don't want to hear it, but ideally you would put up some of your BEST and most experienced rushers up as RCs. Like it or not, PNMs do figure out what chapters the RCs are in, and you want to have some of your "best and brightest" representing your sorority as RCs.

If you are even thinking about applying to be a RC because you don't want to rush, or you're shy and the thought of rushing scares you, or you hate your sorority and want an approved excuse to stay away, or whatever then DON'T. Seriously.

This is really sad. :(

I have to vouch for the UF pi chis who have beeen great in giving all of the girls a chance to talk to them and ask questions after PNMs get their invites back. We haven't made it to Bid Day but so far they've been very supportive and reassuring to those who didn't get the maximum number of invites back.

I have to agree. I know how hard it was for some people who didn't get bids when they had a whole support system of friends around. I can't imagine being in a dorm and the only person on your wing who didn't get a bid - and for some girls, it being their first time away from home on top of it.

It's tough to tell someone they've been rejected. I wish the PXs at my school had received some training/advice/insight into sharing such difficult news. As a PNM, I watched a fellow PNM leave bawling her eyes out after our PX told her, "You didn't get any pref invites, NEXT!" :rolleyes: As a PX, I swore I would not be so callous. I did have to tell a couple of PNMs that they'd been released, and I let them know about the possibility of COB (a very good possibility at my school). Fortunately they were ok with being released, and there was so much else going on during FR that they had plenty to do and didn't end up sulking in their dorms.

Do let them know the situation right away: "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you did not receive any invitations / a bid". Let them know what their options are. Be honest about the possibility of COB - tell them if it's a realistic option or not. Same for the option of going through FR again next year - if class standing will work against them, be honest about it.

Don't say, "oh, there are lots of other activities you can get involved in." The PNM came to FR to try to join a social sorority, not student government or a service organization or the swim team.

And for heaven's sake, don't say "there's always AI" ! ;)

And become goths or girls that do something drastic that will definetly kill their self esteem like changing their image to a Britney Spears wannabe.

Now, PNMs would feel sadness and then rage and then jealousy after being rejected. And if her roommate got a bid, the PNM wouldn't want to talk to her and/or move to another room with a non-Greek person.

NOTE TO PNMS: Just because you got cut, doesn't mean you have to change. Your self esteem and your chances of getting a bid will be damaged more if you change your image drastically into something your not.

On a less-serious note, don't say to a PNM what one inebriated rush counselor said to me at a party:

"Oh, you're the girl the DGs cut because you were dating XX's boyfriend! You were the only one they cut after first rounds!"

Fortunately, I was already well aware why I was cut, just wasn't aware that all the rush counselors knew about it!

Are there really schools that open the dorms early ONLY to girls going through rush???? Is that legal?

At my school, the dorms opened to everyone on a certain date... And that date was the weekend before rush. Perfect timing as far as I am concerned. But, I've never heard of only letting girls going through rush move in on that day. They should open it to everyone. I'm sorry but that's dumb.

I would like to add my two cents worth to this discussion. If I were a young girl that had been cut from rush, I believe I'd want my "mama!" And by that I mean an older alum that would comfort me as well as give advice. I believe I saw a very good suggestion here on Greekchat that bears merit. It was to have one or two alumnae women delegated from each sorority on campus who would be "on call" during rush week. These women would be required to attend a few meetings prior to recruitment that would help them acquire the skills needed during rush week. They would be advised what to say and not to say, how to comfort, and would know the specific facts of COB, snap bidding, etc., on their campus. The sorority Rho Chis would also be available, of course, but I would love to know that there would be several adult women who would love on my baby girl and make sure she had gotten in touch with her family. wasn't alone in the dorm, etc. We all KNOW that cuts take place, that girls are hurt and crushed, yet we provide no outlet to take care of it. How responsible is that? The parties start on time, music is cued, invitations to parties are matched carefully, yet we leave the precious girls who are cut from the socialization process to fend for themselves. How "educated" is that? I feel this concern needs to be given serious thought by the powers that be on national sorority levels, and if not that, than at least by each individual college campus. It doesn't have to be a big PR type thing, but some type of system could, and should, be quietly set in place.

Lindz -- there are a few schools that do that. PNMs get to move in a few days early for rush and/or they are all temporarily placed in the same dorm during formal recruitment. So a PNM who's been dropped by all sororities has to spend the following day(s) surrounded by PNMs who are still rushing. Everyone else is getting prettied up for prefs, and she's got nowhere to go... :(

I much prefer the system we had at my school, where PNMs and other freshmen were sprinkled all over campus, mixed in with members of the other three classes, and there were plenty of other things going on during FR, so that a PNM who'd been released had other things to do if she felt like it, rather than having no choice but to mope in her room.

Cornell has formal recruitment in the winter but recruitment is the week before classes start so PNM's move in early then. One of my guy friends there one year signed up for rush just so he'd be able to move back into school a week early and party with his friends.

My school did that when I rushed. All the girls were crammed into one dorm on a few floors and none of the other dorms opened until after Bid Day. Of couse, for most of the girls who left rush early, they lived near by so they just went back home for the remainder of the week until all the dorms were opened. But my rush roommate ended up getting cut from every chapter before Pref Night and was actually in our room, face down on her bed and probaby crying, while I got dressed for Pref. She was miserable.

There is a happy ending, though. She was snap bidded on Bid Day by SK, and we became pledge sisters, roommates again two years later, and she's still one of my best friends :)

I agree with BBelle. There was a situation (while my chapter wasthisclose to recolonizing) when our Traveling Collegiate Consultant was the one who ended up comforting a cut PNM! I think having trained alumnae would be a great idea!

If you do that, I think that the alumnae should be not from sororities that are on that campus. For example if you have ADPi, DZ, Theta, and Pi Phi on that campus, get like a ZTA from the local panhel to do that. If a girl really had her heart set on say, ADPi, and got cut, she would probably feel better talking about it to a neutral third party that understood the process than to an alumna of the sorority that cut her.

Maybe this is just me, but I definitely would not want to talk to an alum if I was cut from all the sororities. I think that -- even if the sorority member got heavily cut during recruitment -- it would be hard to feel comforted by someone who's on the other side and has what I want. Sort of like getting dumped by a guy and then being forced to turn to comfort by his new girlfriend. How much comfort is it when the person you're talking to is a constant reminder of what you don't have? The last person I'd want to talk to right away would be someone in a sorority.

Ideally, I think that there would be two avenues of support for PNMs -- Rho Chis and a trained counselor. Somebody to talk to if you're really upset (like, the girls that get truly depressed), somebody to talk to if you're just a little disappointed. Somebody to talk to if you need to talk to a Greek, somebody to talk to who's removed from the whole situation. A counselor can deal with the emotional aspects while a Rho Chi can keep the girl informed on COB/informal rush and other possibilities. And ideally, both of these would be available for a while after rush, not just immediately after the cuts.

I was taking that as a given, or at least have a big enough mix to NOT involve the PNM in question. A skilled counselor is still the very best way to go, however, I see very few schools willing to put out the money for one (or more). The ones who would volunteer their time would probably be in a sorority, so we get a vicious circle.

I went to the University of Illinois and rushed in the late 80s. It was the largest rushee group ever, with almost 2,000 rushees. Our rush groups were HUGE and I did not feel like I had a personal connection with the Rho Chis because they were very busy just doing the bare minimum with so many girls in the group. They all were very friendly, just too busy to cope with girls who needed individualized attention.

When I rushed, I preffed the maximum - 3 chapters. However, I suicided AOII. I remember being told that suiciding was not the best way to go, but this wasn't heavily stressed. I was a Greek idiot - first in my family - so I did not realize the disservice I had just done to myself. The Rho Chi didn't look at my pref sheet and tell me this was a bad idea. It was just -"ok, see you tomorrow at the Union!" In retrospect, I think it would have been better if she had asked why I suicided even though I went to 3 parties that day. If nothing else, if I were her I would be curious as to why. (You know, did something bad happen at the other parties, etc.) I suicided because I overheard some girls in my group who knew a lot about sororities talk about it. They had said all along that it was better to suicide and get the house you want than to let PH stick you in a "bad" sorority. I knew so little about Greek life, that this made more of an impression than the canned speech by the Rho Chis. I knew that my other 2 choices were very good chapters on campus. I would have been happy, but my best fit was AOII and I knew it. But, I would rather have been in choices 2 or 3 than not Greek at all. This is a school where Greek life is VERY big. I did not understand just how bad my chances were of getting in a sorority if I suicided. I knew nothing of quota, legacies, etc. (I didn't realize that all of the houses at U of I had enough legacies to fill half a pledge class so it was even more difficult to suicide and get a bid.)

Anyway, I got a phone call, yes, a phone call, by a Rho Chi telling me that I didn't need to go to the bid distribution because I didn't match. There was no discussion. I just said ok. I actually felt bad for the Rho Chi because I thought it was horrible to have her job. I was not going to make it worse by asking her to explain or by breaking down. To make it worse, my roommate was an active in AOII! She would be moving into our dorm room the next day since rush was over. So, I made sure to never let her see that I was devastated because it wasn't her fault and I didn't want her to feel responsible.

Then, about 3 days later, an adult from Panhel (I don't know what her role was) - maybe Greek Life adviser? - called me to tell me that there had been a mistake, and I was welcome to join AOII's pledge class. I asked her what kind of mistake could that be, and she just said it was a computer error and someone from AOII would be calling me. The AOII pledge trainer called soon after. I accepted the offer, never understanding what happened. As I learned more about Greek life, I decided that I had been a snap bid and I just hadn't heard the proper terminology. But, since being on GC, I have found that you aren't eligible for snap bidding if you suicide. So, I never have known what happened. I don't think about it much now, because I love where I ended up and the path that got me there isn't very important. However, it really affected my pledgeship because I always felt unworthy - like I was the pledge that didn't really get into the house on my own merit. If it was an "error" I wish they would have explained it more to me because it sounded fishy and I always felt odd. Plus, I missed my bid night, etc. All's well that ends well, but my very long-winded point is:
1. I should have been counseled STRONGLY before suiciding
2. I should not have been told over the phone that I wasn't matched
3. I should have been told clearly why I was added to the pledge class. If it was a panhel error, they should have explained it more clearly. If it was a snap bid by AOII they should have told me that.

At both Iowa State and Iowa the residence halls open early for women participating in formal recruitment. You move into your room (the room you were assigned to live in for the first year by the University) and often there are girls on your floor, or the floors above and below you, that have also moved in early--that's who makes up your recruitment group.

Registration for recruitment at these schools costs $150-200 but the majority of that fee covers the cost of food and residence during recruitment week.

good point isukappa. if dorms open early for the pnms to move in for recruitment, the pnms are paying for that-they are not staying there for free. and why would anyone really want to move in a week prior to classes starting with nothing to do?

i guess it would be just as legal as having an all girl dorm, or an all boy dorm, or specifying that smith hall will house those freshmen who think they will major in a science, while jones hall will house students interested in the fine arts(resident colleges).

Up until this year, the PNMs at FSU all moved in to one dorm, then when the dorms opened up officially, moved again into their permanent placement.

This year FSU opened up the dorms a week earlier, so that it wasn't just PNMs moving in, it was all sorts of people. Big article in the paper about it yesterday in fact. Most parents were in favor because it meant they didn't have to take time off of work to get their kids settled AND it meant the kids could get familiar with campus and the town a full week before classes started.

http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/talla...l/12435924.htm

I spent my freshman year at UN-Lincoln and wanted to move in the day the dorms opened, not realizing that the only other girls in the dorm were there for Rush (and I wasn't), there was no food service on campus and I was too afraid to admit I'd made a mistake and pretty much stayed in my room for an entire week, afraid to go exploring, lol. Survived on grapes, diet soda and crackers. Everyone on my floor (women) were there to Rush, and I had no clue what that meant at the time. :rolleyes:

I really like what BBelle suggested. A lot.

I agree about having two paths of support. There will be some girls that take longer to get over with rejection than others. There are a few girls that have never been rejected for anything in their lives. Rejected girls need time to heal. Rejection is like a plateau where you would feel fine and then feel upset and so on and so on.

I agree with the fact that most people who would be willing to volunteer the time would be sorority alums. I think most skilled and trained counselors would also be aware of their own biases and would be able to counsel accordingly. I feel confident in my own skills to counsel from a panhellenic standpoint anywhere but the university where my own Alpha Chi Omega chapter resides!

This is true too! So many people treat this like "okay, it's been a week now, time to get over and move on to something else." It does take time to heal, and these girls may need support for several weeks or even months afterward. Having some sort of support system in place for this would be a good thing.

Personally, I think this is also a place where women's own "cattiness" comes in to play as well. We all know girls who have been dropped from recruitment, and need to evalutate our own behavior towards them as well. So what if every sorority dropped her because has a bad reputation, or because she was shy and not very talkative, or simply because sisters overlooked a great girl because of release numbers. Whatever the reason, it does not mean that we have to whisper about that girl when we see her or ostrasize her forever because she did not get a bid. Call me silly, but I still believe in the Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do to you, or treat others the way you would like to be treated. Does not mean that we need to hang out with them or have a long conversations in the hallways with them, but we can at least respect them for making the effort to go through the recruitment process and nod or say hello to them once in awhile.

Exactly! Also, dropped PNMs can be catty too. What I mean is that PNM can act hostile to a sorority sister (i.e. giving dirty looks), and that would be a VERY BAD thing. Also, when girls get dropped, some would be like, "Whatever, I don't need to be in a sorority. They don't need a person like me." I think that comes froms a girl that either wants to be in a sorority for the wrong reasons (or no reasons at all) or a girl that has low self-esteem.

The bottom line, PNMs that don't get a bid and act catty about it are jealous. Jealousy always and will never get a person anywhere in life.

Another person to talk is a RA (resident advisor) who is not involved in a sorority. If an RA on your floor is not involved in a soroity, talk to her. She can help the girl heal, and that is one of the many non-Greek people to talk to. If the RA is involved with a sorority and the PNM (on the same floor) is too upset to talk to her, she should talk to other RA in the building (non-Greek of course). RAs may be in charge and may not be on the same floor as the PNM, but they are here to help (at most situations). Nine times out of ten, they've been in school longer than the PNM.

I agree with much of what has been said on here. I can't tell you how important it is for the campus to have someone available to work with the PNMs who are released. This is why I think it would be helpful for groups to have "Alumnae Ro Chis" to help during recruitment to talk to the young women who are released.

I'll admit that when I went through rush, I was totally ignorant about the whole process. When I rushed, I had been dropped as well another young woman. I never knew how her Ro Chi handled it; mine, unfortunately, was awful. Invites were distributed in the mornings in envelopes under the doors by a certain time, usually before breakfast, so the girls could make their choices. When I was released, my Ro Chi just told me "You've been dropped." That's it. I didn't know I could go home. I didn't know what to do, especially being away from home ever for the first time, and not knowing a soul. It took me two days to call my mom and tell her that I hadn't been picked up. One girl in the group was awesome, and she sat with me while I cried. For the remainder of Rush, we had to stay in the dorms and watch other girls get ready. Of course, we were encouraged to go off campus if it bothered us to be around while others were getting ready--not that anyone ever had an idea where we could go in a small town. Nobody ever mentioned COB either, especially when chapters didn't make quota.

This is one of the reasons that I also believe that schools should be required to put in their Recruitment literature the following two statements:

PNMs who are thinking about Recruitment should contact their Panhellenic chapter in their hometown for assistance with recommendations for the NPC groups. To find out the chapter contact in your town, contact the NPC HQ or go to their website at: www.npc.org .

It is possible that a woman may be released from recruitment. Going through recruitment does not guarantee a bid to a young woman.

That lets the girls know UP FRONT the importance of recs as well as the possibility of not getting a bid. And the last sentence does not need to be in small print on the last page of the Recruitment literature.

* For those of you who know of girls who are dropped, please be sensitive to them. Let them know that they are still good people. This is a time where their self-esteem has just taken a good whack.
* Don't ignore the women, either. In some places, the girls who are rushing are isolated on campus a week before rush. This makes it tough on dropped PNMs who don't know anything about the town they are in or don't know anyone.

*Please be supportive of any decisions they make about transferring. It is not uncommon for a woman to switch schools in the South b/c of being dropped. This woman doesn't want the tag "she's the one who got dropped" to follow her around on campus immediatley. Allow her the opportunity to have a fresh start if she chooses to transfer.

* Most of all, don't say " But I was sure you were going to get invited back to XYZ " or "But you're a legacy...".

* Think if it were your daughter/niece/cousin/best friend's daughter who was dropped. How would you want her to be treated?

Agreed 110% - last year I heard from a few recruitment counselors that some PNM's were in the bathrooms between events, and sorority women were in their discussing THEM! :eek: I believe that once your membership selection is over for each event, then you should zip it up. There should be NO talking about a PNM outside of membership selection.

After recruitment is said & done, the sorority women should be cordial to the people that went through - regardless of whether or not they joined another house (especially on a small campus where people can and DO talk!) :o

I feel your pain. When I went through rush last year, I was dropped after Philantrophy Day. I would cry for days, even in the bathroom between classes. Thank goodness that no one was in the bathroom with me. On the day I was dropped, I moped in bed after classes. I was too upset to eat. The next day, when I saw the girls in thier dresses for Pref night, I became sad, hostile, and frustrated.

I admit that I was jealous, but the jealousy went away along with time. I put my head back up high and realize that I'm a beautiful and nice girl and the rush experience will not keep me down.

hahaha

i second that :p

Just a few things here:

1) I think some of the advice here is simply awesome. I was talking with one of the guys in my first choice fraternity tonight about the differences between sorority rush and fraternity rush and he confirmed that the sorority rushes are much more rigorous and strict.

2) Not to sound like a moron or anything, but what does the acronymn COB stand for? I'm guessing it's an informal recruitment period from the context of the posts, but I haven't deciphered the exact spelling, unlike PNM, which I figured out is Potential New Member.

3) I'm interested in learning more about the sorority recruitment process. It seems like there's several rounds to go through for it? I'm obviously just in the middle of my first rush experience, but it seems like for the guys, you just visit each house, hang out at the ones you want to, write down your three top choices and then attend each of said three choices the next night for a longer session, the following day being Bid Day.

Thanks. :)

It's been awhile since this thread was started and because of RFM, cuts are heavy now. Does anyone have any new ideas?