Well, I should let PB speak for himself as I know he can... The thing is, how you are in a SERIOUS unmarried relationship dictates how you will probably be in a marital relationship. So, say you have a "steady girl/boy-friend", if you are gallivanting around hangin' in the homeys and the boys, then it is more likely you will do it when you are married. Now, it should be the partner's choice if that is "okay" with him/her to allow you to hang out in bars to be wannabe Stars and VIP. But if it is not "okay"--and with most young people it isn't, then that means someone is more secure with themselves while being in the relationship...

All, I am saying is if someone needs a "temporary break" to sort things out, just like a bird, you have to let them free. Nothing is going to stop that person from NOT being there. However, when your married, that brings a whole new different set of rules. And "temporary breaks" may need to occur, but when they do, are they really profitable?

Nothing wrong with doing fun things and hanging out with your friends. I agree 100% about not sitting up under your significant other all the time, but that all depends on where ya'll are hanging out, and how much ya'll are hanging out.

Also, I disagree with you when you say you would buy a pair of shoes so other men will look at your legs. Now if you said you bought some shoes to look good for yourself or your significant other then that's cool, but unless you're single, you shouldn't be trying to turn other men on. Not cool. Well, I wouldn't like it if my girl or wife was doing that mess. Whatever floats your boat though.

If my girl or wife said she was going to hang out with her friends, I would be cool with it as long as it was somewhere decent. To me a club or a strip club is not. There's no way I would be with a woman that hangs out at night clubs, and strip clubs (I'm not saying you, but some married men/women do). Hey, if that's the type of crowd she likes to hang around, that's fine by me, we just won't be together, that's all. They say birds of a feather flock together, so for me it's good to see what kinds of friends she's close to.

Btw: Hanging out with friends weekly while married I'm not down with either. Your spouse should be your best friend. Kickin' it weekly with girlfriends is too much. I'd have to let a woman like that go.

i agree. people neglect to remember why they went to the clubs BEFORE they were in a relationship. that shouldnt be going on in an exclusive situation. my man and i will go together on occasion. sometimes we just want to go bump & grind on a dance floor with a few drinks in us. and at the end of the night, i can take him home!

my fiance sees his best friend maybe once a week or so. there is no constant hanging out, not that i dont love his friends, because i really do like every one of them, but he isnt gonna run around and chill while im stuck in the house pregnant :mad:. damn that! i think another thing i noticed is that the older the guy gets, and the more settled his friends get (kids, jobs, wives, etc) the less time everyone else has to hang out. they are all content sometimes just renting a movie and watching it at the other persons house, for a change of environment.

I think I'm in love.:D

Ok, so I'm a few days late in responding, but you asked for someone who has successfully gotten back together after a break....and that is me. My husband and I (before we got married) took a break for about 6 months. We were living together and I felt like the relationship was going nowhere. So I got back from a trip and we broke it off. I moved out on my own...and did a lot of thinking. I realized that he was the person that I wanted in my life and vice-versa. We were engaged 6 months later(april 05) and married by the end of 2005. I honestly feel that if we hadn't split up, we wouldn't be married today simply because we had both gotten far too comfortable with the crappyness we were in together. Did he date others? No...did I? No, but it gave us both time to think about what we really wanted.

i think its nice that splitting/taking a break worked for someone!

i have had times when i could not be around the other person and think straight. they were a distraction, because everytime something went down, the conversation turned into an argument, and nothing got accomplished. it seems like a cop out, just running out, but i think it just depends on what both parties really are thinking about when they want the break. after a vacation seems to be a popular time, i guess all that relaxing and thinking on the beach lol!

Well duh, you don't get to take breaks during marriage...except for maybe my trips to France with my students that my husband refuses to come on because he doesn't want to chaperone teens in Paris. LOL

most of my friends are single, and for some reason everytime we all manage to have babysitters/nights off they want to go clubbing. the closest to that i want to go to without my man is a restaurant with a live band or something. and thats cool with them. it has a semi-club atmosphere but with a more "grown-folk" attitude...

lets face it. you have to spend time with other people. it doesnt have to be at an inappropriate place! its not whether or not i trust him, i just dont trust those gold diggin hoochies that will completely ignore the wedding band on his finger. hell, if he gets hit on at Walmart or the gas station, i cant help that lol! i can voice my opinion about anything else!

If you've never been in a really long relationship before, sometimes it's hard to know what's an issue that can't be resolved, and what's just the changing of the relationship due to time. You hate to just throw it away if it's the kind of change that's going to happen in any relationship. Ex-Mr 33 and I had this problem before we broke up. It didn't help that his good friend "Joe" and his girlfriend "Jane" had been breaking up and getting back together for 10 years (they are now married w/ baby) or that both our sets of parents had similar off & on things at points in their relationships. We were both kind of like "well, I guess this is just stuff that happens." It wasn't, though.

Wow…just wow! :eek: I am SO happy to hear a man say this. Your relationship is a part of your life. Life does not pause. Life gets difficult (or takes more attention to certain areas) at times. Deal with it!!! You don’t get to take a break from your life and expect it to still be there waiting on you when you either decide a.) you can now deal with it, or b.) that you’ve had a little fun (without guilt) and now want to go back to eating the cake you already had!!! Sorry for the ((((!!!!!!!!!)))), this topic hit home.:o:D:confused:

Now PrettyBoy would you be so kind as to bestow your knowledge upon to the rest of your gender? Preferably those in SoCal?? Preferably those in your frat???

LOL. There's a lot of men like myself, we're just hard to find because we don't hang out where most other people do. For example, when I'm not working, a night out for me is either at home, out bowling, or relaxing at a coffee shop or the bookstore. :D

Yeah, I'm not down with taking breaks at all. That's unacceptable.

:mad::(:mad: I can accept that. *off to my local Barnes and Noble, to pick up a chai latte and then go bowling*

My ex, when I asked to break up nearly 2 years ago, asked for a break instead. That was really funny. I went with it for two weeks, and then just broke up with him.

So it's not just women who push for these things...

ditto to what he said....if my s/o asked for a break...she can have one...til the next lifetime...when u invest in someone and they start having cold feet...what's to keep them from doing it again?

If someone wanted to break from me, trust me, the next woman that gets in line is fair game


Now...break on them....

:rolleyes: Daemon you know you are too good of a catch for Future Mrs. Daemon to start trippin on you and need to take a break lol! you know your sh*t dont stink!

When I think of taking a break, I connect that with work, or doing something strenuous. Those are things that get me to say I need a break. It's the same with relationships. If it's that much work to the point where it becomes strenuous, then it's time to take a break. A relationship like that is not worth being apart of. I wouldn't be in a relationship like that.

I dunno Cheerful, if you unable to work it out now, could you do it when you are married to someone? Although a reflection of what your future situations might be, if you leave and walk out that door, you cannot come back...

Most significant others have two faults: character flaws and differences in point of view. Some of these faults rarely change, some by persuasive argument. Inevitably, if it is a character flaw in your significant other, it will rarely change--i.e. you're a spendthrift and he's miserly... But, if it is a point of view issue, then your significant other has a higher probability to be persuaded to change--i.e. whether to buy bottled water vs. water from the tap. Or rather, you all just mutually agree to disagree... ("Towmato" vs. "Toe motto").

It is good to get outta the house and do your own thing for a few hours. And during the moment of a heated argument, you can do a "T" with your hands and say "timeout". Then come back to the discussion to see what the real difficulty is...

I can say, it has been my experience that it has to do with insecurities people have, in general.

Of course not. I wouldn't leave my spouse, unless he cheated on me, and even then I would still try and work through that. I'm not sure how far I would get but I would at least try. I know we all have our differences but if I was in a relationship that was so bad that I really had to work to the point that I felt I needed a break all the time, then I wouldn't think that was the right person for me, so I would have to break it off and move on. It would hurt but I would do it. I mean I know relationships can get rocky sometimes and they do take work, but how bad does it have to get in order to take a break? A break to me means hey I'm tired of this and I need a break. I know sometimes we need to get away and say timeout, and that's o.k. but a temporary break as in let's separate for awhile and then reunite? It has to be pretty bad for me to do that.

What if you really loved that person and she wanted to come back? You would just end it like that?

Well, one should not go into a marital relationship with assumption of requiring a "break" when things get "very bad". Very bad without the presumption of physical/sexual abuse and infidelity, is when one's spouse has a severe thought disorder causing illogical activities--i.e. buying a $90K vehicle when the couple does not have about $50K yearly... Or credit problems seem to follow along. Or one spouse totally losses a job and half the debts cannot be paid.

The marriage vows state these issues: Sickness and Health, Rich or Poor...

Many relationships START OFF sick and poor and the couple thinks that Love can win out. Most of the time, realistically: "When's the last time that Love bought you clothes... It's like that and that's the way it is..." (Run DMC circa 1984).

The issue is when we enter SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS--because that is my ONLY comments--IMHO, one needs to be introspective when knowing what they can and cannot handle. In nonserious dating or even hanging out makes no difference about breaks or not. Until the man puts a ring on my finger, he has no dictates on what I do nor where I go. That is the price to be in my presence.

If a man doesn't want that from me, then "Thank you", I can move forward...

Taking a break in the relationship to see if someone out there is better? If you seriously want to get married, No--not functional. If you are not serious, then who cares? There is no obligation. The only thing is be careful what you wish for... ;)

o.k. I see your point partially, but I'm not totally disagreeing with you, but why get involved with someone and call it a relationship if it's not serious? I understand bad credit and money issues can become a major problem in a marriage, but I don't think it's worth divorcing over. It's like you stated for better or for worse. I mean those issues can be worked out. I'm willing to work through anything as long as my spouse would be willing to work with me. I can't do it alone.

to me, $ would only become an issue if he decided once we got married he would never ever hold a job again, or he decided to spend all of his $ on something detrimental, like midget porn or hot wheels cars.

divorcing due to money just seems so shallow, but that is just my opinion. everyone hits a snag, and hopefully if someone had a problem that severe, it would reveal itself before the nuptuals.....

This is a different "break" than we've discussed in this thread so far, but since this was on the top and I need advice, I thought I'd put this out there...

I'm in a committed relationship of not-quite a year with a guy I love a lot. I don't doubt our relationship and I don't question whether or not I want to still be with him. But...I've just been overwhelmed with a lot of changes in my life lately. We spend a ton of time together and lately I feel like I need breathing room. It's not really like I need time away from him as much as I need time to myself. Any advice on how to go about asking for some space while still making it clear that I dont want to break up with him? Thanks GC.

However, what is a serious relationship if you are unmarried--from a completely LEGAL POV? It is NEVER serious until there are papers involved. Not even temporary S-corporation partnership agreements can protect you from the wrath of divorce.

And you had better believe it IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY in a marriage. Who brings it in, who doesn't, who has it, who doesn't, you are kidding yourself if you don't think so...

Financial trials are the number one cause for divorce. It make not be the inability to MAKE enough money, it may be the incapacitance [sp?] to KEEP that what is made for the household... They call it the "marriage penalty tax". Although unstated and unsaid, States and Feds do nail you when it comes to legally binding your new household finances...

I do agree one might see some things before marriage. Most do not. The biggest issue is to evaluate what you can--i.e. credit reports, financial budgets and plans, and how or what one spends their money on. If it is something insane like too many downloads of midget porn, that is one thing. But what if it is purchasing $25K+ cars every 2-3 years and not selling the old one? What if your mate purchases these cars, meanwhile, the IRS audits you and says you BOTH owe well over $50K? Then the franchise tax board says on top of that you BOTH owe ~$30K in payroll taxes... Then when you go to look for these "items" based on the required taxes collected, there is nothing to show for it...

This is a TRUE STORY...

And yes, it IS DUMBASSED chit like that that happens.

Yes, it is all about the money. I couldn't have said it better myself. If the money isn't right, divorce will be right around the corner. It wasn't as bad like that back in the day, but now? Watch out, because that's all it's about is money.

AKA Monet, the only thing where I would differ, is a relationship before marriage has to be serious for me, because that way I can determine if she's marriage material. If she's not serious, honest and faithful before marriage, she won't be in the marriage. Otherwise, yeah, you're on jam, and right on when you mentioned marriage and money. Sad, but true.

Nope, it's more to it than that. If he has a job, but he's not bringing enough cash home to provide, you would get tired of taking on the load, and frustrated and end up leaving the joker. It's all about the $$$$$$.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1pV9jWS2x8:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny_j-bAhq68:)

I agree with you 100%.

Ya know, if money is that big of a deal, then why not say "I love your money rather than you?" I thought couples get married because they love one another.

What you are discussing is "Courting" a potential "marriageable" woman rather than just "random dating", which means to me a not serious situation to begin with.

Courting takes planning out the interaction more carefully with intent.

Dating is pretty much close to being just friends and hanging out or wham bam thank you ma'am...

When you removing dating from your purview, and change to intentional courting, you are a that time in your life that you seek a mate. The biggest issue is are you ready to actually BE in a serious relationship like that intentionally to lead to marriage and beyond. Because some folks marry for the wedding presents, rather than be "in the marriage".


You would think so, but you would be amazed how many folks actually do not... I am seeing in generations younger than me to truly have those thoughts about loving, however they are getting married at older ages past 30. But who knows? I think couples marry for myriads of reasons.