Once during my freshman year of High School my mom decided that she needed to meet my GF. We had been dating for about a month and a half...which in freshman year is a serious relationship. I told her my mom's plan and what we were going to be having. I swore she said "Oh, you have no idea how much I love you". That took me completely off guard because we hadn't said that yet. I thought it was a weird reaction for someone telling them they were going to be having BEEF STEW for dinner. Apparently that was her favorite food...

"Love" vs "In Love" ??
 

Dredging up an old post, but would really like some feedback on this .....!

What about your guy in your new-ish relationship (friends for years and then something surprising and rare just emerged in the last 3 months!!) saying *pre-relationship* that he's never been in love before ....but then, after the lightening bolt connection / commitment .... he says all the time "I love you", unsolicited, unadorned, and sincere as can be...not flippantly. ( I love him, too ...and we say it all the time)

Gotta be honest with you, though ..... a guy saying he's never been in love when he's over 30 seems to be a red flag, from my feminine perspective. I'm curious about this .....sooooooo...three questions to GC.

a) Is considering that a red flag reasonable?
b) Should I hold out for the "in love" comment or assume it, considering the circumstances and the credibility of this great guy?
c) ... and should the 'in love' comment be necessarily stated?

I'm waaayyy outta practice and may have slight trust issues (that I am determined to exclude from this relationship!)..... I have my own very strong opinions, but am very interested in other perspectives, both male and female. Help! :rolleyes:

i think the "love/in love" thing is crap. that's my 22 cents. as for a man not ever being in love over 30... dont know if i agree with that either. does your logic apply to women who are over 30?

It's not a red flag to me. :) He didn't say he was afraid of love, he said he hadn't been in love.

It's really not as uncommon as people think for both women and men over 30 to have never been in love--or to have never had a "real" relationship, either.

Well, that's one reason why this is a red flag to you. ;)

I definitely think there's a difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone.

Definitely. :D

Thanks for your perspective -- I never said I was working with logic here!:) The red flag is probably trust-issue-based .... more 'emotional' than anything ..... which is why I'm challenging that construct here.

I think so too .... and I'm not trying to hear him say after a year of not being in love (or at least not saying it!) "You knew what I wuz!" lol

Being together for a year doesn't mean you will be in love with a person.

Just breathe. You are going into this expecting to fall in love and that isn't a definite. If you deeply like him or even love him but don't consider him someone that you could be IN love with after a year, that's fine too.

You're scaring me and I'm just reading your posts...I hope you aren't scaring him away. :) Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about your feelings along the way. You're a bit damaged and he's never been in love, can be a disaster if you two have different expectations.

Wisdom.

..... and breathing :)

Thanks!

I broke it off with a guy after 3 1/2 years of a relationship partly because we started dating young (his soph year of highschool), and he'd never dated anyone else. I didn't want it to continue and us end up married with him still in "First Love Syndrome". I had asked him to go on a couple dates with other women, and he wouldn't do it. Yeah - that's probably weird for a girlfriend (actually fiancee - we were engaged at that point) of 3 1/2 years to ask her boyfriend to go on dates with other women, but that "First Love Syndrome" can be pretty powerful and blinding.


BTW - That guy is marrying the SECOND girl he ever dated next month. :rolleyes: Anyone still think I made the wrong decision?

You made the right decision. I don't know how old you were but he was too young to be in a longterm relationship and engaged.

I wouldn't expect a 15 yo to have much dating or love experience, anyway. I didn't have any dating or love experience until college. :p

But in the 30+ crowd, I have never encountered a man who had never dated anyone else. So that would strike me as odd because I'd wonder if he was using "dating" in a selective manner or if he was afraid of dating. However, as I said before, it isn't a red flag for me to deal with a man who had never been in love (or had very limited experience in that area) or had never been in a serious, marriage-considering relationship. That sometimes just means that he's "love selective" like I am and God always has perfect timing. :)

I was a year older than him. He was just shy of 16 when we started dating. He was 18 when we got engaged (with the idea of having a long engagment) and 19 when I broke up with him.

Yeah you made the right decision.

Yeah, you did. You both found someone who makes you happy. Are you mad at him for not dating more women?

Before I met the person we'll call The Guy, I would swear to you that I had been in love a few times. A few months into our relationship my answer would have been, "Those other guys? That wasn't love. Lots of infatuation maybe, but not love." And I'm 31.
I have a very good friend that is 28 and has been on less than 6 dates in his life. Never had a real relationship. He's cute as hell, intelligent, lots of fun, completely straight, just completely picky. I personally think that he'll be alone until he's about 45 because of the pickiness...
I wouldn't consider it a red flag. I would consider whether his personality indicates that it was pickiness, carefulness, disinterest, focusing on other areas of his life, etc. I know many people that chose to focus on school and then career without the messiness of relationships getting in their way because they were afraid it would be a distraction that they didn't want to deal with. Now they're 30+ and looking.

Nope.

ETA: As weird as is for a guy, I think he is one of those people who's looking to get married ASAP. I know his major goal is to have kids.:confused:

ROTFLMAO!!! I would have been like you nasty a@@!

Back to question, I know I probably sound like an old woman saying this, but I think you should guard your heart when it comes to saying "I Love you." Later down the road when you get married, you WILL look back and think, Why did I waste my time on those losers!