May I just state how much I hate the word "tweens"? Ugh.

Or just be a good parent while also working away from home in a dual-family income - it is possible! Because the mother and father works is NO excuse for poor parenting skills.

Where do people learn good parenting skills? what are their models?

This is also (in addition to Taualumna's point about dress codes) why you have to try to get your kids to internalize the message that some clothes are just inappropriate for certain situations, like school.

Once when I was in high school, a girl showed up in a see-through top with nothing but a bra underneath. A teacher saw her and sent her home to change. And he was criticized for it - by the school and by the girl's parents! Apparently he shouldn't have been looking at her boobs. :rolleyes:

I think it's really hard to control the behavior of children at any age. Some children respond to parenting and advice better than others, no matter how much their parents may try. I remember being very sneaky when there was something I wanted to buy or do and I knew my mom was against it. If I have a daughter (which I hope I do.. I'm not sure I coould deal with a little boy), I hope to teach her to stand up for herself, be involved, be considerate and to find the things and people in life that make her happy. If she wants to show her navel at 13, it might be a battle I choose not to fight. I'll be more worried about her grades.

My lil sis' school has a great policy. It's a very specific dress code. If you break it - you have two options. Option A is that one of your parents comes and picks you up. Option B is that you wear one of the teacher's "extra" shirts/pants for the rest of the day. Often because the parents are unavailable/unwilling to pick up the child, option B is in effect.

The clothes are (clean but) the grossest clothes you have ever seen. Basically the teachers brought the clothes they wouldn't be seen it and then when to a second hand clothing store and bought the cheapest (read ugliest) clothes they could find for the rest. They're all huge, tacky, outfits (can't have thing too small for the biggest person in the class after all).

It took 1 month for the school to teach the kids who were dressing inappropriately to smarten up.

eta: James - people learn to be good parents by trying to be good parents. They learn from whatever they have available - teachers, friends, familiy. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's neccessary.

THANK YOU!! I'm sick of people telling me my kids will turn out to be maladjusted drug addicts because I choose to continue to pursue a career outside the home.

People tell you that? That's awful.

People used to tell my mother that any problems my sisters and I had were because she was a single mother and returned to school when we were children. Like she had much of a choice. She became a widow suddenly when we were little so she went to law school to support us. Meanwhile these were the parents of kids who were brought home drunk or stoned or in some sort of trouble. People really need to work on their own lives before they judge others.

To be fair, nobody's ever quite put it that way to my face, but I've been on the receiving end of more than a few disapproving cluck-clucks. I did have someone once come out and ask me how many more years I intended to work before I settled down and had children. When I told this individual I had no intention of giving up my career, I got "Well, maybe you can work part-time." :rolleyes: Funny how nobody suggests that my husband stay home or work part-time...

</hijack>

Wearing make up/ear peircings etc will be deffered to my girlfriend while consulting my ex wife.

do you really think bra straps are bad?

there was an issue in my junior high where they tried to send people home to change if bra straps were showing. a lot of parents threw a big fuss saying that it alienated the girls that *needed* bras, while the others could just go bra-less and wear tank tops. (i went to a public school and we had no dress code)

the outfits in issue were regular tank tops that the bra straps happened to poke out from underneath.

finally one day the assistant principal wore a shirt that was sheer enough in the back where you could see her whole bra. People complained that *that* was worse than anything the girls were wearing, and girls were allowed to wear the tank tops again.

I went to a public HS too (on Long Island) and people would wear tube tops w/ dangling bb rings showing, low low low rise jeans, etc and I dont think I can remember anyone being sent home to change.

Back in my day (which really wasn't that long ago) we would have been mortified if our bra strap showed. It was considered an act of sisterly kindness to help a girl pin her bra strap to her shirt in such a way that the bra strap would not show and neither would the pin.

Now I see racer back tanks of white with bras of red underneath. But I suppose that's not quite as bad as the thong showing above the waist-line of the jeans. :rolleyes:

YES.

If it's a regular tank top, you can wear this below and your straps won't poke out. That's why they make them. People are just too lazy/dumb to buy them. (They're not any more expensive than regular bras)

School is not the place for spaghetti straps unless you wear a shirt/jacket over it that you don't take off.

Oh, and unless the asst principal wore that shirt under a blazer, she should be ashamed of herself. If you're going to wear a sheer shirt or cutaway sweater under a blazer you need to keep the blazer over it.

Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

These are really two different questions -- you're asking (1) when should you start dressing your daughter as a sex object and (2) when should you allow her to wear makeup or dress in revealing clothes. The first question, along with the question "Sexualize your daughters?" is, frankly, just creepy, and not at all the same as the second question.

Anyway, on the bra strap issue, I don't think bra straps are a big deal at all. There's nothing inherenly "naughty" about them.

If and when I have a daughter she will absoluetly not be allowed out of the house with anything that I don't approve of. I see way too many girls wearing clothes that are too tight, too small or to clingy. That is not appropriate. I think that there are plenty of cute clothes out there that cover up and are still stylish.

As far as the bra straps go....they bother me but only in certain circumstances. It really bothers me when you see someone wearing a racer back tank with a regular bra. NO!! However I will wear a thin strapped tank with a bra as long as the color is close. I will do anything to not wear a strapless bra.

Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

Thank you! The title of this thread struck me as odd too.

That happened this year, not in 1980. :p

Sorry, couldn't resist.

That's great! Of course, that would be classified as hazing by some.

Russ, I think what 33Girl is referring to is the 1993 album cover by Janet Jackson called "Janet". The controversy there was it originally featured her topless and a pair of someone's hands covering her breasts.

Oh, you're right. I forgot about that masterpiece.

Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

You are misintepreting.

I wrote: "But my qustion is when do you start dressing your daughter up in such a way that they become sex objects to males?"

This is a reality check, if you allow them to dress in a revealing fashion wearing make-up like a grown woman, they are going to be viewed in a sexual way by males.

You seem to be saying, and correct me if I am wrong, that as a mom your daughter should be able ro dress and wear make-up in a way that is perceived as sexuall provacative without anyone looking at them in a sexual manner.

I don't think thats realistic. Thats like if girls that got upset if you looked at their ass even thoughn their was writing on it.

Cuaphi, why is the thread title odd? When you dress your daughter in a way that society deems sexual, you are sexualizing your daughter.

Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

I'm not misunderstanding. Why would you dress up your daughter? Her dressing herself is one thing -- you dressing her up is entirely different.

I also think that the title of this thread is strange. Parents shouldn't sexualize their daughters. They should prepare them for the changes in their bodies which inevitably occur. They should prepare them for the reactions they will get from men because men will react. It can be a very difficult time for a girl.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

I don't want to get bogged down in semantics. Parents dress their kids by buying them clothes . . any parents here willing to verify that?

Also parents tend to know what their kids are wearing and have various ways of controlling it. Sanctions and rewards.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

Dude, you're talking about sexualizing and dressing up daughters. I don't think it's getting bogged down in semantics to say that sounds creepy as all hell, but hey, whatever floats your boat, so to speak.

No. No woman in her right mind is going to choose to dress her little girl is overtly sexual clothing. If I have a daughter someday I will dress her in pretty little dresses and maybe permit lipgloss or tinted chapstick til she's old enough to make her own decisions. If she's like most little girls she'll decide she wants to pick her own clothes somewhere in late elementary school. Then we'll start discussing what is and is not appropriate as she makes choices and I start attempting to guide them while still letting her be her own person.

Pageant mothers and Patsy Ramsey excluded, mothers do not choose to "sexualize" their daughters.

Maybe you're confusing girls with boys. I was picking out my own clothes in 4th or 5th grade. My brother (age 23) still has mom pick him up some khaki's here and there.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

Ok then I completely concede the point. A parent's actions or inaction does not result in the way their child dresses in any way.

Nor does the actions or inactions of the parent effect the sexualization of the daughter. That includes pageant moms etc.


Parents don't dress their kids. Parents don't help them buy clothes and allow them to dress either. Parents have no input and exist in a state of mindless limbo. Therefore they bear no responsibility for how their daughter looks, how she might be perceived or anything else.

Oh, probably around age 8 or so. Maybe younger if she's more mature. The sooner the better, eh?

I think she might be ready around six. I mean, if she's your daughter.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

Okay, by saying "sexualize your daughter" the wording of that implies, to at least three of us, that you are talking about intentionally turning your child into a sex object. That's all I'm saying.

ahh you are like Jean Binet's parents.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexualize your daughters? At what age?
 

I guess people could ignorantly be doing it or allowing it, but I think people are bright enough to be aware of the consequences right?

We can forsee certain things.

Certainly several of the posters on here have expressed that its a situation to be avoided. That indicates an awareness of where something like that might go.

If I ever spawn I am sending my kid to a Catholic school with a strict dress code like my parents did, so she thinks just being able to wear jeans is fun.

HOWEVER I am also going to raise her to be a little feminist because the last thing I would want my daughter to do is be a subservient little wanker.

Kthnkxbye.

Whatever age her friends are.

Meaning that I trust nature enough to know that girls all start wearing make up/getting ears peierced and I guess putting down barbies at around the same age as each other just like when guys stop trading baseball cards and start noticeing that girls have started wearing make up, and that was our cue to go on. This post really isn't going anywhere. God, writing is hard. This my is pre writing exercise.

I'm going to have to agree with Valkyrie here.
Your wording implies that mothers (and I guess fathers) should purposefully try to sexualize their daughters and some of them happen to start rather young. However, some parents just want to their child to look "cool" and if that means buying the latest fashions which happen to be, right now, low rise pants and mid-riff bearing tops, then that's what they are going to buy.
However, you're also assuming that that the fashion of today will be around forever. No, these things come and go. Fashion is already changing,. Designers are making their pants higher, they are making less revealing clothing. Not all of us are going to be having kids in the next year or so. For many of us, that's years down the road. Fashion changes. For all we know, twin sets and pearls might make a comeback and that what all the little girls will want to wear paired with cute skirts that fall well below the knees.
We shouldn't be "sexualizing our daughters". Like cuaphi said, when the time comes that our daughters want to choose their own clothes we should be there with them, educating them on what is appropriate for their age group, while still letting the express their own individuality.
I know my mother would have killed me if I wanted to leave the house earing next to nothing. When I was younger she let me pick out my own clothes. Yes she was buying them, which meant she had the final say in what I got. If she thought somethign was ugly/tacky/inappropriate she would let me know and suggest something else.
Why is it necessary that a 12 year old look like she's 22??