Perhaps the economic consequences of seperation seem too great to leave . . .

But what you are describing is essentially friendship. I think a lot of people stay in relationships that have devolved into mere friendship. Where familiarity and sporadic bursts of affection have replaced romantic love . . .

Where that is the case, do you advocate people stay in the marriage to preserve the friendship or economic union and seek exciting sexual relations outside the marriage?

I think that sex in any relationship should be motivated by much more than a periodic release of tension . . Which is what it often becomes in relationships where the romantic love has faded.

No, just because they fell out of the sexual love doesn't mean they should go outside of the marriage to get it. I believe in marriage and vows, and if the only thing wrong with a particular union is that one doesn't feel the way that he/she felt in the beginning about their sexual relationship...then tough. Those people should look to other things in their marriage to make them happy. I don't think that is a reason to justify divorce.

I want to marry James!

IMHO, anyone who gets married without serious pre-maritial counseling is as dangerous as someone playing with a gun without any prior lessons.

My fiance & I have been in counseling for about a year, and his mother simply cannot understand why we need it "if we both love each other". :rolleyes: Of course, there is nothing "wrong" with her son, he understands all the ins & outs of marriage, finances, children, work, household chore sharing, etc.

If you need a large amount of counseling . . you might want to rethink mariage with that person :)

True on some levels. Yet, there are just some people who have a marital tunnel vision that can possibly be helped when some of the blindfolds have been removed.

A lot of people go right from their childhood home to college to a marriage, and since they never spent time learning how to truly live on their own, lack the skills needed to maintain a peaceful marriage.

The best example I can think of right now is the number of people I've talked to who don't know that owning a house means paying a sewage bill! It's a little thing, but it can cause big troubles.

Well thats true. Life skills are important and not taught.

You are talking about a year though. After a year you are beyond basic life tasks and into unresolved emotional problems. And a year is a relatively long time.

I am not judging you or your chosen mate, just observing.

I'll just share my perspective. I don't date projects. I wouldn't buya fixer-up house and I don't stay long in fixer-up relationships.

IT is very true that in theory, and with a lot of assisstance you can socialize someone in a different way. Change is possible, but ultimately it might be easier to find someone else that is more in alignment with what you need.

There are a lot of people in the world that we can be attracted to, and feel connected with. Some of them are even emotioanlly very healthy and eager to please!

Maybe we should raise our standards and switch-up until we meet that potential better outcome :)

James, in my own case, the fact that we're in two different cities is a lot of the trouble. We both have somewhat high-profile jobs that we are both somewhat reluctant to leave. Money plays a HUGE part in this decision, and revealing any more would be unfair to mr. honeychile.