GreekChat.com Forums - How would ou like to be broken up with?

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- - How would ou like to be broken up with? (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=47443)

To him it was . . because you went on a date . . and then kept talking to him . .. and then went on another date two weeks later . .. and kept talking to him.

I am not saying you did anything wrong. We all may do stuff. . . but you asked whether it was leading him on and it was.

Quote:

Originally posted by James
To him it was . . because you went on a date . . and then kept talking to him . .. and then went on another date two weeks later . .. and kept talking to him.

I am not saying you did anything wrong. We all may do stuff. . . but you asked whether it was leading him on and it was.

I don't agree. By your logic, unless you're really, really into the person right from the start, you should cut off all contact lest you be accused of leading someone on, right? Where does that leave the large number of women on GC who feel that sparks develop over time and who like to continue dating someone they're not really into at first (and I don't mean you, maggieaxid)? If a woman tries to "develop" sparks with a guy and it never happens, you'd just say she was leading him on the whole time, which is silly.

I think that the concept of "leading someone on" is bullshit, unless someone is blatantly lying to you about where the relationship is headed. Each person should do what she wants and hang out with someone if she feels like it -- if a guy reads more into her behavior than she intends, that's his problem, not hers.

Thats a different context. Maggie said she had determined ealry on she didn't want to see him but didn't tell him that. Probably to avoid drama

You are talking about girls that want to continue seeing the guy in the interest of possibly (I guess through some divine will or sick desperation) developing feelings. Thats different.

Although, it will look the same to the person on the receiving end.

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't agree. By your logic, unless you're really, really into the person right from the start, you should cut off all contact lest you be accused of leading someone on, right? Where does that leave the large number of women on GC who feel that sparks develop over time and who like to continue dating someone they're not really into at first (and I don't mean you, maggieaxid)? If a woman tries to "develop" sparks with a guy and it never happens, you'd just say she was leading him on the whole time, which is silly.

I think that the concept of "leading someone on" is bullshit, unless someone is blatantly lying to you about where the relationship is headed. Each person should do what she wants and hang out with someone if she feels like it -- if a guy reads more into her behavior than she intends, that's his problem, not hers.

i never said i decided early on-- i decided AFTER the four stalkerish phone calls that i really didn't want to see or have contact with him. i did tell him in the begining that I was not looking for a relationship. i don't know about you, but i don't consitute 2 days and a few mutual phone calls a relationship.

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Well in this case . . leading someone on is maintaining contact with him after you have decided that you don't like him without saying you just want to be friends or want nothing to do with him.

Men are not mind readers anymore than girls are . . despite what alikat2 says about him being psycho . . . its not unreasonable for him to feel lead on. Although, he didn't how much diginity in allowing himself to get all upset at you.

Scenario: I go out with a girl on a date twice. Maybe over two different weekends. She is really into me I am less into her. I decide mentally I don't want to see her again. Over the next week or so I stop calling her or maybe I only call her back, and am evasive about wanting to go out. I am busy, plans, hair etc, maybe some other time.

She still likes me so she "hears" that I am busy now, but maybe won't be busy later. She is picking up on the mixed signals, but I keep making excuses that are plausible, and I am still talking to her, and its only been a week or so . . . . she has little reason to suspect that I just don't like her because I am . . drum roll please, I ams till talking to her and not tellin gher anything.

Basically I am treating her like a mushroom, keeping her in the dark and feeding her shit.

Then finally a week or two later, I have enough, screw up my courage and say: I don't have time for a committed relationship blah blah blah . . she is so wonderful blah blah blah. Blowing smoke up her ass.

She is going to be pissed because I could have just told her what was up after the second date. Keep in mind that once we start crushing on someone that crush grows quickly. So I just basically led her on to believe there was the possibility of more, so that she started liking me more.

So yeah, she is going to be pissed.

And yeah, in your case, he is going to be pissed. Although again, is shows a lack of self respect on his part to show that he is visibly upset to the girl that played him.

James, your example here reminds me of a theory (well, we now call it a law) that one of my brothers shared with me about a week ago.

The Shadow Law: Relationships are like shadows. Imagine yourself standing and facing the sun, paying it attention, where does your shadow go? Away from you. If you turn your back on the sun (ignore it), your shadow follows you.

Relationships are like shadows in this way. If you pay someone a lot of attention, they generally move away from you. If you ignore them or pay them very little attention (or as you said, treat them like a mushroom), they gravitate towards you.

I think the Law of Shadow is more applicable in early-stage relationships. Seems very applicable to the situation that the thread's originator was experiencing though.