I was invited to my cousin's wedding without my fiance. Perhaps I can give them copy of Emily Post's book. I already have a dress, but I don't have a gift yet.

Oooh, that's a no-no too, lol.

I love my copy of Emily Post. I think it's great for any young woman (or old woman for that matter!) to have, especially when starting out in married life. But it's also a nice little elbow to the ribs to the recipient sometimes... hint hint, you need this!

Wait, am I the no-no or them? I am confused!

I will have a gift for their wedding. I just haven't decided what to buy. It's not until next weekend so I have some time.

I meant them. You don't invite someone without their fiance. If he was just a boyfriend you don't have to invite him, but if you're engaged he should be invited.

I gave my little Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette book when she first got engaged.... sadly I don't think she used there as there were quite a few faux pas made

OK thanks. I probably will give them crystal or something nice. He is my cousin, but she did the invitations. It should be a nice wedding even though I will attend solo.

jess_pom, you should have received your own invitation. I think the rule is that anyone 16 or older gets his/her own invitation, married or not. If I were you, I'd go in with your parents on a gift. They don't show you the courtesy of sending you your own invitation... they don't get a separate gift from you. :p

Cream, you're right too, your fiance should have received an invitation. Spouses, fiances, and partners living together must always be invited together. If you two are not living together, he should get a separate invitation sent to his address. How recently did you get engaged? Does your cousin know you are engaged? Surely he does...

My friend is getting married in October and their registered at one place and there isn't much on it and they have quite a few guests. I'm hoping they'll find another place to register, but I don't think they are.

But I didn't realize that just giving cash is okay. I don't know why I didn't think about that... thanks for curing my stupidity. :p

I've also had a lot of luck with gift certificates. When I worked at Macy's people asked for GCs with our little wedding card cover things. And there is a website that old job went to get our Christmas gifts. Basically you can pick from all kinds of GCs or get one general GC and then let the couple pick what they want it to go to. giftcertificates.com is the site. And this officially ends my spam message. :)

Thanks everybody. I graduated college in May 2003 and moved to VA in Feb. 2004, so it's been more than a year and they definitely know I moved. And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through, and you have to be married to be a "real" person. It just upsets me that my sister gets her own invitations, Christmas cards, etc., and I don't.

And my mom committed a faux pas by RSVP-ing my other sister's boyfriend. I yelled at her. The invite did not say "and guests".

I probably will get them a gift but there will be hell to pay if I don't get a thank you! To my address!!! Should I include my address in the card with the gift? That way they do have it.

I became engaged on Feb 12th, the day before my birthday. :) Invitations went out a month or so later. We talked about my engagement at her bridal shower in March. The wedding invitation had two names: mine and my sister's. We're both over 16, 21, 25, 29... ;) My mother and my sisters were also invited without dates.

She is a very nice and successful woman, but she just doesn't realize how to do things. She doesn't seem to have family, and the groom's mother passed away many years ago so she has no one to guide her. I kind of feel bad for her. I'm not taking it personally although my sister and mother are. My sister and I had received the bridal shower invitation, and called to say that we will all attend including our mother. She always attends family events. We had not realized that our mother had not received an invitation to the shower which arrived four days later.

Yeah, this is a mess. I am looking at it as how I should not plan my wedding. On the up side the wedding is at a nice facility on Long Island so the food should be good.

I'm just afraid that when I get there, they will ask where my fiance is.

An update on this wedding that will astonish all of you.

I did get a thank you note, at my parents' house, that first thanked me for the gift and card and then went on to apologize for the presence of alcohol at the reception. "Had we known about the alcohol sooner we would have stopped the serving of it. It was against both of our wishes and we apologize if it offended you." :eek:

I said to my family, the only reason they should be apologizing about the alcohol is because it wasn't an open bar!!! Our whole family is all WTF??? Especially since it was at a golf club, and planning events like I do for work, I know that if you say no to something the venue typically doesn't go against your wishes.

Oh, and my cousin is pregnant, and due in January. Those good Christian people are busy! My sister asked if it was going to be a premature 9 lbs. baby.

If she doesn't have the baby early, then she may well have gotten pregnant on her wedding night. I got pregnant in April, found out the day after Mother's Day and had a due date of January 12th.

As far as the alcohol thing, my brother and his first wife got married in a small North Carolina town and they weren't sure what to do about alcohol. They simply waited until after dinner to have a champagne fountain so that those who were offended could leave at that point. It was a good way to handle it.

Dee

LOL! My community is backwards too. In the engagement announcement in the paper, the is usually a line about "Friends and Family are invited to attend" I take this as I invited my friends and family. I know others that see that as an open invitation for anyone in the community who considers themselves a "friend" should attend. I have heard this from both guests (It isn't crashing a wedding, we were invited) and brides (I wanted you to come even though I did not send an invitation. That is whay I put "friends and family... " in the paper!)

Looking through the pages and pages of registry items for the bazillion weddings I have this year, I had no idea what to buy. So, the above quote may have answered my question - basic items are best.

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. :D)

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW'D YOU DO THAT ?!!! That the first DEPOSIT for my venue/catering was more than that =( never mind the photography and flowers. :eek: I think you need to lend your planning services out !



I think it depends on who's getting married ! I usually try to get something from the registry, (or find it somewhere they're not registered for less ! )

If you know the bride well, or if you have a friend that is REALLY good friends with the bride, have them ask the bride. The bride might have preferences that they are willing to share. For example my sister registered for a bunch of stuff, but she REALLY wanted a certain set of dishes- so I made sure to buy her a couple of place settings of that (they were her mid-range dishes, not china, but not really casual either).

If you don't want to ask, then if they are just starting out, they probably need the basic stuff If they have been on their own for a while they might have the basics and really want that egg poacher!

Bumping this thread because a wedding invitation arrived yesterday that perplexed me.

On the invitation (which was very, very elaborate and expensive) was the phrase "No boxed gifts please."

What does that mean? Is it a slick way of only asking for cash? Or, would they prefer that I take the blender out of the box and put a bow on it for display???

I know in some parts of the country that cash is the typical (dare I say expected?) gift, but that is not the case where this wedding is. The couple are from, and getting married in, my homestate, where probably 90%+ of gifts come from a registry. The very few people who give cash are usually friends of the parents. I have never given cash, as I suppose in the same way some people are uncomfortable with registries, I am uncomfortable with cash.

Also, FWIW, let's just say that this couple is not strapped for money. At all. They are in their 30s and have very successful careers. This makes me even more uncomfortable with giving cash as a gift.

Since I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time of the wedding, I am not able to attend as I won't be allowed to fly. My husband has not decided if he will attend. The bride is a friend of his (former classmate), but he feels bad for leaving me so pregnant with a toddler running around as well.

Anyone else ever heard of "no boxed gifts?"

Thoughts? Interpretations? Suggestions?

First of all, Miss Manners says that ABSOLUTELY NO reference to gifts should ever, ever, ever be on or in an invitation. She says the price of admission to a wedding is NOT a gift and they are two different things. I stronly suggest a copy of her book for this wealthy young couple. They may have the money but don't have the manners.
And "no boxed gifts". What the hay???? I would play dumb with the unboxed blender.

I have no idea what "no boxed gifts" means, but I findy it very TACKY.

I would either send them a nice Miss Manners book (it's not boxed) if you're feeling esp nice or just a pretty card.

And no your husband shouldn't go, b/c it appears it is a money grab.

It appears that yes, that is the way of asking for cash-only gifts. How incredibly tacky to put that on (or in) the invitation!!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...0boxed%20gifts
Seen on wedding invitations, the couple are frankly demanding cash gifts. It is considered bad etiquette and a faux pas by most people, since it is rude to mention gifts in wedding invitations at all.

I hate when my husband says "Don't get them a gift, I know they just want cash". It takes all the fun out of gift buying! Plus I happen to think this is just some weird guy code and the soon to be wife will think I'm not creative or thoughtful enough to choose a gift!

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard! I hoped it ment that they didn't want people to wrap the gifts to save a tree.

I would ask the bride or groom what they most want a gift from the registry or cash. I had never thought to do that, but plenty of people had asked me. I have been very general and directed people I didn't know very well to our registry. Our closest friends know that for us, we need the money more than we need "stuff."

I usually look through the person's wedding and if I find something that I really want to get for them because I know they will use or will enjoy, then I get that. If I know they are currently saving money to buy a house, I just give money. If I don't like the choices on their registry (i.e. I waited until the last minute and only the most expensive things are left), then I give cash. I come from cash giving people!

That means the couple is super tacky and has no class. Asking for any sort of gift is a big no-no. Perhaps a book on etiquette or manners would be appropriate. In your case however, I would recommend a lovely card that says "Congratulations, sorry we can't make the wedding" ... and your husband should feel bad about leaving you prego with a toddler. :) I'd kill mine if he did that.

ETA: Even the husband said that asking for cash is super classless....and he wouldn't suggest that your husband leave unless he wants to hear about it forever. :)

Oh, this is all so disappointing.

While I do not know the groom, nor the bride's family, I have known the bride for 8 years and have always found her to be a delight. She has always been the epitome of giving and not of selfishness. I would never in a million years have expected this type of tackiness from her.

My husband and I have long joked that when she got married we were going, even if it were in Timbuktu. She was so kind to us when we got married and when we had our first child. In addition, she is of a very different culture than us, one which throws very elaborate and fun weddings... the likes of which are not seen in any traditional American wedding. I have only been to one, and my husband none. So we were looking foward to the hoopla!

Sigh. I will try not to let this one transgression in etiquette (though a HUGE one) taint my overall impression of her.

So one of my sorority sister is getting married in a few weeks! I have no clue what to get her! I am trying to spend under $50, if possible!

I am totally new to this! Any suggestions?

Does she have a registry? If you don't know, you have a few options:

--ask her
--ask a member of the bridal party

For most well-mannered brides, especially ones that would have many friends who are recent college graduates like yourself, and thus not yet "rolling-in-the-dough," there should be ample choices in that price range on a registry.

Examples:
-- a setting of her everyday dishes
-- a small appliance
-- a setting of her flatware
-- towels (**)

If you want something more fun and less practical (though, seriously, young brides need practical stuff, they really do!!!)
-- pieces to her bar ware
-- fun serving platters
-- household decorations

** I had one friend who did not get a single towel for her wedding. This is now her standard gift. Do not worry about getting stuff that may seem "boring." Knowing that your Theta chapter has not been around too long, I presume the bride is young. Trust me, she will need towels too!

If there is no registry, you may just have to ask around as to what she might like. You could always consider a gift card to a place like Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Gifts to be cautious of, if you go off-registry: vases and picture frames. Some brides get so many of these that they can't possibly use them all.

In some parts of the county cash is the standard gift, but I don't think that is the case in Florida. At least for both my extended family (Jacksonville) and my husband's parents' friends (panhandle) we received very nice gifts from our registry.

Hope this helps! Get ready... this won't be the last time!