this is the way i see it -

you have to go to school up to 16 years of age (or whatever it is in your state) and your parents have to support you until you are 18.

going to school as a minor is required. college is an option. it is therefore something that you want. if you want it, YOU should pay for it. not your parents.

if i have kids and they want me to help pay for their higher education, and i can, then i will. but they'll have to pay back what they borrowed from the Bank of Vanessa.

i know this sounds cruel and heartless, but it's just how i feel. sure, maybe i'm bitter because i don't have a credit card that Daddy pays off for me and because i don't have a "monthly allowance."

but at least i know that i can support myself.

Finally. A post that makes sense.

I've seen the bitching and moaning that kddani was talking about. These girls would pay their dues late but they took action everytime a big sale hit the mall. They always complained about not having $$$ but they were always sooooo quick to flash their parents' plastic.

These are the people that I cannot stand. I mean, sure--it's okay if your parents paid for your crap. Just don't act spoiled. Consider yourself fortunate, because there are a lot more people out there who aren't as lucky.

I had three jobs and was in a sorority in college. If I could handle three, why can't more people get at least ONE? :confused:

Paying my own way through college was one of the best things my mom could have done for me. It taught me how to be responsible and organized, and you can bet that I'll be doing the same for my children.

More than anything, I hate snide comments about my financial situation. I have an uncle who constantly gives me guff about money, when he has no idea about how school is being paid for (he assumes it's loans and working--like it was for him, it's actually my parents--for both now and undergrad). I've basically cut myself off from being around him because I hate hearing either about how spoiled rotten I am, or how I can't do things my 'rich' friends do. It's like, pick something to be bitter about, okay? I know it's because he feels he missed out on a lot because my grandparents didn't pay for anything for him---but he shouldn't take it out on me because mine did and he doesn't know about it.

I didn't have to worry about tuition or housing (Because I did well. Had I not, I would have been on my own, and if I couldn't swing it, I'd have to come home.), but I did have to pay for my "Munchkin" stuff. I didn't feel it was appropriate for my father to be paying for my birth control or tampons, nor did I want them to shell out for my Spring Break. I know if there's anything I need they'll always be there, but they have encouraged my sister and I to stand on our own.

Some of your stories have brought to mind the day I met Mrs. DeltAlum. I've told it here before in a different context.

Her parents put her, both sisters and her brother through college. One of the sisters thru the Masters level, and the brother through Law School. They did it all on the money they made from a 300+ acre farm.

There wasn't much money left, but to them education was about the most important thing in the world.

So the day I first noticed her in a speech class, I hung around afterwards and asked her to dinner.

She told me she couldn't because her parents were putting her through college, and were paying her room and board, and that she couldn't waste their money.

Fortunately, I was able to change her mind.

But that, I think, is gratitude.

(Oh by the way, she was making some of her own spending money by doing a little modeling and singing backup in a local rock group -- which is a whole other story)

Call me crazy, but what bugs me is someone telling me how I and/or my family should handle our finances.

I worked every summer from the time I was 15 through college, and during Christmas vacation. I never had a Spring Break - I worked. On the first day of the term, I paid my sorority dues for the year in one check. I had scholarships & loans, and my parents paid the balance. They didn't pay for things they felt were frivolous, but they were there when I needed them. I don't feel that I was spoiled, as I am extremely grateful that they were able to help me through college, and make sure that they know that still. I could not have done it without them, both financially and the instilling of a good work ethic.

DeltAlum, your wife sounds like a very classy lady - but you already knew that! :)

I worked too and never had a spring break! Maybe I should take one now, lol! I too am still extremely grateful to my parents - I seriously could not do this graduate program without them! My parents pick up my girls from school on my long day (class 8:30 a.m. - 6: 30 p.m.), and my mom usually fixes dinner for us that night. They also are there when I'm crunched for time on a project, and help with the little one a few days a week since she gets out of preschool so early. I so appreciate them, perhaps even more now than I did back in the day as an undergraduate. I think it is wonderful to have such supportive parents, and hope I can do the same for my girlies.

Everybody's circumstances are different, and I don't think anyone has the right to criticize anyone else's situation (unless, of course, said person is an obnoxious twit about it :D ). I'm a married mom of two who doesn't work outside the home because, thankfully, my husband's job allows us to live comfortably without my financial contribution. I occasionally get flack from friends and relatives who are "working mothers", who tell me I am "spoiled". I would imagine it is the same with the students who have their parents pay for their schooling.

I don't come from a family that was able to pay for my college, so I got scholarships, took out student loans and worked part time. I didn't complain about my circumstances; that was how things were and it really wasn't a big deal to me. Sure, I had sisters that had everything taken care of for them and always seemed able to buy a new outfit for every mixer but it didn't bother me. Again, that was how things were and it wasn't a big deal to me.

My sister is 8 years younger than me and by the time she went to college my parents' circumstances had changed and they were able to help her out with school. I'm glad she didn't have to work during the school year, but I'm not bitter or upset because I did.

If your parents are willing and able to help, that's great. If they're not, and you're determined to graduate, you'll have to find your own way through. But that's okay, because I'm living proof that it can be done.

Mr. KillarneyRose and I set up a fund for our daughters' college educations when each of them were born and they have done very well. Barring disaster, there will be money available for both of them to attend any college they can get into. As long as there is a Delta Zeta chapter there (just kidding about the Delta Zeta chapter ;) ) I will say, however, that I will expect consistantly good grades from them and that we will pay for four years of tuition and room and board. I refuse to foot the bill for the 6 year plan.

I never discussed my financial situation with my friends in college or even now. I know that some people got the impression that I was rich because I went to a private school for highschool, but that wasn't the case. Education was a priority to my mother so she sacrificed things for herself to pay my tuition as well as my sisters. She was as generous as she could be. I had a job on campus for a while, some student loans, a scholarship, a grant, and my mother paid the rest.

My job freshman year was in the financial aid office answering the phones and filing applications. I would get phone calls from students saying they "needed" financial aid so they could pay their $500 phone or credit card bills. They would cry to me that their parents wouldn't pay their bills. I had to tell them that financial aid wasn't for that and would forward their call to the job locator office. They would get more upset because they had never held a job. It was kind of funny, but also kind of sad. It must have been a rude awakening for them. Also you could tell when the financial aid checks would come in because students would be sporting expensive new outfits. One girl I worked with thought it was ridiculous that we were working so hard for a quarter more than minimum wage and the students with loans wore outfits that cost more than we earned in a semester. I tried not to judge, but it was frustrating. I guess working there built character. It certainly decreased my loan burden.

I wish my parents would have been able to afford to put me through school but that definitely was not the case.

I worked and paid my way through college all by myself...with the exception of one semester of financial aid. I knew in high school that I was going to have to pay for college so I got a job at the end of 10th grade. For the first two years that I worked I only spent $40 out of each paycheck and the rest sat in my checking account until I graduated from high school.

The only thing that my parents provided me with was a room over my head and food to put in my mouth. I paid my share of the bills, used my own money for extracurricular activities, bought a brand new car by myself my first semester of college and paid for the insurance all by myself.

I could never qualify for anything because my biological father made more money than my parents (my mom and stepfather) did combined.

I'm glad that I went through everything that I did. It taught me to be very independent and responsible at a very young age and it makes me proud that I achieved something on my own without any help.

Slightly off the subject...
One of the things that annoys me the most is when children EXPECT their parents to pay for everything. For example, when kids turn 16 they feel that their parents are supposed to by them a car. My opinion is that if you don't have a job then you don't need a vehicle and you can ride the bus to school.

Yeah, my mom's friends and co-workers have made comments to her that she spoils my sister and me. I'm like, wow, if they think I'm spoiled, then they should see what some of my friends' parents buy them. I'm not spoiled, I worked all throughout college, not because I needed to, but because I wanted to make money for myself. I just can't wait for the day when I can repay my parents and spoil them.

Re: Uggh
 

This is just kind of a rant thread lol . .. You hate people that complain that others have it easier than them. They hate you for having it easier.

I see no moral superiority in either position.

But I will say that considering common standards of human behavior I am surprised that many of you are moved quicker to annoyance, anger, and a certain superior condescension towards those less fortunate, rather than understanding or a degree of sympathy.

Hypochondria aside I have excellent health and tend to feel sympathy for those less fortunate and understanding when some may feel exasperated at my good fortune.

But thats just me.

I will pay for my children to attend expensive schools if the schools are worth it and they go into something I approve.

Oh and people working for a grand to spend on your useless expenditures like condoms, beer, and haircuts does not all of a sudden mean that you worked really hard throughout school. So while others shouldn't make comments about you being spoiled, don't think for one second that you somehow turned back any potential argument they might have with some stupid logic like that.

-Rudey
--If my kid wanted to get an art history degree from vassar or Some dumb st. U he can pay for that on his own.

Geez, Rudey, it sounds like you've been talking with Mr. KillarneyRose! He feels exactly the same way you do. Thinks our girls should get engineering degrees like he did because they are "useful". I remind him that 1) he is not currently using his engineering degree and 2) I highly doubt that any child with my genes COULD major in engineering.

You sound disturbingly like my daddy right now.

LOL. I'm so glad my parents don't care what I major in, as long as its what I want to do!!! When I have kids, I plan that my husband and I will start a college fund with money in it as to pay for their tuition, their rent, cell phone, and money for food....most likely only as long as their GPA doesn't stay below a 2.0!! I also plan on paying any of their medical bills, doctors visits, and prescriptions. That's what my parents have done for me!!!

I just wanted to say that in no way am I hating on those who were taking care of by their parents during their college years. Y'all were lucky and very fortunate, and if my mom wanted to, she would have done the same thing.

I went to a very prestigious all girls' Catholic school, and I think that's part of the reason why my mother decided to cut me off the way she did. My full year's tuition at Sacred Hearts Academy was FIVE TIMES LESS than what I had to pay at UHM. My mom wanted to make sure that I at least got my foot in the door, and getting that Academy's education was one of the best things she's ever done for me.

In college I came across a LOT of people who were being taken care of by their parents. Unfortunately, these people were the same ones who never went to class and eventually flunked out of school. At the same time, I knew of even more people who were working multiple jobs just to pay for tuition, books, and just to get by.

In my chapter, some of my sisters were VERY spoiled. And this is what I had a problem with. They acted like it, and looked down on those who weren't treated the same way.

Isht, my mom was an immigrant. She didn't know what the heck sororities were until I pledged, and even then, she was pissed that I was spending my hard earned money on AGD. It took her a while, but she got over it.

I like the fact that I know how it feels like to work multiple jobs. I like the feeling of knowing that I can take care of myself without the help of mommy. But that's just me, and I hope my future children can one day know the same feeling of hard work and responsibility.

My parents did give me their old car when I turned 16. And I got a "newer" used car when I graduated high school. However, I was expected to pay my insurance and gas. (Basically, I had a job from the moment I was allowed to work.) At an early age, I learned that there are some things you must work for in life if you really want them.

I am in favor of saving money for your child to attend college. This means tution and room/board. I received scholarships for my education and my parent's paid the rest. Our deal was, if I lost any scholarship, I had to pay that amount of money for the semester. Also, they would pay for only 4 years of college. Any additional years, I would have to pay myself. This kept me motivated to take as many classes as possible and to get the best grades possible so I wouldn't be footing any huge bill. I lived oncampus for one year and decided I wanted to move into an apartment that was nearby. My parents paid for one year, and told me if I wanted to continue to live in the apartment, I would have to pay my own rent. So that's what I did. I got a job as a waitress, starting making pretty good money, and set myself financially independent from my parents. In 2002, I graduated from college (in 4 years), bought myself a brand new car, and got a well paying job in my field.

What ticks me off the most are parents that pay for their children's SHOPPING HABITS! No offense to people whose parents do so, but really, it's ridiculous. If mommy and daddy paid my credit card bill monthy, I would be buying all the designer brands too. There is a certain age where parents must stop paying for your clothing, etc. For instance, my friend is 27 and her parents just stopped paying for her weekly shopping sprees. (She got married, so they finally cut the apron strings.) I think that is insane. Her and her husband don't make a lot of money, but she's still shopping her usually habits. They're going to be in debt forever unless she realizes her ways. And that's what I think parents need to teach their children. Money doesn't grow on trees and you have to manage it wisely. Yes, it's nice to be spoiled sometimes, but as you approach adulthood, you SHOULD want to do things on your own, without the help of your parents.

I feel the same way and Rudey has a very good point.

I'll pay for my children to go to school as long as they are pursuing a degree that they will actually use. I don't want to feel like I'm throwing my money away.

I also agree with the second point. Just because you work in college doesn't mean you aren't spoiled. Some people work a few hours here and there in college to buy beer and sheit like that - the things your parents wouldn't buy you ;)

I have "adult" friends who have graduated college and work full-time but still pretty much live off of their parents (parents pay their rent, car payment and other stuff like that).

Brush your shoulders off.

Granted I don't want the little its, but if I ever end up with them, I think I'm suscribing to the Blaine/Rudey school of thought. The first couple years of school I bitched and moaned about having to double major because I just wanted to do PoliSci - and now I am SO GLAD I have something else that's marketable.

I want to pay for my kids education. I don't care what they take as long as they enjoy it. I don't like it when parents tell their kids they have to study engineering or business or science or computers because those are the only "useful" degrees. If my kid wants to study art history then go for it. Hell, they might end up using their degree. They maybe be an art teacher or a curator of a museum.

They way I see it, is University is not for job training (although many universities now are starting prgrams that do teach skills, like Guelph's Hotel and Food Administration program), but it should teach the child some discipline and responisbility. If you want to find a job, go to community college...you'll learn a skill there...hell that's where I'm going in september because my B.A didn't teach me anything that is useful in the working world.

Hah he's a good man. I don't mind paying for my son to major in History/English/Philosophy/Poli Sci if I know he's going the professional route afterwards (banking/law/medicine/whatever). Seriously if you want to draw pictures of building all day, talk about Kant, read up on the civil war - well you can do that on the side.

-Rudey
--This might not be true if I have a daughter; she'd get married off and won't carry the family name.

I was lucky enough to have the parental unit pay for my education. I think most Asian parents pay for their kids' education.

My bf's parents (caucasian) paid for his private school, undergrad, and part of his law school education. You don't want to know what he estimated his parents paid for all of that. He's very thankful and it's not like he's spoiled in a total sense. He's worked since he was 13 years old. He's learned the value of money. (he saved it, not spent it on booze, etc). The bf also subscribes to Rudey's thoughts about a kid's education.

This thread has been getting me more and more p*ssed off.

If I decide I want to pay for my kids college and don't want them to have to work -- it's nobody's freaking business but my family's.

For all you know, they wore rags to high school and walked four miles back and forth in knee deep snow -- uphill both ways because we were saving the money for college.

Let's get off the high horse about being spoiled. Some are and some aren't. Once again, it's none of your business.

Can you tell I'm having a very stressful day?

LOL I don't see anyone saying anything about how people shouldn't be paying for their children's education...I just see people in this thread talking about how they feel others think they're spoiled and exposing some sensitive skin.

-Rudey
--Relax old man before you pop an aorta.

DeltAlum, calm down! :)

If you raised your kids well, even if they were spoiled, they wouldn't be acting like the brats some of us (such as my earlier post) have talked about. So no one's ripping on you or other parents who can afford to do so much financially for their children. It's the children who have to act like schmucks about it that end up p!ssing off people.

If today doesn't get better, that could be a concern.

Seriously, what ticks me off is a fair amount of subtle and not so subtle "holier than thou" attitudes from those who are not as fortunate as those who are getting more from their parents.

(Most of that was earlier in the thread, I guess)

Have a nice day!

Butt sex

-Rudey
--Perfect remedy.

Is this a fixation?

Butt sex.

-Rudey
--Yes

woo woo.

It's not so much what you have, but how you behave.

I don't want to listen to people bitch and moan all day long about how bad they have...even if they do have it pretty bad because there is always someone who has it worse.

And then there are the people who have everything and take it all for granted and then bitch and moan when their friends can't go out and party with them ebcause they don't have the money or they have to go to work.

It's all in the way a person acts.

You win the thread.

I have a problem with the vasty majority of posts in this thread. To tell you the truth, many of you sound extremely narrow-minded. Yes, maybe YOU are able to handle school, work, etc. and graduate in four years. But what happens if you happen to have quite a few medical problems and there's no way that you can graduate in four years.....and what if you have a learning disability that makes it difficult for you to have a job and school at the same time??
Sometimes its NOT as cut and dry as most of you seem to think it is. Sometimes, there are things that complicate the situation!

AND

Yes, I appreciate that my college fund pays for books, school, food, rent, cell phone bill, sorority....and I appreciate even more the fact that my parents realize that its going to take me more than four years to graduate, and they are still helping support me, even though I'm not in school right now!

Hi Damasa,

My rants weren't aimed at anyone in particular, but a lot of people in general. I didn't go back to look -- maybe my post followed one of yours -- but were not in response to any particular post.

My apologies. I thought it was in reference to my post.

Just because person A's parents pays for his bills (tuition, books, rent, utilities, etc.) does not necessarily mean someone is spoiled. Nor does it mean that person B is poor because his parents aren't paying for his bills. I agree with whoever said it is all in the way the person acts.

My parents paid for all of my major bills, such as tuition, books, car insurance, etc., for which I am grateful. Just because I had all of this paid for doesn't make me any more or any less of a person nor does it make me spoiled. It just makes me fortunate to have parents that are willing and able to do this for me. That's all it really amounts to when you break it all down. You never know what someone's situation is, be it the parents' aren't able to pay for those bills or are just teaching the student some responsibility. Who knows? We are not here to judge each other. We are just all fortunate to have the brains to be in college or to be college graduates. Those that are paying for college themselves, please be thankful for learning the responsibility of money and time management early on in life whereas those of us that our parents paid for everything may or may not learn in college.

Re: Uggh
 

Since my parents paid my tuition there is nothing wrong with it. They also should have bought me a Porche, a beer meister, drugs and hookers. They obviously didn't understand how tough it was to be a college student.



How do your friends know about your finances to begin with? You told them and created the problem.

And I thought I was the only one picking up on that.

If it makes you feel any better, if I could I'd buy you a beer (while I'm having three).
Hope the day gets better for you.

Re: Re: Uggh
 

Yep. Don't bring it up and if someone else does just tell them that it's none of their business.........

My parents paid for most of my college as well, they never wanted me to worry about it. But, they could. They both worked so that they could put me through school. My mother went back to work after I graduated from HS and they used to joke that she was working to pay my tuition. They weren't even all that happy when I wanted to have a job my senior year so I could go to Europe after I graduated.

However, they once got asked why they didn't buy me a car when I turned 16 (I'm an only child). My mother's response was "because everyone expected us to".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by DeltAlum
If today doesn't get better, that could be a concern.

Seriously, what ticks me off is a fair amount of subtle and not so subtle "holier than thou" attitudes from those who are not as fortunate as those who are getting more from their parents.

(Most of that was earlier in the thread, I guess)

Have a nice day!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------







Is that any worse than the kid crying poor and telling everyone how tough life is even though her tuition, books, car, food, Kate Spade handbags paid for by her parents while the roommates are working to jobs just to pay tuition?