My sisters elementary school used to call my mother Mrs. Dad Lastname in correspondence... until she went in one day and chewed them out for it. Now all correspondence comes address to Mr. Dad Lastname and Mrs. Mom Lastname.

But I agree... respecting people's wishes is most important. I always attempt to call people what they prefer (though, lately, if I call anyone by an honourific I'm just told to call them by their first name - professors included)

So depressing the first time I heard it at the grocery store!

MysticCat81-where I'm from it's just plain good manners for a child to call any adult (including parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) "ma'am" or "sir."
EXACTLY-Part of the Southern "charm".

My daughter's and son's friends call me Miss________, others that I don't know as well call me Mrs_________. I don't care WHAT they use because if they feel comfortable talking with me, THAT'S the JOY!

People used to call my house asking for Mrs. Dad's name GeekyPenguin. I'd always be cheeky and say "I'm sorry, are you looking for MISTER Dad GeekyPenguin?"

Unless my future man has some sort of fabulous last name that will open millions of doors for me, he can keep his and I'll keep mine.

I'm still uncertain whether or not I'll take my future husband's last name... but I agree with my mom when she said "When I agreed to take his lastname I did NOT agree to take his first name!"

Why is it that so many modern women who DO change their names to their husband's refuse to be Mrs. Hubbyfirst Hubbylast? Before the days of "Ms", this was used only for DIVORCEES! I think taking the husband's first name is part of it if you take on his last. It's not that you're legally losing your first name. You're still going to be Yourname Hubbyslast on documents. Otherwise, social invites can always be Mr Firstname and Mrs. Firstname Lastname. Maybe I'm really old fashioned, but I'd be slightly insulted if I received a formal invite that was addressed to Mrs. Cynthia Hubbyslastname (if I were married).

On another note, young boys are tradititionally addressed as "Master", though it's kind of "fuzzy" as to when he becomes a "Mr". Some say 12-13, others say 16 and yet others say 18.

Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell got angry at her SIL for not taking her husband's last name (Dr. Blackwell's brother). She said something along the lines of that she didn't understand why a woman wouldn't take the name of the man she had chosen (husband) instead of keeping the name of the man she had not (father).

As I understand it, "Mrs." means "wife of" - so you're right, the "correct" usage would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" - John Smith and his wife.

But I have an identity beyond being my husband's wife. I am a professional with my own career. I have my own social circle. I have my own interests and hobbies. I love my husband dearly, but I am more than simply his wife. I chose to take his last name because I love him, because it's distinctive, and because I'm not fond of my maiden name... but I took his last name, not his first.

I don't get my knickers in a twist if, say, a wedding invitation comes addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast, but I insist that on any mailing lists I'm on, I'm Ms. Myfirst Hislast, or if it's something addressed to both of us, it's Hisfirst and Myfirst Hislast.

I don't know what I would have done if I'd lived in the days before Ms. was in widespread usage. :p

I personally prefer "Ms." for my own usage. If I ever get married--and that's a big IF--I just can't see myself as being Mrs. twhrider13's husband's name.

Besides, I've had all kinds of difficulties with my name my entire life! My name is Miranda Leigh, but no one, not even my parents actually call me that. I've always been Randi. Teachers, for some reason, can't grasp the fact that my name is not Miranda, and cashiers at the grocery store can't figure out that "Randi" on my checks is short for "Miranda" on my drivers' license. I've even been called Mr. twhrider13 before by people who couldn't figure out that "Randi" is a feminine spelling. I even spelled my own last name wrong when I signed my learner's permit when I was 15. So with all those name problems, if I ever changed my title and/or last name, I could never get it right anyway! I'll just have to stick to what works.

I'd also like to point out as a side note that here in the "hills of Alabama," Miss, Ms., and Mrs. are all pronounced the same way--"Mizzzzzzz," so no one can actually hear the difference anyway! :)

...Which is probably why the women's movement went to Ms. in the first place - in many areas, it's hard to differentiate the pronounciation!

When I was still planning on becoming an elementary teacher, I didn't want my students to be confused by my last name, because I do get kinda upset when people call me by just one of my last names (I'm a hyphenated lastname right now and probably will be when I get married, as well, but that's another story in itself). I asked my kids in the first class I was in (kindergartners) to call me Miss Jennie, which I have absolutely no problem with. My first graders and third graders both called me Miss Lastname, which was okay, but I could see that as they were older and had more experience with calling teachers by their full names (even though mine was still a mouthful for them!)

Personally, I prefer being called Miss, because I too do not like to be called "Miz (Ms)" Lastname, and on formal things (like invitations and Christmas cards[!]) I will use Miss for people around my age who aren't married, Ms for those who are divorced/widowed or an older unmarried woman, and Mr. & Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname for married couples. Otherwise, if I'm writing a friend, I usually just use the friend's first name and last name. Ma'am makes me feel old, and while I'm in my lower-midtwenties, I don't think I'm of the age where I need to be ma'amed, even though I do understand it's a term of respect. I'd rather be called Miss A-D or something to that effect by people I don't know and either Miss Jennie or just Jennie by those I'm friends with and their children.

Careful when refering to a widow as 'Ms'. Many widows continue to use Mrs Hislastname for years after being widow 'in tribute' to their husband. At least in my experience.

In fact, I know of a woman who was widowed at a very young age and then remarried years later who then went by Mrs. FirstHusbandLastName-SecondHusbandLastName.