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Um why not do just a champagne toast? Serve a couple types of punch and maybe sodas in cute antiquey bottles (I saw that @ a wedding once. Very cute!). And then of course coffee and tea. This a)keeps the cost down and b) keeps people from getting tanked. I played at a wedding where 75% of the guests were sh*tfaced by the end of the first hour of the reception. They would come over and talk to me while I was playing. No, not talk. Slur and spit would be a better term. It was disgusting. Champagne is classy, and even if you had something sorta pricey at least the bottles will serve 4 or 5 people. (just an fyi: Spanish champagne has gotten trendy in the last couple years. It's not too bad and it's waaaaay cheaper than other countries' champagnes.) I've been to so many different styles of weddings, and I really favor the simpler ones. I want to feel happy and comfy not miserable and stiff. Barefoot wedding on the beach would be awesome :cool:
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The $330 wedding people: I hope that they got some envelopes with Monopoly money in it and tried to spend it. Stupid tacky ass @#$%ers.
Cash bar and tackiness of: Anytime I've been to a cash bar, it's usually for just exotic things like the girly fruity mixed drinks - beer, wine and basic alcohols (yummy, Popov vodka) are free to the guests. Really, it all depends on the economic class of the people at the wedding. If most of the people there are on the poor side, they won't begrudge you about it. Gifts vs money: Someone said that the shower is for gifts. Where I grew up, the shower is for family and intimate friends ONLY - not everyone you are inviting to your wedding. (Some showers are getting as big as the weddings though, which is tacky in itself) It used to be that the gifts were sent to the bride's home, which of course was her parents' home where she was still living. Of course that is not the case all the time anymore, which is why people bring presents to the wedding. It's not a big deal, you load 'em in the car and dump them at the rents' house and open them the next day or when you get back from the honeymoon. We used to have opening the presents at the wedding, but that is long gone. I would rather get a registry card and know what they want then have no clue. I get bored giving money. |
I'm all for an open bar; it's just plain tacky to invite someone to a function and then expect them to pay for their own drinks. HOWEVER...it is just as tacky for a guest to get plastered on the bride and groom's dime.
Shortly after my own wedding, my DH and I attended the wedding of a close friend. It was a very elegant affair with an open bar. The emcee announced that the bar would be closed during dinner, so about 5 of the groom's shipmates "stocked up". I'm talking several pitchers of beer and a couple fifths of liquor! I thought that was incredibly rude and they made pigs out of themselves. |
asking guests and family to contribute $330 to attend... something tells me this marriage won't last.
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haha this was so funny....i read this aloud to my mom this morning and we both agreed how awful it was! what a psycho bride! and i just love discussing these types of things here on GC...
does anyone else religiously scour the sunday weddings looking for tacky or amazingly fabulous weddings? my mom and i do this every sunday....it's the highlight of the papers! |
Re: Just a question
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An open bar can be figured in countless ways - it all depends on who is providing the alcohol, bartenders, servers, etc. One thing that I find in about 99.9% of my weddings is that regardless of said prior things, there is probably going to be a corkage fee -- this is an added fee, usually anywhere from 10-20% per bottle of alcohol (but sometimes can be up to 50%!!) -- this can be charged from the caterer, the facility location, or BOTH! This is where it PAYS (literally) to read your contracts carefully. When a facility offers a "preferred caterer" list, then that probably means that you will only be paying once -- but double check! A common scenario regarding the cost of a bar is this -- the facility requires you to purchase all alcohol from them. In exchange they give you the quote/unquote "discount" pricing -- but check the contract because they probably will make up for that (and more) with the corkage fee -- you don't want to be serving $20 a bottle wine (that would have cost you $24 if you bought it yourself) and paying $11 per corkage (per bottle)! They will also require you to have a licensed bartender (ie, not your brother Joe who used to be a waiter) to serve X number of people. So if you have more than say 60 people, then you will have to have 2 bartenders, etc. The facility in this case would most likely use bartenders on staff (how convenient for them) and you would probably pay around $40 per bartender per hour BEFORE you add in all the other expenses, including their tip (usually added in according to the total expense of the alcohol which is tallied up afterwards -- ie, you have NO clue what they will be getting!) Caterers can be just as costly, however, they will work discounts in based on the number of services they provide (catering, cake cutting, alcohol, etc.) Just read your contract for the fine print and ASK about any misleading info that you are having trouble with. Hope this helps some! |
For my wedding, most of the catering packages have an added fee for the type of bar you want.
Yes, weddings are expensive. But its possible to do a very grand affair for less than $10K. Which, in the grand wedding scheme, isn't all that much. A cash bar is a HUGE no-no down here. FI's parents got an invitation to a wedding (printed on paper quad-folded, like a kiddie birthday party) that included slips for where they were registered...and the wedding was BYOB. How tacky! Nothing says "wedding" than a bottle of liquor in one hand and an "asked for" present in the other. My mom is making sure that my wedding is painfully proper and by the book. Right down to the receiving line. ETA: None of the places I've looked at have done the "corkage" bit. It's just been a per head charge for the bar. But for a premium bar, that end up being $30/head PLUS the catering. |
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It took me a minute to realize what a cash bar is--because I've never been to a SINGLE event (charity ball, wedding, bar mitzvah) that has had one. There is simply no question about it. On the other hand, we WILL not subsidize the drunkeness of certain family members--something which is a problem. Money is not an issue here, but we will have a champagne toast, and that is it. Neither of us are big drinkers so if you cannot enjoy our wedding without being drunk, then don't come. The costliest weddings tend to be the tackiest--and tend to commence the shortest marriages. So there. :p |
lol, aurora...preach on with yo' bad self! :D
yeah, this is def the TACKIEST thing i have ever, ever read in my life.....and the amount!!!! holy GAWD....$330??? are you KIDDING me? crack addicts, must be.....spending their cash flow on drugs instead of the wedding. or they must live in the deepest, darkest, full of pink flamingos double wide on the planet.....honestly. put them kegs in the back of the pick-up, roy, and you can come, too....we'll even waiver your fee if you pour the drinks.....buh! i mean, telling ppl where you are registered is one thing......i like to see the list of things they need (not necessarily likin it if they put some $500 picture frame on the list, but if ya need a friggin toaster, i'm on it).....but requesting DONATIONS to pay for the wedding is OBSCENE! forget sending monopoly money....collect call their asses to say, "just needed the donation to call you since i can't afford the phone bill or stamps to tell you HELL NO!" |
Re: Re: About alcohol at the reception...
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Ok then-I'm getting married in September. When I started planning my reception, I looked at rather expensive places-I'm getting married in Dallas-and for you Dallas people, you know the Petroleum Club, and Brookhollow Country Club?? Ok then-I came back to reality, and decided that I didn't want to bankrupt my parents, myself,my fiance, or his parents!! You can have your dream wedding anywhere!! All that matters is that you and your fiance get married, right?? Isn't that the point of the day?? If you can't afford the Ritz-Carlton, look elsewhere!! Get creative!! Don't get in debt, and dear god in heaven-don't solicit for your wedding!! I am absolutely shocked AND apphalled. Some people have NO class. |
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Of course not being prepared for such a response I laughed and said "Oh no you don't - I was prepared for you to be freaking out, and you WILL start freaking out now by gosh!" She was just so sweet and even her family (both parents divorced and remarried) was great with each other. I wish I could have videotaped all of that and shown it to all my future couples - they made it the magical day that it should have been because they knew in the end what was really important! |
Totally Tacky & Cheesy. :eek:
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SSS1365, perhaps just opening the bar late, like after dinner when people have food in them, and closing it a few hours before the end of the reception would be a better solution.
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:D :o :p |
Recent tacky events in my wedding planning life...
Incident #1: I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago. As the guests made their way to the reception hall, the wedding party got their pictures taken (fine). They decided to drive around in the limo a bit after and indulge in the champagne (fine). There was an open bar at the reception hall with the guests (uh oh). The bridal party thinks that they have the limo for an extra hour, picks up three cases of beer and continues to ride around and drink (oh man). Everyone at the reception hall is sloshed while waiting 3 hours for the wedding party (things are getting wacky at this point). The wedding party walks in and doesn't know their name. (BAD!) The rest of the wedding is handled not as a wedding, but a drunken college bash. (NO!)
Yes, the bride and the groom are young, as were 80% of the guests. Yes, we want to drink, but this was just unacceptable in my book!! To keep people waiting an hour an a half because you want to drink is just unthoughtful, wrong, and tacky. Why did I bother to get them a nice gift if a case of beer would have sufficed? :rolleyes: Incident #2: Mr. Mox and I were trying to decide what to do for the bar situation at our wedding. My dad offered to pay for all of the liquor and said, "Champagne for the wedding party. Beer and whatever kind of liquor you want for the guests. I'll get a friend of mine to bartend." Cool. We decided on vodka (something clear), whiskey (something dark), and peach schnapps (something sweet), plus all of the soda/juice mixers. When we told Mr. Mox's mother, she said, "You aren't having rum? gin? etc...?" We explained to her that we thought what were having was not only enough, but a good selection and what my dad could afford. She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Well, this is just going to be a country, hickish wedding." ?!?!?!? :eek: EXCUSE ME?????? I calmly reiterated that this is what we wanted and could afford. If she or other guests want a bigger variety of liquors, they are more than welcome to go to a bar after the reception. THE NERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Re: I need my smelling salts....
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Hahaha, sorry but apparently my dad was hung over for his wedding...so my mum says. His grooms men took him out night the night before and got him plastered. The wedding is just a big party, if you really want to be married and can't afford a huge part, just go down to city hall. Either way (party no party) you're still married. My parents got married in a church (it's no longer there though) and they just invited close family and friends. It was a very small wedding. They actually just got a large hotle suite and had a very small reception in there with finger foods and cake. The only problem with that was my parents were also staying in the suite (they didn't have a honeymoon) and some of my dad's friends got too drunk and passed out in their honeymoony suite. [If all you want is a party just thorw a big part and have everyone come in formal attire, it'll save everyone a lot of grief when you end up in divorce...and if you want presents, make it a birthday party. My cousin got married and I was in the bridal party. Her parents are very wealthy and so they ended paying for evrything. Her step-mum did all the wedding planning...yet my cousin was an uberbridezilla throughout the whole thing (even though she did nothing but try on wedding gowns and have parties) The ceremony was outside at their country club and the reception inside at the club. All through the cocktail hour she was smoking in the ladies powder room with her bridesmaids while her new husband was getting wasted with his groomsmen. They finally sat together at dinner, but never once spoke to each other. Then after dinner they did the same thing. Smoking in ladies room and getting plastered outside. All the wedding guests were commenting that they were never together. The marriage lasted 6 months. Her parents spent all that money basically for a grandious party. If you're going to get married, make sure it with the right person. Wow, long post. Ok, one more question. Wedding showers? I have never been to one. I have been to bridal showers. But those are for the bride, and her guests are usually the bridal party and close female friends and family. Gifts are generally given to just the bride and are not meant for the couple. Is there a difference between and wedding shower and a bridal shower? |
My cousin's parents spent $40,000 on an elegant wedding at their country club in September only for the couple to split in April. This was in 1990. That could have been a down payment on a house or college tuition. :eek: The parents were not happy. :rolleyes:
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Gee, maybe they should have spent $30,000 on therapy, the other $10,000 on the wedding! I'm a BIG fan of marriage, not a big fan of weddings! |
Re: Re: I need my smelling salts....
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But I can't really see men getting excited about a shower...I don't think that eating finger sandwiches and opening toasters is their thing :p |
Re: I need my smelling salts....
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While I agree that what these people are asking is incredibly wrong, be careful before you assume everyone is from the South and knows "hospitality and manners". There are some traditions from other places in the U.S. as well as other countries that you may think is hick, classless, etc. but it's the way they do things. But that lousy bride asking for 300 bucks is definitely classless. |
This sounds like the "dollar dance", which I see as, essentially, pimping yourself out!! FOR A DOLLAR!
I have seen women with these silk purses and male friends/relatives pay the bride for a dance.... Pardon me for getting a bit rowdy, BUT AIN'T NOBODY COPPIN' A FEEL ON MY WEDDING DAY FOR A MEASLY 8 BITS!!! I'm worth at least $20:D |
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No I heard you. I'm just that friend that doesn't hear what was said and people just stare and wonder "Did she hear what we said?"
Also, my friends and I had a LONG standing debate about it... Oh, and it's all about semantics and the times we live in. People in Queens DID pay a buck to dance with my aunt at her wedding back in the 70's! |
Re: Re: I need my smelling salts....
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ETA: I will not have a "dollar dance" at my wedding. My mother would not allow it, it is not my family's custom, and no one's pinning ANYTHING on my dress. :D Dances with me are free. |
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Regarding Dollar Dances
The first time I went to a wedding with a Bride/Groom Dollar Dance, I thought it was kinda dumb. I still think it's silly but, hey, it's the couple's day...whatever floats their boat.
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I am absolutely, positively not having a money dance at my wedding. I don't care if its tradition anywhere else. FI is an electrical engineer, I'll be 2/3 of the way to being an attorney. We don't need the money. Even if we were both destitute, I wouldn't do it. Giving money just shouldn't be that overt.
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I never knew that money dances were tacky until I started reading these bridal books. Every single wedding I have been to has had one. Mr. Mox and I will have one. I don't care of people give me $$ or not. I just want to dance with everyone after they have taken a shot. :p
SSS 1365: Yeah, girl, I'm going to be attending pre-cana too. Catholic Bootcamp, here we come! ;) |
Okay - AXOAlum (resident WC) stepping in to keep the feuding down!
Let's all take a minute to remember that traditions, especially RELIGIOUS ones, are very personal. They change from person-to-person, region-to-region, religion-to-religion, etc. If the "money" dance is a tradition and you both (ie, bride & groom) want to do it, then fine -- it is a tradition for your family. However, I would NOT expect people to be handing over Lincoln's to get a dance. I have heard of a buck, and maybe more (especially from Uncle Louie who wants to hand-over more money than Aunt Lucy!) but it isn't to be expected. Of course, no bride in her right mind should decline a dance with someone who doesn't "pay-up" -- this is a prime example of class and grace vs. tacky and rude. As for the comment made about the Good Old South -- if that is in reference to me, I want to clarify. I simply stated that those of us IN the South (as in true Southerners) have our own ways and style of doing things -- just as people up North do, and those out West, etc. I was not saying "We are the South and we are supreme in weddings" -- but I think that everyone can recognize that the South is famous (infamous) for its gentility and mannerisms when throwing such an event. As with everything in a wedding (regardless of the jokes), the B&G must work together to incorporate (or ditch) any traditions that they want (or don't want). We have all been to beautiful weddings and we have all been (most likely) to a wedding that incorporated at least a small amount of total tackiness (such as the one I went to that the bridesmaids carried a bush of fake flowers -- not decorated, no...the plastic stem and all was hanging out -- fresh out of the Wal-Mart plastic floral dept!) |
Re: Re: Re: About alcohol at the reception...
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If you hate champagne, fine - use Sprite for yourself and do a champagne toast for everyone else. Yes, it would be tacky for you two to meander up to the bar and ask for dry martini's while everyone else had beer or wine. But - you could ask the bartendar to keep a couple of "special" glasses for you two behind the bar -- then if you wanted to sip on something special, you could, but no one would really notice it. Yes, the manager can reassure you all day that he and his staff will cut-off the ones who have had too much. But what happens when friends are going up and getting more to drink for those people? We all know that this happens (and more than some of us would like to admit, we have been guilty of receiving!) As for the open/cash bar -- here are my thoughts. First, would you make an announcement "Its 10pm and the open bar is closing - last call"? Because then you would get people lined up out the door for the last few glasses/bottles, even if they weren't really interested (you know how that is - sometimes you might be somewhere and they are giving out "free" stuff, and even though you don't really want or need it, because its "free" you have this desire to take it) -- this means more $$ for your family, and more potential for the over-indulgers to have one last shot at it. On the other hand, if you don't make an announcement, and a guest goes up to the bar to refresh his whiskey sour, and the bartender says "that'll be $6.50 please" then the guest will be like "huh?" After that word will get around that the bar is now cash, and you will have people that leave or become upset/angry. Then you get those people who will come track you down and bluntly ask if you can go talk to the bartender and get him another drink (yes, folks, I've seen it happen and it ain't pretty!) -- now granted, people who get mad about alcohol should get a life anyway. But once you've "fed" them a few, and then charge them, they are going to feel slighted. This could be a very big potential for a lot of resentment from your guests. I can understand how they feel though. The only situation where I would find this to be a compromise is if it is held in a large facility - like a hotel ballroom - and that you close the bar at a certain hour (10pm say) -- for those who are still interested in drinking, however, there is a bar inside the hotel - all they have to do is leave the ballroom and go down the hall to find it. This type of setting is ideal if you are interested in setting a limit. This is why beer and wine menus are becoming so much more common! And if you have beer served, I would suggest that it be POURED only (ie, no bottles/cans floating around). Even at the most formal of events, all it takes is one can of Bud to ruin it! ;) And finally, whatever you choose to serve, make sure your caterer, or those in charge of glassware bring the APPROPRIATE holders for the drinks - you don't want people drinking beer out of wine glasses, or wine out of hi-ball glasses, etc. |
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Speaking of traditions...there is a Canadian trdaition (or at least from what I can tell it's Canadian) that if the guests at the weddinging clink their glasses with their cutlery then the bride and groom have to kiss. My dad was the MC at my cousins wedding (the one from Va Beach and whose marriage lasted 6 months) and he was talking about this with the groom, and he had never heard of this. My dad brought it up at her wedding and it was done...once. It was very tasteful. The problem with that tradition is that it can get out of hand. People do it every 5 minutes and it gets irritating. My friend who is planning her wedding right now said she'd do it, but only once or twice. After that she said people who tapped their glasses were getting a beat down, lol. I think wedding traditions are very interesting, even if I personally find some a little odd or outrageous...who am I to judge. But there definitly is a difference between tradition, and greed. |
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i can only afford $200, someone print them out and send it with my regards :D
http://www.prankplace.com/images/bil...0BushFront.jpg http://www.prankplace.com/images/bil...00Bushback.jpg |
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Of course that won't stop obnoxious single TKEs from clinking. :mad: |
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