K, this statement is kind of problematic. I think you have confused being needy with something more healthy.

NEEDINESS is a turn-off. NEEDING someone is not. You can let someone know that they are needed without being needy. lol, I know that sounds like semantics, but think about it.

CLINGINESS is simply a physical manifestation of neediness. Is it really so different? Whichever label you decide to put on it, it is essentially the same thing, just taking different forms.

I think the biggest proble for most of the posters on this thread is the attitude the put forth to everyone. As some other posters have alluded to, if you feel lonely and depressed, that is what you will exude to everyone. No one really wants to surround themselves with loneliness and depression.

If you realize that you can be a complete person without any outside validation, then you will come across as confident and self-assured, and that type of attitude is generally attractive.

I am also single by choice. I know that I could probably have my pick of most anyone if I really wanted (because I am cocky and arrogant like that :p ), but I also know that I am not going to settle. I have too much to offer to waste my time with people who aren't going to appreciate it.

To poeple who are lonely and depressed my suggestion would be to stop worry about outside validation, and start trying to get to know yourself, and all that you have to offer.

No, I see where you are coming from. It's a very weighted word...Needy and needs are twi similar, but different things...

I guess the point is to find your bliss. Do things that make you happy. Take classes, join the gym, go out and enjoy the world around you. Happy and secure people attract happy and secure people. :)

There's a thread about threesomes up.

-Rudey
--That could take away the lonliness and make for a really bizarre and interesting evening I suppose.

JUST WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!

RUDEY!!!!! ;)

There were a lot of posts so I only skim read. Anywho the same is true for guys as well. It's sorta weird to think that there are men and women going through the same problem yet they don't know each other.

Been there, done that, going thru that now. One of my reasons for going thru Alum Initiatiation and joining Beta Sigma Phi.

I got married a year and a half ago. Prior to that I moved 3000 miles away from my family and friends. Besides my now husband, I knew NO ONE! And it is hard for me to make friends :(

I would definitely recommend if your GLO has an alumni chapter, get busy with them there. Take classes, join a gym, do volunteer work...whatever.

One thing I did was get a pet...
Well the pet found me (an abandoned kitten)

Same goes for Men
 

What I wanna know is where are all the good women at??? Everyone one I meet that seems like the one turns out to be some totally different and just faking their personality to accomadate me. It seems like women are just totally not the same anymore. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I put women who respect themselves in a totally higher regard than anything else on this planet. It just seems like most women are concerned with being so in control and dominate now at days that they don't realize a good thing when it's staring them right in the face. NO BS, lies, or drama just pure honesty and integrity. Old fashioned values my friends one day it'll pay off.

You already know the problem. Just read your last post. You are lacking in game skills. You don't flirt. You don't open up. You never take a chance. That is the problem. You have to make some subtle changes and start flirting, opening up and taking chances. It's not that tough and you will get better at it with practice.

When a person flirts it makes that person much more attractive to the opposite sex.

So, why is that we are all so lonely, yet it seems like everyone is looking for someone? What is the missing ingredient? What are we overlooking?

I think that you might need to change your approach. Sometimes women go out thinking 'I won't meet anyone' or 'If I don't meet someone, it's a waste of time.' Instead go out with a goal, for example I am going to talk to three new people. It doesn't have to be a meaningful conversation, just something to get some practice talking to new people. Try to have a light friendly conversation. Maybe it will lead to something maybe it won't. After going out and talking to new people, you will feel comfortable. Be sincere, confident, and friendly. It will attract new people.

I agree. If nothing else, you may make a new friend. There's nothing bad about that.:)

I think I'll try this for the next few days! I'm going out tonight and tomorrow night. I'll see what happens to my self-confidence....

Re: Same goes for Men
 

More guys need to think like this!

Good luck!!! :D :cool: :)

Re: Same goes for Men
 

Amen, Deltasig:)

I so understand what everyone is talking about. I am 23 (going to be 24 in March) and I haven't been in a real relationship for like 4 years. I have had those guys that come and go but nothing real. I am graduating soon and I feel like if I don't meet someone now I never will. I know what my problem is, I am a very quiet person. I am so self conscious I don't even talk to people in my classes unless they talk to me first because I am afraid they won't want to talk to me. The only time I am outgoing is when I have had a little to drink and the bar isn't the greatest place to meet someone. I really don't know what to do.

Sorry I babbled on and on, thanks for listening. Good luck to everyone else going through a time like me. I guess we need to be patient and wait for someone to come to us.

To quote Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots that you never take".

Yeah, you might get burned.
Yeah, you might find that the person is not that attractive in real life.
Yeah, you might find that the chemistry is not terrific.
Yeah, the person might actually be married.

But, you just gotta try try try, baby!

Hey guys - not to solve complex problems and emotions with a simple statement, but it a rough time of year. The holidays are over, resolutions are forcing us to deal with aspects of our personality and lifestyle that we know we should want/need to change. And with the letdown after decorations are taken down and the parties end... well its depressing to begin with.

And its cold and disgusting in most of the nation this time of the year.

Just a thought to consider when it seems like maybe its too much... outside factors are contributing to your emotions.

Thats a wise observation. :)

us guys feel the same way
 

I understand what everyone is saying and how everyone feels because I at times feel that way as well. I've been in one serious relationship that ended with the ex cheating on me and lying to me for a couple of months; but its like some of my best friends have told me.... Patience is going to pay for us all; and happiness and love will find us all..

I totally feel your pain! Somewhere around 95% of my chapter is taken! It's crazy. Most of those who aren't taken are "semi-seeing someone" or have prospects. Me--- Single....very single. It used to bother me.... not so much anymore. Those of us who are single started our little singles club. I have actually started to like being single. It lets me focus more on my classes, work, family and sorority obligations. I figure my time will come.

When I was in high school, with a huge group of friends, around junior year, a few people got in serious relationships.

So me and my best friends started the SGC - Single Girls Club.

When we're (ahem) feeling lonely and depressed, we call a charter member meeting and get really dressed up, looking as fine as we can humanly get, and convene a meeting at some lonely hearts bar. Meetings nowadays usually involve a great deal of alcohol and a random group of guys.

Sometime I wish we were lonely and depressed more so we could have more SGC meetings.

this is the personal feelings forum its okay. I'm sure you'll find some one soon though, just smile a lot, and you'll be happier. also, some zoloft/welbutrion, etc might help

Thanks for everyone's responses. I don't want everyone to think i am a depressing person because i'm not. Really I'm not depressed at all. I just get lonely sometimes. But usually I go and hang out with some friends and I am ok. Actually I have a little good news....There is this guy that goes to the same bar as me and some of my friends. Well I have had a crush on him for a long time but I was scared to tell him. Well I got up enough courage last weekend and it turns out he is interested in me too. We are suposed to go out this weekend. I'm really excited...but not too much because I don't want to set myself up for getting let down. But we will see how it goes. Hope everyone has a good week.:D

For Valentines we are planning a HUGE dinner for all the singles we know. We are all going to get all dressed up and head out to Neighbors (a pretty neat italian restaurant). Power in numbers... especially on the worst day of the year to be single!

Did anyone else ever think that the best night to go out EVER as a single was Valentine's Day?!?! Everyone else is single - or they'd be with someone else. If you're out a looking for love on Valentine's Day - you're really single. I always feel when I'm going out on Valentine's Day, it is the one night a year where I'm pretty sure I don't have to ask if a guy has a girlfriend.

OMG!!! That's awesome. Never thought of it that way! lol

this IS awesome. I've been with someone for the past 6 or 7 years, lol and am happy to have a valentines day to be single. whew.

*bump* I started to start a thread titled "This is where we b$%^& about being single" but this seemed appropriate. :cool:

This is my sentiment and I thought I'm schpiel about it. I'm almost 23 and NOT in the market to be married. I don't even really want a serious relationship--it would only complicate my life right now. I decided I'm not looking for ANYBODY until I get my Master's because there's no way I'd want to stay in this area. As soon as graduation hits, I'm moving (if I had my preference) so there's no point in getting into anything long-term, I've already gotten through my first year. But I would like to date around in the meantime. At least go out with a guy every now and again for fun. However, I've always been the one to do the asking. I've always been the one to say "I like you" first. I want to know what it's like when the guy you like wants you to like him, wants you to go out with him. I don't get that. I'm not looking for a proposal (I've had that once, it really sucked) I just want to find a good man and have him tell me he likes me and wants to spend time with me. Too much to ask?

Seriously, I've given up on dates. I went out with I guy I've been crushing on for 6 months and told my friend "That wasn't a date; that was a go-see." ;) I just wanted to know if we were compatible and that kind of thing is strictly a go-see in my book (takes the pressure off). He turned out to be a total wuss. We went to a theme park and when I refused to get on his favorite ride (one that scares the CRAP out of me) he sulked about it for 12 HOURS. I'm a little sorry I asked him, but at least now I know. I'd like to do more of that but all the guys in grad school seem to be married, engaged, or serious. Plus, there are only about 5 of them in my program and that DOES NOT HELP. :mad:

I feel you on this. I'm 23 now, and it seems like everyone around me is married/engaged/seriously dating/with child. This has never seemed "right" to me. I've always been the one who wants to get my stuff together before I throw another person into the mix.

So in my eyes, your last statement is not too much to ask. That's what I want too :p

WOMP on the sulking. I hate seeing that when I'm out.

I am feeling you there. All of my friends are getting married, two of the guys I dated in high school have kids (3 and 1), and I keep getting asked at weddings why I don't have a ring or where my significant other is. I am almost 23 as well and have 3 more years of school and from what I have heard law school ends relationships, so why would I want to put forth too much effort into one?

Why is everyone getting married so young???

Ok, I'll admit, I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would get married at 23? At 23, marriage and kids was the last thing on my mind. It was also the last thing on the minds of my group of friends. To me, 23 seems so young (granted, I don't know these people so I really can't say and don't want to be judgmental about their reasons for getting married).

I'll be 29 when I get married (I just became engaged a few weeks ago) and sometimes that still seems young to me.

If you want to get married at 23 or 103, that's up to you. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, so don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

I got married just after turning 24 (my wife was 23, about to turn 24); we did it because we'd been living together for over two years, we loved each other, and the time was right.

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

You're right, age has nothing to do with it. I never said it did. My own personal opinion is that 23 is too young (but again, that's my own personal opinion), but if you're ready at 23 or 103 or 29, then that's your decision and you should go for it (and congrats if you already have!).

I agree that you should get married whenever you're ready. The sad thing is, the married/engaged people I know have ended up having huge problems that could have been prevented had they waited. I know being in a relationship is work, but the bad is compounded when you haven't figured out YOU yet.

I got married at 34 years old. And I eloped.

I waited many years--lonely and suffering because I dated some lusers mixed in there...

The reality, is I was NOT ready to dedicate my life to my significant other. When you get married, you have to do that every now and then. I just came off from having to do that and it was very painful for my husband. He supported me financially for nearly 7 months because I had to leave my hellish job. Believe me, without his support, what would I look like moving back in with my parents at nearly 40 years old! :eek: And I know SEVERAL people OLDER than me that have done that after crazy relationships with kids...

From your post-baccalaureate days to your mid/late-30's--PLEASE enjoy all that you are. If you are suppose to be a nuclear physicist making presentations to the UN, learn that and give yourself as much way to make your OWN way. So that when this economy--or your economy worsens, you've got your own "ticket" to succeed... Do not wait until your old, decrepit or too sick to make essential changes.

Good Luck!

EXACLTY. I think that there's nothing wrong with someone who is 23 or even 18 getting married if they truly have found their "one" that they want to marry, but how often does that happen? We are finally able to go/spend/study/move where we please. I can't imagine more than a handful of people who have just started to taste independence in the last 5 years being ready to give that up for someone else, yet about 60% of my class seems married or engaged and our av. age is 24. I'm very happy for those who are happy, but so sad for those who did it just to be able to have a wedding. I find that girls my age are often excited and prepared for a wedding, not a marriage.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm lonely and depressed; it's not quite that dire. I just want some male company. Someone to come over and watch a movie on the couch with, maybe call me sometime or go to Dave and Buster's with. SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! lol I'm not looking right now, but it's taking all of my self-control not to be.;)

Welp, personally, you are not old enough to be that leacherous, but basicallly are you asking us, the GC, should you pursue a "Fcuk Buddy"? Cuz that's what it sounds that's what you would like... LOL.

I mean, hey, be real. Nothing's wrong with that. The deal is for these kind of ADULT relationships, the person is NEVER there when you need him/her. And they hardly are "satisfying".

Now, if you just want a "friend" who happens to be a male (a real one born with a penis and a scrotum), the ONLY fellas I know willing to be like that are ghey... Most young men and some old one's to ain't gonna to that too long without you puttin' out. Now they may wait for a month at the longest... But that's about it. They can find a chick who will do that an then some where they write home to their mama's telling them he's gonna marry her--or the two get caught up with a pregnancy.

If you enjoy flowers, movies, etc.--hey, get them yourselves. Most men aren't giving those items from the beginning of a situational/relationship. And I'd be worried if I got all these "presents" from jump.

And a note from a former dry seasoned woman: If you want the kind of relationship you described, then fix dinner for a guy friend. Ask what's his favorite meal and attempt to make it. If he's too anal about it, I wouldn't invite him over to your house. And, if you go over there, always be bearing "food gifts"--like cookies, cupcakes, etc.

In a word...almost. ;) Allow me to explain: I have another friend who happens to be one of only 2 male virgins I ever met in college. We developed a new sort of buddy--the "virgin's version" if you will. This "buddy" is so defined as someone of the opposite sex who is the person you dial when it's the middle of the night and you suddenly realize how lonely you are (and feeling pathetic for being so) and just want someone to cuddle with you as you fall asleep so you don't feel so alone in the world. You might kiss, not because you're attracted to each other, but because heck you feel like kissin' someone tonight. There's no sex involved and you don't want there to be. But having someone who comes over in the middle of the night and keeps a toothbrush at your place gives the illusion that you are no longer "missing out" but in reality you spent the night with a friend doing nothing to write home about. I would have enjoyed that a year ago, but now I want to stick to traditional dating. I see now that it was a good concept in theory but...

Well, I realized this is NOT a good idea. It's extremely hard for me to keep my hands to myself. We haven't played with that fire again. :o