Maybe this would be more appropriate as a PM, but what was your sister at Cornell? I spent time on a Cornell exchange, and my roommate, along with about 10 other women, were members of different houses there. The system there seems to be a very strong one.

Exlurker, most campuses have a rule in the Panhellenic Recruitment Rules that all chapters must include everyone who attends preference (or even invited to pref on some campuses) on their bid list. If the campus doesn't have that rule I would assume that the chapter could get permission from their org to not put the PNM on their list, but if the campus does have that rule I would assume they would have to get permission from their org and talk to the Greek Advisor about the best way to proceed under the Panhellenic rules.

Our rules do say that you have to put her on our bid list, but ... depending on the seriousness, there would probably be some way around it. If a PNM started shooting at people during pref, I don't think FHQ would insist we give her a bid, no matter what the rules are!

I'll be completely honest.

My story is NOT made up. And I am not out to "Hurt' the sorority I described, that's why I didn't name the organization.

The story I described on the first page is my story.

I was a triple legacy to an organization and cut during recruitment. A lot of my friends are in this organization. I had a great time while I was there (We don't live together, so in their designated "room" on campus for recruitment) and I really wanted to be there--not simply b/c of my family's involvement with the group.

My mother never stressed that I be in the group, in fact she told me to go where I wanted to be "happy" however I honestly thought this place was the place for me.

As carnation said, the entire process has incredibly hurt my mother. And it has hurt me. Sure, I am now in a different sorority (just FYI this organization was the only sorority that cut me--i.e. i got invited back to every other greek group on campus that i preffed high enough to return, i.e. we can only return to 5, for ex.) and I am in some ways happy where I ended up. But I will always long to have been in their sorority.

I began this thread with anonymity, because I was scared to simply give you "my side" of the story. I was sure people would tell me that "that's life, you're never guranteed just b/c you're a legacy, blah blah blah" and I can't handle being berrated any more.

When I see my friends wearing my mom's, grandmother's, and aunt's letters and how happy they are, I am incredibly saddenned. I was raised around the wonderful people of this sorority (from my mother's sorority sisters, to my aunt's, to even my grandmother's) and was so undoubtedly excited about how much fun they seemed when I rushed them.

I guess I will never know what happenned.

-SB

I'm sorry if this may come off rude, but get over it! You pledged another sorority and unless you have not been initiated then maybe you should depledge but if you have it really makes me wonder. You should be happy where you are and so forth and if not I really question why you're still in the organization

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. It can't be easy.

But the thing is, most girls who go through recruitment get cut by a group. Most girls get cut by a group that they really like . . . maybe not their favorite group, but a group they like nonetheless. And some girls do get cut by their favorite group. Some girls have the extremely painful experience of getting cut by every single sorority on their campus. And none of them ever find out why.

As difficult of an experience as that probably was for you, it's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it now. You're in another house, and you should be happy there. If you can't be happy there, you shouldn't be there at all -- there are probably other girls who would love to have a spot in the house. It seems to me like you are dwelling on this too much.

Sorority Belle,

Though I haven't posted on greek chat in a while, I thought that I would chime in on your post. I understand your hurt and anger, it sucks that as a legacy you were passed over. What you do need to look at is the fact that you are with an organization that obviously saw something in you that they treasure and hold to be important to their values and beliefs.

Instead of being as you put it "in some ways happy" with the organization that you chose to return to on bid day, why not give it your best and put 100% into it instead of wondering what life would have been like as a member of your mother/aunt/grandmother's organization. I doubt that your friends and mother would want you to continuously wonder "what if"? What ifs are one of the most damning and irritating things in the world. We all do it, I did too. What if I had chosen another organization, and not chosen to accept my bid from my house, would things have been different and my life in my fraternity and outside have been completely different? Probably. Overall though, I accept the organization that I joined and the friends that I have made through it as they have become some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders when times were tough. As it turns out, I ended up in the right place after all. The organization that chose me, obviously knew it from the start, it just took a pledge period and some hard work on my part to see that for myself.

You may never know what would have happened, but think about the positives, what could happen, if you go into your organization with an open heart and mind.

To my knowledge, this was not a Panhellenic rule at my campus - in fact, I know of one poor woman (Jane Doe) who went to several Prefs without getting a bid before she was finally recruited for a new colony. As a chapter, we felt that an invitation to Pref meant that we would issue a bid to each woman, with the clause "unless she turned into a Lizzie Borden overnight". We were also quite disgusted as a chapter at the GLOs who preffed the woman I mentioned in the first paragraph but didn't offer her a bid. I can still remember driving by the one house after Pref, and seeing Jane Doe all excited, and then hearing the next day that the house where we had seen Jane only took 3 (out of 11) pledges. It just seemed demeaning.

Sorority Belle, I can understand your disappointment, yet since you have accepted the invitation to another GLO, I hope you give them a chance. Hell, I hope you do so well there that your kinfolk wonder why they weren't members of *your* GLO!!

Good luck to you -
honeychile

If you have to preface a statement with "...this may come off (as) rude...", then it usually means that it DOES come off as rude and shouldn't be said. :rolleyes:

Hi Munchkin! My little sister is/was a Kappa at Cornell. She loved it there! Cornell is apparently very greek-oriented compared to the other Ivies.

At my school, the sororities made every effort to bid legacies unless there was something terribly wrong with the rushee, not just that she didn't fit into the chapter. It was funny because each sorority at my school had its own personality. Occassionally, you would see a pledge who didn't fit the mold and usually she was a legacy. :)

sorority belle,

The best thing you can do for yourself and for all your female relatives is to make the most out of where you are now. Don't beat yourself up everyday wishing you were in XYZ - be proud and happy you are in ABC!

If you are unhappy with ABC and showing it, naturally your mom, grandma & aunt will keep being po'ed with XYZ. But if it becomes apparent over time that you have found your home - even if the letters are different - it will lessen the blow for all of them, and you. Believe me, it hurts them to be mad at something they have loved for so long - but until they're assured of your happiness, they probably will be.

Just a general question about your sororities legacy policies....have you found them to be flexible? Much like kddani's school, we did not have many legacies come through recruitment. I was VP-M for 3 years and never had to make "that" phone call - Thank goodness! I do know that KD says if the girl is there for pref, she gets a bid. However, it seems that a lot of the cutting decisions can be made with the approval from your CPP or whoever. What have you found?

One of the plus points of having deferred recruitment with legacies....the few we did have come through either knew for sure they wanted us or didn't. If they didn't, they cut us. If they did and they just weren't a good match, we usually had enough evidence to make the case to our CPP that the girl was not a good match.

Daughters
 

You mothers are cracking me up! I just found out that I'm pregnant, and since then all my sisters have been telling me that they're going to fill out rec's to put in the babybook! (My husband is dead set that if it's a boy, he will be a Greek like him.) But, I've already had these thoughts of exactly what imsohappy was talking about. Swallowing that pill if they choose not to follow in your Greek footsteps! It just made me laugh, because I can say that I'll be happy and NOT mad, and hope that I'll be able to stick with it. I'm glad that others go through this all the time! Still, quite amusing! Thanks for sharing!

As heart-wrenching as having your legacy released from your GLO (especially your chapter), an equally hard pill to swallow is if your legacy cuts your GLO.

Barring granddaughters, the closest I came to a legacy was when my niece went through recruitment at Ole Miss. She cut the Kappas after Skit (there were some [blood] sisters that she didn't care for from our hometown in the chapter--actually, one of the sisters was rushing when my niece was and she assumed she would go Kappa--she was right.) My niece knew she wanted a certain GLO and they wanted her, so I just felt she could have gone to Kappa's Pref. Anything can happen though, so I guess it was better for her to include only the ones she would consider.

I want to say that I would understand if my daughter was cut ... I'd like to think I would ... but when my younger sister rushed a few years back (it was informal - there was one NPC on campus at the time), she was the only rushee they didn't give a bid to. (They said they wanted to get to know her better - if that was really true, they would have invited her to lunch or something! Sorry, lame.) And I know I was POed at the sorority, which is one I have a generally high opinion of - how can they do this to her? Don't they know how great she is? Do I have to go out there and kick their collective azz? And this wasn't even my GLO!

So ... I can see where these feelings come from. Of course, one's behavior should still be kept within certain boundaries!

sororitybelle--

I echo the sentiments of others who have said that you should review your decision if you are not yet initiated and make sure that your current sorority is for you. I'd be willing to bet with a wholehearted effort, you will come to love your sorority as much as your mother/aunts loved theirs. And then just think, when you have your own daughter one day, she will be a legacy to TWO groups, and you'll have a major role in that.

I also echo Killarney's statement of, if you have to say "this may be rude but...", then you should probably not say what you're thinking. That comment was just OUT of line!:rolleyes:

I am terrified of the day that my daughter goes through Rush/Recruitment. But it's more about the fact that I don't want her to be hurt or disappointed than about her not being a Zeta.

Like all little girls, she wants to be just like her Mommy which for her means being a Zeta. I've told her that she doesn't have to be a Zeta and she started crying! (She thought I was telling her that I didn't want her to be a Zeta!) She is 6 and thinks that she should be a Zeta already.

I'd love for her to be in my GLO but it may not be a good fit for her on whatever campus she chooses. I just want her to be happy and I would never push her to be in a certain group, even mine, if it wasn't right for her. She'll find the place that she's meant to be, whether it is Zeta, another NPC or a local.

Yeah I understand the difficulty in legacies. There is two in my colony, but they were treated like every other sister. But on a different chapter on my campus (one knows for skinny blonde beautiful girls) they have a girl they call "the legacy" She is a heavyset, homely, not so amiable girl and while she is a sister, she is never treated as such from the chapter. Her mother and her aunt are both from the same organization and her grandmother was on national council for it. So she was given a bid, but never really got a sisterhood. They don't invite her to things such as formals and socials with fraternity and when questioned about her they are rude and tell you its because she is a legacy.....I am suprised she hasn't dissaffiliated or talked to her family members and done something about it yet.

Like the very wise and mature GC ladies shadokat and Killarney Rose said, if you have to preface it, it's rude, and you probably don't need to say it.

I notice that your name is "ToBeSororityGirl." Are you in a group yet? Your perspective may change once you are in a sorority, and especially once you have become (or on the verge of becoming) an alumna. I don't even have a child yet (and won't for a while!), but I know I would be a little stunned if my own chapter did not give my daughter a bid; especially if I continue to contribute to the chapter. It's not simply "get over it." Maybe you'll understand one day.

I'm sorry but why should she still dwell on this? Shouldn't she give her house a chance and try to love her house as much as her mother's, grandmother's house?

If she's not initiated yet and she still really wants her legacy house then maybe she should depledge and rush again and maybe they'll see that she is awesome.

It just seems to me if she's still dwelling on this issue after she has been initiated there isn't really anything she can do?

ToBeSororityGrl, notice that she said "I know a freshmean who was cut..." - so don't assume it is her that she is talking about, though it could be. We can't really know for sure.

Well, anyway, I'm a DG legacy (my mother) and all through out childhood, all I ever heard about was DG. I could never have imagined joining another GLO. I did end up with DG, but that was because they colonized here at the right time. I think my mother would have been proud with any of the GLO's on campus...but there is something awesome between us when she put her badge on me at initiation!

Actually, sorority belle first said that "she knew someone" but then revealed that her account was actually about her *own* experiences.

I am playing devil's advocate here.....Is it possible that she/you became an overzealous legacy and it bothered the sisters a bit?

Take for example Sorority Life 2 (not that its entirely real life AT ALL) but it will illustrate my point....if you have seen the first episode where janel and that other girl run into nichole and nichole says something like "well i know i am gauranteed a bid" and how the sisters got angry at that statement and it was like nichole had to prove herself even more.
Iwonder if thats what happened here. Even though words may have never been actually said, it may have appeared as if this PNM could have acted like she was gauranteed a bid bc of being a legacy, apparently getting all these recs and having a lot of friends in the organization.

Also, do you think it is possible that by sending in too many recs and making a pnm sound like she is the best thing on the face of the earth is a little annoying too? has anyone had an experience with too many recs on one girl???

I was thinking the same thing as Maggie. We had a legacy come through once and the girls wanted to drop her. She had an aloof attitude at our house and seemed uninterested. We called her sister who was a recent grad of our chapter as a "courtesy". She explained that her sister had told her how relaxed she was at our house and what a nice break from the rest it was. She wasn't necessarily thinking she was guaranteed a bid, just that she was "home" and relaxed. She ended up being an awesome sister.

I really have never seen sororities cutting legacies. I have heard of a legacy dropping her sister's sorority, but never the other way around. It seems pretty cruel to drop someone whose mother, grandmother, aunt, and/or sister is a sister not only to the rushee but to the sister or alumna as well. I mean imagine growing up and your whole childhood is about becoming a sister of ABC. The women in your life are all about ABC. All of a sudden you go through rush and get dropped after a few minutes at a party. I would be pretty hurt if my chapter did that to my sister or hypothetical daughter.

I know a girl that was dropped first round at our school and she was a double legacy to the chapter at our school (meaning both grandma and mom were sisters in this chapter at my school) not only that her mom was the chapter president.....one of my best friends was also in this chapter and when i told her about it shes like it had to be a mistake there is just no way that she would have been cut first round....so sometimes it is a mistake...with over 1300 people rushing mistakes are bound to happen. The sad thing is that they cant just go back and add her to the next round at our school and this chapter always takes over quota so there was no snap bidding options but the girl found a home and she seems really happy there but I must say her mom was POed in a major way...but maybe things happen for a reason...

I'm currently Recruitment Chairman for my chapter. I'm just getting the hang of all these rules but since most of the girls haven't decided where they are going to school yet we haven't recieved any recs.

I just realized that I should have been more specific - Rec Chair as in recommendations, not recruitment. We had those as two separate offices. Although, I was both (at different times).

If you need a shoulder to cry on, pm me! :) I consider Recommendations Chair one of the most thankless but interesting jobs of any chapter!

honeychile

We have a similar setup--with a Recruitment Chair and a Membership Chair, who handles recs and voting and all like that.

I'm Membership Chair.

Ohh! We have the same thing, and I'm Recruitment Chair! BreathesGelatin, if we were in the same chapter, we would be counterparts:D

Who's the "skinny blond" sorority. I used to go to Hartford so I was wondering how things have changed over there. Thanks :)

Has anyone had a situation where a legacy cut your chapter, changed her mind, and then was offended not be on the next invitation round list?

This sounds a little sillly. Cuts aren't "revocable."
My bet is that she was offended b/c she got cut from the other houses she wanted, so she was mad she didn't have a fall back

Well, I've seen it happen at my school, so I was wondering if it had happened to anyone else. (But yes, I'm sure you're right!)

I bet what happened is that she "regretted with interest" and then hoped to be asked back if her other sororities cut her.

prettyprincess, PM me