Not necessarily
 

Our school nor our national require alum presence. As a matter of fact it is in our rush rules that only a certain number of alum are allowed at any one rush party and they are not allowed to talk to the girls at all. All they can do is serve punch or clean up or help set up or run a projector or whatever, but they can not talk to the PNM's. We have to have one advisor there. That's it. We usually have tons more, but all that's required is one.

You're right about having had to be on the inside of a big southern rush to really understand, but I've talked to girls at convention and leadership conference, friends at other schools etc. etc. I've heard enough to know I wouldn't like it.

And I can't believe someone would submit a bad rec! I mean, talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

Blue Violet clean out you PM box. :)

Re: Re: That's what I meant...
 

I couldn't have said it better myself!

Take a good, hard look at chapters where your sisters (or your brothers, as appropriate!) are struggling for whatever reason. Then, take a good look at their alum relations program. Do they have an involved group of alumni/alumnae advisers? A functioning House or Corporation Board?

Do the alums offer their help with the "dirty work" for recruitment functions (prepping food/drink, doing dishes, cleaning, decorating, donating money?) Will the alums come "home" for Founders' Day, Homecoming, chapter celebrations? If something like Homecoming is a big deal at your school and for your Greek system, and your alums don't come back, it's a clear sign there is a serious problem with alumnae relations.

I'd guess that at least 8 times out of 10, there is little or no alum support at a struggling chapter. There may be hundreds, or even thousands of alums in the same area--they just can't or don't or won't help out. It's sad, and it happens.

We are collegiate members of our GLOs anywhere from 1-5 years. We are members of our respective GLOs for LIFE. Just because someone is an alum, it doesn't mean we aren't still sisters (or brothers!)

Christin

Well, wait until you are told that Alums are a pain in the ass. They do not run the Chapter!!!!!!

While that is true, Alums do not run the Chapter, it is amazing when a Chapter gets into trouble, who do they call?

Sure as hell aint Super/Bat Man!

It is a fine line what the Alums do! We are Members of Our Fraternity and have full rights and priviliages as do the Active members.

We set up a mentoring group to WORK With the Active Chapter, not tell them what to do!

We discuss from our experiences, try to work within the current times and give suggestions from both open forums to private meetings with the members who are not only Officers but those who will someday become Officers! We also include the New Associates who will be New Brothers!

We get to know them as individuals and try to give out expetise in situations!

We do not dictate to them! But the members of the House Corporation do dictate to them as We own the House!

Well, after doing it twice a Semester for 3 years it is bearing fruit. The Chapter is Growing and we are going to build a new house starting in May of 2003!

For the Actives who do not think you need Alums, think again!

For the Alums who try to run the Active Chapter, You had better think again also! I am the Oldest member of the Chapter, but I do not allow them to call me mister, It is Tom or Brother Earp! Cut and Dried!:D

Two way street! Work together or be gone !!:(

First I want to address ADPiViolets concern... it is very natural to feel a sense of "burn-out" sometimes. During Recruitment things can become even more strained. It is a hard time when some sisters want to extend offers to certain ladies and others are not as excited about them. It is important to keep in mind that some of the best friends you will have are those you wouldn't expect. Try to make the best of it and take some time away. It works wonders.

Secondly I want to address the Alumnae issues that have come up in this discussion. If your Alumnae members are really making the Recruitment decisions, there is a problem. ADPi has a great solution to this problem being that only Delta (Active) members are able to participate in the actual selection process. For those of you who do not appreciate the participation of Alumnae in your organization, please keep in mind that it was their hard work that brought and kept the chapter there so you can participate as part of the sorority. It is also the Alumnae that voluntarily give money to your National/International Organization to keep it running (at least it is voluntary in ADPi).

Thirdly, it is not that the Alumnae members do not have life so at 40 they want to live vicariously through collegiate members. It is the fact that they have found the true meaning of the sorority. To many actives, a sorority is something to do (or the thing to do), something to put on a resume, or just a college thing. Alumnae members have found the deeper meaning. They realize that a sorority is a lifelong sisterhood. With Alpha Delta Pi, we say that, "it is a way of life". In college I thought, that sounds good. But after I took Alumnae status I didn't continue my involvement with the sorority. When I moved to the Kansas City area, I didn't know a lot of people. One of the first things I did was contact our area Alumnae Associations and asked how to get involved. The group gave me instant connections and I had people to talk to and do things with. Now that I have established my career and I have found my direction, I feel I should give something back to the sorority that gave me so much. While I am not 40, I hope to continue the same level of involvement when I am. I don't want to control a chapter but I don't mind to step up when I see collegiates making decissions because they, "have someplace better to be." I remember when I would give in to just get out of the meetings. As Alumnae members, we strive to ensure that decisions are made based on what is best for the LONG TERM survival of the chapter and sorority as a whole. Our motto is, "make ADPi the better place to be". Again, I don't think Alumnae have any business making recruitment decisions, they do have a place in helping manage money and overseeing (chaperoning) certain events.

<> Jen <>

Jen,

Well another KC area GCer!

We need to get a Gathering of the Flock sometime soon!!!!!

Wendi , "AGD" is in the area too! Not sure about RockChalk, but there are others out here in KC Land!

We Can Do It!!!!!!!:cool:

Well said. :) Thank you for your advise as well.

Re: Not necessarily
 

This is exactly how we do it at my school as well. Also, the advisors usually travel from rush party to rush party to make sure that each sorority is following the rules. So oftentimes, we'll have advisors from other sororities sorta hanging out with us. They (both our advisors and visiting advisors) make their presense scarse, sorta hanging out in the background and quietly observing.

Burn out/ alumns
 

Violets-
Yeah, burn out can happen, and I've seen it happen, esp in smaller chapters where members have to shoulder a lot of responsibility. Strangely, I have never felt the old vs. young power play that you are speaking of, but our chapter had it's own set of concerns.

However, I have run into alumns who make decisions I disagree with. I feel sometimes, they do not understand the campus, or the root of our problems so well that they make suggestions based on their experiences in thier chapters, not based on the reality of our college. It's too bad, because I think with more insight and partnership between the collegiate members and the advisors, we would do better.

-M

Reality check...

I am offended.

If it were not for alumni, there would be no Greek Letter Organizations as we know them.

There would be no chapter owned houses, because there would be no money to buy them.

There would be no house corporations.

You would not have a national office.

There would be no financial support.

There would be no post graduation "network" to help you in your careers or life.

Alumni chapters, where you can meet and share common values and memories would not exist.

At graduation, you would have no opportunity left to be a part of your organization -- the experience would end.

There would be no traditions and no history.

While the undergraduates may be the keeper of the flame, it is the alumni who lit the torch.

While some alumni may seem "pushy," you would miss out on what may turn out to be some real wisdom.

If you have a large alumni base and many advisors, count your blessings -- from experience I can tell you that alums willing to help can be difficult to find.

It might be that, when you become an alum, that you may look at your collegiate chapter and feel that the actives are in grave danger of ruining what you have worked so hard to achieve. Remember this conversation then.

I hope that after a few more years of life's experience, some of you will remember what you are saying today -- and consider how offensive, ungrateful and, in some cases, how childish you sound. That's a large part of what we call growing up.

It happens to the best of us. It's being an adult.

Some of you are acting like children.

And if you say to me, "Get a life," I'll be happy to compare my experiences to yours any day.

Now, I'll just totter back to corner and watch the rest of this ridiculous debate. And, I'll still be offended.

Well done, DeltAlum!

What a debate we have going here!!!

Not much to add-no epiphanies-but reiteration of a few things are worthwhile.

A strong campus chapter USUALLY has an equally strong alum base. Consider expansion. If a strong alum base doesn't exist, a new chapter most likely will avoid your campus.

Yes, there are some over zealous alums, just like there are some actives who are pains in the arse.

Interfering in Rush-I agree that's a lot of power to have. HOWEVER, sometimes it's better for "Suzie the Slut" or "Cleo the Klepto" to remain anonymous to a group of 18, 19, 20 year olds.
Do you REALLY need to know this, or is it better for this informatin (and the future of the PNM) to remain as private as possible.

Ditto to the great alums on this board. Sympathy to those who have to deal with unappreciative chapters.

Sympathy as well to those actives that have their chapters micromanaged.

Some of you talk like "over 40" is a dirty word. HA! Just you wait!
http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili...py/roflmao.gifhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/rotfl.gifhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/laugh.gif

You know what, I think everyone goes through that on some level. It's a good thing-really it is-you're maturing!

I got to a point where I was sooo sick of D Phi E. But I'll tell you what, if you're still an undergrad your time in your house passes by you so quick! I missed D Phi E so bad it hurt when I graduated.

Consider doing what I did, and volunteer for your sorority as an Alumna. It's how I keep in touch with D Phi E, and I get to make a positive impact on the Chapters I advise! Also, once you meet all the other volunteers, it REALLY is like you get another -OLDER, WISER, MORE MATURE, AND FUN Chapter!

remember...your burnout is temporary, but your sisterhood is forever!

Kristen

Okay, I REALLY need advise now
 

Okay, I would like to bring the discussion away from Alumni, and back to the topic this all started with.


I would like to post this email. This email was sent out on our chapter's list server, from a newly initiated sister to the entire chapter. This list server was started to spread information related to the chapter. But it has since changed. Maybe after you read this, you can understand more what I mean, when I say my chapter is going downhill.



"Hey everybody!

I hope everyone had a great spring break! If you didn't, c/m and we'll share stories. haha I want to thank everyone that was at Boyne (ski resort) for helping me out with my leg. It was a hard thing to deal with especially when everyone was having so much fun.
If you do not know what happened, I burned my leg on the sauna stove while drunk in Boyne…I went to the hospital and I have a severe 2nd degree burn. It will leave a scar, but I am trying hard to avoid that!! Today I am going to my local doctor to see what he says.
On a similar note to my injury… yes, Lauren (another sister) did get breast implants. She had the surgery on Monday morning. I took the responsibility of taking care of her all day yesterday and today. She is doing really good - toughing it out (she's a strong one!). She can walk around and move her arms now (she couldn't before - if you didn't get that)! She has pain medication and it is helping her through the recovery. Lauren has my support, and it would be nice if all of you would help support her

With SO much love,
Susan and Lauren"


This is why I am tired of it all. After reading this email, I am giving serious consideration to stepping down. I am so upset by this (not just the drunkenness and the boob-job, but this just represents everything I am feeling).
The only thing that is keeping me from stepping down is the fact that my blood sister wants to join my chapter in the fall (she's a senior in high school now). I don't know what to do. I really don't. I really am starting to hate this.
What should I do?

As far as the boob job - her body and her choice. I don't know why you would find that upsetting. Granted, perhaps I wouldn't email the chapter about it, but she might like to get it out in the open rather than having everyone stare at her chest, whisper and ask a million questions.

Like I said, but probably worded poorly... It's not the boobjob. I know it's "Her body and her choice."
This is just an example of how superficial our chapter has become.

ADPiViolets,

I understand that you are frustrated with the direction the chapter might be going in, but I don't think it would be a wise decision to deactivate. As an older member you can provide guidance to the younger sisters and maybe be the voice of reason when things get a little out of hand. You are in a very common situation that a lot of sorority women find themselves in by junior or senior year. Hang in there, and talk it over with the older sisters.
Good luck!

go "back to basics"
 

ADPiViolets - the first thing I would recommend is addressing the situation with your exec committee. As an ADPi sister, I know that communication done through boards, listserves, or any other method that is limited or identified as Alpha Delta Pi communication is not to contain references to alcohol. While I know this may not be your number 1 concern, it gives you a leg to stand on to bring up the situation. Secondly, try restating the reason for the listserve. Explain that it was established to keep all members informed of specific chapter events and IMPORTANT messages. Suggest that a second listserve be started to carry "chit-chat" and unofficial messages to members who wish to receive those types of messages (recommend starting a signup list for members wanting to receive them). I would talk to executive committee about the situation first then ask if you could speak in new business. State it as a concern for the chapter, not in your personal feelings. The one thing I would avoid is pointing out specifics. I wouldn't mention the message you posted here. I would start by saying something about the listserve being created to distribute official sorority business in a timely manner. I would continue with the idea that some concern has been raised over the content of some message that are being sent via the listserve and could be seen in the wrong light by International Officers or other sorority officials. Support the other side by saying that you feel there is a place for the other types of communication but that it might be better (for the chapters sake) if a separate listserve was started for that purpose. You can also limit who posts to the "official" chapter listserve by recommending that only exec committee members be allowed to send messages on it. Anyone that would like information sent using it should email an exec committee member who will then pass along appropriate announcements. Just let the group know that you support your sisters and are concerned about the sorority as a whole. Even if you do not want to receive messages from the second listserve, they will feel that you support the right to share them. Believe me when I say that you are not the only one feeling the way you do. There are others in your group who are not wanting to speak up for whatever reason. When you show the courage to stand and make your suggestions, you will be supported as long as it is seen in the best interest of the sorority. If you need suggestions on how to phrase something, let me know or talk to your advisor. I was on exec and I know some of the phrasings we used to lessen the friction. You might also want to visit www.alphadeltapi.org and review the Internet Site regulations to have some printed resources for your meeting with Exec. If you need these guidelines, let me know.

Jen,

I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for that idea. I am emailing our president right now. I really appreciate your advice. Again, thank you so much.

No problem - that's what sisters are for. I am here as a sounding board if you need me. Just let me know if there is anything else I can do for you!

L&L

Hey Violets,
 

Jen had good advice. I hope you find a way to express your concerns without getting more divided. And about stepping down, I know I'd be tempted too. Sometimes you have to say screw it. But I also know that sometimes the last thing you should is let "them" win. And it is sooo obvious you care a lot about your girls so i know you want to do the best thing. And-they are still part of your chapter. Maybe having the big sisters of the younger ones who are being this way have a little chat with them would be in order. That way no one feels ganged up on or too defensive. My big sister had to put me back in line and I've had to put mine in line and she's had to put hers-and so on. You know?

Good luck sweetie and God Bless.

don't hold on tight
 

i'm a lamda chi alpha at SMU in Dallas. As a Junior i'm also going through the exact same thing. But if I learned one thing its this. People will come and go. Just like when you go to bar, a school or even church there are going to be people that you meet and will like and keep up with. Don't stay at the same bar for ever, people have to graduate, they have to move on. If you had a great pair of years maybe you should leave it at that. Wow, I feel like I'm talking to myself. There is a lot to do, just don't do nothing. A good 20+ hours can be spent doing other things, and we can't forget that. We're winners, we are because we got in in the first place, we're likable people, and we're winners because we are contimplating and concerned about our future. Please think about it hard. But remember you're really not going to be doing something bad, its not a bad thing. good luck with all your endevors!;)

Very good advice! You only know what it is like when you go through it!

BUT, as you get more down the road and Brothers contact you and talk about the Old days do you remember what You had then and what it ment to you!

Damn, What a graeat time of life that was for us all! Life moves on, but, then you get back into it and find, you did not lose it, it was just misplaced!

Thank you for saying I am a LXA from SMU!

I am A LXA from PSU and will always be!:)

Again, thank you so much for your advice.

Everyone has given good advice. I feel for your situation and understand it is probably quite stressful and disheartening. Just remember if you dont like who is being picked then get active in making decisions that will affect new membership. And if you dont think you can do that look forward to becoming a part of the Alumnae of your house. With that said when that happens you could get involved more on a larger level. I hope everything gets worked out...:)

Re: go "back to basics"
 

Jen,
While I completely agree with you about talking to your exec committee, I also feel that at times that might not be the best course of action. Some sisters may feel that they can talk about everything that bothers them with the sorority during an exec meeting. This situation happened at my chapter my senior year. A group of sisters went to the exec committee meeting and said that "this is a list of things that (certain year of sisters) say are wrong with this chapter". This caused A LOT of tension within the chapter between the members who went to the meeting, the exec committee members, the members that were implicated as being a part of this "group", and the other active sisters. It took the actions of certain sisters who were not a part of the "group" (but who supposedly were) in order to rectify the situation and help calm the tension within the chapter. I'm all for communication with the chapter's executive committee, but I feel that at times it's better to start by talking with the president before going to the entire committee.

Love and loyally,
Jennie

Re: Re: go "back to basics"
 

Plus, at least in the case with my chapter, a lot of the girls on E-board have a hand in the problems that I am witnessing too.