Starang21,

That's not what we're saying at all. What I and some other GCers are trying to get across is that being blunt to a rushee isn't how we do things in the NPC. And just because we don't give a rushee a specific reason for why she didn't get a bid does NOT mean that we're being two-faced or that "all of those stereotypes of women in sororities are true." Frankly, I would consider it EXTREMELY rude for one of my sisters to say something insulting to a rushee about her personality, morals, etc. To me, that would be very disrespectful to a girl who showed enough interest in my GLO to take the time to attend a Rush party. Just because that girl may not be a good "fit" for the chapter doesn't give me the right to insult her.

I know that NPHC orgs have different policies concerning Rush, and I can certainly understand that. I have the utmost respect for NPHC organizations, and I'm sure that they handle rushees in a way that is best for them. Please understand and respect the fact that we in the NPC have different policies, and that what works for you may not work for us.

I know I'm gonna get a lot of flak over this one, but I'm going to have to side with starang21. While I don't agree with *everything* he (I'm assuming you're a guy...right?) says, he's got a point. Everything is not all sunshine and roses. Why gloss over the truth? I'm not saying we should go around informing PNMs of their faults (like saying "You're too annoying, so we're not going to pledge you"; "You have a bad haircut, you talk too much, and besides, you smell, so you're not getting a bid") but many of them *will* get angry even if you do let them down politely. So instead of giving subtle hints like "These next COB events are invitation only," what's wrong with being honest and saying, "I'm really sorry, but you won't get a bid." Provided you *are* sorry, of course...if not, then just leave that part out.

I don't think this thread is "crappy" at all, because as I said, everything isn't peachy all the time and things like this do come up, and often (gasp!). We shouldn't ignore it.

>>>Originally posted by starang21


so being in a sorority means that you smile in someone's face you really don't like? then i guess all of those stereotypes of women in sororities are true? ok, cool with me. might as well be truthful with them instead, or just not tell them period. <<<


No, being in a sorority means that you make every effort to recruit members with whom you share things in common and feel will be a good fit overall and you do not recruit members who will not reflect well on your sisterhood or be contributing members of your organization. Finding the balance for doing this is hard for everyone, I think that was what the thread was about to begin with.

Anna

uhh, yea. last time i checked, i was.

Okay, let me see if I can clear a few things up. First, my chapter would never "pre-judge" someone. If a girl comes through recruitment, formal or otherwise, and we choose not to extend her a bid, THERE IS A VERY GOOD REASON WHY!!! It's not, "Oh, I didn't like her in high school b/c she stole my best friends boyfriend" or "I didn't like her shoes", its "She says she is more interested in XYZ" or "her GPA is a 2.3 and our requirement to stay off probation is a 2.5".

So here's a little scenario for you...Suzie Q decides to go through Spring Rush. She is invited to one of our social events...we vote. (different process than formal, which is why I can talk about it). If her GPA is not high enough, if she had NO community service in HS or did nothing (ie...2.5 GPA but no activities to speak of), she doesn't get a bid. If we don't know if she really wants to be a member we generally meet with her in a smaller enviornment (ie...4 or 5 of us go out to dinner with her). If we decide not to extend her a bid, more often than not, we'll tell her why. We are not being "two-faced" and its not all sunshine and roses. However, if I haul off and tell her that I don't like the way she dresses or that she acted like a henious b!tch, she'll probably then spread nasty rumors about my chapter and WE will suffer in the end. Guess what...hate to break it to you but that's what happens. Maybe it is different for other organizations/fraternites but we've had this same type of situation happen, unfortunatly. Plus I'm not so sure I could live with myself if I hurt someone's feelings like that.

Blaire

Hey wait a second -- isn't that what everyone is saying? I think that most people here are saying that if a PNM is not liked, in all likelihood she will get cut. Nobody wants to invite someone she doesn't like into her sisterhood.

I don't necessarily think it's true that people will be pissed whether you're "nice" to them or not. If someone says, "Hey, sorry, you're not going to get a bid," I think it's less likely that the person would be pissed than if she was told, "Hey, we think you suck, now go away."

I don't think that telling someone she's wack does anybody any good. If she's *not* really wack (in an objective manner that could be diagnosed by a psychiatrist), she's going to be pissed, and if she is, well, who knows what she will do, but I doubt it's going to be anything good.

I think that, as greeks, it's our job to give everyone a fair chance, but it's not our job to fix the world. It's a nice thought, but anyway, we're not qualified.

Recently we has a girl go through rush that seemed "normal" and we gave her a bid, she pledged, and she was initiated.

A few months later she starts stirring up MAJOR drama (I have written a couple previous threads about this) and decides she is going to go inactive. She basically put every member down, did some "un-sigma" like things with a sisters boyfriend (who just happens to be her big sister) and then turns around and wants to come back active again. Lets just say it was a unanimous NO!

We had to learn the hard way. :(

Sorry, smartarse, my bad. My ESP doesn't work over the Internet.

Shelacious,

Thanks so much for offering an NPHC perspective. :) For the most part, it seems as if the NPHC and NPC share a similar viewpoint on this issue. And your last sentence sums up my sentiments exactly! :D

Can someone tell me what "wack" means in regard to this thread?

Thanks!

"Wack" is not bad hair, fitting in better elsewhere, or having funny clothes. It's not having a GPA too low or two few activities - I would have to agree although that it is generally AXD's policy not to say why a girl did not get a bid, if it was something like GPA and we really wanted her, I would tell her to bring the GPA up and try again.

"Wack" is having serious mental problems - and not even something like depression, which I know many wonderful sisters cope with, it's more like torturing squirrels and dogs.

It's someone who has depledged from several groups in the past, or quit several student organizations after causing internal dissension.

It's a girl you know has a serious problem with drugs or alcohol to where it impairs her ability to cope with everyday life.

It's the kind of girl who, if you do bid her, causes PNMs to say, "I like your group, but I don't want to be known as X's sister."

It's the kind of girl whose ex-boyfriends put restraining order out on.

Or it's even someone who is so negative she will tear apart your organization. Formal rush sucks, this school sucks, my roommate sucks, our bid day t-shirt sucks, I should have joined XYZ instead, I hate it here, I hate my pledge class - all the time, until you wonder why she was interested in the first place.

At least, that was the sort of thing I was thinking of when I posed the question.

I see, thanks FuzzieAlum! :)

true, this is something that NPHC groups really don't have to worry about. by the time that person had decided to intake, people in the organization already know who that person is, and what that person is about. working on their issues is also a way of trying to help them be a better person. you can't just sit there, let them continue to be at fault. if i'm not going to say anything, someone is, and chances are, that someone isn't going to say it as politely as i am. might as well try and solve the problem now instead of letting it get worse. being blunt is just a way to say things, some people might have other ways. but shelacious is right, that depends on chapter to chapter.

hahaha. but anyhOW, this is a thread on sororities issues, not fraternities. i'll OWt.

Hopefully I won't be in this type of situation next fall... One of my new housemates wants to go through NPC recruitment next year. However, she said she was denied that oppurtunity this fall because her GPA was too low, so perhaps she won't be able to rush next year either. Oddly enough, at first glance she seems more like the "anti-Greek" type.

Anyhow, if by some strange chance she does raise her GPA enough to rush, I will DEFINITELY alert my sisters as to her character. I doubt she'll be able to, though, because she told me she "could care less about grades" (NOT something you should tell a sister if you are thinking of rushing).

Aside from this, she openly told our other roommate and I about some of her FREQUENT promiscuous escapades: "10 minutes after I met him (on Spring Break) we slept together", her multiple piercings in unmentionable places, and her "love affair with Jack Daniels and Budweiser" (she has GIGANTIC alcohol posters hanging all around her bedroom). She even admitted to being an alcoholic! Basically stated, she is NOT someone I would deem worthy of my letters-or anyone else's letters for that matter.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread. It's interesting to see all the different ways people have dealt with this type of situation.

This is probably obvious to most of you, but I'm going to say it anyway. If a person who you don't want in your organization asks you for information about joining, please don't just ignore them. Tell them whatever you think is appropriate, but don't just blow them off like a bad blind date. As has often been said on this board, rush is a bit like a job interview. Most job hunters prefer a firm "yes" or "no" to being left hanging. I'd wager most rushees would too.

In my opinion, being rejected is far worse than being flat-out ignored.

Years ago, I found out this girl I sat by in one of my classes was the pledge educator for one of the sororities on campus. I asked her do you have a girl named so and so? She said yes, and I told her about how her pledge dated one of the guys at the house. While I was being initiated, she stood outside the house yelling for her boyfriend the entire time. When I think of ritual, I'll always remember her dumb ass outside yelling the whole time. A short while later, an ambulance had to come take her because she swallowed a bunch of Benadryl.


I don't know if that girl wound up going through initiation but that had to be an interesting conversation between her and her pledge educator.

Yikes Jon! I hope that sorority was able to depledge her.