So he gives you one of his fraternity shirts?

What fraternity, if I may ask?

Beta Tau...its a local at Clarkson University.

At our school when you're lavaliered you get to wear the letters too. So we really don't have a "shirting" thing. My boyfriend did this to lavalier me: On New Year's Eve he spilled something on me on purpose (only I didn't know this). He was wearing two shirts, his letters on top. He took off his letter shirt and went to put it on me and I was like, I can't wear that! And he said, Yes, you can. It was right when the ball dropped and really romantic. At my school it really isn't considered a curse, but about half make it and half don't. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and lavaliered for one, so I hope it lasts.

WHY SHOULD YOU EVEN PIN?
 

Well maybe i'm really new to hearing about this pinning thing/laveleiring thing... whatever? but why should you ever give your letters to someone else... in my sorority, our letters mean the world to us, and we are proud that our secrets are our own and not something we share with other people. our letters represent the hard work,the tears, joys, and struggles that we had to go through... why would i want to share those feelings with someone who has never been through what i have been through. Yes, you may love someone deeply. But, before that you should love yourself. In loving myself, there are some things that I can keep to myself as something I only hold, and that is something special.... Although this may be a long tradition within some of your organizations, perhaps you would like to think about what you are truly saying about yourself when you hand your letters/symbols over to someone else....
just a point of view, no offense......

You didn't say so, but I am guessing you are a member of a NPHC organization because of your beliefs. That's fine, I would just like to explain and give a little insight into why some organizations do this. For the most part, pinning is a thing of the past. I actually haven't heard of someone being actually PINNED with a fraternity pin since the sixties and seventies. Nowadays lavaliering is what is acceptable. I know that I would not want to wear my boyfriend's pin because it has special meaning to him, just as my pin has special meaning to me. It is what identifies us as members of our respective organizations. Sororities DO NOT let fraternity men wear their letters. To my knowledge this is strictly a fraternity thing, although some groups may let their Men of the Year or Sweethearts wear them. Alpha Xi Delta doesn't.

Some people abuse lavaliering, and some people just fall out of love. You never know what is going to happen. I've been extremely lucky to still be happy and with my boyfriend. It was such a huge sacrifice for him to let me wear his letters...he had to get up infront of the entire chapter, tell his brothers why he wanted to lavalier me, and then leave while they voted. In most cases they will take the guy out and tie him to a pole in his boxers and leave him there. The girl will be called, told where he is, and if she loves him enough to go get him, them see it as a sign that she's true and loyal to him. They did not do this to my boyfriend, but even if they had I would have been out there in a second because I love him more than anything. Recently a brother asked to lavalier his girlfriend, a girl the brothers didn't trust, so they took him out and tied him to a pole. When his girlfriend was called she wouldn't go out in the cold to get him. Needless to say she was not allowed to be lavaliered. She was seen as unworthy because she obviously didn't love him ehough for the sacrifice he made for her.

I also wear my boyfriend's letters because I am their sweetheart. I have never been so proud to wear the letters of his organization. I do not know the secret workings of his fraternity, but I do have an incredible respect and admiration for their organization. I consider myself a keeper of their traditions as well and I am proud to be involved with such a wonderful and strong organization. Just because they are male and I am female does not mean I don't hold their ideals close to my heart. It doesn't mean I don't know and respect the ideals their fraternity was created on. I would feel honored if I were a fraternity man and my group had a sweetheart or lavalier as completely devoted to them as I am.

I know you say, Why? but I say, Why not? I would be honored to have a female love and respect my organization as much as I did.

There's so many more things I want to say, but I can't think of the words to describe the way I feel about their organization and how proud I am to be associated with it.

Brownsuga,

I think these girls are speaking of why their boyfriends have given up their letters. As I have said in one of my replies it is somewhat like a greek engagement on our campus. And dont get me wrong but in a marriage you share EVERYTHING with the person you are to spend the rest of your life with. Also the giving of the letters (which are such a large part of each greek person's life) shows how much you care for that person. That Fraternity man is giving his girlfriend his letters because he trusts that she will not do anything to wrong him. But that is all I can think of at the moment

Interesting thread...
 

FYI KristiAZD :)
THis young lady is a member of Alpha Kappa Delta Phi, which is a national asian american interest sorority founded in 1990 @ UC Berkeley (CAL) , which is not part of the NPHC.

This is an interesting topic, pinning and lavaliering. I've never heard of anything like this in the Divine Nine but then again I just crossed last fall. :)

Ninjapoodle, good job on the research.... I guess you know a lot about aKDPhi from what it sounds like.... :D And no I am not part of NPHC... We are recognized but not a part of it. Furthermore, as I said before, you may be deeply in love, but you can show your love for someone else in various ways. I had a boyfriend who was in a fraternity, and if he was wearing his letters, I couldn't hug him. To some people that might be weird, but I understood because I would be touching his letters. In the same aspect, he never hugged me when I had mine on. Reason being was although we loved each other very much our letters represented a part of our lives that did not include the other person. He showed he cared for me in various ways, but I would never want to get pinned/laveliered by him. In doing so, I would feel like I had received his letters without doing anything for them. Without saying what organization he's from, believe me his process was challenging and often times impossible, but he made it... and for me to wear his letters (in any form) would be like saying that just because I'm his love interest, his education process means nothing...

It's apparent that we have different traditions. Please read back on this thread-- it's been discussed and agreed upon that NPC and NPHC have different views on the matter.

Lol, the first time I heard this, my ex was talking about how he was going to drop me, and I was like, you're going to do what?? Then he told me what it was-we never called it "dropping" at my school. :D

KristiAZD,
At UCLA and I think the majority of the West Coast, pinnings are more predominate than dropping. I have never even heard of dropping until GC. Many girls in my house have been pinned and wear their pin along with their boyfriend's to chapter or when in formal attire at sorority functions. Just thought I would let you know...

I'm not quite sure of the occurrance of lavaliering or pinning on my campus, but from what I understand, lavaliering is equivalent to a promise ring, and pinning is the equivalent of becoming engaged. At least that's the way it is here. I only know a two people who are lavaliered, and only one who is pinned, and that's my Big! She's looking at getting her pin and his pin put together by a jeweler... which I think would be cool.

Anywho, just thought I would share. :)

Just out of curiousity, does anyone know what Pi Kappa Alpha's stance on letters/lavaliering/pinning is?

A few years ago, I was dating a Pike who gave me one of his letter sweatshirts to wear. I felt a little uncomfortable about it, because we hadn't been together <i>that</i> long, but I was proud all the same. The chapter on our campus was pretty new, and I never worked up the guts to ask any of his brothers what the policy was.

I could kick myself now for breaking up with him...he was a good guy....

I just posted this on another thread about "dropping someone"

When I was an undergrad, the general procedures/etiquette were as follows:

1) After two Greeks have dated for a considerable time (i.e., usually a year or more), the fraternity man lavaliered the sorority woman. Usually on this occassion, there was no major celebration between the chapters. He may or may not have been subjected to the tree tying event. She always received a candle pass ceremony from her sorority sisters. We sang a song as we lit a candle and passed it in a circle. It was a big deal because no one in the chapter knows ahead of time, who the lucky honoree is...except usually her closest of sisters or pledge family members, who would read a verse or quote when the candle reached them. The last person to read announces something to the effect of "I am so excited to announce the lavaliering of my pledge daughter Susie Gam to Doug Delt. Lavaliering was very commonplace when I was in school. Sometimes, it was given after only six months. People who are against lavaliering often say having his letters hang from your lavalier symbolizes that you're owned by his fraternity. That you're property.

2) As time goes on and the relationship blossoms, a pinning usually follows. In reference to some previous posts, the woman usually is known by many of the fraternity man's brothers and well liked and vice versa, the woman's sisters known and like the man. It's usually a big secret. The men come over the woman's chapter house and serenade her. She gets another candle pass ceremony.

Pinning is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happen very often anymore. It was much bigger in the 40's and 50's. It is also a really huge deal because as some of the other posts have said, the woman is not only wearing his letters, she is now wearing his badge as well. She ranks equal to his fraternity brothers and vows. By the way, from what I understand, most fraternities have a special badge that is given in pinnings or also to chapter sweethearts. The men don't typically give their actual badge to the woman. It's generally a smaller and more feminine version of their actual badge.

Usually once the pinning takes place the chapters have a party together. Susie and Doug's Pinning Party. At my school, it was customary that the couple paid for their own party. It rarely came out of chapter funds.

Just to reiterate, getting pinned is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happent hat often. From a timing perspective, usually the couple starts dating their freshman or sophomore year, and the pinning happens towards the middle to end of their senior year. So, they've been dating throughout college. You don't start dating freshman year, get lavaliered second semester and then sophomore year get pinned. Pinning is a very special, thing. It truly means that you are about to get engaged. It's like a promise ring for greeks.

3) An engagement almost always follows a pinning. Woman gets another candle pass. No big hoopla. It is usually reserved for the pinning.

As far as sweethearts go, different fraternities have different criteria. Sometimes, it's simply a woman who has been elected as sort of a queen other times it's a woman who has done a lot in terms of service for the fraternity or other times it's a woman who has been pinned by the fraternity. She usually is good friends with many members of the fraternity brothers. It's similar to a little sis. In fact, sometimes it is the little sister of a fraternity brother. No matter what, a woman who is a sweetheart, lil sis, pinned, lavaliered, etc...is very well respected by the fraternity.

Hope that helps. Remember, this was just at my school. Different strokes for different folks.

My boyfriend is a Sig Ep at a diff. school then I go to and it differs from school to school. At his school for Sig eps you have to be a Junior or Senior to pin your gf. Most are Seniors unless you have been together for a long time. I've been to the pinning ceremony, but not yet pinned :( (maybe when I'm a junior) They actually get a pin, I'm not sure whether it is the same pin or not. But when your pinned you are put to the level of his brothers, you can sit in on rituals and you learn the secrets. As for where to where the pins, I know that Sigma Kappa has rules where you wear your other fraternity pins like Order of the Omega pins, honor frats NPC etc. So it may be different for the other Chapters.
At my school pinning is really special but seen as really bad luck. The guy gets treed which is the most disgusting thing to witness. I saw one guy beaten with a dead piece of roadkill. And then his girlfriend is called to pick him up and take care of him, cute idea but treeing goes way too far.

Getting treed sucks for the guys. When I got laveliered, my bf got tied to the tree in front of his house, which is in front of my chapter's house.

He was stripped down to his underwear. They then usually throw some bucket of stuff on you. It's like mayo, mustard, ketchup, urine, throw-up, you name it...it's gross.

Then like you said, they call the girlfriend to pick him up.

hrm-- that sounds wrong.

Ummm, I was (am) pinned to a Sig Ep, as were several of my sisters and friends. I can assure you that none of us ever sat in on a ritual. :eek:

I have a hunch that if such a thing is really going on, Sig Ep's headquarters wouldn't be happy to hear about it.

definately fishy. There was one fraternity that lavaliered a girl and made up this lavish ceremony for her and practically made her a brother. Their headquarters weren't too happy to hear about that.

I have a feeling that if they are doing this, it is by their own choice, NOT the headquarters of SPE. My boyfriend is a Sig Ep, and though I am lavaliered and sweetheart, I will NEVER be let in on their rituals and secrets. I am not even allowed to be in the house sleeping or watching TV in my boyfriend's room if they are having a meeting or a ceremony. If this chapter is doing this, it is very wrong.

Maybe I could have gotten it wrong? He said something the other day about when I get pinned being let in on a ritual. I thought the same thing myself it doesn't sound right I was just going on what he was saying. But in a way it makes some sense b/c back in the 60's there was a group of women who were loveliered who were considered "sig eps" and they were allowed to be in ritual. I know this because when we were at formal the National President of Sigma Phi Epsilon was talking about it. And the wives and girlfriends who were loveliered were allowed to sit in at the formal ritual. Maybe I'm getting two things mixed up? But I'm just saying thats what I know? Maybe I'm not getting the full story?

I'm really not sure. There *is* a ceremony for the pinning itself, I've been to a few of those and participated in one myself...but I have never sat in on an initiation or anything remotely related to it. Neither have any of my friends, and we represent 4 different Sig Ep chapters on 4 different campuses. :confused:

I just asked my husband about this for further clarification, and he said he has never heard of anything like that. (Actually he had a few more choice words than that, I'll spare the details. ;))

Could you get some clarification from your boyfriend and let us know what he says? You've piqued my interest, and now I really want to know what he is referring to!!! Thanks!

This is the exact reason why many of the big fraternities got rid of their little sister programs. Their "little sisters" wanted to become full brothers and that defeated the purpose of having a ALL MALE fraternity.

I think everyone has to understand that there is no right or wrong answer here nor is this something approved by your nationals. It varies from school to school therefore lavalierings and pinnings are held at different levels.

My school, lavalierings are something personal between the couple. It's not really something public but it basically lets the girl wear her boyfriends letters. I havent heard of a sorority girl at my school lavaliering her boyfriend but from the sound of it other schools have it.

Pinnings on the other hand are a big deal. Since we dont have sorority houses we have suites in the top floor of our female dormitory. This dormitory has a balcony on it so when a girl gets pinned she stands on the balcony with her chapter and the fratnerity walks down the walkway towards the dorm usually with torches or such. They then serenade her which is then followed by the boyfriend climbs up the side of the wall to the balcony and gives his girlfriend his fraternity pin. But this is really just a "greek engagement" it doesnt mean that you get to sit in on their ritual or learn their secrets. If that was true I think we would all know a lot more about other GLO especially if the relationship ended.

I think it is wrong to share ritual and fraternal secrets with non-members. I doubt any nationals would approve of this practice.

AlphaGam, I agree. That's why there is no sharing of ritual or secrets.

At my school when a guy pins his girlfriend, he gives her his pledge pin. That way he's not parting with his badge, but she is wearing something that means a lot to the fraternity.

Lucky frat guys get to keep their pledge pins... I was devestated when I learned that Kappa pledges don't get to keep theirs.

As far as shirts go, BQP had rush shirts last year that say "GO BETA" in huge letters on the back. Those are now the most popular shirts on campus. Just about every Beta girlfriend has one of those. Most of them also have "Beta Lifeguard" shirts from their fall Beach Bash party. Those say "Certified in Mouth to Mouth." Tee-hee.

Demon Knight is right!
 

First off let me say, "HooRah!" to Demon Knight. Phi Tau 4 shize..Demon Knight was on point!
-Heath
FKT

Demon Knight is right!
 

First off let me say, "HooRah!" to Demon Knight. Phi Tau 4 shize..Demon Knight was on point!
-Heath
FKT
www.bspotonline.com/phitau

On my campus, if a Delta Chi lavelieres a girl and they subsequently break up, he's responsible for not only getting the letters back, but swallowing the laveliere.

At our school we have what we call being pearled, which is the equivalent to lavaliering except that a GDI would pearl, while someone in a fraternity would lavalier you.

How does pearling work? I'm curious, 'cause I've only heard of lavaliering!

No one lavaliers here of what I noticed. It's mostly just when you're pinned you get his pin and you wear his letters (but never the crest!!!). But this is only done if their is an engagement in the not-so-distant future. All glo's are different but this is how it's done in TKE. Plus some chapters may have bylaws about the process. Here it is only the member can buy TKE apparel for the girlfriend, not herself, or she can wear what he already owns but she can never keep his chapter shirt. Also, we get serenaded and the pinner gets to be dumped in the lake behind campus, lol :)

It is really interested to hear what happens on other campuses.

What amazes me the most at some schools is the number of females wearing fraternity letters. Where I went to school, being "lettered" was the first step. This was ususally done at some public function and the guy would present his girlfriend with a fraternity shirt. Only lettered women were allowed to wear the fraternity's letters (expect for shirts from combined functions, like KD/PiKapp crush party). For this show of effection, the guy would be dumped into the Fountain by his brothers.

Next came lavellering, pinning, and then engagement. Pinning was very rare and it was assumed that it was only a matter of time (and $$$) before the engagement happened.

For each of these events, the sister would get a candlelighting ceremony. Only the chapter president and her big sis or little sis knew (big/little was responsible for making the candle to be passed).

The "punishment" for the brother got progressively worse with each stage, and he usually ended up tied to the lamp post, pelted with food, and then thrown in the fountain (Sometimes along with his girlfriend if she wasn't quick enough ;) )

pearling
 

Pearling is basically the same as lavaliering, except that the guy is a GDI. it's a great alternative if you want to have the candlepass for yourself but aren't dating a fraternity man. Our greek shop sells pearls that can hook onto lavaliers. It's usually when a GDi is really serious about his greek girlfriend (just like the lavaliering). One of my sisters was pearled at our spring formal. Her boyfriend had been told about pearling from her best friend. he knew about lavaliering (he is a theta chi alum) but he was so many years out that he felt it was innapropriate. he went to the greek store and bought a pearl and we had the candle pass at formal. it was so sweet. all our dates took pictures for us. All of the sororites on our campus take out newspaper ads to congratulate sisters who have been pearled, lavaliered, etc., and I've seen momre ads for pearlings than for lavaliers.

Thanks for the explanation. ;) Actually, I asked one of my sisters down the hall about pearling a couple weeks ago, and she told me what she knew about it as she had some friends who had been pearled. It's not widely done here, but hot damn, I'd like to be the first! :D I didn't know you could buy actual pearls to stick on the lavaliers, though--exactly what does that look like? I was just told that the guy gives the girl a piece of pearl jewelry.

Pearling is done at my campus as well. It is when a non-Greek buys the Greek woman a piece of pearl jewelry (i.e. a pearl pendant necklace or ring). We have a candle passing ceremony for her. My question to everyone was, what is considered a good age to be lavaliered or pearled? As a freshman, I know I'm considered to young, but is being a sophomre old enough, or should my boyfriend wait til our junior year?

Its his choice too. If he gives it to now you can accept it as a freshman. I wouldn't pressure him into getting it though if its a big deal at your campous.

Pinning Traditions
 

This topic came up in another thread.

Does your organization have any special pinning traditions?

In Phi Kappa Psi, no one but a brother in good standing may wear our badge. This means that if a Phi Psi wants to pin his lady, he can't use our badge. We have a sweetheart pin for this purpose. Anyone who wants to see 3 versions of our sweetheart pin, may do so here.

Can you lavalier with a soldier?
 

I'm the Mom of a ZTA whos' bf is in Iraq. He wants to know if he can lavalier her with a set of his dogtags for a candle lighting cermony. Being "tagged" is a military tradition with the same meaning as lavaliering. Thanks!