correction..
 

that should be "not be callus" in the post two post above.. *sorry*

Re: my bad.. my responce
 

That's all I wanted to hear from you Swamp Thing!! :)

one last reply to classy lady and then I'm deadin' my input in this convo
 

Sex isn't the "deal breaker" for me... per se... It's just something that I'm looking for..

There are other baseline things that I look for.. Having a child could be considered a "deal breaker" if you go by what I want in a relationship.

Once again y'all... different traits/things have higher/lesser priority to different people. One Man/Woman's bologna is another Man/Woman's steak. None of these answers are total right or wrongs.. just things that might be right or wrong for YOU..

Swamp Thing,

I completely respect your opinion, as it is not uncommon among your gender. I don't feel that I was being callus. I gave an extreme situation to prove a point. I honestly don't think a man with at least half a brain, (I'm sure that you have a full one ;) ), would pass up the woman of his dreams over sex. And, I also don't think that you would deal with someone that you absolutely can't stand just because she was givin' it up.

I'm just trying to say that it can be done and it can probably be done by you. I don't think that having a non-sexual relationship is settling for less. To me, it's more like waiting for the best.

You took the words right out of my mouth, Classy Lady!

*shrug*

Umm...yeah....celibate....sure.....lol

Sex is not something you do indiscriminately but I am female, and of the opinion that it is important in a relationship.

I agree with Swamp Thang. If a woman wants no sex, then she should look for a man who wants the same thing, rather than get involved in a relationship that will ultimately make one or both parties unhapppy and/or resentful.

A man who is not celibate might SAY that he'll wait, but if that is NOT something he's looking for then you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. When some hoochie sees that he's taken and decides she wants him, it'll be that much easier for him to stray, because he knows he can get what he REALLY wants from her.

No offense gentlemen, but when it comes to sex, I just don't think most men in my age group are particularly responsible, and as such the idea of them waiting for a woman is questionable.

Hmm...
 

As a woman who was a virgin up until after she was 18 and still held back after then I know there are a lot of men who are willing to wait, my boyfriend who I have been very active with (who is also my future husband) is stationed overseas and he is waiting a year for me-a lot of people don't believe it but I believe if a man really wants to do something without a question in mind-he can do it.

By the way does this mean no action at all I mean-no getting ate out, you not touching or anything?

I'm like it's a liquid cocaine isn't it-it feels so good. At least there's a lot of mental stuff you discover when your man is that far away lol.

Shhh...don't tell NOBODY lol.

committment is committment
 

I have a friend who's getting married on Aug. 31st to a Military Man. She, and her man we're active before he left to go overseas for 7 months..

After the 7 months, He was through with his stint and they 'made up for lost time'.LOL

Basically, I took the thread as "when the relationship is being established". If, like my friend, I'm in love with my partner and she has a military overseas stint to do or her job sends her away for 3 - 6 months to consult or whatever, then of course, I'll wait.. Because, even though we're separate, we still have the relationship that we want.

Havin' a monogomous sexual relationship where you and your partner are separated for a minute is different from having a partner who's abstinent.

Could I wait?
 

YES!!

It so happens that just yesterday, I went out and bought a chastity ring (which resembles a wedding band only it's sterling silver and has the word "Purity" on it).

Lemme just say this: While I am by not physically a virgin, I have NEVER made love to a woman, even when I was married. I think the biggest reason was because my spirit was impure and I was never focused on the woman I was with while in bed.

The only thing I have to show for my times of intimacy was a lot of cheap thrills, anxiety attacks, and hurt feelings (mine and hers). I'm sorry, but that experience in the front seat of a '90 Honda Civic did not and could never teach me about true intimacy.

IMHO I have matured to a point where I don't want to meet body to body so much as I want to meet soul to soul and spirit to spirit with a woman. So I don't feel any anxiety about waiting to get married to connect with my mate. I haven't missed anything in doing so, and I have nothing to lose.

Just my 2 cents.

Okay...I'm Through W/ This Now
 

First off, if you are addressing me personally, then you are WAY off base. I have not had sex for some years now. I choose not to engage in meaningless sex with a man, just b/c I'm "feeling hot and bothered". Secondly, as I stated earlier, please don't trivialize other people's views on sex. When I make love to a man, it's not only b/c I'm all hot and bothered...it's a physical expression of our love for one another...an expression of which I have only shared so far w/ one person and that I don't take lightly...

EXACTLY!!!! Finally, a fellow woman that I agree with and I can identify w/ (we're in the same age group)...You said ewxactly what i've been trying to say...

I say look for what you want in a man...If he doesn't have a quality that you desire, then don't waste your time trying to change him. Would you want a man trying to change you, telling you to have sex? I'm prety sure you wouldn't! That's why I don't even waste my time on men that want frivolous, meaningless sex. We'd have to have an understanding/agreement established at the BEGINNING of our relationship--that we won't have sex until both of us are ready--no matter how long it takes up until the point of when/if we get married...Neither partner would attempt to pressure the other into sex...And if he couldn't deal with that--if we are not in agreement, then why waste my time?! I'm young, and I'm sure God has the right man out there for me.

Re: Okay...I'm Through W/ This Now
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sugar_N_Spice
[B]

First off, if you are addressing me personally, then you are WAY off base. I have not had sex for some years now. I choose not to engage in meaningless sex with a man, just b/c I'm "feeling hot and bothered". Secondly, as I stated earlier, please don't trivialize other people's views on sex. When I make love to a man, it's not only b/c I'm all hot and bothered...it's a physical expression of our love for one another...an expression of which I have only shared so far w/ one person and that I don't take lightly...



Ok you made some comments like you were active.I was only going by those.Secondly, I asked you what are you THINKING when you engage in intercourse?Just be honest and don't tap dance around the question.Third, I haven't trivialized anyone's ideas about sex.I still and will always feel that the idea about putting a person before God is ludicrous.And no I'm not referring to you.

The Wait
 

Hmmm. I am mad new to this whoa "greekchat"/posting thing, so let me first make my disclaimer and gain friends before I lost some with my typewritter words! So Big A Phi to My Fellow Greeks
06 to my Frat, much love to the sorors.

Now to the Nitty. Can I wait (speaking for one man of course). My answer is that it is a strong possiblity that I have it within me to wait. I truly find myself intriqued by women for a myriad of things, physically and mentally. As of today, in 2002, my answer leans strongly towards waiting or "prolonging" due to a number of personal factors; I feel as though I have "made" it (college grad, no children (bless those who do), young, disease free, and ALL MY TEETH!) yet have still so much further to go and accomplished. Mentally, I know that I am wanting that queen in my life (someone to challenge, push, be my biggest conqueror of me and me of her), but do fear if I am ready to "step up to the plate" if you will. My goal is not to "date" women, but to certainly learn from their experiences and help me grow in life. Sex, I have learned, becomes an unimportant important part of a relationship. But what I feel we have been to quick to experience is that virtual "masterbation"...that for the moment feeling of pleasure that accomplishes nothing but wanting more of a contentment a toy, woman or even hand could give you!
I feel that when I have been presented with "celibacy", it has not been a problem to regard a "no sex" rule; I think any man with a ounce of intelligence will vouch for that. Yet, some stimulation is Required. What is your niche? If sex was how you kept an individual interested in you in the past, what do you present to keep that intrique going?
To be blunt, yes I have enjoyed sex. Yes, I have loved making love. Is it an issue of a woman being celibate: no...but make that celibacy be a completely physical trait and not one that effects your mind, meaning a womans angle be "no sex" and every time we interact it is "to bad I am celibate" or "even still I am celibate" or "I wish I werent celibate". I guess I am touching on different types of "celibacy":mental and physical. Heard of Mind Sex (a phase over used yet still true)

Be Mindfull and Let your relationships flow. Showing attraction is not through a physical satisfaction.

Anyways and As always

Holla Front

Through the Lord I would resist.
 

God said in 1 Corinthians 6 that we should not involve ourselves with fornicators. He echos the command to stay away from fornication/sexual immorality in 1 Thessalonians 4; therefore, I must wait.

Believe me, I have swerved toward caving in, but thanks to lots of faith in Jesus, I have resisted giving into the temptation.

I would work hard to tell the woman I love that we need to start out each of our moments spent together in sincere prayer so that we don't give into those urges.

So far so good. I'm 26 and still a virgin. I pray that God keeps me that way.

I would work hard to wait until my girlfriend/fiancee and I were married before consumating our bond because that's what God would want.

LOL
 

That's wonderful!

:D

Re: Through the Lord I would resist.
 

Congratulations for living out your beliefs.

Question: I have friends who were virgins before they married but they did everything else but intercourse (i.e., no penetration). Did they fulfill that scripture of staying away from sexual immorality?

I ask that question because some people believe that christians should even not do heavy petting or getting to third base. They only believe that hand holding and kissing is allowed.

BJ

Re: Re: Through the Lord I would resist.
 

Unfortunately, they did not fulfill what the scripture said because in scripture the phrase "sexual immorality" refers to anything sexual (intercourse, oral, anal, petting, masturbating, etc.) because all of these activities intail personally involving the stimulation of the genitals as the primary, direct or indirect goal.

Sexual intercourse generally refers to any coming together of two people for coitus (penis into vagina) or copulation (a shared experience of a sexual nature).

The phrase "sexual immorality" or the word "fornication" translates a greek word called porneia that literally means "doing what a whore does". In other words, whatever a prosititute practices (intercourse, oral, anal, petting, masturbating, etc.) is forbidden for unmarried folks. (By the way, in the bible virgin only refers to women that are unmarried. It does not mean a man or a woman who has not had sexual intercourse. That part is somewhat implied)

That's pretty much what I hear, too because doing any of those things focuses the couple on having sex or getting themselves ready to have sex. Short kissing (not Frenching) and hand holding are probably the safest bet.

Have you heard any other opinions? I would love to hear about them. :)

:cool:

I'm sorry. I would thank you for your openess and honesty, and I would wish us both all the happiness in the world; but it would be separate worlds.

relationship, relationship, relationship..............weeeeeellllllll uuuuuuhhhhh.......lets seeeee..........I WANT TO GET RAN UP IN LIKE A WILD HYENA. lol lol

:eek: :D :eek: :D :eek: :)

i have a girlfriend who refrained from having sex until she got married. actually, it was her boyfriend's idea. well, she found out what was really going on at the honeymoon. lol lol lol


my motto is SHAKE YO __ __ __ SHOW ME WHATCHA WORKING WITH. :D

Professor - you still make me laugh!!!!! how is fairfield!!!!

I just took my vow of purity-which basically states that I would refrain from all sexual activities. After the 3rd week of class, I realized that it was more about my love for God, than my desire to be pure.

Re: Through the Lord I would resist.
 

i will pray for you on this. being celibate is a challenge and sometimes folks are not able to keep that committment.

I concur...it is VERY tough...
 

Dear darling1,
Thank you for the word of encouragement.
:)

I keep in contstant prayer about staying a virgin because I find it especially tough as a "frat boy" because a lot of my brothers are QUITE promiscuous.

In the end, I stay comfortrably abstinent because I realize that God sees that behavior as correct conduct just like the State Governments see abstaining from robbery as correct conduct. You could do what you want to do as long as you realize the penalities and consequences that you must reap. God, as well as the governments, clearly set down these principles very clearly, and it eases me to see that a standard of correctness does indeed exist in a performance-based way.

God Bless you at every juncture. :D

keep your eye on the mark
 

by seeing the larger picture and knowing what God has in store for you and LISTENING to HIM, it should not be difficult. i say that from personal experience.

Blessing to you always.

BTW: your story was one that was very encouraging for someone very close to me. i never thank you for that ;)

Romans 7: The Fight For The Right
 

Lol...I agree with you. If we listen to God and focus our minds on what the word tells us, staying abstinent is not difficult.

It goes back to what Paul tells us in Romans 7. When we want to do good, evil is right there with us. Our minds want to follow God's Will, but our bodies want to follow another law--the law of sin. The body and mind wage war against each other just like Iraq and the United States.

Lol. Thanks be to God through Christ who tells us how to overcome these challenges. :D

:) Please tell your friend that I appreciate her finding my little testimony useful. I know that God will continue to strengthen her as her faith in him grows each moment. :D

If I'm really interested in being with her in a committed relationship I would wait.

I guess we will all make sacrifices if we're willing to be in a commited relationship!

By the way Enlightenment06...we're clubs!!! #1 Trail Breaker

Re: Re: Re: Through the Lord I would resist.
 

Unfortunately, I only heard one message on a James Dobson radio program about petting. This 26 year old minister gave a message about forsaking all sexual things including petting. The first time he ever kissed his wife was on their wedding day.

That was the first time I ever heard of not doing anything. Majority of the sermons I heard was not having sex but they never addressed petting.

Stay Strong!

BJ

For me personally...
 

After reading this entire thread and getting to know everyones opinion on the subject I have developed my answer.
As of right now, I don't want to wait. I'm sure I could if I wanted to but since I don't it's not an issue. I am in a monogomous relationship with the man I intend marry. I am more of a spiritual person that a religious person so that plays no part in my decision. I was raised Catholic and we had more rules than a little bit. I don't believe that rules alone makes you a better person. Thinking for yourself has to play a part in that. I have soaked in all the life lessons, mistakes, triumphs, and all that jazz. That is what I use to make my decisions. With that philosophy I allow others to do the same.

Diva

saw this while scanning old threads

hell to the naw :D
i gotta hit first nite:D :D :D :D

just kidding the first woman i ever loved made me wait from Feb-oct
i was a two week man on my yard - i saw u - i wanted you - s**t two weeks or less i had u-
Until i met Adria founding member of S G Rho at my school
-- I tried like h**L to put my thang down but even though she had been liking me for the previous whole semester( as i later found out after overhearing her and her best friend having a conversation)
she was like no - no -no -no - and in case you didn't hear me -- no.
we even started to sleep in the same bed in sept. for 3-4night out the week
---- s**t but it was worth the wait she taught how to love awoman for her self.:) :) :) :D :D
waiting is good and important for a meaninful relationship

Jyhad
i am loved and i give love freely

GREAT TO HEAR THAT!

Wow that neicy chick was disrespectful.:p

They don't reside in Alabama either:(

QUESTION FOR THOSE WHO ARE CELIBATE AND in a relationship


Can you PM me please? Thanks. :cool:

Re: Could You Wait?
 

I'm currently doing this right now. My girlfriend and I have agreed that we would wait until we got married before partaking in sex.

Personally I wouldn't date a girl that is quick to give it up. The relationship that I have with my girl is God centered . We pray together every morning and before we go out. We cuddle but we do not have sex. Now when we get married.....;) That's another topic