Regarding the homecoming queen question.... I'll just say that my school was very political, as are most Southern schools, especially the big SEC campuses.
:cool:

GammaPhi and SigKap, both of you made excellent points! It just goes to show that women can be happy without the reputation. It's just a shame that more women don't go through recruitment with the attitudes you ladies had.

One of our chapters is at an SEC school and is THE weak sorority on campus. But they only had 12 girls last year. Now they are over 30. That's huge for them, and the reason why? Because in a recruitment of hundreds of girls, they only got 2! I talked to one of these women a few days ago, and asked her "are you happy with your sorority experience thus far?" Her answer was awesome...she said "I may not be in XYZ or ABC, but I'm where I belong. I had the opportunity to join a big sorority, but I didn't feel I would have as much of a sorority experience as I do with my chapter. We're going to make it out of this trouble and onto huge things...that's all I have to say!"

She made me cry :) I know, I'm a dork!

I like to refer to those people who are only in it for the letters as "letter pimps". LOL In other words, they like to show off, or "pimp" their letters to say "look at me, I'm in a sorority, I'm cool". Seriously, that is just as bad as someone wanting to go to Harvard or Yale just to wear their shirts to get attention. It irritates me to no end when people do not participate enough! ESPECIALLY when a few people don't show up for meetings. I have NEVER missed a meeting, and I never will unless I am in the hospital! If there is ANYTHING Zeta-related going on, I am always there unless I have a class or am really really sick (ex: I had mono last semester so I still went to meetings but had to miss watching some of the sporting events). Is it a crime to be overly spirited about your sorority? If so, I'm as good as arrested! :D

In regards to the Homecoming Queen thing, I'll reitirate (and attempt to clarify) what some others have said: A girl is more likely to be elected if she is in a "stronger" house, because
1) there will be more people behind her, with more enthusiasm to spread the word about why she should be elected through means of posters, banners, word-of-mouth, etc.
2) the more recognizable an organization (sorority) is to the student population, the more likely they are to vote for her even if they don't know her, simply because they have heard of the sorority, or because the sorority has a good reputation.

This is in NO WAY saying that someone from a "weaker" sorority or even someone who is NOT affiliated with a sorority cannot become Homecoming Queen, but it is still less likely, especially in the South. A similar concept goes for highschools, where a girl is more likely to win Homecoming/Prom Queen if she's in a more recognizable group/club such as cheerleading, athletics, honors societies, etc.

Ah...if only life were less complicated sometimes. ;)

My school eliminated HC queen, and now has 10 women and 10 men on court. They are selected based on application and personal interview reviewed by members of the faculty and alumni. I think this is a much better system. Although they are mostly Greeks, I see women from every chapter, including NPHC and locals.

At my school Homecoming consists of a court as well, and the ladies running must have a high gpa, lots of community service involvement, etc, but students still vote. Our Homecoming Queen this year was a member of the NPHC organization Zeta Phi Beta, and our Homecoming King was the President of Phi Beta Sigma (I think that was the org. he was in, but I can't remember for sure). :) One of my sisters ran for HQ, but I think it wasn't advertised well enough...needless to say, she didn't win. Involvement in Greek Organizations as well as "advertising" really do play the biggest roles in those elections. Everywhere I went practically there was a paper or picture of the girl who ended up winning, and her sisters & friends were everywhere on campus promoting her---she had some awesome public relations going on. :)

First of all, I loved my sorority experience. I found a home away from home where I made friends, had fun, and developed leadership skills. I joined one of the smallest sororities in the country and on my campus. Unfortunately for some reason small in size equals weak. Meanwhile back in high school, small meant elite. While I was active, we never made quota or total and were about half the size of the larger sororities. From my perspective, we had a small number of extremely active, enthusiastic, and involved sisters who cared about our sorority and liked each other. Of course, low numbers at formal rush were disappointing to us, but we maintained our membership and slowly grew. When it came to greek-wide events, we had the same number of sisters attending as other sororities even though they were twice our size.

I just have to say that I am soooo glad A&M does not have homecoming and that we don't have cheerleaders-thus no bickering or pressure among the sororities to fill a certain number of cheerleading spots or run for homecoming queen etc...

We had yell leaders-hot guys in uniforms from the corp of cadets my cousin is a yell leader rt. now.

KilarneyRoseI've read in some posts that at some of the more competitive rush schools, the PNMs come into rush already having visited the campus and making a point of getting to know sorority members. Do you all think this is a bad thing?

This is exactly what MANY do from our town. I would think it would give an edge, but still, if they didn't like you, you wouldn't be offered a bid no matter HOW many times you visited. Some of the girls who did visit before hand still got cut.

One girl I mentioned during Tiger Days visited LSU and when she saw that it was a duplication of her HS, she decided to go to another school. It has been mentioned on this thread and others that girls often want a chance to recreate themselves,maybe NEED to recreate themselves. When you know a fair amount of members, you may be stuck in your HS niche. That can work against you as easily as it can work for you.

If this posted twice, I deleat one!

Killarney--yes, you remembered correctly. I grew up right near my campus and spent many years at KSU with my mom when she was a student. I did some "investigating" before I started my freshman year and I went into rush knowing that I was only interested in 3 of the 7 sororities. I don't think that there is anything wrong with this.....as long as you get accurate info. I was lucky in that the things that I heard prior to starting school were pretty close to the truth, plus I had seen a lot of the members walking around in their letters and had gotten to make casual acquaintances from both the Kent and Akron sororities over the years.

My only problem with the way NPC rush is handled is that all of the restrictions make it very difficult for the chapters and rushees to see and know each other well enough to make an educated choice. I feel that if things were more relaxed and girls were able to approach the chapters they were interested in everyone would come to the rush parties and selection sessions much better equipped to make decisions. Could this offer an advantage to the more outgoing rushees? Sure. But that's real life. If you want something you have to take your opportunities and make the most of them. The whole sorority experience is supposed to help prepare you for life, and part of that is learning to overcome your shyness. Could this offer an advantage to the more "popular" chapters? Possibly, in that a lot of rushee effort and attention would most likely be aimed towards those chapters over others. But the "popular" chapters would still be restricted to the same quota as all the others, and just because more girls are interested in them does not mean that they would be interested in all of those girls.

I thought it was difficult enough to be realistic and cut through the red tape of my own chapter's rush rules and selection process. I am sure that most of the other NPC groups use a similar procedure, and it doesn't need to be made more restrictive by NPC rush rules. As it is, sometimes it would be just as effective to put names in a hat and draw.

"Letter pimps" are a problem, often for the strongest chapters. The "weaker" chapters may complain that things are unequal and unfair, but let me tell you, even the strongest chapter is affected in a negative way by Letter Pimps. We had our share of these and they were dead weight, plain and simple. We had a theory that a chapter of 70 really dedicated, fantastic sisters was far preferable to a chapter of 100 where 30 of them were dead weight and thus caused problems with participation numbers, etc. So we found ways to "weed out" the problem children. But it wasn't always easy. It seems to me that often the so-called "weaker chapters" have stronger membership in terms of dedication and purer motivation for being there.

I wish it could be fair for everyone. I wish that everyone's dream could come true with rush. But it doesn't. Even when everything seems perfect and a girl breezes through and gets her first choice, sometimes things just don't work out and she isn't happy. We don't always know what is best for us. Unfortunately we do not live in a world which guarantees our happiness at all times. But I think rush is a very realistic microcosm of society as a whole, and it acheives it purpose--to help prepare and equip these girls for what they are going to face in life after college.

Very well said, Erika!:cool:

Bravo! Encore! :D

ErikaXO, I have to say you have been sharing some wonderful opinions. I really enjoy reading your posts on the different aspects of Greek issues.

Erika--

Your post was great, with the exception of one thing I'd like to comment on. Do you honestly believe that recruitment is a microcosm of society? I mean, yes, there are similarities, but if life was like an SEC recruitment, I'd have shot myself by now :)

Recruitment is helpful in that you learn skills on how to deal with people you don't know and how to get to know folks, but it hardly compares with the real world.

Guess I just have a different perception.

Heather

In a perfect Greek world where there were no elite sororities and rush infractions/dirty rushing didn't happen, we wouldn't need so many recruitment rules and "no contact" policies. As I have mentioned before (see my Rho Chi Point of View thread), my campus has 8 national sororities and 3 that are considered "the big three" during recruitment. When I was a Rho Chi, my partner and I made it very clear on the second day that in order to find the sorority that best fits you, you must be willing to see past the "happy recruitment facade" and judge these chapters fairly. Out of my entire group, 15 girls stuck with recruitment and only was was dropped the day of preference. I am proud to say that these 14 girls are doing great and as far as I know, they are all very committed to their organizations and none of them has dropped. My point is that I don't think it's unfair to say that most girls will end up where they are meant to be if they actually give each house a fair shot before and after they get a bid. Now, remember that I am speaking from a mid-size Michigan school, not a large southern school where the massive amount of PNMs can cause complications.

Heather, I agree that SEC rush is especially tough....but I believe rush is a lot like real life. Think about it...you are going for a job. You are up against countless other faces, some more qualified, some less. It will all come down to who the interviewer clicks best with. May not be the most educated or even most qualified. Same thing with the whole dating scene. Does a guy really pick you (initially) on your entire spectrum of inner qualities? No.....there is something, usually physical, that draws him to you over the numerous others he could go for. I guess the greater meaning of what I intended is to say that life is not fair. Ever. And the way rush is conducted is a pretty good example of that. But I respectfully acknowledge your opinion and if I had gone to an SEC school I might see it differently.

Erika-- GREAT MINDS think alike! See my post in the Dartmouth thread, I said practically the same thing!

My big sis' best friend (and my best friend's big sis) Susie was a double Chi O legacy, both her mom and grandma were not only XOs, but XOs from our chapter. Both were past Presidents of the chapter.

Susie grew up with Chi O this and Chi O that and spending weekends around the house helping her dad and brothers paint, etc.

She wanted to make her own choices, and she cut XO at first opportunity, thinking that was what she had to do to make her own choice, not have it made for her by the weight of her family's legacy on our campus.

Well, as it turned out Susie pref'd two houses and got cross cut.

XO snap bid her and she went on to be President of our chapter as well.

I am not a fan of the whole "you'll end up where you were meant to" thing at all-- too many people can drop thru the cracks or have an off week and rush badly and have it devastate them. The smallest thing can throw off someone's rush.

But like h2oot said, the system, in spite of its flaws, works and the majority of PNMs get placed. You may not get your first choice--but in those early stages, I do believe you could be happy in a number of different chapters, not just one or two, its once we've been in our chapters for awhile that we find they've become a home and we couldn't imagine ourselves anywhere else.

But again, that's not to say the system is perfect or works for everyone. That is obvious. But i think it works more often than it doesn't.

I guess our recruitment is just different from what you all experienced. With 10 sororities and 150 girls going through recruitment, nobody slips through the cracks or gets lost. On our campus 100 girls signed up for recruitment. First round was on the 30th. Only 64 of the 100 came. So, now you have 10 sororities vying for only 64 women. If you're lucky, you'll get 80-85% return rate to second round, and hopefully do as well for prefs. But trust me...the bigger sororities don't cut anyone because they know that the more women that want them, the less chance they have of missing quota. It is sad the number of women who go through recruitment making it all the way to prefs and never even getting a second thought for a bid. I remember one year, we had 85 girls go through recruitment and one of the sororities had 80 of those women come back for prefs. There is NO WAY that should happen.

So as for you all who go to big schools and have all that hub bub that goes with recruitment, congrats, and enjoy it. You could be fighting for 6 women.

Whoa! We have a policy where you can only invite a certain percent back to each round so that those kinds of situations don't happen!

"strong" vs "weak" chapters
 

You're absolutely right about that -- it should NEVER be that "strong" house ends up with that many girls on preference. The way it works with our Panhell (and I think this is, or should, be pretty standard) is that your invite number is based on the precentage of rushees who have returned for the last three years. I.E. if quota is 20, and you have had an 80% return rate for the past 3 years, you would get to invite back 44 (so hopefully you will have 2 parties of 20 rushees each).
This is such a difficult issue, and I really see it playing out on our small campus. When you only have 5 houses, it is pretty easy for rushees to figure out who the "top"houses are. We have lost 1 chapter in the last five years, and another is really struggling...but of course if that one goes, then someone else has to be on the bottom, and I feel like our greek system is slowly being chipped away. While we have been lucky to be one of the strong houses on campus, as I look at this now from the prospective of an advisor, it makes me really sad to see that this happen because one house's struggle (or loosing a chapter) makes us ALL weaker. To be the last house standing is NOT the goal. And I also get a chance to work with the other advisors and know that every house on our campus has something to offer. However, I also know that this is easy to say when I was lucky enough to pledge the house of my dreams...it would have been hard to join a chapter that you weren't sure was going to be around in a year or two. Ugh! No good solutions.

ill bite, and add my two cents! :)

as some of you might know, i rushed at IU this past...fall/winter. whatever. i dropped out after the first round, disappointed in the houses that had asked me back. then i participated in COB, and was only asked by one of the houses that i didnt return to during formal rush. now i went to this house, and while they were nice, i knew it wasnt for me. now many people on here understood my point of view, others were disappointed i did not keep going during formal. now the opportunity is somewhat arisen that i am one of the girls that is helping attempt to bring tri sigma back to IU. i couldnt be happier (though if it doesnt work out...i might be just a TAD upset!) and i realize that this was meant to be for me. i knew when i dropped out of COB that it wasnt the end of my greek opportunity.

now im sure there are plenty of circumstances where people dont not end up in the houses they were "meant to be in" or what not, but i think for the most part, it all works out the way its supposed to, and it all happens for a reason. hope you all enjoyed my story! :)

roxydiva

upsetting rush
 

My first rush was something I wish I could forget. I was having a great time, till our 4th round picks came along. Getting a call from my PX just minutes before meeting up with my rush group and saying "you didn't get any bids back," upset me, and I was in tears. What made it even worse was the fact that every other rushee in my rush group got a bid on Bid Day. Like any other person, I was upset, and I started to think if this was something i really wanted. And another thing that really hurt was when a PX told some other girls and I something to the point of, if you make it to the 3rd round, you'll get a bid. When COB events started coming up, I figured, what would it hurt to go? Still, nothing happened.

Then came informal rush. By this time, I knew this was something I wanted. And I guess in a way, I was kind of lucky, b/c I knew which sororities I wanted to visit. But again, nothing came of it. Talk about being slapped across the face twice.

Luckily, everything worked out in the end, and now I'm with a great group of girls, who I love dearly.

Although my school's rush isn't competetive AT ALL (we only have 3 NPC sorors) and half of the people on our campus don't care if we exist or not and most people outside the greek system don't even know the reps of any group...I have to say I'm one of those girls who ended up where I belong.... and it was quite a road for me to get there... I know in a larger system that is very hard for EVERYONE to say... however I think if a lot of people that think they "belonged" in "top tier" sororities really thought about why they wanted to belong it may be for the wrong reasons. I believe what truly makes a woman "fit" in a sorority is personality... not their stats on a piece of paper. I mean of course what they've done before rush and their GPA can say something about a PNM, but I'm just trying to say that just because someone is beautiful, has a 4.0, discovered the cure for aids when she was 12, figured out a way to end world hunger, and cleans up the highway in her spare time doesn't mean she should assume she belongs in a "top tier" sorority.
That point aside, and getting back to the point it seems to me(PURELY MY OPINION) some of these "top tier sec sororities" are picking girls for the wrongs reasons... and that seems to be more the problem than us here at GC telling us they will end up where they belong... :)

I think that every top tier sorority eventually rolls down and someone else bubbles up to the top. The chapter that was #1 when I rushed is now definitely #3 in terms of recruitment, and the group that was #1 when I graduated seems to have been replaced by yet another chapter.

I think a chapter really becomes "top tier" through the luck (?) of getting a few strong, go-getting members who really influence the organization and draw new girls in. But in the process of getting the most popular, beautiful, smart girls, it's inevitable that some people will think they are snobs, and the next round of go-getters go somewhere else, bringing their house up to the top.

At least, that's my theory.

It is so interesting to hear that girls visit colleges and sororities before they attend. It is also wierd to imagine going to a college where you know a lot of people from high school. what happens to girls from out of state who rush. I am especially interested in this because my younger sister considering applying to some big southern schools. being from ny she doesn't know many people in sororities except me and my friends, and definetely would not know anyone at a southern school (in fact i don't think she knows anyone living south of jersey. would this put her at a huge disadvantage for rush? what are some things that might help her?

nycgirl--
I was in the same shoes as your sister..I came from out of state from the eastcoast as well (Philly) and I moved to Texas...I didn't know much about Greeks and was a little worried about the whole "RUSH THING"..It seemed difficult in the beginning b/c getting referances for me was a pain in the ass to get and I was truely worried b/c I thought these girls are gonna look at me differently for not being a local and I know nothing about the city and OMG,lol...

She just has to be herself going into rush and not stress it, there isn't a disadvantage to being from out-of-state unless you make it a negative..They really get very interested knowing a rushee is not from around the area..They take advantage of that fact and welcome you with open arms..

I found out it was such an easy outlet in conversations.It helped me to talk about myself and my background and they learned so much about me and it really helped for them and I to make my decision in choosing of where I wanted to be..So in my opinion it was actually easier to be from out of state and also you don't know anyone from your high school that you may already have pre-concieved notions about.It is starting anew and making a great impression on these ppl who are gonna be your lifelong friends.I have found myself to be a more confident,outgoing person with leadership skills that I never thought I had.It is pretty BADASS! :D

Chi Omega-"Womanly Always,Discouraged Never"

I have to agree with Lil_ChiO_Lady, It isn't a negative. In fact, it can be much better if you DON'T have a "history" with girls from your HS. When you walk into a chapter that has even a FEW girls you know, it doesn't always turn out as you might hope. Old rivalries, stereotypes, or something as minute as a single moment in time that you "weren't at your best" can pop into the memory of active members. Last year, some of the girls that shared activities with active members were cut right off the bat-legacy or not. It could be traced back to competition in HS. In some of the cases, the girls expected it. Here it is, a year later and a couple of the Moms are STILL upset over the outcome and the PERCEIVED reasons behind the "snub". If you had a glowing reputaton and "everybody just LOVED you", of course it can help.
The most beneficial relationships seemed to be those where families were socially intertwined and the younger girls were friends of a respected active member. This leaves a lot of room for all the great girls that let their personality and CONFIDENCE shine though during rush.

It also depends upon the school. If you're going to one that has a very competitive Greek system and just "show up" for rush with a few recs you stand a good chance of getting lost in the numbers.

We work on rush all summer, with the actives from each city (or area) meeting weekly and sifting through the possibles. By the time rush begins we have a pretty good work-up on most PNMs.
They're always a few surprises, but not as many as you'd think considering we pledged 70 last year. This is the only way you can effectively handle it when almost a thousand PNMs are coming through the first parties.

At my school, approximately 1300-1400 girls rush each fall, and we are only second to Ole Miss as the most competitive rush in the nation. Most of the girls who go through are from Atlanta or other large cities in Georgia and are some of the most beautiful college co-eds around. That being said, sorority rush there is sometimes compared to the male "Hell Week" (even though many greek people don't like that word, it happens on our campus at least). Anyways, I had my heart set on a certain prestigious sorority but was cut after 2nd round because a certain girl and I just "didn't click," despite all the other people I knew there who liked me. I ended up pledging Alpha Chi, and although it was not where I ever thought I'd be, it turned out to be a great choice. In the end, the phrase "you'll end up where you are supposed to" turned out to mean something more like "you may not end up where you thought you would, but you'll still end up in a happy place and your life will go on." I've told several younger friends who are about to go through rush at different schools to keep an open mind. Even though I'm not where I thought I'd be, I'm just happy to be in the greek system. It's been a very rewarding experience.

I went to UF with my best friends from high school but I didn't know one Greek soul. I doubt that had any effect on whether I got a bid or not, b/c even in the most competitive Greek systems, it boils down to whether or not you like the sorority and they like you. I knew absolutely nothing about Greek life but I clicked with the girls. All your sister has to do is learn as much as she can about each of the sororities during rush and just be herself. Seriously, I think many houses consider it more important to have someone who is fun and well-rounded and would make a good contribution to the house than a girl who has her nose in the air and is snobby but is beautiful. These are going to be your sisters, after all, not your cover girls...I'm sure you know that, being in a sorority yourself. Knowing other girls is a nice reassurance during such a stressful week but is by no means necessary.

AphaPhiCutie, it's so funny that you refer to Recruitment Week as "Hell Week," too. It was the hardest, longest week, and if any frat guy ever has the nerve to think that we didn't "earn" our initiations b/c our pledge periods were easy, then they obviously do not understand how taxing "water parties" can be. ;)

Ooh what a tricky little topic this is.

I have conflicting thoughts on this, so bear with me.

1. in my case, I pref'd the 2 "best" sororities, and then the "weak". I chose the smaller "weaker" sorority b/c I am a girl that LOVES to be in the center of attention, and I like to speak out and be heard. Part of my decision process was that I knew I would be able to stand out better, be better able to hold offices, etc. in the latter. I TOTALLY agree that sororities that seem weak may not really be, conversely, strong, may not be strong. After being in my chapter for 6 years, I would not change a thing. I have realized that I have probably worked harder for my sorority than anything else in my life, and it has made me a world of a better person for it. And in that work, I have found the beauty and strength of my so-called weak chapter.

2. AND ;) , in the last few years, i have seen the TOPS go down a bit, the BOTTOMS come up a bit, and like college, realized collegiate sorority life is cylical, and is constantly evolving every four years.

3. On the other hand, I don't think everybody goes where they are meant to be. I rushed with my real sister, we never discussed ANYTHING, b/c we wanted to make our own decisions.
She made a bad choice, in the way that her chapter did not support her when mine would have, and she regrets that she had not chose differently. It's all in the chapter and the person.

4. And possibly most important, is that the conundrum of RUSH is that it's just that! You are forced, as a PNM and Member, to judge a person in a very short period of time. Which sux. My feelings on this have always been is that A) My mom's friends didn't know everything about me coming out of high school, and had they known every stupid thing i did, would have not given me a rec. (Thank God they did) B) Anyone can put on a front for a week, and look like an angel with a good resume, and C) for the most part most girls could be molded into excellent, upstanding women with the right help. (Does this come from sororities? You be the judge) Some just need the right peer pressure.

Ok. Now I'm babbling. Lost my point somewhere in there. Hopefully you'll be able to suss it out.

Where did you live near Philly Lil_ChiO_Lady, and what school did you go to in Texas? One of my dearest friends lived here in Philly and then went to UTEP for college. She was a Chi O there, although the chapter has now closed! She has nearly the same story as you :)

I lived in North Philly and moved up to Northeast during my high school years... I now attend the University of Houston..I have never had the pleasure of meeting her.

I am one of those girls who "got lost in the shuffle" at a large SEC school. I believed all those little half-truths about the sorority getting the recommendation, you just turning in your little information sheet, etc. I secured no recs based on this lie.

I think I had a worse experience for a couple different reasons.

1. I was the only person from my high school at that particular university. There were girls from my hometown, but they all went to the prestigious private school and looked at me exceedingly weird when I said I went to a public high school.

2. I was very young, though everyone says it shouldn't have anything to do with it. I was actually 16 when I rushed and turned 17 later that fall.

I had the grades. I had the involvement in activities. I had the community service. On paper, I looked good. :)

I went onward to rush with no preconceived notions about any of the sororities. At the particular school that I attended, there are 18 sororities. During the first round, we visited all the houses and I thought, despite the reputation of being from a public school, that I had made a good impression. Imagine my surprise received my invitations to round 2 and I only had *2* houses left. Talk about a gut check moment. My rho chi couldn't believe it. After all the other girls left to go get ready for their first party, she talked to me for a while. She advised me to go to the 2 parties, even though I was a wreck, and so I did. I came back the next day and those 2 houses had dropped me. My rho chi cried with me when I dropped out of rush. She said she didn't understand why they wouldn't like me and I, honestly, I have no idea to this day.

My point is this, yes, there are girls who go into rush saying, "If I don't get ABC, then I don't go anything." I wasn't one of those girls and, yet, I still had an unsuccessful rush. I would have been more than happy to just find *A* home. Yes, at some level, it does effect your self esteem, but you can choose to dwell on it or live your life.

I ended up transferring to a college that did not have sororities. I'm currently persuing alumna initiation, so maybe things do work out for the best. It just might take a while for them to work out. :)

We've acquired a bunch of new members lately and I'd like to know your views on this topic that affects so many PNMs, especially at the Mega-Greek schools.....

thanks, Carnation
 

was not reading GC when you first started this thread, but I was glad to see that you bumped it! I do agree that things DO NOT always work out for the best and PNM's do not always end up "where they were meant to be". I cringe every time I see someone say that on GC. I am from the South and although my school is not SEC, nor is my daughter's, I have seen odd things happen to many of my friends and hers during recruitment. Sometimes there is just no explanation for why a PNM does not get bid other than the luck of the draw. Thanks for your wisdom on the subject!

That statement about "people going where they're meant to be" bothers me more every year. I have now watched 3 classes of my daughters' peers go through rush--mostly in SEC schools but also in other Georgia schools--and I have watched the cream of the crop from their high school get cut heavily and quickly. I was devastated for so many of them after rush last year...all these girls who should've been snapped up by the strongest, most involved sororities were left with 2-4 sororities out of 15-18 after second parties. Gorgeous, sweet, intelligent girls with great recs--and all the alums from around here were going, "HUH? What happened?"

And so I can't say they ended up where they were meant to.:(

I just ran across this thread--I can't believe I haven't seen it before now.

Wow.

I hate to say it, but Carnation's initial thread-starting post brought back a flood of feelings of disorientation and disappointment and bitterness that I remember from rush days.

In some ways, it's reassuring: as an undergrad, I thought I was the ONLY one who had a terrible rush experience. I was afraid to talk to anyone about it at the time--everyone around me was getting bids to their first choice, picking out gowns, tracking down white dresses.....and here I am trying to paint a fake smile on my face for them so I wouldn't get branded a sour-puss.

I think an important thing to point out to PNMs is that sometimes it *doesn't* work out. But even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean you are an oddball or an outcast. It happens, but it's not something to be ashamed of. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago, instead of having to struggle to figure it out for myself.

Thanx to everyone who contributed to this topic.

Back in the saddle again..... ;)
Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

As a committee head for my son's Senior Party, I've had the opportunity to meet a TON of mothers I didn't know. Though the number attending LSU seems to be a tad lower ths year, the questions about "rush" are starting to come up. Same old thing...nobody really knows what to do or how to go about lining things up. When a mother told ME-"Don't be upset if your daughter doesn't get a bid..." I was rather insulted! I thought HOW IN THE HELL COULD THAT HAPPEN-HA!

Well, she WAS indeed lucky considering it was the largest rush in recent history. I am no longer insulted. In fact, I am trying to think of a less BLUNT way to say it to these new mothers. Thank goodness she and I were reading GC, because we KNEW it was a possibility to go bidless. That thougt never entered my MIND. To be pumped up and unaware (as MANY were) might have left her bitter as well. A year has gone by now and she doesn't like rush.
She hates the fact that for many, there is no obvious reason WHY they are cut OR kept. She wants to work in the background rather than face hurting anyone.

Wow! This is a really interesting topic. When I started rushing, I KNEW that the other sorority on my campus was the one for me. It was where I was meant to be - there was just no question. I know a lot of you followed my rush thread, so I don't really have to explain the way things changed for me. Yes, I was crushed when I got cut from the sorority I was "meant" to be in. I wasn't sure at first when I took my bid from AGD, but I figured it was at least worth a shot. And that was the smartest decision I've ever made in my life. Although I couldn't see it, I really was meant to be an Alpha Gam. Even though I'm not a sister yet, I've already grown so much from the sisterhood, and I feel like I have a lot to give back to the chapter.

So, to get back to the topic, I wasn't really devastated by the idea that I was meant to be an AGD, but, rather that I was NOT meant to be in the other sorority. I'm not one to really buy into the whole fate thing - I really believe life is what you make of it. But I think sometimes things happen that you just can't help. It's just so right that you couldn't have stopped it if you'd tried. I know not everyone is as lucky as me, though. I think that a rephrase of the "You'll end up where you belong" is a great idea, because that one sentence can cause an unbelievable amount of heartache for PNMs.