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-   -   My Boyfriend's Fraternity Hates My Sorority (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=140131)

DrPhil 03-17-2014 04:29 PM
Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.

ASTalumna06 03-17-2014 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2265976)
Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.
I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

amIblue? 03-17-2014 05:54 PM
I have two thoughts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jp685 (Post 2265952)
Like I can go to their parties and bring a couple sisters with me, but the only reason I can do that is because I was dating a brother. If any of my sisters tried to go to a party without me, they wouldn't be allowed in. It's just childish like grow up. They know my sisters and they aren't bad people but because they aren't a "higher tier" sorority- nope sorry can't come in we're full. I just don't feel like putting up with that shallow mindset anymore..
1. Sounds like a bunch of really douchetastic men. I've rarely heard of a fraternity that gives a rats behind about what letters women have. Girls are allowed into fraternity parties. Almost always.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jp685 (Post 2265968)
Issues with my boyfriend?

I mean he's not necessarily the gentleman type. His idea of taking me out on a date is taking me to a party at his dirty fraternity house which are always fun, but still I'd rather go see a movie or eat dinner than have random guys try to hit on me at a party. And sometimes at the party he just leaves me to socialize with random people while he shotguns with his brothers in the backyard. I've let it go because the parties are fun, but I feel like I deserve better treatment. It's too much greek life for me like sometimes I need to get away and just relax at home with my sisters. And when I tell him I don't want to go to a party, he gets really sad like "But I love having you there it's only a fun party when you're there with me" so I kind of get guilted into going every time. And when only a couple of my sisters are there it's not as fun because I can't take all my friends to his parties only a couple. I'd rather just do things with my sisters than be treated poorly by him. I guess I just let it all go before, but I guess his views on my sorority really just opened my eyes to see that I could do a lot better.
Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 06:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 (Post 2265982)
I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

You are typing about Greek stuff. I encourage the OP to get over the Greek stuff and see whether he is an overall asshole.

"Gentleman" is extremely subjective. Adding extra words or even a soft voice and smile does not change the point being made. It also doesn't make him a gentleman. This is all based on the OP's wording of what she claims he said.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 06:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amIblue? (Post 2265984)
Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.
She says he wanted her at the parties. Some people have a difficult time multitasking when they are in social settings. For example, I used to have a difficult time hanging with siblings and high school friends when they visited me in college. I wanted my siblings and high school friend to just blend in and make their own fun whereas my siblings and high school friends felt they needed a formal invitation when I was sitting and talking with other people.

Even if he didn't want her at the parties, have you all never had a different social circle than your significant others?

I don't know what the OP and her boyfriend deserve but I haven't read anything in this thread that sounds like a deal breaker

ASTalumna06 03-17-2014 06:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2265987)
You are typing about Greek stuff. I encourage the OP to get over the Greek stuff and see whether he is an overall asshole.
Again, I think was everyone's point.

Quote:
"Gentleman" is extremely subjective. Adding extra words or even a soft voice and smile does not change the point being made. It also doesn't make him a gentleman. This is all based on the OP's wording of what she claims he said.
Exactly. Remember, all we can analyze is what's been presented to us ;)

And there's a big difference between saying, "Sorry, stuff happened a while ago and there's nothing I can do about it," and "My chapter is better than yours."

The OP can do what she wants. Perhaps he's a perfect guy in every other way, but she doesn't make it sound that way. I find that when people complain about one thing regarding their significant other to strangers online, there are much deeper issues there. Just my experience.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 06:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 (Post 2265991)
Again, I think was everyone's point.
Based on Greek stuff.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06
And there's a big difference between saying, "Sorry, stuff happened a while ago and there's nothing I can do about it," and "My chapter is better than yours."
I see the former as bullshit and the latter as to the point.

amIblue? 03-17-2014 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2265990)
Uh yeah have you all never had a different social circle than your significant others?

I don't know what the OP and her boyfriend deserve but I haven't read anything in this thread that sounds like a deal breaker
Absolutely I have. In fact, I recommend it, but our dates didn't consist of solely hanging out with his social circle while he ignored me while shotgunning beers with his friends. There's his time, my time, and the all important our time. My first impression of this thread was who gives a rat's behind if your chapters are mixing, but the more she's told us about him the more he sounds like he's all about him.
YMMV.

33girl 03-17-2014 06:38 PM
Actually I have come to the conclusion that he is the guy who got Penny In Trouble in Dirty Dancing.

The things he's said would be just as douchey were "friends" or "family" substituted for "fraternity brothers." It's not a Greek thing, it's adouche thing.

DubaiSis 03-17-2014 06:44 PM
A person is rarely douchy in limited context. While no, this one scenario shouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker, my guess is it started her thinking about who this guy really is.

ASTalumna06 03-17-2014 06:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2265992)
I see former as bullshit and the latter as to the point.
A chapter not wanting to mix with another chapter doesn't automatically = our chapter is better than yours. If this guy thinks that, then he's an idiot.

I guess we'll agree to disagree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amIblue? (Post 2265993)
Absolutely I have. In fact, I recommend it, but our dates didn't consist of solely hanging out with his social circle while he ignored me while shotgunning beers with his friends. There's his time, my time, and the all important our time. My first impression of this thread was who gives a rat's behind if your chapters are mixing, but the more she's told us about him the more he sounds like he's all about him.
YMMV.
Exactly. Dating in college doesn't have to consist of fancy dinners and expensive gifts, but a party at the fraternity house isn't a date. It's a party. I dated fraternity men while in school, and we spent time with our friends, but we also had alone time, which wasn't only in the time after a party was over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2265995)
Actually I have come to the conclusion that he is the guy who got Penny In Trouble in Dirty Dancing.

The things he's said would be just as douchey were "friends" or "family" substituted for "fraternity brothers." It's not a Greek thing, it's adouche thing.
Precisely.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 07:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amIblue? (Post 2265993)
Absolutely I have. In fact, I recommend it, but our dates didn't consist of solely hanging out with his social circle while he ignored me while shotgunning beers with his friends. There's his time, my time, and the all important our time. My first impression of this thread was who gives a rat's behind if your chapters are mixing, but the more she's told us about him the more he sounds like he's all about him.
YMMV.
She also sounds all about him which is why she cared how he felt about her chapter. I don't completely blame him for that. He may be less about himself if she let him know she has better things to do. They might even have a better relationship. Show me a douchebag asshole and I will show you someone who just hasn't met the "wrong one".




/The relationship thread

DrPhil 03-17-2014 07:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 (Post 2266001)
A chapter not wanting to mix with another chapter doesn't automatically = our chapter is better than yours. If this guy thinks that, then he's an idiot.
Not automatically but it is usually around the corner. If he had broadly said they didn't want to do a social with her chapter the OP probably would've kept saying "why...why...but why...explain...we are a good chapter...tell me what happened...what's wrong."

Is he really an idiot for thinking that? LOL. GLO cultures vary but there are GLO members who believe certain chapters leave a lot to be desired. These GLO members aren't automatically idiots based on this belief.

*winter* 03-17-2014 07:32 PM
If someone thinks they are too good for my friends, that's definetly a deal breaker for me! Maybe she isn't the type of person who cares about "tiers" and doesn't want to be with someone who does. The context here is greek life but the "tier" people can be found in every walk of life.

33girl 03-17-2014 07:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2266006)
Not automatically but it is usually around the corner. If he had broadly said they didn't want to do a social with her chapter the OP probably would've kept saying "why...why...but why...explain...we are a good chapter...tell me what happened...what's wrong."

Is he really an idiot for thinking that? LOL. GLO cultures vary but there are GLO members who believe certain chapters leave a lot to be desired. These GLO members aren't automatically idiots based on this belief.
He's not an idiot for thinking it, he's an idiot for saying it. If I say my mom is a fashion impaired fruitcake that's one thing...if my boyfriend of a few months says it that's another.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 08:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2266012)
He's not an idiot for thinking it, he's an idiot for saying it. If I say my mom is a fashion impaired fruitcake that's one thing...if my boyfriend of a few months says it that's another.
He should've kept his thoughts to himself. That makes sense. I'm not being sarcastic.

Or he could be a "gentleman" and say "your mother is quite nice and she has a different style of dress that only lends itself to those who understand her inability to grasp fashion." :) I'm being sarcastic.

Winterstar, I don't know the size of the OP's chapter but unless the chapter is relatively small (like some of ours are), the OP isn't necessarily friends (beyond close acquaintances) with everyone in the chapter. Are the chapter members the OP's only friends? If the OP has other friends with whom the boyfriend gets along quite well, I see no problem with him disliking her chapter sisters. Because, again, I hope this Greek thing is only a microcosm of their relationship.

DeltaBetaBaby 03-17-2014 08:31 PM
The point is that he should be able to show some basic respect for something that is important to her. It's not different from my boyfriend finding out I love underwater basket weaving and telling me that it's dumb, instead of just asking a few polite questions and being supportive of my time spent weaving baskets.

ASTalumna06 03-17-2014 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby (Post 2266015)
The point is that he should be able to show some basic respect for something that is important to her. It's not different from my boyfriend finding out I love underwater basket weaving and telling me that it's dumb, instead of just asking a few polite questions and being supportive of my time spent weaving baskets.
This.

DrPhil 03-17-2014 08:38 PM
I don't think that's the point at all. I think that's what some GCers got from the OP's story. I interpreted the story differently. Of course, neither interpretation is necessarily correct since only the OP and the boyfriend know what's going on.

ASTalumna06 03-17-2014 09:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2266017)
I don't think that's the point at all. I think that's what some GCers got from the OP's story. I interpreted the story differently. Of course, neither interpretation is necessarily correct since only the OP and the boyfriend know what's going on.
The story kind of started out with one issue, and ended on another, probably causing most of the confusion.

And yes to the bold.

tld221 03-17-2014 11:53 PM
So...

1. The OP's chapter and the boyfriend's chapter are never gonna mix, because of tiers and stuff. She should focus less on their chapters mixing and more on enjoying greek life, regardless of who's house theyre partying with.
2. The OP's boyfriend is a jerk for, at the very least, outwardly expressing OP's lower-tiered chapter, but at most, even thinking it.
3. OP should dump boyfriend for saying/thinking/acting in accordance to this belief, because this is indicative of his overall character.

I mean... on one hand, if I had a boyfriend who thought my sorority was total wackness and made a point to let me know that... I might feel a way about it. Don't know about breaking up with him, but it would be a part of my life which would be as separate from him as possible.

So I've offered nothing new to this thread by agreeing with Dr. Phil and many of yall.

AOX81 03-18-2014 09:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2265995)
Actually I have come to the conclusion that he is the guy who got Penny In Trouble in Dirty Dancing.
Thank you for putting a smile on my face this morning. lol


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