I cross posted with four above me but just for reference if she thinks painting her sororities letters or making a welcome poster for new members would be "silly" and a waste of her time then Greek life is not for her. I don't know of any sororities who haze and I know of none that have bully prevention as her philanthropy so she is probably safe there.

Yes, I am procrastinating and overposting in this thread, but deal with it.

Pinapple, I don't agree. There's a big difference between volunteering to make signs for the new members and not doing it versus not being great at doodling bubble letters and not being drawn to volunteer for that activity. I love coloring and making signs. I have plenty of sisters who hate it and would regularly come to me to draw posters for them.

I don't think your ability or interest in drawing or making banners is determinative of your value or interest in being in a sorority. I think it is one of those things that makes us diverse. Everyone has her own talents, but the uniting factor is that we are a group of volunteers who are trained throughout their membership to be successful working together to be successful at running events, supporting our philanthropies, our academics, and one another.

I'd hate to think someone would exclude me because I can't sing/dance and therefore would not be of value in a Homecoming skit. We all have our own talents.

I think the biggest trait a sorority woman must have is the ability to work well with others. You needn't be exceptional at it, but you should be reasonably good at following directions and meeting expectations for the requirements. Anything else, like lettering, dancing, etc., is just icing. But if you volunteer for something or there is a membership attendance requirement, then you should meet it in good faith. I'm sure I grumbled a ton over some of the activities we did at sisterhood retreats because I thought they were silly, but I still did them because (1) it was not hazing, and (2) it was expected that we all participate.

I'm going to answer your question, then, since you are so obsessed with proving to us how "gifted" your daughter is and how she is above anything that isn't "productive" in her eyes.

So, NO, Greek life isn't right for your daughter.

If she is too good to make a scrapbook or learn fun songs or have an ice cream sundae party at midnight during finals week - stuff that any typical sorority might do - then it's not for her. Then again, you might want to let HER decide instead of you spilling her personal information all over the place.

OK. I see what you are saying. My daughter hangs out with the other "higher ability" kids at school. They are a fairly large group and have been in classes together since 1st grade. She really enjoys their company. She tells me she gets impatient with some of the kids that are at the other end of the spectrum. It seems that what you are saying is that the sororities have a high caliber of individuals. This seems even more likely today than during my time at college since everything is so much more competitive now.

I am not really concerned whether or not she gets a "bid". I did not belong to a sorority and was quite happy with my choice. However, if she wants to pursue this, I will support her decision. Right now our main concern is trying to narrow down the college choices- so this is a factor relevant to the decision.

Obviously you have no idea what competitive dancers and the dance team do. All the things you listed are stuff that is quite similar to what she does with her dance friends.

I know she's young, but does she plan to practice medicine, or be a research scientist in a lab? My sister is a physician, and she is a sorority member who held an exec. board office. She remained highly involved during graduate school, even serving as chapter advisor for 3 years. Being a physician involves a great deal of interaction with every day people from all walks of life. Being in a sorority is a good way to develop social skills and respect/empathy for others.

Then you've made her decision for her.

PS You don't know what anyone here knows. Have a great day.

Good point. I appreciate your advice!

No doubt!! I am posting here asking for advice about sorority involvement because I really don't know much about them.

I think ree was simply suggesting that you shouldn't presume to know what people here 'obviously have [any] idea about'.

You're worried. You're a mom with a daughter that you perceive as being different, and who is college bound, and you're worried. That's what I'm getting from all this posting.

If you search on this forum you'll find a treasure trove of suggestions on how to obtain recommendations. And the most important thing you need to know: don't ask anyone here to write a recommendation. No. No. No.


What you cited as a behavior example is not unusual, and MY OPINION: sounds like she is finished with high school and is just putting in her time.

Again, you can search this forum for information. Hazing is not tolerated in any of the NPC sororities; does that mean it never happens? No. I will tell you that there are significant consequences when hazing is uncovered. Again, a search on this forum will give you some information that will address your concern.

Sororities should NOT be a factor in college selection. Some of what you're posting is contradictory. You say it isn't important, but then it is. Fact: your daughter is going to fail at something. We all do. Rejection is inevitable for everyone. You can't cushion this for her and the sooner she doesn't win or get her way at something, the quicker she's going to mature and become a more compassionate person.

Further, you've referred more than once to her "impatience" for those "on the other end of the spectrum". Tolerance for everyone is something that your daughter will want to possess in abundance, b/c when she gets to college, she's going to discover that she is an "average" student. Trust me on this. The playing field is completely different and a whole lot more challenging. And graduate school (whether law, medicine, or another field) narrows that playing field even more. She may have a high IQ, but that won't amount to a hill of beans if she can't get along with the other 99.6% of the population.

This. I could NOT agree more.

Do you mean this to come across as arrogant and elitist as it sounds? Being of "higher ability" does not in any way equate with the far more important virtues of kindness, empathy, inclusivity, charity and generosity of spirit. Those are qualities that sororities try to foster and it sounds as if they might be helpful to her.

Of course, she will have to contend not only with sisters who rival her for awesomeness, but also sisters who might try her patience for a variety of reasons. Many of my beloved, adorable sisters were completely average--and I learned more from them than from the superstars.

^^^^^^^ THIS THIS THIS^^^^^^^ thanks, Katmandu.

I guess i was against her involvement in a sorority until I read some of your posts; I will need to reconsider as the activities described might be a good fit for her. Now it is just a matter of whether she would want to do dance team and a sorority at the same time or perhaps just do dance team. Another option would be to minor in dance and rush for a sorority. Thanks everyone for taking the time to point out some considerations we should keep in mind!!

No. I am not being elitist. I am being honest in my assessment and realize that she needs growth in this area.

Okay, I'm gonna bite....So I wasn't on dance team, but I was/am very gifted academically, and I obviously joined a sorority.

Rush was tough for me when I was a PNM. I hate making small talk and I am not particularly good at it. Getting gussied up and painting my nails and all that stuff seemed frivolous to me then, and frivolous to me now. Cuts were rough, and that was surprising to me, because I thought that GPA/honors program/campus leadership/etc. would mean a lot to sororities. If you don't make a great first impression, it doesn't matter.

However, it turned out that rush on the active side was actually pretty easy for me. My ability to memorize huge amounts of information about the PNM's coming through made it easy for me to prepare, and I think that I learned what I need to do to be successful in these types of situations later in life. I know that if I am going to a networking lunch, for example, I need to think in advance about who will be there and some opening lines I can use for people I want to talk to, or to just think about some general questions I could throw out. At the same time, other people were happy to pick out my outfits, do my hair, etc.

I feel like I could go through every aspect of my sorority membership and give you the same sort of two-sided analysis: some things were tougher for me, some were easier, and then I learned something. I think your daughter's experience, if she is "different" from most women her age, will be different. But it can be rewarding, even if it is, sometimes, frustrating.

Nice to meet you. I've been dancing on dance teams and national competitions half my life. My IQ scores are placed in the "highly gifted" category. In high school, this made me different. I can get impatient with people who can't keep up with me and sometimes have trouble remembering not everyone thinks and learns the same way.

First thing I learned in college? There was nothing special about me. In college I was (and am) among many, many other gifted people, and people way "smarter". Most students here are winners, competitors, models, debate team captains, homecoming queens, cheerleaders with national titles and student body presidents.

Going Greek (or the equivalent of Greek life since I'm in school in Europe) has made me more social, and has taught me more than I'd ever imagine.

You can't succeed in life with just smarts and hanging out with people who are like you. Social behavior, wit, empathy, resolve and problem solving will get you a lot further.
Believe me, I know, it took me 8 long and hard years to learn that.

Do you understand that she will need to make these decisions, and not you?

The point that is being made is, once she goes to college your daughter is an adult who can make her own decisions. You have to let her do that.

If she wants to be in a sorority and on the dance team and manage her school work, then she will find a way.

The University of Arizona's School of Dance is one of the top departments in the United States. There are actives from Theta and every other NPC GLO on campus who are majoring in dance, achieving excellent GPAs, participating on Pom Line, holding office in their chapters, etc.

Just sayin'...

(and I love the posts from my Panhellenic sisters, confirming that getting along with others is the single most important skill in life to have. Well, okay, maybe they aren't saying that exactly, but that's the take-away message I'm picking up).

Just going to answer the question in the title:

She should go through recruitment and find out for herself.

How can there be 4 pages of posts???????

Also, I've said it before and I'll say it again...Greatfulgramma has the cutest username/best signature here.

Echoing what others are saying about not selecting the college because of Greek Life, I also want to point out that there's no guarantee she will earn a spot on the dance team if she tries out. And she shouldn't change her major or minor to accommodate a hobby, IMHO. But that's none of my business.

So I would plan accordingly to choose the best school for her academically in furtherance of her career goals. I'm pretty sure you're already doing that if you're gathering all this intelligence about extracurriculars. She may end up loving a school without a dance team and/or Greek Life.

I wish her the best of luck. I think she's going to be fine.

I salute you. Those are tough words for a mom to say. I'm a mom too, and it's hard, isn't it? I didn't mean my words to be harsh and I apologise if they were a bit short.

Sorority life is very fulfilling, but it is very time consuming, if you are going to do it right and reap the benefits. I hope you will encourage her to explore and consider her options. Most of us on this board wouldn't trade our experiences in our sororities and fraternities for anything. But if we are honest, most of us will say there were trying and difficult times, too. And trying and difficult people. It's great life preparation!

I wish you and her the best, and thanks for hanging in for a tough conversation.

I will forever be grateful (and greatful, too, of course) that I didn't find GC until after my one-in-ten-bazillion granddaughter was firmly established in her sorority. I would have worried her batty with my obsession(s) on what she might need to be doing!

slight hijack

This, …

… is different than this.

In my opinion, a college education should not be limited to just what one gets from text books or learns in class.

I do agree that one should not select their college “because of Greek Life”. However, I feel a college’s extracurricular activities (and social climate) should be considered as a possible factor in one’s selection. Simply because extracurricular activities can/may help round out one's overall education.

end slight hijack

I'm glad this one didn't get deleted yet.

The OP should realize something. I think your daughter sounds amazing and wonderful. However, she is not going to be special or perceived that way by everyone else in college, professors included. She is a special snowflake to YOU. On a college campus, she is just another snowflake. College will become a humbling experience for her.

For what it's worth, my best friend in Theta was a Biology/Pre-Med major, played Varsity soccer, and served first as a VP and then later President of our chapter, in addition to clubs and other activities. She excelled at time management and today is a successful researcher who balances a demanding full time job with 3 children at home. It's done by a LOT of sorority women.

This is a perfect example of what you learn in college and especially in a sorority. You learn how to balance a busy schedule and to prioritize.

I echo all of the great advice that has been given on here. I also believe this mom is going through some very typical angst for a mom who is sending a daughter away to school - especially far away.

Skipping ahead to recruitment at an SEC school: you and your daughter really, really need to get your ducks in a row for this! Read, read, read on GC - google the recruitment threads, do a search for specific schools - because, and don't kid yourself about this, SEC recruitment will require as much prep as anything she has done to date.

Just to set the record straight 10 hours later...lol...I was not saying sorority life was not for the crafty and arty. I was using painting letters as a task that most have done, some better than others, but done in love and sisterhood. And if that is perceived as "silly tasks" then maybe it isn't right for OP's daughter. Of course the OP's daughter can volunteer for whatever her hearts desires, but when your heart is firmly planted in your sisterhood no task that promotes that sisterhood is ever looked at as silly.

Why not? I don't think they should be a DEFINING factor, but it's part of "campus life," and there is more to going to college than just being in classes.

I'll use myself as an example--I knew I wanted to go to a school where my joining an NPC sorority was an option. I had a list of schools I was interested in, not just because of their academics, but because they provided the campus life that I wanted...and part of that was a diverse Greek system. I got into my first-choice school, joined an NPC, and had a great time and a great education that opens doors to me to this very day.

Some people want to go to college in a small town, others in a big city. Some people want a big football school while others would be in hog heaven if there was an Ultimate Frisbee league. Why should Greek life be any different?

I think it's fine to include Greek Life as part of the college application criteria, but when my daughter was looking at colleges, my husband did say he didn't want her to select or eliminate based on whether her legacy chapters were on campus.

That is pretty much what I thought from the little that I have seen on this site today. I am not sure she is really interested enough to do all that work that is required for the SEC school sororities. Networking would be especially challenging because of the distance we are from these schools. So it looks like perhaps she can seek out other activities such as those offered through the honors programs/ dorms, dance team, and or performance related activities associated with a dance minor. Although I think she might just do a little research and then try to wing it at rush time. If she is not willing to put alot into it I think it is safe to say she probably would not be overly disappointed if she didn't get in. However it is good to have this info and it will, I am sure, help narrow down the college choices.

Tells me that she, dd, will not fare well in the SEC where the Tea Party is often seen as too liberal for polite company.

While it may be the exception to the rule, there are liberals who have had successful SEC recruitments.

Just saying.

Pointless. It doesn't matter who you are, you're not getting a bid without preparing. That means securing recs beforehand. You do not "wing" rush at an SEC school.

THIS!!

Did you see that? It's the point going straight over your head.

This is the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time. Thanks.

Now THAT would be a fabulous signature line!

Munchkin - I see your point and it's well taken. Upon reflection, I'd go back and add some sort of qualifying adjective before "factor", but I've been quoted so it won't do any good. I was considering the posts the OP had written to that point and my interpretation (which may well be partially or completely erroneous) was that a sorority was of paramount importance in "dd's" college choice. But subsequent posts did not support that interpretation because IMO the OP was either on the fence or on both sides of it. Whatever!

For the future, I'll take a second look at what I write when I make an absolute statement. Thanks!!!

As it's been stated already.... you canNOT "wing it" at an SEC recruitment. She will be dropped after first round, it does not matter how unique and wonderful she is. There are girls who already have recs for every chapter for recruitment this fall! Some of these ladies have everything your daughter has AND they've been preparing for rush the last three years!

You must secure recs from sorority members before recruitment. This does NOT mean you must get a rec from an alumnae from that specific chapter. So if you know an alumnae from ABC sorority who went to Midwest State U, she can indeed write your daughter a rec for the ABC Chapter at University of SEC. Recs are a MUST to even be seriously considered at any chapter at all SEC schools.