Once again. Thanks for all the hints and ideas. I, myself, am not from a 'greek' family. I went to a small school and greek life was a very small part of my university and region.

Flowers is such an nice idea.

Well, she went to 6 houses today and it was a bit disappointing because she felt like the girls that she spoke with really were not interested in her. I felt bad that had to hurt a bit. She really likes the houses but shes convinced that she wont be asked back because they showed no interest. She had a great time at one of them and actually ran into our neighbors daughter who is an officer in the house. She loved seeing her and hopes that it might make a difference at that house. So not all bad, but she is keeping her chin up and really looking forward to skit day. I think she has about 3-4 favorites after going thru the 12 houses and I hope that they remain on her dance card come tomorrow.
Signed,
Worried Mom

There is a strong possibility that she is misinterpreting feelings. Everyone is starting to get tired and getting fed up with the same old stuff. Tell her to keep her chin up and try to make sure she is holding up at least her half of the conversation, and maybe it will work out better than she thinks. Good luck to her!

Well said and so true. When I used to advise, I would tell the chapter when they got cranky to take a step back and recognize what an emotional time this is for everyone and that not only may the PNM be having a tough day but they had a long and tiring day as well. Good to keep perspective and not read too much into things.

I was the VP of Membership in my chapter, or as it was known back then, the Rush Chairman.

I was so exhausted by bid day I got sick and just went to my room and slept.

Love having an FSU thread!

Talked to my daughter briefly tonight and she was very positive about the 2nd round. She actually had 8 favorites this time! I am hoping she ends up with a good schedule tomorrow. I'm already writing a more thorough recruitment story to post later after this is all done. Good luck to everyone tomorrow!

any updates?

Shannon is still in it with her favorite but is also keeping an open mind. For reasons which I hope to reveal later, I have decided to put up her updates on a 2 day delayed basis.

Glad she is hanging in there and keeping that open mind!! Thank you for letting us know how she is doing and we are hoping for the best for her.

Preference Day -
Does anyone know how this works? My daughter has texted me her top picks from today but hasn't had a chance to call and probably won't because of all of the activities tonight. What time should they hear who they get called back to?

If she has been to pref parties, the usual process is that after pref parties are over all PNMs sign their pref card listing their choices in order. Next is bid matching, and on bid day is when they learn what sorority they receive a bid to. When is bid day? That is when she will learn where she is a new member.

Preference parties start at 1 pm, so the PNMs should be meeting with their Rho Gammas around 10:30 or 11:00am. I remember from last year that each PNM was given their schedule in private by their Rho Gamma. As a result, the handing out of invites takes awhile. It felt like it took forever for my daughter to text me her schedule. Good luck to your daughter and all the other PNMs!

Bid day is Sunday. Pref night, or as they call it "Sisterhood Day", is logistically similar to every other day of recruitment. The PNM will be called back to however many chapters and will visit each house. The night ends with the PNMs ranking the chapters. The parties are typically more serious and often involve some sort of ceremony where there are speeches about sisterhood and how much the chapter has meant to some of the members. The ranking that night is also a little more serious because she is ranking in order of whom she would like to receive a bid to most. I believe FSU PNMs go to three parties (max).

Thanks! Can't wait to hear tomorrow's results! My daughter had a full schedule today and is absolutely exhausted.

I happened to pass by the houses today because I was in town and wanted to take pics with the Phi Mu house. I couldn't because recruitment was happening but I did get some pictures of the house with the tents and the PNMs lined up for the last parties of the day. I must say some of the fashions we saw driving around campus were interesting! Me and my mother had a good laugh in the car. Also girls without flip flops really should reconsider running barefoot...

Well, sorry that I didnt post yesterday. I think this is as emotional for me as it is for her. My daughter received 7 of a possible 8 party invitations. Unfortunately, there was only 1 favorite on it and it was hard for her. I thought she was going to pull out but she went to all 7. A new favorite emerged and she really thinks that she could see herself at 2 of the 7. Now it gets a bit tricky, they hear at 11am today and I'm hoping that those 2 are on her party schedule or she will probably just drop out. This can be a real gut-wrenching experience and I tried to console her that it could work out today. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
So my question is, when these girls go to the parties today, do they get any indication of if they will receive a bid or not from the ladies that they speak with.

I think the answer to your question is yes and no. I think some women have a very easy time expressing their desire to have a woman join their sisterhood, however, that active is only one vote in the Chapter. So they could flat out tell her what she wants to hear but that might not be the reality of situation.

If you attend a chapter's preference party you are on that chapter's bid list, it's a question of where on the bid list. From what I understand, legacies are suppose to be listed first on bid lists.

FSU's Rho Gammas gives the PNM's their preference invitations privately and individually. You may not hear from your daughter right away. It took awhile for my daughter to text me last year.

Good luck to her!

If you attend a chapter's preference party you are on that chapter's bid list, it's a question of where on the bid list. From what I understand, legacies are suppose to be listed first on bid lists.

Really, I didnt know that. Thats interesting. The way I understand the bid lists, there is an A list (not ranked) and a B list that is ranked.

This is my understanding of how bid lists work from reading multiple threads on this site. If I am wrong, please someone correct me. Thanks.

Hope things work out today for all of the FSU girls.

And for the mom's and dad's, encourage your daughters to go to Preference as I know girls who were dropped by their favorite only to have a great experience at Pref and really click with the houses they go to. They are only obligated if they sign their Pref card, so they have nothing to lose by attending parties.

And the general explanation of the bid lists are pretty accurate. If a woman receives an invitation to Pref she is definitely on that chapter's bid list and that is a real indication that the chapter would accept her as a new member. With the bid list though it is just a matter of where the PNM falls along the list. And the way recruitment is organized, Greek Life does their best to match a PNM with her preferred chapter. However, that does not guarantee a first preference match.

I knew many girls who received their second (or third) choices and had a GREAT greek experience - chapter leaders, campus leaders, you name it things can all work out. And my advice to girls is that you can be happy wherever you make your mind up to be happy.

Thanks for sharing your stories - we will be thinking happy and positive thoughts for all of you!!

Try to encourage her to not drop
 

I would do everything in your power to encourage her to not drop. I know it is hard. People are judging your child. How can it not be emotional? But you have to understand at this point everyone that is going back is liked. It is now a numbers game. Just like a favorite emerged yesterday, who is to say another favorite can't shine today? SHE CANNON'T TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME. Three weeks from now when she meets some awesome girls from "unliked" sorority ABC she might end up desiring to be part of a sisterhood she was already welcomed in. She has to try her darnedest to seperate the "top house" tent talk from her goal, which (and this in my opinion based on the fact that she is rushing as I type) is to join an amazing sisterhood.

She will only have this one chance for the next year. Whether she drops now, or see it through bid day, that does not change. So where is the harm in her attending prefs at even her bottom choices if that means an opportunity to have a connection made that has not been made yet. If she doesn't go, the possibility is zero. In my opinion, dropping after this round, in any recruitment (SEC, Big 10 or whatever) is the biggest mistake PNMs make. Dropping after round 1 because sorority life is not for you...I get. She has had about 65 minutes with these girls. She has heard years of rumors and "tent talk". She needs to seperate her ears from her heart and give any of the wonderful women that are welcoming her to their home a shot. She should establish a relationship durning a new member period before considering dismissing a group on what now is only speculation

This is very good advice and information. Especially about attending the parties even if they are disappointed with their invitations. The PNM's really need to keep an open mind.

Well said!!! This is an emotional week for EVERYONE and it can be hard to see clearly through all of the long days, walking, talking, etc. And you are totally right about the really short amount of time spent during this week with girls and when you take the time to really give things a try you can be amazed at the wonderful world of sisterhood, fun, and having that home away from home.

Just posted my "Places I would like to travel" recruitment story. I think doing this has been therapeutic because I knew things would get rough at this point. I can only say that I hope the girls keep their heads up today and, no matter what, look for the good things in this experience!

Waiting to hear from my Pledge Sister how her daughter's experience went. Fingers crossed!

Well, I talked her into going to the parties...........and I hope something good emerges from it. I think she is at the end of her rope and its ripping my heart out because I know if she follows thru she will be happy. Im just wondering if in fact she only likes one should she suicide. What are the ramifications of that? Anyone know?

What are the ramifications? If she suicides and doesn't get it, she's not going to be in a sorority (on Bid Day 2012, anyway). If she chooses to list her other options, she might get her 1st, 2nd or 3rd choice... and there are many who can tell you it can still work out for the best.

Reading your comments during the week, it looks like she's warmed up to more groups than she initially liked. That can still happen.

Legacies are usually on chapter's first bid list, but that is not always the case. This can vary.

This is correct. The first list is in Alpha order and the second is ranked.

The ramifications are extensive. She has a much greater chance of walking to her room empty handed. That means zero choice. So she goes to three pref parties and ranks 1-2-3. Her best case she opens her envelope to reveal her #1 choice. She might also open her envelope and have choice 2 or 3. If she suicides, she very well may have no envelope at all, and she could be okay with that. But she needs to get on these boards and read the "I didn't get my first choice" threads. They are eye openers. There are also MANY women who get their first choice and their end result is unhappiness because they bid a reputation and not a reality.

What ever she does (and only she can make the decision that is right for her) she need to tread carefully and not come across as a brat. Many girls that suicide and don't have a positive result will start the "Greek's suck" rant and many that stick it out and get choice 2-3 end up having a "I had to settle" breakdown...publicly...in front of others who's house was their number 1 choice. If she thinks through the scenarios, she needs to be able to live with what she chooses. She can't have regrets and she won't be given a second chance.

By placing a suicide bid, she is either in or out. She can't be out then freak and say well 2 or 3 is better than none. At that point it is too late and not a soul will feel sorry for her. If she can walk away empty handed and not have an iota of regret, then have her go for it. If she ranks out and gets choice 2 or 3, she has a more relaxed 6-8 weeks to make that choice, in my opinion, a much wiser decision.

She decided to rank them and then give it a shot for a couple of weeks to see how it goes. Right now she feels as though she is settling but will give it a try. I hope in the weeks to come she will feel happy that she decided to try. I cannot imagine that she will not be happy with the new 200 friends that she has. Its tough but its a big school and its lonely when you only know a few people. Maybe she will feel differently when she wakes up tomorrow. I dont know much about any of these houses, and from what I heard there are 16 great ones at FSU so how bad could it be.

That is great! You never know until you try. I know I could have been happy with either of my preferences and I have always been so happy I went Greek. Any of those chapters on her pref card will welcome her with open arms tomorrow!!!

Can't wait to hear where these PNMs end up!

I feel as if I'm going to start biting my nails on this one!

Thought I would let you know that Shannon faithfully attended all of her parties, including the preference round, and did her best to keep an open mind to the end, but decided not to turn in a signed bid card.

One more thing...we wish the best of luck to the rest of the PNMs.

Shannon was very courageous to make that decision. She has my best wishes for happiness and her college career. May she continue to keep an open mind, it is a very precious commodity. And should Greek life find her again, may it be what she knows is right for her.

Good Luck to Shannon!!!!! I wonder how many of the 1580 girls are still involved in this process or should I call it a marathon? Well last night I got a text from daughter that she is excited about ABC house. Two of her best friends there made the same house their first choice. So I think that new information made her situation a bit more pleasant. Hopefully all three will get their 1st choice and I can send flowers to the house for all three of them. That would be a perfect world.
I've never been involved in greek life so thank you all for helping me thru this nail biter. She did tell me that the girls told her that she would fit into the house and she did tell them that this is the only house out of the three that she could see herself in. So hopefully that was enough for them to know that she would put them as her first choice and somehow she got on the A list. What do you all think?

Thank you,,,,,,,sitting here biting nails until 4pm. (Now thats an attractive picture,,ha)

Perfectly said. Thank you! :)

Me too. We were both fortunate to love our preference choices; I do understand that not every PNM feels the same.

You, sir, are a class act. I wish your daughter all the best.

debann, you probably already know that we can't tell you anything about where your daughter was on any chapter's list. It's membership selection, which is private to each chapter and differs from chapter to chapter. There are so many factors and variables at play. That said, I am sending you lots of strength today, and I hope your daughter and her friends are happy. Go for a walk or go to a movie to distract yourself until you get the news. I am thinking of you, and all the moms and dads who are waiting.

Having helped with recruitment as a Recruitment Advisor (not my current position) I can tell you that only a handful of people see the lists when they are completed, we're talking 2-4 people. Even the women putting data and votes in the computer will not see the lists. It just works better if most folks don't know which list anybody was on each day or even the final day. Having seen the lists in the past, I have no desire at all to see them now, I'm not even curious. Seeing a list, to me, makes me feel how I think Bilbo Baggins felt about the ring of power he stole from Gollum.