:) This thread is all about going with the flow. Sometimes moderation is the flow and sometimes excess is the flow. :)

lol
Why did you tell her that? I mean, why was that even necessary?

lol

This! FTW! :)

lol

So, if "order whatever you want" isn't an invitation to go buckwild on the menu....what is? If you were out with a girl and you were really into her and really did want her to order the lobster and $65/shot sake (ahem...Morimotos) whether it be to impress her or get her schnockered up, or because you really, truly want her to have WHATEVER SHE WANTS...what would you say?

This was a first date.

If I'm on a first date, nobody's invitation that I "order whatever I want" is going to supercede my own expectation that they are watching, and judging my choices and actions, just like I'm watching theirs.

As others in this thread have said, a sense of propriety, especially on a first date, might have given him a better impression of her in his mind.

How much I agree/disagree with his overall take is an open question (we only know about what he posted) but I can see why her menu action may have put some level of unsureness about her in his mind.

That still doesn't answer my question...

If you *truly* wanted her to order whatever she wanted, without feeling like she's going to be sized up as a gold digger, what would you say other than "order whatever you want"?

As I've said on this thread, I'm in the camp of someone not paying for the meal always ordering from the middle of the menu That is, unless it's very clear from the hosts' cues or from context that it's okay to go more expensive.

He told her to order whatever she wanted. She had two choices: to assume he was just being polite (in which case, why say it to begin with? Is heafraid she'll think she can't order what she wants?), or to assume he was being sincere. He really can't complain that she did what he asked her to do.

What was "truly" in his mind she can't know -- especially not on a first date. Her best course of action, anybody's best course, really, is do what you know to be right.

Since I didn't say anything about her being sized up as a "gold digger" I'll leave that be. :confused:

And I'm saying no matter what he told her, it's still "polite" (particularly on a first date) to order from the middle.

As to whether Centaur was "afraid" of anything or not, you'd have to ask him. We can debate how important pure transparancy is on a first date (such is the nature of GC), but he handled it the way he felt he should.

I'm not talking about him or his date.

If *You* went on a first (or any) date, the entire menu is very comfortably in your price range and she's making Halle Berry look like an old hag and you really do want her to enjoy herself and order anything on the menu in any quantity, how would you express this?

Frankly, it would depend how I felt at the time, how much of an interest/emotional attachment (if any) had occured up until that time. Maybe I'd want to see how her personality handled a "get ready to wash dishes" joke, or maybe just sit back and observe whether she had the politeness of "ordering from the middle."

Your question blurred the first date/any date distinction, but for me it would matter. First (and early) dates, IMO, show you things about a person beyond the conversation. I'm in a committed relationship so all these things have been solved for me. My gf can order as she wishes. As for the bill, I'd not invite someone out w/out the ability to handle the bill. That's pretty much man-law 101 where I was raised.

Her "look" has absolutely nothing to do with whatever choice I'd make. Why? Because anybody you take out deserves to be treated nicely, and, most obviously, anyone you date you already have an attraction to on some level.

"WE'RE ON A BUDGET, BITCH!"

And he got what he asked for. That's what I'm saying -- regardless of whether it would have been polite for her to order from the middle of the menu anyway, he forfeits the right to complain if he invites her to order anything she wanted.

Exactly! I totally agree. A lot of people aren't transparent on a first date, but hang out with that person long enough and eventually things will show. People can only be on good behavior for so long before the real person begins to surface in your (in general) attitudes toward yourself (in general) as well as toward other people. The bottom line is how you present yourself is one of the first factors of how you land in a person's mind. First impressions are lasting ones.

All of this.:)

We're talking about dinner, not my husband after my last shoe shopping spree. LOL.

Why in the hell would you say ... anything?

Like ... we go to a fancy restaurant, I'm wearing my party tie and best slide-on shoes, we're in the moment. Why would I need to give a verbal cue to order? Isn't that weird as hell?

I guess the operative sports cliche would be "Ball don't lie" - why say anything at all, when all the context clues are already right there? Prompting somebody to get a fucking lobster is way more gauche than actually ordering the lobster.

Also, OP/thread-starting-dude ... relax. This is all minor-league stuff, as you'll find out - when she calls you to use your car or your credit card, that's gold-digging behavior. When she asks you to bring rubbers to her place but doesn't invite you in, that's baggy behavior.

When she orders a lot of stuff at dinner, well, that is just that. Serenity now, as they say.

In other words, "order whatever you want" would only ever be a test for you and never a sincere gesture?

If this is what the OP was going for, then mission accomplished...what he does with the results seems to at this point conflict with the point of conducting the test to begin with. Either that, or the more likely scenario that he just learned a new social rule of event hosting.


And the looks thing was just a silly addition to the hypothetical to maybe actually get an answer.

Wrong.

Geesh...are people still doing tests for dates? That sucks.

So if it's not a test, why was the OP's girl wrong in ordering what she wanted after the invitation was issued...assuming she thought he was being sincere?

I absolutely agree as I've stated before that it's always polite to order from the middle of the menu, but this statement cancels that courtesy.

"Order whatever you want. Fo' real, fo' real."?

Exactly! I think it'd be awkward as hell for someone to prompt me to order. Again, don't take me to an expensive restaurant if you don't want me to order an expensive dish.

Thank you!

I'm glad some of us agree on this. I would love to take you all out on a platonic (DUH) dinner. When I say "take you all out," I really mean that you are all paying for your own food. Order whatever you want from the menu, though.

LOL.

2 for $20 at Applebees.

Your treat, since you always throw The View in our faces. #JustSayin

Okay but gosh darnit you better not make me spend $20. Gold diggers.

*psst* I'm secretly ordering the steak and shrimp. And a mojito. Yea, I said it.

My kinda guy!

AlphaFrog and knight_shadow need to share a mojito!

Actually, right now AlphaFrog needs to remember to actually leave room for the coffee in my Pumpkin Schnapps lattes or tonight could get rather interesting. LOL

I want a Pumpkin Schnapps latte. Does it include liquor? :)

Most importantly, who is paying for it?! :eek: :p

Of course it has liquor!:)
http://www.google.com/url?source=img...ch_rxaijmw8QTA+http://www.google.com/url?source=img...bycPANmXCLXWMg+http://www.google.com/url?source=img...w45YPfjnaVKU3w


=


http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...gaTT3o8oLXx_uZ


Come on over - my treat.;)

"And make yourself at home."

I want posters in this thread to talk about that phrase, too lol

Oh, you do? Bless your heart!:)


Do we discuss if you're supposed to literally start moving your stuff in...they offered after all! I'm sure they won't mind if you borrow their toothbrush and leave the seat up, either.

"I told her to make herself at home and she took a HUUUUUGE shit in my toilet!!!!!!!"

Don't say "make yourself at home" next time. LOL.

AlphaFrog, on second read, it was dumb to ask whether a Schnapps drink has liquor. LOL. Thanks for letting me have one of my dumb moments. I obviously need a pumpkin Schnapps latte.

It's cool. I've already had three...therefore at this moment EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVERYBOOOOOOODY is my best friend.

I'm jealous.

:mad:

I have some friends who say "make yourself at home" and get mad when people sit on certain chairs/use certain towels/whatever. I tell folks "stay in the living room and don't touch my shit" lol

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...2EOVoaHJx3Nguw
http://www.google.com/url?source=img...SF8lC8287GgS2A

http://www.google.com/url?source=img...IvlIlPe20Q-cHQ