It IS possible to actually really like every chapter and think they're all really nice, but still have to rank some of those really nice chapters in the bottom.

Now, this thread is about snark, and here I am wasting valuable snark-time...

"I couldn't be myself there." - The 3 girls I met didn't seem like good drinking or Bible study (depending on the PNM) pals, so I assume the whole chapter is this way.

"The house was so beautiful." - The house was more memorable than the people inside it.

"My friend in ABC said that I was supposed to get a bid, but I fell through the cracks." - Either your friend didn't really say this, or your friend was lying to you.

Regarding perp recs, I noticed when I did a rec this year that my sorority wants the recs to go through FHQ. I'm assuming so they can confirm legitimacy before forwarding to the chapters. Also a reason to have them electronic - auto search!

I can't believe nobody has done this one yet:

"Computer error" means "Nobody likes me".

"Computer error" could also mean "I wrote down XYZ, but realized too late that all of my friends from high school were going to ABC"

If I go to three out of the 6 locations of Pamela's and they all have bad service and bad food, I will probably be able to accurately assess that Pamela's sucks.*

If I go to three out of the 32,000 locations of McDonald's and they suck, I'll probably be able to just as accurately assess that they were having a bad day, or have a bad manager. It certainly won't stop me from going to another McDonald's anywhere in the world.

*This example is completely false and only included for dramatic purposes. Pamela's RULES.

There is a perp mom on Greek Chat right now. 100% confirmed. I don't know if she went as far as submitting a fake RIF but you have cleaned up her messes on Greek Chat.

Well, spill!

I can't ever remember a time when someone said "bless your/her/his heart" using ANY tone of voice that I didn't consider it at least a polite insult. Same for "you may remember"....what the heck? Am I that old and senile now?????

Thou shalt not call out a perp without naming names!

Yes, please. We don't care for perps around here.

I'm still trying to figure out why so few PNMs are posting this year and so many Moms are posting? I mean, can't Sally Snowflake use a computer and type "sorority message board" into her favorite search engine to find us and ask her own questions?

While I'm at it, Mom, you just may not know your Snowflake as well as you think. It's not just recs, grades, class rank, volunteer efforts and extracurricular activities. Last time I checked, recruitment still was and is a mutual selection process.

This is what I do not like: People who mimic Senator McCarthy holding up a list and proclaiming, "I have a list of commies!" without backup. If you "know" something AND it is important, say so...privately. That person will go away quietly. But do not cast a black light on ALL the pnms and/or moms who are posting their stories. There are people who could be hurt by you, and for no good reason.

It is a vicious, nasty and unethical thing to do.

Yay, ellebud!

"I don't know why XYZ keeps inviting me back" - I think I am too good for this chapter; other "better" chapters cut me; I am considering being rude/telling them I am not interested in their chapter so I don't get invited back

Consider the source, a 3-post noob claiming to have such information? No one believes you unless you state who and how you know.

I never said that I gave any credence what so ever to WranglerDarlin. What concerns and infuriates me is that someone out there will give some credence to her. Let us imagine a house reading this, investigating and then saying, "it MIGHT be XXXXXXX, so let's drop her because while we like her, she may the liar."

I would say that someone should wrangle in their mouth, computer and invest in some restraint.

Bless her heart.

Oh no, it can certainly be a true compliment, as in "I just made these cookies, Miss Sallie, and thought you might like some." "Well, bless your heart, aren't you nice." (If the gift-giver is a child or a young woman, it could be "aren't you precious.") Or it can be an expression of sympathy, as in "My arthritis is acting up again." "Awwww, bless your heart."

Well played, ma'am. Well played.

WranglerDarlin: I hope that you are very aware of the silence of your "supporters" or anyone who can confirm your story. I don't know your age or affiliation and I frankly don't care. Rather than spending time here I suggest that you read Miss Manners or Emily Post. Start with the basics.

That may be the case in some places but, I assure you, it's not within my circles!

At SEC or other schools where the houses are huge, you are all probably right about "I didn't click = I think I'm too good for this house."

But at schools where the sororities are much smaller, some groups do tend to develop "characters". One of my best friends was a (studious and serious) XYZ and I was a (boisterous) ASA - we often ate with each other's sororities (dorm housing) and I would never have been comfortable at XYZ (even though they were great girls), and she often looked shell-shocked after lunch with the ASAs.

So if someone back then had said "I don't really feel I fit in at ASA", that may very well have been exactly what they meant, and had nothing to do with "status" or appearance-related issues.

With smaller groups, these characters can also change over just a few years; for all I know, a few years later, ASA may have been the "studious" sorority and XYZ may have become more boisterous.

Exception that proves the rule: We recently had a mini-reunion at the shore, and one of my pledge sisters, Kristi, who is very quiet, said "I never understood why so-and-so pledged ASA. She was so quiet, and I can't imagine she was comfortable with us." Everyone just stared at her with her mouth open, because every single one of us had speculated the same thing about our beloved Kristi!

My daughter's friend recently completed recruitment at Bama. She became very ill prior to graduation, and as of mid June hadn't secured any recommendations. I was able through my contacts, to secure her one recommendation to each house and to some two. She is an out of state student, she is an Alpha Phi legacy and she knew only one girl in a house at Bama. I tried to advise her and her mother on how competitive the recruitment process is at Bama. I honestly don't think either of them listened to a word I said. As her going away gift, we packed her a bag full of the sorority essentials needed during the process, we also added in some extras. Again, I discussed in detail how competitive this recruitment process is at Bama. As of late July her mother had not sent in a legacy form, nor secured her a recommendation to Alpha Phi. Neither the girl, nor her mother, ever thanked me or my contacts for assisting them with recommendations, this was kind of expected as they are kind of lacking in the manners department. I never heard from the mother, prior to her leaving, during the process or upon their return home. The daughter had a very rough recruitment, she only had four parties on 11 party day, and only 3 parties on 7 party day. She was dropped completely prior to preference round. I recevied a voice mail late last night from her mother blasting me for her daughter's results. I was quite shocked at what was said. I haven't returned the call as I have no idea what to say. Any suggestions from the experts?

Fair enough.

And as long as I brought it up, I might as well point out that "aren't you/isn't that precious" can also be a compliment or a "polite insult," depending on context and tone.

Personally, I would wait a few days before responding. There is nothing you can say that will make her feel better. I would let her rant and complain and try not to get defensive. (Although you have every right to be!) I would simply state, "I'm sorry it didn't work out." I hate to see mother's over-react in these cases because it sends the message to the daughter that she really messed up. The mother that says "It's their loss -- you'll thrive at something else." is the type of mom who boosts her daughter's self image.

^^^ NutBrnHair's advice of "sorry it didn't work out" is probably the best advice, but I would be sorely tempted to say something along the lines of "I did everything I could to get recs for your daughter and to help prepare her for recruitment, and neither you nor she ever once said 'Thank you.' I guess nothing I could do could hide from the chapters the fact that you failed to teach your daughter basic manners, so I'm guessing that's why it didn't work out for her."

I'd want to say that, but I wouldn't.

Since I too tried to help a friend's daughter (not NEARLY as competitive a recruitment) who didn't pledge after THREE tries all you can say is, "I'm sorry that it didn't work out. I was not in the parties, nor was I in chapter so I can't tell you what went wrong. I'm sorry that you are both unhappy."

If the friend (and I am no longer friends with my friend) continues to blame you, or as in the case of my daughter insist that my daughter NEEDED a sorority for her social life, cut the strings. Tell her you did your best to help but that all the information went to deaf ears. Sorry.

If you want to read what happened read, My daughter's friend's recruitment. It may sound somewhat familiar.

I totally agree, and I'd take it one step further and suggest that you don't have to respond to her complaints about rush at all ever.

Thanks for all of the advice. One her repeated mentions in the voice mail is that I didn't tell them how competitive this process was. In fact that is all I kept repeating to both of them. My other problem is that her daughter's illness is not completely under control. I really questioned to myself, whether I would have let my own daughter go 12 hrs away with the recent diagnosis that could occur at any time. I never siad anything at all about this subject. She said " I just really wished you would have advised her she really had no chance whatsoever., Especially since she's so far away from home." I honestly think I'm not going to return her phone call. I had my daughter tell her friend how sorry I was that the process didn't work out for her, so I'm thinking that might be where I put an end to this fiasco. The mom also asked in the voice mail had I even secured a recommendation to Delta Gamma, because maybe at least she'd have a chance there." Wow is all I can think. Thanks for the great advice and responses.

If you can be strong enough, I'd not say anything at all and wait for it to simmer. The Mom might, in bitching to others who know what the daughter was up against, realize her error. But if you blow up and say something you regret later, I can't hold that against you. Good luck.

eta/and you know as well as we on GC do that Delta Gamma is not going to be anyone's safety sorority.

Wow. Don't we all wish we had a sorority alum whose job it was to get all of out recs, plan our recruitment AND answer for our results. This mother takes the cake!

I'm pretty sure that whatever I told Mommie Dearest, it would end with, "...and the horse you rode in on."

Wow. Just, wow.

Wow I can't begin to say what a good friend you were to help this woman and her daughter out.. I am so sorry that they are so dense and ungrateful. I think I would let her cool off and then maybe email ow write her that it is a shame it did not work out, and unfortunately it happens sometimes. Hopefully this girl can find another activity

Chioalum - Obviously, we don't have all of the story, but a big clue here is that the girl is recovering from a major illness and going to school 12 hours away. Momma bear is trying to run to the rescue, but girl is trying to move away.

Spidey sense says recruitment is a moot point cause she will transfer anyway....

As the current ABC, recruitment advisor, and alumnae chapter president, this does not suprise me at all. I offer to write references every year and that offer is largely ignored. I do not meet PNMs during recruitment or get involved with membership selection and I refuse to abuse my power that way (to the dismay of a few alumnae).

Back to the original thread -

live recruitment thread not finished = withdrew from recruitment?

I have a unique situation... = I haven't bothered to use the search function otherwise I would have found the 10+ threads that would have answered my question.

Yes!

Unique is one of the words my 10th grade English teacher wouldn't allow us to use, unless whatever we were discussing was ACTUALLY unique. Unique =/= unusual.

You being smarter than everyone you know doesn't make you unique.
You not knowing any alums (or that they are alums more likely) doesn't make you unique.
You being the first daughter of the US and you're going through rush doesn't even make you unique. But at least that DOES make your situation unusual. But wouldn't we have fun giving advice in that scenario?
- "my Dad is POTUS and I'm trying to figure out how to go through rush with my secret service detail. Any suggestions?" HA!

"I just didn't connect with their philanthropy." I don't care about those people with that problem. Yawn, why did you pick that?

Yeah, cuz there are so many causes supported by NPC groups that are just trivial.

"Do they call mothers first about the bids" - I am a heli mommy and do not understand that my adult daughter is the one going through recruitment.

Well, there are girls out there who are uncomfortable with the elderly or little children or people with disabilities or women talking about their domestic violence experiences. That doesn't make them bad people. If one of those girls go to a party and the sisters are talking about how they go volunteer at the {insert philanthropy here} 3 times a week (whether it's true or not) yes, that will put some girls off.

In other words, they might not so much "not care" as their own discomfort would make them not a good fit (and saying you "don't connect" is probably a better euphemism).

The best way to prevent that from happening is to make it clear during rush that there are all kinds of ways to support your GLO's philanthropy.

Haha- ask the Bush twins! They did it!

THAT might actually be unique.