I don't think I could, in good conscience and good manners, set up any sort of account or registry if I am already established and don't want people to give me gifts of their choice. So what if Aunt Bertha gives me a set of towels instead of money for a massage, I don't get to dictate what people give me. I'm just thankful they are giving me a gift and I'm getting married. If someone asked my family or bridal party for gift ideas that is where it could be mentioned, but I'm not going to register for things if I have a well equipped home, or for anything honeymoon related. Some people feel the need or want to give something, and I'll have that registry, but people can give something, or nothing, it doesn't really matter as long as they come to my wedding, and if they weren't invited and give a gift, how very thoughtful.

Entirely separate, but I immediately thought someone had one of those grody sex toy parties that are done like pampered chef and was promoting it for their shower/bachelorette party.

Let's face it, wedding gifts are all about the money, so getting it in dishes or godawful lavender EMBROIDERED bath towels (with our names, so no, I couldn't return them for cash) or one of 4 picnic baskets, it's about helping you set up your marital shop which costs money. In a lot of places, the bride and groom get almost strictly cash, so at least funding their honeymoon feels a LITTLE more personal.

I try to make quilts for family and close friends, but of course that's not something you can do for just anybody! But it's financially cheap and they remember it forever.

Yeah the anti-cash thing is a pretty western or perhaps at this point purely American sense of 'tackiness.' It's sometimes the traditional gift.

If someone got snippy over me not buying them a gift from their registry, I'd be offended, but I don't much care otherwise. I give gifts that I think people would enjoy. If they tell me what they do enjoy, well all the better, I at least have something to work from.

All this gifting tackiness is why when I sent out the kids' birthday party announcements the other day, they said "NO GIFTS!"*. We did this because a) They don't have any room for any more toys (and it would be tacky to tell people not to give anything but clothes or things of that nature) and b) they are having their party together, which could feel like a gift grab to some people.

*I included a note that we would be accepting non-perishables for the local food pantry or donations for their Children's Choir at church if people wanted to give something. Hopefully, that's not tacky.;)

If they already have a house and household items, and they want to do these extra things on their honeymoon, THEY CAN PAY FOR THE EXTRA THINGS. It's beyond tacky to ask other people to do so, and it undermines the entire idea behind gift-giving and gracious gift-receiving. It's nothing more than fancy greed. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

If you really don't need anything, tell people "no gifts" or suggest gifts to a charity that matter to you.

^^^ LOL

As I have thought about, I think maybe I need to offer a disclaimer:

When I was growing up (and where I grew up), and when I was married, the registry was limited to patterns: dinnerware (china and/or casual), flatware (sliver and/or stainless) and glassware (crystal and/or glass). The registry never included specific items, just the patterns, so that anyone who wanted to know could check where you were registered and select something from your patterns. I'd say half to two-thirds of our wedding presents came from the patterns we registered. Yes, we got ookabillion candlesticks that we'd never use -- most were returned and exchanged for what we were short on in our patterns.

What I find very odd (and potentially tacky), is putting anything specific on a gift registry, whether it's a toaster from Target or a massage on the beach while on your honeymoon. I think there's a big difference between "these are our patterns, so you know you're safe if you pick something from them," and "we want these things, so please get us one of these things." The latter is how all these "newer" registries come across to me.

Go ahead; feel free to call me an old fogey. I accept it.

On one hand, I think it's great that people are finally accepting that even though something's a "traditional" gift they might not get a lot of use out of it and asking people to buy it is silly. My parents (married in the 1960s) have a full set of china for 12, and honestly, I think we used it once after I came along.* I'd rather buy someone a big Steelers polar fleece blankie for the couch that they're going to use every day.

Although having learned more thru this thread - if someone's asking for a honeymoon massage (shouldn't you be stress free enough there to not need one?) that undoubtedly is overpriced to an insane degree, at that point I'd rather just buy them a bottle of Gentleman Jack and call it a day. At least the bottle they can save, LOL.

*We all kept ourselves from feeling guilty about this by dint of the fact that my uncle owned a jewelry store and undoubtedly got the whole set at cost. LOL. When Mom & Dad 33 got married, it was just them, the minister and the photog - they'd been dating for so long they didn't want a big wedding. However, upon cleaning the house out recently, I couldn't BELIEVE how much wedding-present stuff they had - I shudder to think if they WOULD have had a registry etc etc.

LOL.

In my house growing up, we used silver flatware for every meal. I'm not making that up; it's all we had. Friends would come over and get silver to eat their ice cream. They'd say "oh, you don't need to use the silver for me." I'd :o and say "it's all we have." My parents finally got stainless after I was in college.

As for china, we used it a lot. Not everyday, but a lot.

I'l admit, Ms. MysticCat and I tend to use our handthrown pottery plates a lot more than our china. (And if we know the bride and groom will like it and use it, we tend to give nice pottery as a wedding present.)

I believe you just admitted to being born with a silver spoon in your mouth? LOL

Clearly, different things are acceptable in different social circles and we have discussed this topic in previous threads. In my family and area, registries are common and expected and we want to know where people registered. I would be shocked to get a bridal or baby shower invitation without registry information included. I would be annoyed at having to take extra steps to find out where the couple is registered. However, notice that I said "shower invitation"? The point of a bridal or baby shower is to get gifts, not get clean. By definition, you "shower" the bride or mom-to-be with gifts. That's the whole point. In these parts, gifts are given at the shower, cash/check/gift cards are given at the wedding, for the most part. There will be a few gifts at a wedding, but it is primarily envelopes. It is the custom and it is what is done. If you give cash/check, then the couple can decide whether they want to spend it on extras during their honeymoon, a down payment for a house, to add to their china or crystal collection or to save it to pay their divorce attorney.

If I lived in a different area, had different friends/family, then I'd find out the customs there and follow them.

I think honeymoon registries sound silly though.

Miss Manners always said requesting no gifts was tacky because it meant that gifts were expected. I always thought that was stupid because gifts are a cultural expectation even if most people would be fine not getting a wedding present from everyone who attended their wedding for example. (In other words, you're safe in my eyes ;) )

As for the china discussion, I'll never register for any. My Nonna has easily 4 full sets not including holiday china and if I ever decide I want some, my parents will give me a set. I've never seen my parents use 'china' and our holiday plates were simply a holiday pattern of the dishes my mom liked.

I can't see myself ever using it anyway.

Growing up, my parents used their china about once a month. I feel like that's pretty frequently. My dad tried to give it to me not too long ago, and while I'd love to have it, I just don't have the space or practicality at this time. Once live-in and I buy a house, or a larger apartment, I'm hoping to have it. Although, I can't lie, I would like to register for my own pattern when I get married.

Live-in's family only ever used one set of their three, though, the Christmas set. So, there's a high likelihood that we will not be registering for it because there's a high likelihood we will not use it. Perhaps we'll just register for nice ceramic dishes instead.

The customs from my hometown area are similar to Dee's - gifts for the showers, cash for the wedding. No honeymoon registry required. :)

One of my bestie's did this when she got married. They had wedding registries but also the honeymoon registry. They already were living together in a house at the time they got married and they in not so many words, "strongly encouraged" people to purchase from the honeymoon registry rather than the traditional gift registries (created only to appease the groom's mother/family). So that's what my husband and I did--we got them a breakfast in bed upgrade for two mornings to help make their honeymoon more memorable/enjoyable rather than "housewares" they didnt really need or want.

I think this is a type of gift that should replace a wedding gift, not something extra along with a shower & wedding gift.

This was how I have always thought registries were for - to say which pattern, color or size. The choice was either to go with the list (as to pattern, color, or size), or to go for something unique, such as a cheese platter and The Cheese of the Month Club. (never heard of it until I got one)