Yeah... I'd stop inviting them completely and no longer think I'm a heartless bitch for saying that.

Nobody's brought up a big point - these immature fussy eaters still get dessert? We always had to try everything, then actually make a meal out of anything we liked. If we didn't, no dessert for us. Dessert is not necessary, it is a treat.

My mother was visiting her cousins when she was about 4-5, and she & her mother were invited to dinner. Then they announced, "We're having tongue!" My grandmother gave "the look" to my mother, and my mother knew at that age that she was about to eat tongue.

She, in turn, told my brother & I that we may grow up to be diplomats or missionaries, so we needed to at least try different foods. And I have multiple food allergies. She just didn't believe in being rude, ever.

If kids are getting to choose their menu, and obviously they're going to choose fatty, greasy foods, no wonder there's a childhood obesity epidemic.

AGDee and MysticCat, you had it easy LOL. There were children starving in Ethiopia, so we had to everything on our plate; thankfully, she served in appropriate portions. I just learned the least amount of times I had to chew in order to swallow the food I didn't like. I also feel real guilty still about not finishing what I put on my plate, so I much prefer family style meals. I felt really bad though this past Easter. My SIL made this carrot based soup that was just aweful and I couldn't stomach more than 1/4 of the bowl.

Yah, no. My three year old nephew decided to stomp a strawberry into my carpet last summer and got a triple reprimand. Andy and I told him no and set down the rules. When Mom found out later, she was so embarrassed/mad; he got the discussion. The 8 and 10 year olds would have got a cleaning invitation from me. It's okay to set down the law in your own house. My family still keeps coming over and my neices and nephews never want to leave. When we go to their house they get all excited to see us. That's just disrespectful. I hope you let their mother know what they do.

This. It's not only okay, it's appropriate.

And sorry you had to eat everything on the plate. :p

our very wise pediatrician once told me that she had yet to see a child who would voluntarily starve her/himself to death. this after i was concerned when one of my children did not want to stop whatever activity he/she was engaged in and sit down to eat.

we always asked our daughter and son to give everything a try-just one bite. they have never been picky eaters, and i am so grateful for that. i also think that it makes life easier for them.

when they were little they were both diagnosed with multiple food allergies-which effected them mainly histimically. we did our best to avoid those foods-chocolate was a big no-no. i would take along a vanilla cupcake to birthday parties when i knew that the hostess was serving chocolate cake. of course, my kids would have rather had the chocolate(and i can't blame them!) but they ate the vanilla. luckily, chocolate seems to no longer bother them.

the same goes for your nieces and nephews. if they get hungry enough, they will find something that they will eat. when my children had friends over and the friends did not like what i had cooked, they were invited to make themselves a sandwich-themselves(of course, these were school aged children). your nieces and nephews are of the age where they are capable of making a sandwich. i think it is time to quit catering to their ridiculous whims.

If a child isn't rude about it, what's the problem with them NOT eating stuff they don't like? I truly don't understand why my mother always forced it on me when I hated it and it made me gag. It seems to me like it's just a control thing. As an adult, I have the control to not serve things I don't like. Kids have no choice. They are stuck with whatever someone puts in front of them. I don't see why it has to be "Eat everything that makes you want to vomit" vs. "be a horrible kid". Who eats stuff that makes them want to be sick except as a child, when an adult is forcing it on you? I surely don't.

If they're not rude and they at least *try* it (and I mean one, good-sized bite, not the miniscule things my son tries to pull on us) then I don't have an issue with it. I'm still not making them a separate meal. We have plenty of other sides available at the dinner table that they can eat if they truly don't like the main dish (likewise, when we go to friends/family to eat). I know at least for babies/toddlers who are just starting to eat regular food, they say it takes an average of 8-10 tries of feeding a specific food to them before they "like" it. I don't agree with making my children eat Everything on their plate (that can begin another negative association with food), but they have to try it and they can't complain.

But in the OP's case, these kids aren't trying the food (even when it's things they've SAID they like and that she's specifically made for them) and are being extremely rude. It also doesn't help her sister is enabling that behavior and pulling a passive-aggressive guilt trip on the OP.

I'm one of the pickiest eaters in the world, but those kids are RIDICULOUS. My grandma and my mom are picky eaters, so I was never forced to eat anything I truly didn't like. At home, my parents would usually just make me the plain version of whatever, but nothing that required extra work for them (I can't count how many times I heard - "we're not a restaurant!"). However, going out in public and to other people's homes, I was to eat what was in front of me, at least half of it. I would have never even THOUGHT of complaining to a hostess or shoving food in the couch :eek:. I would just make sure to focus on the buns/salads/whatever I liked, and would usually have something small before I left. And dessert when you hadn't eaten your dinner????????????? If that happened, it meant hell had frozen over.

Like I said, I'm an insanely picky eater, and these kids' behaviour HORRIFIES me.

I missed the part where parenting is supposed to be easy. If your primary goal is to squelch drama, don't have kids. Teaching them how to behave like civilized guests (and how to eat healthy, homemade food) is not the fun part. It's the hard, necessary part.

If it's just one thing, and they've tried it and don't like it, then it shouldn't be a big deal as long as they are eating other nutritious foods. But first, some kids are rejecting entire categories of food that are necessary to a balanced diet, like all vegetables. Skipping spinach is fine if you eat broccoli, zucchini, cabbage, and lettuce; it's not OK nutritionally to skip all that stuff. The OP's nieces are basically skipping the whole meal to go right to dessert unless the "meal" is greasy garbage like nuggets and fries. They're learning terrible habits that may hurt their health someday.

Second, it can be about control on the kid's part, too. There are plenty of kids who may not actually hate the food; they want to prove that they're in charge and they don't have to do what Mom says. Of course Mom should pick her battles, but a kid forcing Mom to make three separate meals for family members is probably enjoying the control more than the nuggets.
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Vaporizer Volcano

This. That was the whole point of my mom's one-bite-without-a-face rule -- so that you learned to try something politely when you were a guest.

Co-sign, Low C Sharp.

No offense, but when my family - both sisters, their kids, my mom, my brother and his girlfriend - come over, there's a good 15 people in my house. Neither I nor my husband are going to run out in the middle of a dinner or picnic we are hosting to go pick up a bunch of happy meals. We are very hands-on hosts, and do our best to give everyone a great time. We get toys for the kids to play with outside, set aside a spare room for them to play video games and board games in, and a bunch of other stuff to make them feel welcome.

As some of you have said, the problem is really my sister and what she allows the kids to get away with. I love her and her kids, but they are high-maintenence guests.

To further reiterate my family's, um, issues -a couple of years ago, I had gotten out of the hospital after 2 weeks inpatient. They all (both sisters, their kids, etc.) decided to come over (at once) to "welcome me home" - at my house. My husband had just been getting by with food shopping, spending 8-10 hours at work and a few hours at the hospital with me every day....

.....Well all 15 people showed up - en masse - and I ordered pizza and grinders (getting everyone's orders, even the kids). It took longer than 20 min to get here, so my sisters took off to go to the grocery (they claimed they were starving). So my hubby and I had to entertain the 5 kids and the husbands, my mom, bro and his gf. My sisters arrived back at my house as the pizza was getting there, with - you guessed it - chicken nuggets and cookies (you can guess the kids ate the nuggets and cookies instead of the specific things they ordered - cheeseless pizza, grinders). They ate, left a ton of garbage all over (mind you, I was recuperating from double pneumonia and a blood clot), and then left after 2 hours here.

Yet if I call them on it, I am the rude one. Thanks for the chance to vent and kind advice. You can't choose your family - they are all I have - but sometimes, it's hard to deal with them. And for the record, they AREN'T coming here tomorrow; we're going over there.

Thanks for everything!!

Let your sister host more parties and offer to bring something. Sorry you have to deal with these rude kids...and a sister who doesn't see it.

Dog Chow.

Seriously, I know you don't like drama, but this is asinine. Just tell them "we won't be making any special meals for the kids. If this isn't OK with you or them, get them a sitter, or just don't come."

I was a picky as hell eater as a kid, but at age TEN I could certainly find things when I went to someone else's house for dinner that I could eat. I also got far more wide ranging tastes when I got older (esp after I went to college) so anyone worrying about kids not eating this or that, trust me, it won't kill them. I have a far more wide-ranging variety of foods I like than many of my friends or family.

I'm pretty sure that if I ever said yuck at a dinner table it would be shortly followed by my mother skinning me alive. If the house I was at did not have food I would (or could not, half my family ignores food allergies) eat, I would eat anything I could possible choke down. When it's the food allergy thing, my father would lean over and promise me food after. He would whisper and definitely not say it loud enough that anyone other than me could hear.

Your sister needs to realize that the world is not going to make exceptions for her children. That sounds mean (sorry bad mood) but its true. Um what do her kids eat for lunch at school?

Bingo.

In my house, there was no "picky eater." We called it "hungry."

I was the QUEEN of picky, but my mom made one meal and one meal only. I hated mushrooms in my spaghetti, but if dad and mom liked them then that's how mom made the dish and Little CG picked them out. I tried to play the "I won't eat it" game at age 7 or so and I was hungry as a mug laying in bed that night. I didn't have to eat it if I didn't want to but I would eat something else at the table or pick out the offending object. If it wasn't already going onto the table, it wasn't getting made.

Kids don't have to eat what makes them sick but "I won't eat hotdogs with the lines"? Srsly? Eat with your eyes closed if it bothers you that much. :cool:

ETA: There are exceptions: Kids with allergies, kids with OCD, or kids with a legitimate reason for not being able to "get past it" (e.g., Asperger's).

I thought I'd update. So we're at my sisters. They were making burgers, dogs and chicken. I brought chips, cheetos and roasted potatoes. Oldest kid (10) didn't want any of what his dad was cooking on the grill, so my sister made him grilled cheese (he asked for two sandwiches). An hour goes by, and he has taken one bite. She begs him to take "2 more". He refuses, then puts the plate where the ever-food-stealing dog could get it (on the floor in front of the tv).

Sister is furious. Kid says, I want a burger instead. Kids 2 & 3 ask for hot dogs. Well, all the burgers & dogs have been eaten. So dad goes and cooks a few more. Sister makes plates for all the kids (who have now taken the whole bowl of cheetos into the living room). Kid #1 says "I don't like these burgers, they're too big." (They are normal burgers you get at the grocery store, on a regular hamburger bun. He wanted the flat, 4-oz McD's burger)). So my sister cuts it in half. (I suggested to squish it down but that wasn't helpful). Then he says "it looks half-eaten. I don't want it". And keeps watching tv.

Kids finish off the cheetos, none of them had eaten a lick of real food (except for #3 who had a hot dog and half a cucumber), but ran to the fridge for ice pops, which mom said "no" too, but they still ate them. THANK GOD I had not hosted, because #1 was in a foul mood.

We did end up having fun, everyone playing outside, basketball, football, playing on the swings, searching for birds' nests in the trees (the kids LOVED that), looking for fairies in the mushrooms on the tree line, coloring (my favorite)... overall it was a great day.

O.M.G.

Those kids have complete control over their parents and they know it.

*shakes head*

Yikes.

You know, I used to hate when my parents whooped my ass, buuuut...soooometimes...

There would be a lot of grumbling tummies and red behinds if that ever happened at my house.

Yes. This is a time when my parents would have said, "Do you want to eat, or do you want to get smacked?"

I accommodate for the special diets in my family (some low-carb items for the diabetics, onions/peppers on the side where possible for those who can't stomach them, and caffine-free drinks for my sister who gets heart flutters). But that's it. If you or your kid is a picky eater, you better bring your own food or stay home. I also don't allow children (or anyone, really) to mouth off in my home. I have no problem telling a relative's kid to watch his/her mouth. Luckily, my friends' children do not act this way.

Ree-Xi you have been more than gracious to this point (more than I would have been). I'm not sure if you have the kind of relationship with your sister where you can just say, "DO A BETTER JOB RAISING YOUR KIDS!" If not, maybe just try to limit the amount of times you invite her family over to your house. Family gatherings are supposed to be fun, not frustrating. :(

That's more than I'll do. If I am entertaining, I'll let folks know what I'm cooking. If they can eat it, come on by. If they can't, sorry -- we can meet for drinks or something after.

And I have no problem telling ANYONE (children or their parents) to watch him-/herself if I feel like I'm being disrespected in my home. My friends know this about me, though, and will make sure that their children (if I haven't met them yet) are well behaved.

The kids that I have met already know not to mess with me :p

These kids will get straight when they start being invited to their friends' houses for overnights. Being called "babies" because they won't eat what is there will be much more effective than anything the limp-noodle parents could ever try.

I don't see why so many people are advising Ree-Xi to limit her time with her family over a ten year old kid. She obviously enjoys the time with them as evidenced by her post. It sounds like they had a great time overall.

Ree-Xi has already leveled with her sister on the issue and I believe sister told her basically that it is what it is with the kids.

For what its worth, when my nephews and nieces come over, they eat what we put out on the bar, or it sets until they want something else at which time they see the same dish. But, my wife "don't take no crap." :)

Because...

If her sister isn't willing to correct her kids' actions, ree-xi shouldn't have to put up with their BS.

It isn't what it is, though. Your kids are only your own. No one else has to tolerate the nonsense that you encourage.

Ree-Xi felt some kinda way about it and shared the story with us. She's the one who decides how much she can tolerate. Not us.

Uh, so you agree with us. Got it.

Post #61 reminds me of a family that my sister used to babysit for.

Daughter (5 years old) would say, "I want French toast for breakfast." Nanny (following Mom's orders) cooks French toast. Daughter looks at her plate and says, "Yuck, this is nasty! I don't want French toast! I want oatmeal!" French toast goes RIGHT INTO THE TRASH and a second meal is cooked. And so on.

I was absolutely speechless. This was 20 years ago, and the daughter has grown up to be exactly the kind of self-important diva you would imagine from that upbringing.
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Housewives Webcam

Oh, they do go to other kids' houses and sleep over. They also are in boy scouts and do those overnights. I honestly don't know what they do regarding food. I'll try to find out (and ask in a way that doesn't make her defensive lol).

I know that I should/could limit the time i spend with them, but in the end, they are family. I kept to myself when the food drama started, and just distracted myself by coloring with #3 (who, by the way, made me a book out of drawings, stapled it, made a cover for it, and just stole my heart). As I get sicker, more and more of my "social" time is spent with family, who understands my needs and limitations, versus a huge group of friends who still like to go to bars and party all night.

Thanks for the very helpful suggestions and insights. I think that the next time I host a food-related event, I will talk to the kid one on one and tell him that I am not going to waste food, and that what he asks for, is what he'll eat. No one can argue with common sense. I know that in the grand scheme of things, this isn't important, but when I throw a picnic or dinner, it takes a lot of energy, and I hate for it to leave it on a bad note. I want my nieces and nephews to respect me, but also remember me fondly.:)

Honest opinion, you know kids' attention spans are are short as a sip of water. Not to mention if they do listen, they will try you just because. You need to square this away with their parents first and instruct them on your house rules so you don't have to worry about this again.

If it's still a sore point, then as we all have more or less said, they can stay home or find someplace else to eat.

You are kind enough to have food available when company comes but it's not fair that you cater to their whims.

I hope it all works out for you!

Haha. I'm trying not to, but it's hard to side with the kid on this one.

My youngest son lives on Fruit Loops and skim milk for days sometimes but he still likes to get out of the house. It's just that cereal is not offered at many cookouts. :)

I am very much in agreement with DS.

The issue isn't with having to take it "up with the kids" and talk with them, it's talking with your sister.

I'm sorry, but I am not, as they say in TX, finna waste food, family or not! I will be damned and some ass would be busted! I have NO problem in whipping the ass of the kiddies or of the family! Plain and simple.

You don't like what I am serving, you see the door you walked in, walk you and your families ass out of it and don't look back!

Ree, I know that you enjoy your family, but you have to set some definitive limits for yourself. You sister is using both your illness and her kids against you to allow her children to get away with being mannerless.

These children are, as my Momma would say, Cruising for a bruising. Because I bet you a dime to a dollar, at their friends houses or camp outs with the Cub Scouts, they don't pull that crap. Kids know who they can get away with crap and who they can't. And if they see that they can get away with their behavior and NO ONE will CORRECT their rude butt behavior, they will.

And I'm sorry, but this is just the issue of it. They are seeing that their Mother and Father are allowing this behavior without correction, but unless you become willing to stand up to Momma and Poppa, the kids are going to continue with the same behavior towards you and your family.

Baby Girl, you just gotta stand up to sis and let her know, hey, this is what I'm cooking, don't want it, got two options, leave or eat. Then on top of that you need to let her know that hey, if you bring something to my house that I didn't want brought in (in order to continue your children in being mannerless), hey, you got to go, I don't know where, but you're getting the hell up outta here.

What I understood at the time was that they basically ate McDonalds and other things that would not be taken easily to school. I figured if the kids were picky enough they would have trouble taking lunches to school. My school also was super worried about allergies and we had a fairly large list of things we could not bring (there was one sad kid whom if he even was in the same room as a peanut he would have a reaction)

Interesting related article in today's NY Times:

Looking Past the Children’s Menu

The article is about a restaurateur in NYC who does not offer a children's menu at his restaurant. He'll make certain accommodations for children, such as offering appetizer portions of pasta as a main meal for small children, but there's no kid's menu offering chicken nuggets and burgers.

He also makes his children try a wide variety of foods at home. The children aren't always happy about it, but they aren't allowed to say no - and as a result, they are adventuresome about food. It struck me that the interview was conducted over dinner, and the reporter's own ~4yo twins (used to chicken fingers and fries) followed the example of the restaurateur's children (who are older) and ate what they were served.

I'm reminded (rather forcefully) of my own childhood. I ate what my mother cooked, whether I liked it or not. She would not cook a separate meal for me, unless she was cooking a very spicy curry, and even then all she would do was pull out a lightly-spiced portion for me before adding the hot spices to the main pot. Result: I'm a very adventuresome eater, even more so than my own parents - I eat sushi, which they won't touch with a barge pole (they won't even eat veggie sushi).

Edit: Also, when I was 10-11 years old, when my parents and I went out to eat and I was given a children's menu, I would say, "May I have the real menu please?" Maybe I came across as a junior bitch, but at that age I had no interest in connecting the dots with a crayon while waiting to get some chicken nuggets - I wanted real conversation and normal adult food.

*poors out champagne on the carpet for the parents*
:mad: This bothers me out my nephew--my parents cater to his food pickiness way more than they did with either me or my sister. They make him seperate meals made all the time and he tries to pull that on others. A couple years ago, NephewCG once asked for scrambled eggs. Eggs were made. He pulls a face and says, "Eeeeewww YUCK!!" and tried to throw them on the floor. He got a 3-minute time out for trying to throw food and and a lecture for being rude. I was already pissed that morning so his lecture was very loud. :p He had the option to either eat the food or just eat the other stuff on the plate. If it's not enough to get full, don't complain at school, you had a chance to eat more (I think he chose to just eat the toast and fruit). He'll try me once in a while to see if I've budged, but we haven't had an episode like that since that day.