So my SIL is getting rid of her dog because the new fiance hates dogs...I'm sorry, why would you date someone who hates animals if you have one?

Apparently fiance is a real winner: ex-addict, did time, OCD, ADHD, etc....

And she wonders why we think this guy is bad? Seriously?

Careful there please. Do you really need to lump people with OCD and ADHD in with ex-addicts and ex-cons? I know some people with ADHD and even OCD who really are winners -- I'm kin to some of them. One of them's wife would tell you she's the winner. ;)

Why don't I just say that I learned how NOT to be a mother in law from my MIL?

I actually would run a cat test on potential boyfriends. If the guys didn't like them, they were out. I love cats and want to have them for the rest of my life-no joke, it was part of the marital agreement. My cats are also a very good judge of character. They know if people really like them-if not, they disappear.

MC, No, no, not lumping them in...it's just more to add to the host of issues the guy already has, that my SIL doesn't want to deal with yet complains about constantly. If you had a daughter (which I don't remember if you do, but I remember you mentioning a son? Maybe I'm crazy) would you question her choice of marrying a guy who has no career prospects(he currently makes minimum wage), that was an ex-addict, was emotionally abusive to her, whose family has a history of mental illness, ex-con/addict, etc...? And she wants to make kids with said guy and thinks she's going to be a stay at home mom?

I know it's her choice, but she continually complains about how unhappy she is...duh, tell him to get out of your house and not come back or suck it up and deal with the choice you made. I guess I just don't get it.

AOII_LB93- cracking up @ ur signature. lol

I have a daughter and a son (with ADHD and a few other challanges).
I would definitely question that, and would be very concerned.

I'm probably being a little overly parental in other ways, though, because if my daughter added ADHD or OCD to her list of complaints, I would feel the need to remind her that her brother has ADHD, or that a cousin she loves (who is doing very well) has OCD.

I get what you're saying, though.

Where is KillarneyRose? I know that she has a monster in law too.

So apparently, Mr. WinniBug's family doesn't communicate.

I bought his mom some pictures of Annalisse for her birthday about a month early, I even asked SIL which pictures MIL might prefer. About a week before her birthday, hubby tells me SIL texted him about us going in with her and BIL to get the MIL a digital picture frame. I asked him if he told her we already had a gift for his mom, and he hemmed and hawed and basically told me "idk" (this is becoming his answer for EVERYTHING lately, but that's another story...) I told him that he needed to tell her that we already had her birthday gift ordered. I got a "yeah, yeah, yeah" as a response.

Well, ffwd a little bit. Hubby works Sundays, so does FIL. So what does BIL do? He plans MIL's b-day dinner for Sunday. I told him Joel had to work; he replied that "no one else planned anything, so I did." We end up meeting MIL, FIL and 16 yr-old BIL for lunch on Saturday, and told her that her gift had been ordered and was on its way.

A couple days ago, hubby and I both receive fwded texts from MIL thanking us for the digital picture frame. I told her that she hasn't gotten her gift from us yet. This prompts her to tell SIL God-knows what, but hubby gets a text asking why we weren't going in on the picture frame.

So TODAY, MIL sends us both a text "SIL is depending on you to go in one the gift since she was told you would."

What business is it of hers?? Back your nosy ass out of shit that doesn't concern you!

I told her we ordered her b-day gift over a month ago, but that we'd just save it for Christmas.

Survived the visit...and she is still talking shit on me, isn't that great!? *sigh*

Hijack: A dear friend's son just got married to the daughter in law from hell. I can see how some of this starts. The DIL wanted her in laws to write her a blank check for their wedding. They agreed to an amount and the the DIL threw daily temper tantrums to her future MIL. The wedding was a nightmare. Our friends weren't allowed to give a toast, get pictures, do a mother/son dance. Nothing. (The amount the dear bride, who's mantra was, "IT'S MY DAY!!!!" was well over $50,000 plus a wedding present, engagement party AND rehearsal party.)

I have learned much from this wedding.

Hate to say it, but they should not have contributed money...it added to the pre-existing condition. Their bad on that one. She may be a bitch but they didn't have to foot the bill.

You are correct. They refused to give more than they originally "promised". The engagement and rehearsal dinners (which were lovely and attended by 180 people) and they paid for the honeymoon. When their offer, to the bride and her mother, of $10,000 for flowers was rejected as paltry (their words) that was the end of the detente.

The bride's family gave the groom's family 60 places at the dinner, to their 240. It was an awful situation.

I invited hubby's inlaws up for a surprise birthday party last Friday night. (Invited them 2 weeks in advance)
MIL texted me Friday morning to tell me she was going to try to ride up with hubby's brother. FIL and youngest BIL didn't come; they stayed in town to watch the football game. (BIL doesn't play) Even my dad skipped his football game, and he's been religiously attending for 15 years.

My SIL and her husband (BIL-IL?) and their three kids can't make my son's 4th birthday party on Sunday because they have decided to go to a volleyball game.

No, their children are not playing in the volleyball game.

They live in the same city that we do, yet my kids see my sister (who lives on the other side of the country) and her family more than they do my SIL and her family.

Flame away, but I told DH that if we don't get our promised 1st anniversary gift from MIL that she is no longer welcome at our house. He can see her, whatever, but she cannot come by here and I will not be going to her home.

She used it as an excuse for why she couldn't bother to give us a card, but 2 weeks after the wedding gave BIL and SIL a digital camera.

I don't care, I'm tired of this shitty people getting away with it. At least this should make holidays easier if we can just cut them out of the rotation. I already told DH that I will be working christmas eve and that his family can either coordinate appropriately or he can go by himself. That would work a whole lot better for me anyways.

Let me make a suggestion: And I am saying this a DIL who ONLY received two presents from my inlaws...from a Thrift store....and they are VERY wealthy people. In the 30 years of our marriage I never received a birthday card from them. When my parents died they were too busy to call with condolences. And they employed BIL for 30 years, built him a business AND they are constantly broke despite a hefty (in the milllions, low millions, but millions...) and come to my husband for free legal aid....Okay I know what kind of people you are dealing with.

Sweat the big stuff. A stupid wedding gift, so what? A digital camera...penny ante crap. Your inlaws are probably (not in your estimation but in reality) quite young. Fifties, sixties? You are the hated daughter in law. Don't give them a reason to hate you more. Be polite. In a few years, fewer than you think...they will need their children. And then, in your husband's eyes (which is all that counts) you will be a saint. Act like a bitch now...sweetie...you may not have a husband. (I am speaking as a DIL who was once a young bride.) I faced far more insults than a camera or lack thereof: How would you like it if your husband's family refused to "let" you sit at a family table...or....go to a family reunion? Happened to me.

Now I'm the (quoting my MIL) "rich DIL who is the classiest and nicest...I always take her out beautifully..."...and I bite my tongue the whole time.

I'm with ellebud on this one....there are much bigger fish to fry ultimately. If you want to stay married, sometimes it's better to just swallow it and smile.

I don't know, but I think my MIL story may just take the cake. My MIL never liked me or my family and never really gave me a reason, either. When my husband and I got married we were given a family house as a "gift." I was 100% against the idea. They wanted to keep the house in the family because it was the grandparent's house and grama died and grampa was in a home but they couldn't bear to sell it. So they asked us to live there and become "caretakers of the estate" where we didn't pay rent or mortgage but we paid upkeep, repairs, utilities, insurance, to the tune of $800/month.

Well, my husband who is in the Army gets deployed. As soon as he leaves, MIL tells me I had 3 weeks to be out of the house. She listed the house on the market and it sold within 5 days. I had to call the American Red Cross to track down my husband and I asked him what to do- our lives had been in this house for years. I got out of there in time and never looked back, nor have I spoken to my in laws since. They all turned on me and never gave me a reason other than "they don't think we are right for each other." My husband took my side and refuses to speak to his family. His mom wrote to him for awhile and he just sent the letters back. It's sad that it came to this but at the same time it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from both of us. I doubt I will ever see MIL again, I know he will never speak to her again, and if we have children, it's sad, but they will never know their father's family. Sad story but sometimes in laws can be like that.

Damn, ASAlady....... you win. :eek:

Yup....... ASAlady, thats the worst i've heard.

Wow. Did she give you any reason for why she was doing it?

Or does she just hate you?

Your inlaws are quite a pair. Just wondering though: What did those letters say? (I have an inquisitive mind.) Depending on what was said I'd probably correct spelling/grammar and thought continium and THEN return them.

Wow ASALady, that one does take the cake. Good thing for your DH sticking up for you though.

OMG that is all types of levels of f*cked up! Good for him on taking your side! As far as having kids, it will be sad but IMO I would rather not have my kids to potentially be subjected to hurtful crap your Monster in Law does.

Are your DH's father or other siblings in the picture? I'd be dying to find out their outlook on this.

I can relate to the kid thing. I haven't really spoken to my father since 2001 (my parents are divorced). He has never met my DH. If we have kids, chances are, they will not know him


Estranged parents...that is a whole 'nother talk show! :rolleyes:
Once this recruitment is over, should vent about my inlaws in detail (my BIL and SIL)

Note to all: When I said, in my first post on this subject that when I am a MIL, I will think, "What would my in laws have done?" And I will do the opposite.

And since I am a lot closer to MIL status than most of you, I have seen the wreckage that their attitudes toward my children (who were seen when then were young as my extensions) have wrought. My children went dutifully to FIL's memorial. They NEVER call my MIL. She never called them. They gave money to my children for the holidays on a sliding scale. We evened it out. They plain don't care. And that is a shame.

It's kind of funny that I "won" the worst MIL because going through it I never felt like I won anything. Thank goodness I had my own family to support me. My parents have been awesome through this whole thing and I have definitely learned to appreciate them a lot more.

I never knew why MIL didn't like me other than she didn't think we were right for each other. She said that time and time again. She told me several weeks before the wedding that, "no offense, but I don't see the two of you lasting." Another reason she doesn't like me- my sister had a baby out of wedlock when she was 22 and MIL thought that was so shamefull and called her trash to my face and said my whole family is a bunch of sinners (she's Catholic, I am not). So I think it's a ton of things- we are just not good enough apparently.

I started dating my husband a year after his dad died, so I think that also has something to do with it. Not only did MIL lose her husband but she "lost" her son, too, because he wasn't around as much to be with her on Friday nights when she was lonely, help her around the house, etc. So psychologically speaking (I am currently working on my Master's Degree in Counseling) it must have felt like I took him from her after she suffered a devestating loss. Her husband's death was somewhat unexpected (stroke). So I can sympathize. But there really isn't any excuse for her poor behavior towards me.

I don't speak to any of his family- he has a brother and a sister but they live out of town. He does kind of speak to them but with being away with the Army there isn't much time to talk. He will be coming home for Christmas and I asked him what he wanted to do about his mom and he said he wants nothing to do with her. I don't love the fact that they don't speak, I would like him to have closure. At the same time he has a job to do with the military and really doesn't have time for her drama.

I have no idea what the letters said. He read a few and they were just the same crap how we aren't good for each other and he should take this separation to get over me, etc. At that point he just stopped reading them and sent them back undeliverable.

There was a book that I gave my husband called Toxic Parents. It is probably available on Amazon used. It helped me understand my inlaws a bit. (Still didn't like them, but understanding what makes them tick and how to handle the situation does help.)

I hate to say it, but my expriences could probably go toe to toe with yours, a distinction that neither of us would like. But I will say again, whatever my in laws did I will do the opposite. Because if the marriage works I want to have the joy of seeing my child (ren) happy. If the marriage fails I want them to come to me and say thank you for supporting me and not making the situation worse.

So my MIL is trying to get between my husband and I again. Gee, there's a surprise.

Man, I really dislike her. A lot.

My MIL is mad at us because we're going to visit his aunts and uncles who live 4ish hours away instead of coming to see her, I guess.

Damn...

Passive-aggressive answer: Head directly to the nearest sink and wash it all off, then apply your own makeup to your own taste.

I've seen more than one "professional makeup job" that has left me wondering if I should call 911 and report domestic abuse because of the double black eye. Eye color should be applied with a brush or sponge, not a paint roller.

My husband's brother owns a catering business and a banquet hall. He's having a hard time, but came up with a great idea. BIL asked his dad to ask other family members to "donate" eight hours or so of work time to him so he can cut his labor costs. He'd like us to help out with prep work or serving. We told my FIL it wasn't gonna happen. BIL called last night and raged for 10 minutes about how selfish we were. Still not happening. He hung up after my husband told him again that with our jobs, my husband's schooling (my DH is in culinary school), an active 22 month old, and a new baby on the way, we just don't have time.

The best part of this? My in-laws are getting ready to take their RV across country for the winter (they'll be back in May) and are hosting a bon voyage dinner tomorrow. I can already feel the love coming my way.

I honestly think it's because she thinks I'm not good enough for her son.

So here's a question for ya...
If your in-laws invite you to Christmas at their house at 11 am, when you have to drive about 45 min. to get there, and expect you to stay at least a couple hours wouldn't you expect there to be food of some kind served? Brunch, lunch, snacks, etc...?
Or am I just too presumptuous?

I would expect to eat brunch or lunch there. I guess that didn't happen. :p That's something that you or your spouse may suggest in the future if the in-laws weren't thinking along those lines.

We divide most holidays among both of our families and make it very clear that we expect food if we're doing all of this traveling. :) On Christmas day we drove 2 hours to arrive at family #1 for a normal brunch (because family #1 didn't want to do a Christmas dinner due to other commitments) at 11:30am, stayed for 4 hours, and drove an hour to family #2 for the official Christmas dinner.

Ugh, Mr.Bug had to work on Christmas day, so we went to his parent's for Christmas on Saturday. His mom told us to get there around 11ish. We drove about 45 min to get there, stayed until 3, and no mention of food whatsoever...except the peanut butter chocolate balls his sister made at about 2 that I almost wanted to devour!

yes...i actually read it a few days before christmas that its the proper thing to do.

Ok. I'm Jewish so when anyone comes to my home, be it 11 or 3 in the morning I always am ready to offer/cook/order in food. Yes, you were invited at brunch/lunch time. There should have been food and drink. (I do not necessarily mean liquor)

Just a suggestion(s): This was, at one time, your husband's home. Why didn't he just go the the refridgerator and start making food? Or ordering in...on their credit card? Or..next time just say, "We're hungry...we're going."