I am not encouraging her to lie...I am encouraging her to keep her options open. Her first recruitment was tough and, depending on her campus, she could be at an even bigger disadvantage as a sophomore. I do not want her to go into this year's recruitment dead set on two houses (which is kind of what happened last recruitment) and be disappointed if that does not work out again. Conversely, there are other houses on campus other than the three she routinely cut that might be be looking at her unless they have already heard she is after xyz and abc only.

She should definitely be herself...but a successful recruitment involves more than that - otherwise there wouldn't be a need for so many advice threads in the world! :)

Well to each its own. I hope I didn't offend you-I didn't mean to insinuate *you* settled, but more a general *you*.

Ut just seems that if OP re-rushes, she's only going to focus on the house(s) she wanted before. Now if she has a change of heart, to find another house (or even NY) was for her, then that's awesome.

But to rerush, get similar results and THEN accept a bid, in the name of being greek, no matter the letter, that feels like settling to me.

Although, the same chapter may be quite different a full year later, especially if they've been doing COB. The chapter I pledged had 27 women in Spring '84. There was some kind of falling out that summer and only 15 returned in September and 9 of us had been initiated in April. We took 19 new members in Fall '84 so by Spring '85, of the 34 members, only 6 had been there recruiting in Spring '84 and, actually, the whole personality/character of the chapter had changed drastically. We were not the same chapter that we had been a year prior and appealed to different types of PNMs.

I think it's ok to go through recruitment again, you just have to realize that your options may be more limited than they were in the past and it's quite possible that you will still not have a bid from the chapter you hoped for in the end. But, worst case scenario, you're no worse off than you are right now, so why not give it a shot?

In regards to posters who hoped I would not set my sights on just two houses:

I'm struggling with this thought. However, I certainly wouldn't mind joining 6/8 houses right now. Los Angeles is now the home to my ex-roommate, which I honestly get fearful when I think of her and how much she yelled at me (she was on a lot of medications). And New York is just a difficult one for me. But, the AGDee said, if they changed over the year, than that is great! I'm honestly open to the sororities. I just have most of the connections to Barcelona, London,Tokyo, Paris and Miami which I've heard is essential for a sophomore to have.

We will just have to see what happens. I really don't have anything else to lose!

And for the posters about which sororities I'll go for:
The girls from London for some reason keep asking me if I'm only going for Barcelona. I keep telling them, no, I'm keeping my options open because I liked a lot of the sororities.

They also know that I was interested in their chapter because I asked them about informal recruitment (I also asked friends in Barcelona,Paris and Tokyo).

And for questions about dropping the legacy earlier or later:
I think it was the girls really wanted to get to know me, I was just shy. My friends from Barcelona have been trying to give me tips of why I was dropped, and it was just because I didn't talk enough. Other than that they said the house basically would have loved me. (This is if I correctly translated their hints).

I don't think the arranged marriage or dating analogy really works here. A sorority isn't the only activity or only source of friendship for young women, unlike a marriage where that one person IS your only romantic relationship.

I strongly believe that many women will grow to love their chapters if they didn't initially. That being said, it requires the genuine effort to meet most of your new sisters so you can find your niche among them and within the activities of the chapter. You have to give it an honest try.

"Settling" implies that you gave up something better which required a little more effort or patience to obtain, in favor of the quick and easy option in front of you. If one sorority is your only option for Greek life, and you would like the opportunity to be Greek, then I don't think that you've been untrue to yourself or settled for anything.

Additionally, I would say that encouraging women to give their chapters an honest try is in the Panhellenic spirit. Sometimes we have to remember that these PNMs are young women who aren't fully matured and are going through an emotional process, we should be the ones to give them that mature advice.

...And if we DO want to liken it to the dating process... how many of you dated AWFUL guys when you were 18 or 19? C'mon, most of us went for the wrong guys when we were that age because we didn't have the sense to realize who the good guys were yet ;)

Strawberrygloss, for some reason, you have brought out the maternal instinct in me. This comment concerns me because I do not want you to try to sort out or interpret comments (however well meaning) that are made by the members. Yes, it is probably okay to let you know that not enough girls knew you or that you seemed shy, but I am strongly cautioning you to put the past in the past and start anew. Do not try to discuss the why and how of last recruitment. To do so with the members, puts you in the position of receiving info that could ultimately hurt you. For example, The comment that "everyone in the house loved you but you were too shy" implies that next time, they will give you a bid because they all know you better now. Those girls cannot know what will happen next year.And to imply that things will go better if you are more talkative, etc is misleading. Therefore, you will go into rush thinking "They all know me now. I will be a Barcelona for sure!"

I am not telling you this to discount that you may have, in fact, been overly shy and hard to talk with during recruitment, and chances are, this did negatively affect you. I think most repeat pnms learn a lot about themselves, etc during their second recruitment. This may be true for you.

I am only warning you to go easy and let the past recruitment stay in the past. Just make friends with girls. Be a friend so you can make a friend. The rest will come.

This is SO SO SO true - the flip side of telling sororities to make friends with a rushee to be friends with her, not just because she is a potential member.

Make friends with people you feel drawn to and forget as much as possible about the letters they wear.

Just reiterating this. Your friends who just joined have never gone through recruitment on the "other side" (as sisters, not PNMs) and likely do not have a very good grasp of their org's policies on MSS. I've seen it happen a million times:

Group of friends rushes together. All but one friend gets into a desirable sorority. Left-out friend does not receive a bid anywhere, drops out, turns down her bid elsewhere, whatever. Group of friends SWEARS they will "get her in" in the next recruitment, so the left-out friend re-rushes, confident that because her friends have given her tips and are on the other side, she'll get a bid. She doesn't.

And though no one can say for certain what happened, here are the 3 most likely culprits:
- The opinions of 4 friends (who are new, lower-ranking sisters) who like a PNM don't outweigh the opinions of the rest of the older, more respected sisters who cut that PNM for their own reasons last year.
- The chapter has a once-cut, always-cut policy that these 4 friends didn't know about or understand before recruitment begun.
- And the toughest scenario: The 4 friends were being polite when they told their friend they could get her in, when they know that as much as they love her, they could never in a million years see her as an XYZ for any number of reasons.

At this point, the left-out friend either joins a different sorority (usually one of the ones she was left with last recruitment) or stays indepenent. It doesn't mean she can't still be friends with her XYZ friends, but they just won't wear the same letters.

I'm sorry if this sounds unecessarily tough. But honestly, I've only once or twice seen it happen that a PNM re-rushes and gets into the org that cut her before because now she has friends on the other side. And the bid has never been to the "top" groups. *BUT* others may have different experiences - I'm sure they'll chime in.

I actually have seen this happen more than a few times, but like littleowl points out, it is not a "sure thing" to have friends in a house. It helps, but nothing is definite until bid day. So, and I want to stress this, "Do not go back through recruitment with your sights set on ABC or XYZ only."

Also, don't discount that Sororities do talk to each other. All of the groups may very well know that New York offered you a bid, you declined, and went through COB. The campus may be one where the sororities feel you were offered your chance to be greek, and to support the other chapter who did offer you that opportunity, they decline to bid you. This happens on one of the campus' that I help out with.

Of course, there is a flip side to this - a PNM who drops out at Pref and then re-rushes with a better attitude and new self confidence who has friends in various places and has an outstanding recruitment.

Also, I realize you are a legacy to "Barcelona" and you mentioned that your mom was angry that they released you. I hope your mom did not contact Barcelona and tell them how upset she was. This could backfire on you too. There is nothing worse than an irate mom who calls in the middle of recruitment to know why her daughter was released.

Thank you for the warning! I'm just going to have to go in with an open mind, my heart protected, a smile on my face and my jaw prepared for an immense amount of talking. :)

We'll be rooting for you, Strawberrygloss! Be sure to let us know how things turn out. :)

I have been thinking about that too! My mom didn't necessarily call, but she emailed her sorority friends (from around the country) about what happened and I know that they called and emailed and whatnot with out even asking. I don't know how this will affect me! :confused:

Thank you! I'll make a recruitment thread next fall!