I fully understand what you're saying. Under more normal circumstances that would be my first course of action also. Quite honestly I cannot remember having a boyfriend whos parents my mother did not know. My mom would have at least had to have met the parents. So, if srmom has met the parents then she'll be able to judge whether or not they seem like looney toons. Teens are dramatic and emotional, but they are not typically stalkers who commit B&Es. Did you sneak into your ex boyfriends house at night? This girls actions suggest that she may need more help than just her parents.

Once this girl started showing up and entering their house it became an issue of safety. In today's world you cannot take the luxury of thinking someone is harmless due to age or sex. She may be mentally unstable (or not). Since she has come into their house uninvited and unwanted there is nothing that suggests she'd hesitate to do it if she really snapped. It seems extreme, but what's to stop her from visiting next time with a weapon?

The reason the school would need to be notified is because they are both the same age. I know that there have been occasions where kids showed up at my highschool (public school) but were not actually students there. Since this girl has not only shown up at their house, but has come in and had a glass of lemonade while sitting on the couch there is a possibility that she could show up at the school and harass him. I mean showing up at after school functions will seem harmless to most people, but it is not harmless when you're dealing with a stalker.

Another concern is the fact that he is a male and she is a female. In order to protect her son from any negative ramifications (legally like rape allegations) it would be better to handle this situation with some type of objective authority involved on the sons behalf. Also, if the son has mentioned getting the law involved through a restraining order then it probably is at the stage where calling her parents isnt going to be the most effective. If the son wants to involve the police I think it would be bad business not to. He was the one dating her so he probably has some good reasons for wanting to involve the cops. It definitely is not a decision to take lightly, but at this point it needs to be made and made quickly.

Okay, I didn't read the posts last evening, so missed all the advice of the last two pages. I did call her mom last night and the conversation went very well, in fact, she was very glad I called, they had been contemplating calling us as well.

Apparently, she and her husband are well aware of the fact that my son has broken up with her and that her daughter is having a really hard time accepting it. They have forbidden her from calling/texting/coming over to the house, but are having a tough time policing her. She asked respectfully for our help by telling our son to not accept phone calls or respond to texts and to call them if she shows up at the house. She went into the state of her daughters mental health, and as I suspected, there are issues and they are dealing with them professionally. The rumors I had heard about her weight issues (anorexia) were true, so she has been treated psychologically in the past, and they are having her treated now.

I think it was a relief to her mom that we spoke, and that we got everything out on the table. She was very complimentary of my son and his behavior throughout this and totally felt that it was her daughter who was "at fault". Although I hate to use that term because I truly feel that she is not 100% in control of herself at this point.

Honestly, my heart breaks, not only for the girl, but for her parents too. This time of their lives is so important, so many things happening, and to be dealing with this must be excrutiating. Probably the worst thing for her was to get romantically involved with someone, and if I had known about her issues in the past, I would have tried to steer my son away from that kind of involvement. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 and all I can do now is wish her and her parents the best in a terrible situation...

I am going to look into the call blocking, and if not that, changing his number. I am also having son lock the door after himself when he gets home.

But, I wanted to let y'all know that it wasn't breaking and entering, or considered that. Where we live (believe it or not in this day and age) open doors are the norm in the daytime, and all my son's friends have always just come in the back door. It is sad that we have to start locking the door and expecting knocks or bells, but the situation warrants it.

Anyway, I really appreciate your advice, although I'm glad I didn't read the scary ones or I might have had a harder time picking up the telephone, which did end up being the right way to go.

Glad to hear that it went well...just as a CYA, document the highlights of what you all talked about.

Next, you really should get his number changed if it continues...I am guessing however, that possibly her parents may take her phone as it stands.

Also warn your son, again since he is a male, if somehow he finds her in his space not to be caught alone with her...

Better safe than sorry.

Yes, thank you, that is good advice...

My dad's house is the same - when I was in grad school I came home to visit and I locked the door behind me one day when I went somewhere and he gave me a lecture about how "not everyone lives in a big city" and how he appreciated my looking out for him, but the lady that was coming to clean the house was locked out because of me.

I'm glad that you talked to her, and it seems like maybe by partnering together you can do what needs to be done for this young lady (outside of professional help, obviously, and I'm glad to hear that she is getting that type of help, too).

Good luck with everything!

I am so glad that it worked out. :) Change his number anyway. :D

Glad this worked out.

I'd get him a new number though, that way you KNOW she can't call him (unless he gives it to her which I doubt he will if she acts this way).

I never thought about this, but it's also great advice.

Hey...Im a guy....we HAVE to know this...:D

"He hit me"

or

"He raped me"

are 2 of the fastest ways to get locked up even when innocent.

AGREED.

If nobody saw, then it's her word against his.

In 99% of these situations, HERS will always win out.

So he needs to avoid her. I know you think this is a no brainer, but teens can find themselves in some crazy situations.

For example: "She told me to come over or else she was going to kill herself." Your son, being the sweet young man that he is, doesn't want her to do that.

He gets there and parents are not home. She's got him alone and anything could happen, and no one was there to see it.

from experience....
Changing his phone number may not help- I completely understand the dynamic of the neighborhood (friends showing up unannounced, leaving door unlocked, etc). But think- he would have to get his new number to all his friends. It's bound to work its way around to her, or she may be able to get it from a phone left unattended while at another friend's house, etc.

If the phone he has doesn't have a feature allowing you to block the number, I urge you to have him contact his service provider and see what they are willing to do (on this note, Sprint may be ridiculously difficult and unwilling to do this- when I attempted to block a number after an unsuccessful number change, I ended up having to provide them with a copy of a police report that had been filed).

Srmom,

I am glad everything worked out for you and although I was vehemently against calling the girl's parents, I am happy you did find resolution. I applaud your efforts and that I was wrong for "catastrophizing" (sp?), it is something I have been trained to do and I know I do and I am working on it... I ask for your forgiveness in that respect.

Dr. G-

This is GREAT advice - one can never be too careful in situations like this.

Srmom, glad it worked out and that the parents were so cooperative on this.

Srmom, I am so glad that things worked out for you and your family. I pray that things like this will not happen again for your family.

How are things now, SRmom?