I aim to please -- in fact, I would have finished yesterday but had to redo everything when I lost it.

For your reading pleasure....


Bid Day
It was a restless night for me. I had a dream that I got a bid to Miami... I don't remember the details, but I woke up with a sense of foreboding. I told my roommate, who interestingly enough had the same dream. She had gone to Los Angeles and New York, and preffed LA. Her dream was that she got New York, but she was happy about that saying she thought preffing LA was a mistake. Seeing her positive attitude made me jealous, and then it clicked, if I was happy about whatever I got, then no one would know it wasn't what I really wanted. So I got dressed and told her I was feeling like I had made a mistake too.
We walk to the student center to get our bids and I am repeating this story to other friends... saying things like two great options and how can I go wrong... all the while in my head saying, "Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta, please be Atlanta".
We get there and the atmosphere is exciting... lots of balloons, loud music, etc. We individually receive our bids from our PX. When she calls my name, I am shaking. She hands me the envelope and I can sort of read it through the envelope, but I need to be sure it says this. So I rip it open, and read:






You have been invited to join....



Miami



My heart literally skipped a beat. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but the truth was, I hadn't.

what did you do!?

Bid Day Part 2


My Rho Chi looks at me smiling, and asks me what it says. I tell her that I got a bid to Miami, trying to keep a smile on. She looks at me and says in a way that seems ingeniuine, "That's terrific! See you at PX Reveal in the park later!" I think, yeah right stupid Boston girl (very un-Panhellenic, but I was disappointed).


We then wait in a giant room until everyone opens their bid card. All the Atlanta pledges are screaming... so are the Chicagos, the Bostons and everyone else. I want to cry, but if they are screaming because they are excited, than I can too. I scramble to find some Miami pledges and try to get them excited. They are a bit dull, but we manage to pump it up a bit.

Then we are picked up and walked to our new house. There I see Lauren, who is my Bid Day Sis and who showers me with gifts. She tells me how excited she is that I am her sister and I start to cry. I lie, and say they are happy tears, because I don't want to hurt her at all. I go along with the flow and am pretty impressed by all the new people I meet.


Then, we head to the park for PX Reveal. A lot of them aren't surprises, but then my PX pulls off her Panhellenic shirt to reveal her letters and she's a Miami too! What? I must have had a really warped opinion of Miami... two other PX's I liked (and one I didn't too!) ended up being Miamis. It was definitely shaping up to be a stronger house than I had realized.

I saw some more Atlantas at the park and they didn't even acknowledge me. I don't know if they were embarassed they misled me or if they honestly just didn't care. It's still a mystery, but it's a good caution to PNM's to be wary of oral bids. They don't guarantee a thing!

I'm so glad you were able to hold in your disappointment. I think the last thing a NM should do is cry at bid day. Yeah...you may be disappointed, but by crying, you make it that much harder to find your place in the chapter that gave you a bid.

Post-Bid Day

It ended up that although Bid Day went as well as expected, I couldn't shake some of the embarrasment I still felt about being a Miami. I can remember an acquaintance of mine (who ended up dropping out of recruitment because every house released her unfortunately) saw me in a Miami shirt a few days after Bid Day, and asked me if I was okay. It was such an insult, but what could I say. I smiled and said, do I look sick or something? She dropped it. I can also remember seeing guys at fraternity houses, and them saying, wow, I never would have guessed that. Each comment was a blow to my already shriveled ego!

On the positive side, and this is what kept me in Miami through pledgeship, is that I met new people who told me my house was on the up and up. I got closer to Lauren, who ended up being my big sis. I met friends in my pledge class... people I didn't even know on Bid Day that I now absolutely adored.

It wasn't the "best" chapter on my campus, but I ended up having one of the best Greek experiences and so did a lot of my Miami sisters. We didn't necessarily turn our chapter around into a top house, but we learned to embrace our chapter, our sisters and our bond. Being a Miami didn't make or break any of us in a social perspective, instead we did that for ourselves. In fact, I ended up marrying someone from a "higher tier" fraternity, something I just didn't think happened as a silly PNM. I became an officer in my chapter, lived in the chapter house, had my sisters in my wedding, went to our Convention, and am now an advisor to another chapter of Miami in a different state.

As for Atlanta...

Although I still have many close Atlanta friends, I think my experience shows that you can never know where you stand in a chapter unless you are a fly on the wall in MS and in bid matching. My alumna friends were probably helpful, but they couldn't seal the deal. I said and did everything I was supposed to, but in the end the system still exists, and although it didn't give me my first choice, or even my honest second, third, or fourth choices, it gave me a home and I am grateful for that.

I am also grateful for the genorosity and graciousness of Miami. I cannot imagine my life without its principles, values and friendship. I have gained much through my experience and can honestly say that Miami continually helps me to become the best version of myself. It accepts me for who I am, and challenges me to keep growing. And, it's also given me some of the best memories, most fun times and best sisters a girl could ever imagine.

I share my story because a sorority is so much bigger than a name and bigger than college itself. I know I preach to the choir, but I can only hope that my story encourages one discouraged little PNM (who was just like me) to stick through it and to put on a happy face, even when you just want to pull the covers over your head and pretend it's all a dream. The sisterhood of Miami was well worth the disappointments and tears it took for me to get there!

FYI -- Sorry to be no fun here, but I never promised to reveal any of the code and I probably won't now either... my campus has changed immensely in the 10 years since I went through. I would hate for anyone to take my perspective and view (particularly since much of it was negative and prematurely formed). I would never want to hurt another sorority's reputation, or the reputation of my own sorority.

Ok, so who is Miami!? I am really impatient today! ;)

I love your story. I think you got more out of your membership in Miami than many women get out of membership in their #1 favorite chapters. You get out of it what you put into it! Thanks for telling your story. Did Lauren ever ask you about cutting Miami during recruitment?

You know she never did, because I think she knew why I did it. It's not something I ever really talked about with any of my sisters after recruitment.

Interestingly enough, the next year after I went through they began to implement RFM and those late cuts (like what I experienced) were pushed to the first and second nights. I think if I had gone through later, I may not have had the opportunity to release Miami or get so caught up in a chapter's status.

I'm sure your 18 year old self would have been able to handle that better as well. I think RFM is a kind way to release women. You don't get them in the situation you found yourself in. I guess Lauren figured that confronting you would have been counter productive. I bet she was a good Big Sis.

great story thanks!

This is the kind of story every PNM needs to hear! Thanks so much for sharing. Every chapter has something to offer, the whole tier thing is pretty stupid in this day. I'd rather be me, than a cookie cutter version of someone else's perfect. I would love to know your affiliation because you have proven it was a wonderful journey that really hasn't ended... membership is for life (and that is a great thing). But, if you still choose to not reveal then I'll just have to live with that! :)

Cosign to all who wish every PNM would read this kind of story. Every chapter has very positive things about it, regardless of rep or "ranking" or "tier" or whatever. Plus, your experience is what you make of it, and you obviously made yours great!

I loved your story because in a sense it was my story. I just had a feeling. I, too, pledged a group I loved, but in a round about way. Congratulations to you and I wish you many years as an active, involved alumna. The sorority is what you make it and I cannot imagine myself without the dear friends and sisters I have through Kappa Delta from many walks of life and many chapters (some top tier and some that struggled) but we are all sisters. After 40 years, I am still so proud of my decision

wow, I did not see that coming. Great story and ending. I thought when you said you were NotSoRetro that you probably graduated last year or so. :) Me, I'm so retro, I'm vintage. Wait... that would be a great screen name. Anyway, thanks for telling your story.

Please tell us what group you belong to... since we have no idea what school you attended, I don't think it will be a problem.

All I can say to that is AMEN! :)

I'm glad Miami is what you are even to this day!! Your insight and experiences are so very valuable to your org.

Actually, a lot of us could pick up the campus. I happen to have a friend who attended the school in the mid 80s and had a similar experience. So, I'm sure the OP is judicious in not posting it.