this

I don't necessarily agree with this.

The formals I've been to/have heard about almost always involve a stay overnight... and not all of the brothers staying have dates that they're involved with. Believe it or not, it can be understood, even by fraternity guys (surprising, I know), that their date is simply a formal date, and that they need a place to crash for the night (who would make their date drive home?) Not ALL guys think that they're going to score simply because a friend is sharing a hotel room with them.

However, you can gague this situation better than any of us can.

At my ex's formals, there were a lot of guys who took female friends. In our case, the Greek world on campus was very insular, and everyone knew everyone. Still, there were a couple of times when there were a few girls who weren't super close with their dates, and the guys in that situation would end up sharing a room with another single brother and the girls would get that other room (the brothers paid for it though).

The first year (we were both pledges that semester), we stayed in a two-bedroom room suite with his big brother and his gf (it was the a little less cost than 2 separate rooms, but the big bros took their roles seriously and "supervised" a bit. The following years, however, we had our own room/suite.

I just remembered that I still had all my stemware from all those formals. For that matter, I still have all my prom stemware. What do you all do with that stuff? I never use it but I feel bad throwing it all away.

Just tell him you need to know how to plan and ask him what the deal will be.

If it's an overnight thing and you don't plan on staying in the same room, be considerate of his pocketbook and find a roommate for the evening.

Oh yeah, definitely - no problem there. But it sounds like she doesn't even know this guy well enough to feel comfortable broaching the subject. Usually when you ask someone as just friends it's very clear. In her situation, yes, I would be wary and non-naive.

ree-xi - I still use my formal stemware because, what the hell, a glass is a glass. If you don't want to use it, donate it to your chapter.

True, but it's best to err on the side of caution, especially since she said she's "concerned." It sounds like she barely knows the guy.

Oh, it rarely gets used because we received formal drinkware as a wedding gift. It's just a matter of necessity. And the stuff from my ex's formals just aren't appropriate to use as I am married to someone else!

Thanks for the donation idea. I have stuff dating back to junior high through college. Someone might as well get use of it!

Freshman year I went to a fraternity formal and wasn't comfortable sharing a bed with the guy, but I knew another girl who was going and we got our dates to share a room so the girls were in one bed and the guys were in another. I worked out really well and I still had lots of fun with my date.

But I would definitely talk to him about this. If he's a good guy he'll try to make something work so that you're comfortable.

Forever21, Charlotte Russe, and Urban Outfitters usually have cute party dresses at low prices. Also try lulus.com. The prices vary, but you can get really original dresses at still reasonable prices.

He should pay since he invited you, but it wouldn't be out line to ask, especially if he's a good friend. Just say you want to make sure he knows you can do your part if you need to, which isn't outright asking and also isn't outright offering to pay.

Whenever me or my sisters went to fraternity formals with guys that were just friends we asked to room together and the guys always agreed to it, so the girls could share a bed. I've stayed in the same bed with a guy friend before, but it was a large one and we were both long time friends, so it wasn't a problem. If you don't know him all that well I'd definitely try to stay with a girlfriend or just tell him beforehand that you just want to set the record straight...if he's a good guy he'll offer to take the floor or couch or find a girl for you to stay with. Not every guy assumes they'll get booty from a formal date...but every now and then you run into a bad egg.

If he is attending the event, he can pay for it. Our formal usually cost about $400 out of pocket (dues didnt cover it) plus spending money (alot). I would save my paycheck for the few months prior and would also ask for money instead of gifts for christmas. Formal was just that fun. Don't worry about paying for anything. The only times my dates ever paid for anything was when I wasn't there to pick up the check. For example, we stopped in McDonalds on the way home and I was in the bathroom and she went ahead and ordered. I tried to pay her back but she said she felt bad for me paying everything.

As far as the whole sleeping situation goes I can only tell you about my experiences. We would share a room with another couple and it was pretty much expected that you would share a bed. I know girls who werent comfortable with that and they told their dates, who were usually accomodating, although they thought it was wierd. I took girls I dated and ones I didn't-even one who had another boyfriend. We were usually too drunk to do hook up or anything other than sleeping (one night I didn't even make back to my own room and woke up fully dressed in my tuxedo in the same bed with one of my pledge brothers- we both thought that was wierd). If you aren't comfortable around the guy just dont get really drunk(still have a good time), and tell him you won't hook up with him.

All in all it should be a really fun time, just be smart and safe, and you ought to have a great time.

This whole post really makes me miss college. :(

Off-topic, but what does your user name mean?

33 - I feel the same way. Formals were so much fun.