| PrettyBoy |
03-23-2008 11:59 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen W
(Post 1621873)
Just so the mods know. I'm not a troll, I'm a real serious person. I post on here quite often, sometimes daily under my normal user name. I just don't want my user name to be associated with this thread. Thanks for understanding.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years, pretty much all through college. He graduated last year, and wants me to move in with him after I graduate from college this year. He's working on his masters right now, which will also be my future plans. We both think it would be a great idea to move in together to save on rent and other living expenses. He's a great guy, and I know he's the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, but we want to wait until we're all done with school before we get married.
Seems simple, but here's where the problem comes in. He has a fraternity brother he already rooms with, but he wants me to move in too, because the rent would be less for me. I've met his friend a few times, and he seems to be really nice, but I think I would feel kind of awkward living with two guys. My question is do you guys think I should move in after graduation, or do you think it's a bad move? Do any of you live with your significant others? What's it like?
I'm posting this on here because over the years that I've posted on greekchat, I've seen great advice given.
Thanks.:)
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Yes, it is a bad move. A lot of couples are doing this, and people have their own reasons for living together, rather it may be because everyone is doing it, or because the couple may think that living together is a step toward marriage, we're in a committed relationship, living together is a trial marriage, we can't afford to live alone, we love each other so it's o.k. or the fact that a lot of couples think marriage is just a piece of paper. The bottom line, all are the wrong reasons for cohabitation.
Gretchen, what you have to realize is what you're thinking about doing may seem attractive on the outset, but once reality sets in, you could possibly destroy a great relationship. I understand you say you're getting married, but the fact of the matter is you're not married, and if you move in with him, you may not even make it to the isle.
There is no committment through cohabitation. The only true committment comes when a man and a woman take the vows of marriage, marrying for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part. I know it seems logical to have a trial marriage, by testing the waters before tying the knot, but this will only make the both of you comfortable with the situation, and you won't marry.
I'm sure you have a great guy like you've stated, but watch out for some of these men. He asked you to move in with him, and I'm not sure of the whole reason behind that, because I can only go off of what you posted. I'm telling you to be cautious, because with a lot of men, they can get sex more easily than in times past. Like DSTCHAOS said, if you give him free milk, why would he buy the cow?
See, men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. A lot of men like the convenience of an easily available sex partner and the economies of shared living. They believe living together is a way to avoid an unhappy marriage and eventual divorce. They seem to think this is the only way to test compatibility for marriage and it's not. Also, a lot of men like to have their girls move in with them, because they want to avoid divorce and it's financial risks. They feel their assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. Because they think an x-wife will take them for all they've got, they fear marriage will require too many changes and compromises, and these days a lot of men have become accustomed to their own space and routines and resent women who try to change them.
The sad thing about reading some of the posts that I've read is these days a lot of men and women face few social pressures to marry. Traditional pressures from the church, society and parents have pretty much evaporated.
Lastly, I want to talk about this buddy of his living there too. First of all don't move in at all, but I'm sure this is going to go in one ear and out the other so if you do move in, his buddy has got to go. Remember his buddy has other friends, who may occasionally come over to visit. In a relationship, men and women have different emotional needs, and often times they fail to meet these needs. What results from this is cheating and it usually begins with a friend of the opposite sex who just so happens to meet these needs temporarily. When a man is not meeting a woman's emotional needs, she may begin sharing her problems with another man, and he'll begin sharing his problems with her. Usually for the cheating to start, she has to see this joker quite often, rather it be at work or in your case his buddy or his buddy's buddies. As your friendship deepens, you may start giving each other mutual support and encouragement, especially in regards to your needs being unmet. Also, remember cheating is not necessarily based on physical attraction, because the attraction here is emotional, because an unfulfilled need has not been met. So just remember your relationship isn't always going to be cool, things happen, and a lot of times it's based on needs not being met, and this is not based on being selfish, but because of ignorance.
Sorry so long here, but do what you feel is important to you. You really should concentrate on your education, while at the same time being the best woman you can be with the resources you have to your s/o, but you don't have to move in with him to do this. Good luck to you.:) |
