This girl already is obnoxious.

She was an officer in a sorority on a campus where greek life is big. Wow. Good for her. Here's her cookie.

I was rush chair in a local. Am I even worthy to be commenting on this?

PS Please tell her I said to get over herself.

The young lady in question is a very compassionate woman who has devoted much time and energy to various good causes, working with people in various states of distress.

I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart.

One need only read some of the postings about first year college students (usually women) who are "released" from rush to know how painful and traumatic experience can be for some.

I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

You've said this several times. Most seem to feel she should give him insight, tips and encouragement (tinged with constructive reality), but let him make his own decisions and experience rush if he wants to. You continue to stress that she wants to keep him from rushing completely to avoid any pain at all costs. So you don't really seem interested in the feedback here and she doesn't even know (I presume) you came here asking for it. So this is accomplishing exactly... what?

I agree whole-heartedly. If she really has his best interests at heart, she will NOT try to discourage him from trying something that may actually be good for him. If she is really as caring and helpful as the OP says, she should USE HER KNOWLEDGE of the Greek system and HELP HIM.

I realize that people get released from the rush process everyday and yea, the feeling will likely suck if it does, but if she isn't even going to let him try, he could be missing out on something that may actually improve his life.

Also..... guys and girls are different.

Maybe I'm veering into another lane here, but aren't bidless girls more common than bidless men?

And how can you tell someone "You are a loser who won't get a bid" without THAT being painful? No matter how she phrases it, that's what he will hear.

exactly. everyone(besides me) has given the same advice-let him make his own decision, and be there to cheer him on or for support if he is unsuccessful in obtaining a bid.

i said perhaps if the young man waited a year, got his college act together(got some college credits under his belt, saw how the guys on campus dress,made friends in the dorm and in the fraternities, he might have more success, if he truly is as unfortunate as the future sil thinks.

no one has endorsed that the future sil tell him not to rush,ever, but that seems to be what you wanted to hear. i agree that this would just crush the young man, no matter what the sil's intentions are. does she want the whole bunch of in-laws mad at her even before the wedding takes place?

I think you could probably be right (though I don't have any data to back that up, it's just a guess) because NPC sororities use "quotas" and "totals" and NIC does not.

If they have a pool of 50 pnms, and the chapter likes them all, guess what? They can bid all 50 if they wanted to and it wouldn't matter if their chapter had 100 brothers and the next closest one in size had only 40.

In that regard, yea, I'd say you're right

I was just going to say that this is definitely a penis/not-penis issue. Part of the reason girls go without bids is that by bidding the geeky girl, you might not be able to bid the cool girl. It doesn't work that way w/ fraternities (most of the time).

Plus, this guy has 6 months till college starts. A LOT can happen in 6 months.

and my final comment....all I have to say is....emo boys...if they were going to college back in my day, they would have probably been beaten up on a regular basis. Now they've got girls swooning over them.

I wonder if this guy is going to be on the same campus as the future sister-in-law and she thinks that his geekiness will embarras her.

I prefer to think of it as a vagina/not-vagina issue.

Anyway, I agree that rushing for guys is generally a less potentially traumatic experience than for girls. Outright rejection is not that common (in my experience), and if it happens, is done on a one-on-one basis, rather than getting rejected by every house at once through an impersonal phone call, as can happen in NPC recruitment. If a guy's not going to fit in at a house, he can generally tell, and if a guy hasn't gotten a bid, there's plenty of opportunity to withdraw from rush, whenever the rushee wants, with whatever reasoning the rushee wants to use. ("Those guys were douchebags, I wouldn't have taken a bid if they'd offered me one.")

haha, ABC family's "greek" come to life?

Isn't there a TV show that addressed this situation already?

Ok, your friend is engaged to someone who has a younger brother who wants to...

There are too many degrees of separation. It's neither your issue nor hers. I would tell her to back off and let the boy experience what he wants to experience on his own. Especially if the advice is not solicited.

I agree. If he has several choices for college, he may very well end up at a school with a less-than-competitive or moderately competitive campus where there will be at least one chapter who might be pledging non-sterotypical fraternity guys. I know I'd sure hate it if someone from Auburn or Bama told someone going to my alma mater not to pledge a sorority because she was tomboyish or larger than a size 6. I think your friend should focus on helping him as much as he can as he goes through recruitment and make sure that he knows that receiving a bid is a privilege and not a guaranteed thing (for anyone in a competitive recruitment). As long as someone knows that going into the process, while they may be disappointed I doubt it would be something a person just couldn't handle.