I don't think she's trying to rationalize dating him at all. I think she's already ruled him out completely, and her older cousin is just trying to figure out why "nice guys finish last".;) I mean, that's really the situation - you have a young man with (it seems) all the potential in the world, with just some things that need to be worked on, and he's probably going to get passed over for some prettyboy or thug who's skating by on looks/intimidation/etc.

True. Some younger women like the idea of a challenge, i.e. "I can change him".

That's dramatic.

He might just be passed up for the MANY men who are a total package and who aren't pretty boys or thugs. There are too many good catches out here for any ONE dude to think the sun rises on his ass just because he has "potential."

Tell him to spend his time working on making his "potential" a reality and leave the "nice guys with potential" rhetoric for women who give a damn. They are out there.

"Potential" is also a challenge and some women get attached to the ability to change "potential" into "reality."

Get a man who is already there. That may be less possible at 20-22 but some of us posting have already left our 20s, anyway. :D

DS has a "thing" for posting dramatic-type questions, and since he said that he meant this as more of a "for the sake of argument" rather than actual advice for his cousin, I'm pretty sure that's sort of what he's going for.

Yay.

AMEN!!!! If I knew in my 20s what I knew NOW, I'd be a lot less "touched" in the head.. lol...

^^^ Pretty much in the ballpark....

But the question I am asking to try and move the conversation is, in your opinions, ladies, and gents if you have been there (some of us could give a damn about potential...LOL) what have you done or how have you handled someone in this situation that you may have considered dating?


Is it a challenge?

Is it something that you may want to stay around for the long haul ?

Or, do some of you prefer someone already there?

The "question" you're asking is obvious.

The active posters have already answered it.

So it is...but some missed:

"since he said that he meant this as more of a "for the sake of argument" rather than actual advice for his cousin"

and

"But, like I said...I was just using her as a detailed example not necessarily trying to get advice for her. "


So I am trying to steer the convo back to the question at hand...

Thanks for answering.

If you like someone, sometimes you just have to give it a chance and see where it goes. My husband is five years older than I am...when we met, he had his own apartment, an established career, and was working on his master's degree; I was just out of college, living at home, and I didn't have a full-time job. If he had only looked at those things, and not given me a chance, he would have missed out on a lot.

If I were in her same situation, then I would probably vote NO. I agree with Chaos...there are plenty of guys who will share her same path in life. Why try to 'work with' someone who has potential, when it seems likely that she can find exactly what she wants, which isn't much (her age or greater, in school, attends church). I'm sure he's a nice guy, but her decision doesn't seem unreasonable, esp. since she isn't looking for marriage. They can always reconnect in a few years when they are both more settled and established.

Did either one of you have any hesitations early on that becauseof the differences that it may not work? How did you cope?

I think men may be a little less concerned about women's resumes than women are about men's. :)

Not this man.;)

He seems like a nice guy who's getting it together at a young age, but if she feels he's not up to her standards, then she shouldn't be with him. I do think she's going to have to go through a few relationships to determine what she doesn't want though. I see where she's coming from. Education, religion, and family background are very important to me. Like the OP said this guy she's dating is really nice, and seems to have it together, but I've met and gone out with some really nice women, but I didn't feel I was compatible with them, because they didn't meet some of the standards that I look for. Just because someone comes from a different background doesn't make them a bad person, but it just doens't work for me. In her case, she may think he's a great guy, but just not right for her. Nothing wrong with that. So I would have to agree with her.

At that young of an age though, the nice guys do get passed up for the thugs though. I still don't understand that.