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-   -   "Wheel of Time" author, Robert Jordan, dead at 58 (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=90275)

skylark 09-18-2007 02:32 PM
Really? My husband will be SO excited to hear that. At this point he's feeling like he read 14,000 or so pages for nothing...

lovelyivy84 09-18-2007 02:46 PM
If we get someone writing who never mentions:

1. the color of shawls, sleeves, jewelry, coats, overcoats, leggings
2. pulling shawls or hair
3. a woman acting like a screeching harridan
4. spankings

then I will be BEYOND pleased. Jordan was really fixated onwomen getting spanked, I'm sorry.

Drolefille 09-18-2007 04:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark (Post 1521689)
Really? My husband will be SO excited to hear that. At this point he's feeling like he read 14,000 or so pages for nothing...
That's only what I heard, so it may be false hope, but I do know he was dictating his 12th book near the end.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelyivy84 (Post 1521701)
If we get someone writing who never mentions:

1. the color of shawls, sleeves, jewelry, coats, overcoats, leggings
2. pulling shawls or hair
3. a woman acting like a screeching harridan
4. spankings

then I will be BEYOND pleased. Jordan was really fixated onwomen getting spanked, I'm sorry.
What about a woman who didn't "sniff" at everything?

lovelyivy84 09-18-2007 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1521781)
That's only what I heard, so it may be false hope, but I do know he was dictating his 12th book near the end.


What about a woman who didn't "sniff" at everything?
Those sniffs are what made me stop buying the book. The only reason I read was because a friend gave up and passed all his on to me, lol.

Drolefille 09-18-2007 04:29 PM
Book-A-Minute

Quote:
The Eye of the World
By Robert Jordan
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Rand al'Thor
Tam is my father.
(Nothing happens. Then, nothing happens. Then, unexpectedly, nothing happens. Everything is FRAUGHT with PORTENT.)
Moiraine
Everybody come with me.
Everybody
No. Well, ok.
(They travel a LOT. Something happens that isn't explained. Something happens that doesn't make sense. Something happens.)
Rand al'Thor
Tam is my father.


THE (predictable, cliched, dumb) END


Fans
Yah! Wah hah! This is the greatest book ever! Whoo hoo! This is the greatest series ever! Whoopie! Yee haw!
Quote:
Book 2




Rand al'Thor
I want to do something. But doing this something is probably what the Aes Sedai want me to do, so I will do something else. But doing that something else may be what they want me to do, because they think I think they want me to do the first thing, so I'll decide to do this other thing instead. So I'll just do the first thing, since I want to do it anyway. Screw them.
(Repeat seven hundred times.)




THE END

lovelyivy84 09-18-2007 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1521795)
LMAO!

SO. TRUE.

wow

Drolefille 09-18-2007 05:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelyivy84 (Post 1521808)
LMAO!

SO. TRUE.

wow
I love that site!

skylark 09-19-2007 11:01 AM
Wow. These books sound incredibly sexist. Maybe hubby and I will have to talk...

lovelyivy84 09-19-2007 12:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark (Post 1522406)
Wow. These books sound incredibly sexist. Maybe hubby and I will have to talk...
I don't know if I would say sexist per se, they are just all the same. Every character acts the same and they are all incredibly arrogant. jordan is bad at show-don't-tell- he will tell us a character is powerful, wse, intelligent, etc. but what we see is her being mean, petty, vindictive and willfully blind.

Drolefille 09-19-2007 12:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark (Post 1522406)
Wow. These books sound incredibly sexist. Maybe hubby and I will have to talk...
Honestly, I don't know that they're sexist. In fact the women theoretically have all the power in the society, I just don't think it's good writing. I'll post the rest of the "Book a minutes" DO realize they're parody.

Drolefille 09-19-2007 01:02 PM
Spoiler warnings.


The Dragon Reborn
By Robert Jordan
Quote:
Rand al'Thor
Being the Dragon Reborn stinks. I'm out of here.
(Moiraine and the gang CHASE him. But even though they are on HORSES, and he is WALKING, they never CATCH UP. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)
Perrin
I hate wolves.
(Mat and others show up out of NOWHERE. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)

Rand al'Thor
I am the Dragon Reborn. (kills the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY)
Robert Jordan
Fooled you! That wasn't really the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY! Now I can write forty more books!




THE END
The Shadow Rising
By Robert Jordan
Quote:
(Everybody HATES Rand, so he BEATS them until they OBEY.)

Rand
I have conquered all sorts of stuff, because I rule.
(Gibbers to self. Five hundred pages pass.)



THE END

Drolefille 09-19-2007 01:09 PM
The Fires of Heaven
By Robert Jordan
Quote:
Rand
I found an artifact which gives me limitless power. I think I shall brick it up behind a wall.
(A female character SNIFFS and thinks about her NECKLINE.)
Lord of Chaos
By Robert Jordan

Quote:
Rand
I have a secret plan, but I won't tell you about it.


THE END
A Crown of Swords
By Robert Jordan
Quote:
Rand
Now my secret plan shall be unleashed! Here it is. Are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? I'm going to make it look like I'm attacking this guy. But THEN I will attack some OTHER guy.
(He DOES, and it ALMOST WORKS.)


THE END


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