I hate to go all Dr. Phil on you, but it's very true that trust and insecurity have very little to do with the other person in the relationship - it's all about the person having the feelings. Unless you've ever given her a reason not to trust you, then if not about a fraternity, she's going to mistrust you about something else. Better to just do it and see how she reacts, than give up on being in a fraternity and find out down the line that she has issues.

Sometimes I think it's more "fear of the unknown" than generalized insecurity about other girls. Greek life can be pretty mysterious and nonsensical if you're not involved. I think a lot of independents buy into the idea of Greek exclusivity to the point that they believe that Greeks only want to date/befriend other Greeks, and independent significant others might see mixers as a way for the fraternity/sorority to set his or her boyfriend/girlfriend up with a fellow Greek. Sounds silly to those of us who have actually attended mixers, but really, if your boyfriend approached you under ordinary circumstances and said "I'm going to a party with my friends and a bunch of other girls, but sorry, you're not allowed to come," you might feel a bit suspicious, even if you were the most secure girlfriend in the universe. That's why I think that it's possible for a girlfriend who is uncomfortable with the idea of fraternities, mixers, etc. to come around when she realizes how non-threatening it all really is. Though of course, it's equally possible that she's just generally insecure, and the fraternity pledging will cause an undue strain on/end the relationship. As was said earlier, if that's what will come to pass, better now than later on when the relationship is even more serious.

i come from the opposite side of this situation. my boyfriend isn't greek, and when i started talking about joining a sorority he was not happy. he thought kind of the same things your girl does--that i'd put the sorority before him, become a huge partier again, meet all kinds of frat guys and cheat on him--but i was straight up with him. i tried to be as open as possible about what i was doing (as far as events, not rituals, of course) and when he would get all insecure and clingy i would get tough. i told him that if he was so insecure in our relationship that he would expect me to do all those things, then i didn't want to be with him anyway. thankfully, it worked out well for me in that he thought about what i said and realized it wasn't worth sacrificing our relationship over silly insecurities, but it could have easily resulted in a breakup. if you take my method, you have to mean it. know that if she says she IS that insecure and can't handle it, you have to be ready to stick by what you said. if she feels that's putting your fraternity over her, it's her own problem.

Is your girlfriend familiar with this fraternity? I mean, is there some reason she doesn't want you to pledge this fraternity? Does this fraternity have a less-than-desirable reputation that she's aware of? If so, this might be part of her reluctance to support your desire to pledge. If not, then ignore this paragraph.

We might be a little more helpful if we knew more of the specifics - are you both at the same school? Are you both incoming freshmen? For some reason I get the feeling that she's still in HS, but I don't know why I think that.

Assuming she's in college (and attending a school w/ sororities), perhaps you could persuade your gf to look into sorority recruitment. She could even go into it with the attitude that she's just checking it out, but not really serious about it (of course, she shouldn't tell the women rushing her that). Then, when she discovers that all sorority women aren't slutbags looking for their next bedmate, she might be a little more supportive of you. Heck, she might even find a sorority home. Then you can both experience the NM period together! (I know, probably too idyllic to actually happen, but you never know.)

Either way, do what you want to do. You potential brothers can't make you do anything you don't want to. It really shouldn't be a problem.

Probably the best thing you can do to ease her fears is bring her over to the house regularly to hang out with you and the brothers. Assuming the guys aren't a bunch of neanderthals, she will hopefully become friendly with some of them and realize that they aren't going to corrupt you or steal you from her.

This will also increase you're probability of getting a bid and fitting in. As a Recruitment Chair, the best thing in the world is when guys come over to hang out. This way we get to know them better before bidding on them. As long as you are already friendly with some of the guys, don't be afraid to call them up or just drop by to hang out.

I wouldn't go this far. His girlfriend's concerns are valid and a little insecurity when faced with such a situation is natural and expected. I was the girlfriend of a fraternity member even though I also was greek and frats do have their groupies and there is peer pressure all around. So again, her concerns are valid.

To the guy who started this thread, just sit your girlfriend down and seriously express why joining a frat is so important to you and leave out any shallow, superficial reasons. If she's as important to you as you say, then do everything you can to assure her that you can be trusted and don't do anything to betray her trust. You should be fine as long as you don't lose sight of what's most important...so in other words, get your priorities in order. Now if she starts being insecure to the point where she is accusing you of things that she has no reason to, then you guys just have trust issues period and that will be a problem in the long run whether you join a fraternity or not.

Also explain to her that during the pledge process, your time will be limited but this is only for a little while and she should support you. Greek life can become a big part of your life, especially in undergrad but as long as you don't overdo it and neglect her, the time you two spend away from eachother can be healthy. I don't know how clingy your relationship is but both of you should have friends and activities outside of eachother. If she can, it might be a good idea for her to look into joining a sorority or some kind of group or organization. When one person is greek or has other things going on and the other person doesn't, this can cause a big problem.

TOUCHE!! Also, I agree with PB!

If this is important to you then that is all that matters. She is not your wife! If she is up in arms about a fraternity then there is no telling what else would set her off. I wish like hell I would have let a boyfriend not want be to be an AKA. I would inquire as to why, but at the end of the day I would have told him to "Roll wit it or get rolled ova!"

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!! Don't put yourself in a position to say shoulda, woulda, coulda. Just imagine if you don't join b/c of her and you guys break up...you are going to feel like a giant ass. Man up!

I really appreciate those who have shared thier own experiances about how tough it can be to manage both. I've also learned alot on what I need to do to make it work. Thanks!

On the other hand, even though your trying to help- some of you're all's posts are really starting to piss me off.
Man up? C'mon chick, look over what i've wrote and you'll see that I HAVENT ONCE debated NOT joining because of my girlfriend. IM JOINING. I ALREADY DEFFERRED A BID. I wanted to know ahead of time what is expected, and if it would be possible to manage staying together with a serious girlfriend and pledging a fraternity.
Im not greek yet. I've never pledged. I dont know what goes on in pledging, and I wanted to know whether or not I would be FORCED to do anything that would really be against my morals and/or make me do things that would put my relationship in danger (ex. stupid games to hook up with other gurls, etc)
I DONT need any help or lecture about "manning up" and not letting a girl get in the way of what I want to do...thats not what I asked, and was not even an option to begin with.

Chick?!?! ha ha ha! That is really cute:rolleyes:.

Look you did not say anything about a bid before. Therefore, YOU DO NOT NEED TO TYPE IN CAPS...it is rude! I only typed one phrase in caps and I was being constructive. There was no lecture on manning up, I simply stated it once.

I don't think many of us knew what pledging or membership intake was about before we decided to join or respective orgs. So you not knowing is not a far fetched concept. NO ONE can force you to do things, you choose what you do be it good or bad.

The thing about a message board and asking people what they think is any and everyone can respond. So no need to get pissed as you stated.

Your tone (bolding and caps) are not cool. Chill out....it is not that serious.:cool: You don't want to have hypertension.

Ok, I was only getting angry because some seemed to be missing the real point of my thread...but you have to admit that the post you just posted had bold, caps, and an untire underlined sentance. lol

This thread seems to have more then it's share of forum posting no-nos anyways. Some guy on the first page decided it was a good idea to post in giant red text, while combining caps and underlines.

Anyways, to summarize my thoughts on this issue given your last post clarifying your position: No one can force you to do anything. The worst they can do is try to peer pressure you, and that only works if you let it. The best approach to combating that sort of stuff is to throw it back in their face "Guys, I'm not going to do this. Stop with the peer pressure act, this isn't elementary school." Bring your GF up to the house as much as possible to involve her with the existing brothers to put her at ease.

I think you've already gotten all this though, i'm just bored and find this thread interesting ;)

I was doing that b/c that is what you did. That's all;)!

But seriously.....you know why you want to be in the fraternity and you know what you have to do to maintain your relationship.

You should read some of the retro rush threads and see whay people were inspired to join thier org.

Of course my sorority will NEVER come before my family but what I wanted you to see is that...

Dedication to service is what was (and is) important to me. The friendships that I have gained are a bonus. The connections that allow you to meet different people and gain new opportunities are something that can not be replaced!

We'll see you on GC soon with another thread titled "What would you do if your girlfriend dumped you because you joined a fraternity.":rolleyes:

She's either going to dump you or screw another joker behind your back. SHE IS ONE "SHAKEY" WOMAN.

There's a difference between a shadey joker and a shakey joker.

A shadey joker is one who will do something low down behind your back for her own benefit. Being low down is in a shadey joker's blood. They're only out for themselves and no one else.

A shakey joker is one who will do something low down based on peer pressure or their own insecurities, so then they crack under the pressure of both. My friend...the type of woman you have is a shakey joker, which makes this whole thing one shakey situation. You know it is too, otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking other greeks their opinions.

why was this post nessessary? you've already made your point; this is just mean in my opinion. you don't know his girlfriend, and while i also didn't get the best impression of her, it's not up to you to put ideas like this in his head. he didn't ask anyone to tell him if his girlfriend was an idiot or not, he just asked what he could expect and if her concerns were valid. he got advice and moved on. but you haven't. why?