Like I said, I'm a new member so don't completely get all this stuff. But I thought a guy you lavaliered/your sweetheart was involved somehow with your secrets/rituals?

NO.

Lavaliering or sweetheart status has absolutely NOTHING to do with the sharing of Ritual.

What she said. Lavaliering just means that you really like the girl and that you're putting her in front of her letters. The guys might have a ceremony for that, but it isn't ritual.

Sweethearts just means that the chapter likes you (and often that you're dating someone in the chapter) and again, they may have a ceremony, you may get to wear the other chapter's letters in some form, but you are not a member nor privy to any information that is restricted to members.

I'm honestly really surprised that the New Member Coordinator has not mentioned that ritual should not be shared with anyone... regardless of who you are married to, or who gives you a necklace with their letters on it.

I believe you may have meant to say before, *his* letters. Regardless either is not true. It may be something women like to think, but it belongs in the Greek Life Myths Department.

Lavaliering, giving letters, pinning etc. is a serious sign of affection. But it in no ways signifies putting the girl before his fraternity. To be clear, to some it may. Some fraternities have specific guidelines about lavaliering or "giving of letters" as it were. In no way does the fraternity say, "Oh yeah, even though we sanction it, when you do this you are putting the girl before us." Not true.

The historical concept is that most college men did not have the money to purchase rings or jewelry. Many do not now. So they gave from what they had. A "token" of something to come - i.e. the engagement ring. Since they wanted the token to have some significance, and often the only jewelry they owned, they would pin (give their badge) to their girlfriend. Again, often with the understanding that an engagement ring was to follow.

Over the years, other types of jewelry has been developed. Many fraternities have "sweetheart" pins for their girlfriends and even their mothers.

So again, there is no fact based truth that when a guy gives his letters (in any form) that he is putting the girl before his fraternity. But to be clear, it does (should) mean that he is serious about the relationship.

And as everyone else has said, lavaliering has nothing to do with the sharing of Ritual. To be clear - nothing.

Time for more studying of your group's information for you.

Actually I meant to type "your" but same difference.

I have seen guys get harassed when they lavalier their girlfriend particularly when their chapter has a ceremony for it. That's only continued the idea that it's a big deal to give a woman your letters.

I see it as a continuation of "getting pinned" (a la Bye Bye Birdie) and a sign you're going steady. But as my boyfriend is not in a fraternity I have no first hand experience, only watching what happened on campus.

To be clear, it is - and should be - a big deal to give your letters.

I think every guy I knew that pinned a girl got harassed - allegedly - by his chapter. At Kentucky, after a pinning (and even sometimes when an engagement was announced), the guy would be "treed" (The verb being "treeing".) The brother - who we shall call Hugo - would be tied to a tree after which his chapter brothers would pour various food stuff over him. Usually stuff like honey, flour and even corn flakes. His now pinned girl - who we shall call Kim - would come to the tree and give him a kiss - "A real kiss! Like you mean it!" - before the brothers would untie him. If she was in a sorority, often her sisters - gathered by best friend Ursula - would be there too. Once Hugo was untied, the chapter would most likely serenade Kim. All in all, it was good collegiate fun.

As such, the point I wanted to make is that while it is a big deal, there isn't anything "official" that says if Hugo pins Kim, he is putting her before his fraternity.

Not surprising, a whole lot of agreement to both points here.

NCGirl, if you have any questions at all about this PLEASE ask your New Member Educator or your Big Sister/sponsor. Also feel free to PM me, I'm not an authority in any way but I do want to be sure your questions are answered correctly. :)