Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Originally Posted by KLPDaisy

Hijack: when did you get engaged? I didn't know that. Congratulations!

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Originally Posted by OleMissGlitter

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles. :p

Originally Posted by honeychile

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

My dad's work partner's son recently got engaged. A few days ago they got the following "invitation" in the mail:

An 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper with a homemade printed "invitiation" mentioning that they had gotten engaged and would be getting married in Bermuda - to let the couple know if you would likely be attending so they could help everyone get travel arrangements, and then included a "reminder magnet" with their picture and the date. I think it said invitiations would then follow to those who were interested.

In other words - "Hi we're going to have a destination wedding so we don't need to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon and we know you aren't really going to come so we're not even going to send you a real invitation. Instead we'll send these to everyone we know so we can fish for gifts without worrying about them coming to the wedding, and then the few people who come can get real invitations - that way we can narrow our costs and guest list but still milk everyone for gifts."

At least that's how my parents interpreted it...

Should they get them a gift?

Is this kind of invite common or tacky? or both?

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles. :p

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels. :) As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.