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Not necessarily ghetto, but I felt inclined to share.....
My uncle passed away last year around Memorial Day. He was pretty much a loner. He had a grown daughter and three grandchildren, but he hadn't seen his daughter in many years and had NEVER seen his grandchildren (he used the excuse that he had to go see them bearing gifts, which he never had the money to buy b/c he spent all his money on cheap liquor).
Being that he had no telephone, nobody knew he had passed until my uncle in BK (the rich one who ALWAYS attended one funeral or another with his wife and knew how to arrange one) received a phone call from the city's coroner's office asking him to come in and identify his body. At the funeral, the program stated that his sunset was the day that he was confirmed as deceased, being that the exact date of passing was unknown. My aunt got up to speak and she had a nice lil story to tell, and then when she finished, she faced everyone in attendance and told us that self-medication is not a way to deal with problems and it is unhealthy. As she went on her diatribe, my friend's cell phone rang (the ringtone was "Lovers and Friends" by Lil Jon, the polyphonic version). Some of us burst out laughing. I figured it was my uncle's way of saying, "Kit I love you, but shut the fcuk up!!!" About three months later, my sister, who'd grieved the hardest being that my uncle's funeral was closed casket, got a tattoo on her arm saying, "R.I.P. Uncle Gary." |
Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.
*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters. *Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory. *I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone! *I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva). *My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant! *Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club. *I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines. |
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:D You are too much... |
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CTHU CTHU Latchkey rugs? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL |
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I don't think she's ever been to a flat out stranger's funeral before, but she goes to just about any funeral she hears about. It can be her cousin's friend's grandma's husband or her mailman's funeral. She's old, lives alone, and has no car, I think she just treat them as some kind of social hour because she usually sees some friends and/or family. lol What's more funny, since she doesn't drive and neither does her sister, they make my dad take them to all of these funerals. tehehehe |
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Some of these stories are too funny. I've been to some bad funerals but dayum they have nothing on these. Goodness I guess the dead can't rest in peace. The funniest funeral I went to was when this obviously gay guy cut the fool by crying and yelling, falling out in the floor, and then laid all over the deceased in the casket and would not sit down (or shut up). That was the longest funeral ever. The expression on the preacher's face was priceless. He almost made the preacher lose his religion that day. Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.
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just like mcdonalds, im lovin it! |
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Thanks for the bump. I thought I remembered one or two lyin' around, but I wasn't sure. |
How about ghetto Bar/Bat Mitzvahs? A girl I knew had hers in a church.
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