My mother died last year and when it came down to telling my nephew, who was 5 at the time, I think it actually took him a while to really understand that she was gone and wasn't coming back.

So, to answer the question...you just have to do the best you can. I'm sure we'll have to talk about this to my niece when she gets old enough.

Just to give an update. He funeral was last Wednesday and my son did well. He cried but I think he mainly cried seeing his Dad cry, which was heart breaking. And of course he bounced back as oon as he got around his cousins.

I don't mean to compare this to the loss of a relative, but I think my mother did very well helping us handle a "practice" loss -- the death of a beloved family pet. "Bidoo" had been in the family since before my siblings and I were born, she slept in our beds, and all of us (preschool and grammar school aged) were devastated, sobbing, etc. Mom reminded us that Bidoo had been sick and suffering, and now she can rest peacefully without any pain. She bought a beautiful blank book and we all drew pictures and wrote stories about Bidoo in the book. I was 5 at the time, but I still remember both how heartbroken I was and how much comfort I got from my mother.

The Velveteen Rabbit is an excellent one. My grandmother died when I was 5.5. My mom explain heaven and God. Then every year after that we lost a family member (so far so good for 2006!) so at this point it's hard for me because in some ways, I am almost numb to it. I would say avoid telling the child that the person is asleep. Someone did that with one of my cousins... poor thing didn't sleep for like a month because she thought she wasn't going to wake up. She wouldn't let anyone else sleep either :(

Hello Reds6, I am so sorry for your loss. I have experienced a loss recently as well and here (along with alot of prayer by myself and others) are two websites that I used:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Also, you may be in a similar position as me: grieving from having experienced the loss but having to play the strong role b/c the person that I was supporting was much closer to her than I was (my bfriend's Mom passed away). I often did not feel like I could place my burden of grieving on him, as you cannot do with your son probably. Please find resources and other friends who can also support you in your grieving process as you support your son. Finding friends (other than my bfriend, who I could not place that burden on) really helped me be able to grieve.

Good luck and G-D bless,

SC

I know that this is late, but I wanted to offer condolences for your loss. A friend of mine passed away in November and the funeral ended up being on her 20th birthday. She came from a large family and had over 30 cousins, most of whom were really young. Her parents chose to have a closed casket wake/funeral to make it easier for the parents of all their nieces and nephews to explain to the kids where Caitlin was and why she wasn't coming back. It was a sad situation for all involved, but the closed casket made it a bit easier.