Yes, I agree. It's different if the man is your husband.

Soror, I understand what you are saying and I agree somewhat, but in terms of PV, she is NOT a member of any organization, so her time should not be consumed with any sort of activities pertaining to such. Her SO is asking her prior to membership. So, look at it this way: what would you have done had your man suggested that you forgo ever becoming a member of this sisterhood for him? Could you have done that?

I agree that a man needs as much attention as a woman, and would not want to be runner-up to her sorority. Additionally, as life progresses, I (personally) don't know many Sorors that spend more time together. If that's the case, there may be more to the story than community service.... I LOVE my Sorors DEARLY, but we all need a break every now and then. Aside from that, we work, attend school, have other actvities, and have personal relationships to foster, as I would expect young men in fraternities to have the same responsibilties. So, the continual use of "I was with my Sorors/frat" may not be a viable excuse to me.

Ultimately, such a request seems unreasonable and it's a personal choice. I know what I would do....

PerfectVerse, I've already addressed your question but I just want to tell you that the insecurity just gets worse (at least this has been my experience). When dating, you know, I thought it was kind of cute, like "oh he must really be into me. He wants all of my attention, etc." Then you'd think that after marriage, it would get better. You are saying to yourself "well hey, I COMMITTED to you dude. I MARRIED YOU. Chill out." But for me it just got worse and much more extreme and there was a control thing going on there as well. And none of it was cute. So, I'm just saying, pay attention to the small signs you are getting now. You said yourself that NOW it is an issue because he is attacking something near and dear to you...but I would guess that the signs of insecurity were there before. I'm just saying don't think that a strong commitment/marriage makes it better because in my experience it didn't.

ETA: I concur with Soror Redefined ;)

Oh most definitely not, because that would be compromising yourself. Like I stated before these are the beginning signs of abuse. If a person asks you to give up your dream or a part of an aspiration, it will only get worse. That would be a warning sign so no I would begin to wean myself away from that SO. I guess my previous advise swayed into being in an organization already because that was my situation, pardon my enthusiasm please ladies. lol

ETA: I agree with Soror SKEE, it will only get worse. And men give us signs of how they will treat us early on. We just have to decide if we will allow it.
;)

RedefinedDiva, God's Ivy, and SKEEphistAKAte: you have all made very valid points! I'd quote you each specifically, but my post would be waaaaaay too long LOL!!

I agree with you, RedefinedDiva, when you mentioned that there is a posibility that Mr. Perfect may try to control other aspects of my life. It's a scary thought, but it's definitely possible.

Gods Ivy, you are right. A compromise should be discussed and ultimatums shouldn't be thrown around. I just wish that if he truly had an issue about the possibility of me joining a sorority, he could've easily talked to me about how he felt instead of saying "My way or the highway". I don't know what has gotten into him. :(

And the fact that he isn't my husband is one of the reasons I told him that the sorority would have more appeal in my eyes. I let him know that we don't have that sort of commitment with each other, the type of life long commitment that being a member of a sorority gives its members.

I will quote this question from RefinedDiva, though:

I'd have to say that, although I love and care about Mr. Perfect, I couldn't forgo trying to become a member of XYZ sorority for him. We've been together for a little over a year now, but my love and pursuit of the organization far surpasses that time frame. Until I knew for sure that there was NO WAY possible for me to become a member at ANY TIME in my life (whether I'm 20 or 60 if I'm extended an invitation), I don't plan on giving up. And if he couldn't understand how important that is to me, then it's apparent that he doesn't know PerfectVerse at all after over a year of knowing one another. I'd hate to lose him, but if he isn't confident in the fact that the love for the sorority wouldn't overshadow my love for him, then it's just not meant to be.

Obviously there are TONS of people who are members of GLOs who have been able to have meaningful relationships and continue to be active members in their respective organizations, so I don't know why Mr. Perfect believes that the only way we both can be happy is if he exits stage left IF I'm even extended an invitiation to join. I'm sure there would be someone out there for me and would be more than willing to accept every aspect of me and my life if Mr. Perfect feels incapable of doing so.

To be honest, you've described what has been going on in my relationship for awhile now.

Not to go into too much detail, but I did feel like Mr. Perfect's jealous ways were 'cute'. My exes before him were a lil possessive, but Mr. Perfect took things to a whole new level. I thought he was just protecting me, especially after a few scary incidents that I've had happen to me. I was just glad that he was looking out for me so closely.

But then it started to get really annoying, like I couldn't do anything without him watching me or wanting to be there. And eventually we broke up. But that only lasted about two weeks because we'd talked things through and he finally admitted that he did have a problem and he wanted to work things out.

He still does a few things that I don't care for too much, but he's much better than he's been before.

This has caused me to re-evaluate things. Not just because of my desire to become a member of a sorority, but because I wonder if he's going to act this way with whatever I want to do on my own.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
[B]RedefinedDiva, God's Ivy, and SKEEphistAKAte: you have all made very valid points! I'd quote you each specifically, but my post would be waaaaaay too long LOL!!

In deed and nicely put perfectverse. I will keep you in my prayers but think of it as pursuing your dreams and not losing a man and yes you are right, if it was meant to be it will be. My mother gave me the best advice when I was 14 years old. She told me if you love something enough set if free and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. So true, my husband came back to me when I let him go. We were in a long distance relationship for two years and have been married for 4. The good will out way the bad and ultimately what God says is meant for you is for you and nothing less.

Much love to you. :)

http://templeoffaithclg.org/images/s...sisterhood.jpg

Awwww, you're gonna make me cry, Gods Ivy!!! Thank you so much!

:)

I really do appreciate the prayers. This is a tough thing to do, not just pursuing membership but dealing with relationships as well. They both put you on an emotional rollercoaster where you'll experiences highs and lows. In the end you may be successful and find love or become apart of the organization of your choice, or your relationship may fizzle or you never become a member. Having a life long relationship with your significant other and being extended an invitation are NOT guaranteed, so all you can do is give your all in either situation. No matter what, the outcome is what God has planned for you and He knows what's best for you. He knows how much you can bear, and in the end you will be happy and appreciate ALL that has happened to you, even if you don't agree with it at first. Everything DOES work out for you in the end if you just TRUST IN HIM!

So I plan on giving it all to God, and letting Him do His work. I'll let Him speak to me on this issue with Mr. Perfect and I'll let Him tell me what to do. Even if my family, friends, and loved ones don't have my best interest at hand, I know for sure that He does, so who out there is better to put your trust in than HIM?

Much love to you as well, Gods Ivy!!

:D

Much love to you too. Girl that is what we do. God bless and hang in there. :) ;)