I appreciate the responses. Yes I was being judgemental, because sleeping with a married man to me is one of the most horrid things you can do- to sleep in another's marital bed is absolutely the most disrespectful you can be of another's relationship. It would be one thing if he had a girlfriend, but he has a wife and three children, and she laughs about that too-
"Oh <Guy's name> wife came in today to work and I had to laugh, what an idiot. She started talking to me about <Guy>L and I was thinking , yeah I just finished sucking his dick an hour ago".
Yeah, now that is nasty. I told her, you know, I really am not cool with that situation so do me a favor and don't share with me. But she DOES have an emotional attachment. She quit working there two months ago but went back because he called saying "he needed her" only then did she admit she quit because he said he couldn't do taht to his wife anymore.

I don't consider women that have sex with men skanky, but disrespecting a marriage bed, that to me makes her as guilty as he is.... if she didn't know or if he lied about it I think that would be one thing, but she knows he is married.

I didn't say I was trying to get in the middle of it- she just keeps coming to me to talk about him and how much fun she is having. I asked to think about how she would feel if that had been her father and that had happened to her mother but she said "it's different!" and my reply was "not to his kids".

But thanks for the input.

From now on, just respond to every mention of this situation with, "I don't really want to discuss this with you" and eventually she'll get the hint. I think that the real problem here isn't what your friend is or is not doing, it's the fact that you've expressed that the situation makes you uncomfortable and she isn't respecting the boundaries and shutting up. If I knew one of my friends had a moral problem with one of my behaviors, I'd at least respect her enough to not discuss the issue in front of her any more than I possibly had to.

If you see your friend wasting his life away and being a drug addict, don't judge. Who are you to judge? Don't offer advice.

-Rudey

That was sort of my thinking but apparently watching your friends make decisions that are dangerous to their health and well being is the thing to do instead of helping them......because you should just mind your own business.

I hardly think sleeping with a married man is on par with drug addiction, but okay. The problem with that line of thought is that she isn't going to change her behavior if she doesn't think he's wrong or until it's hurting her more than she's benefitting (just like drug addicts generally don't change their behavior until they hit a really, really low point). You can argue and argue all you want, but people don't change unless THEY want to change. Any extended attempts to try and change her will generally just lead to an end of the friendship instead.

sugar and spice is exactly right. And also, you may have much stronger moral feelings towards the act of sleeping with a married man than your friend does. And imposing your morals on someone else, well...ultimately it is HER choice and her morals in play here.

She opened up the communication. Are you a brick wall? Of course not. So you can talk with her.

You should do what you think is right. If I thought my friend was making a mistake with his job, some slut of a girl, or his lifestyle I would let him know what I thought.

Nobody is saying to force your friend to do otherwise. A gentle reminder/nudge/piece of advice may even be appreciated. Heck she may even be upset that you never said anything later on.

And Pika2001: Yes I tend to not wish my friends to become alcoholics, losers, dropouts, impregnators, and mental degenerates.

-Rudey

And this my friends is why Rudey and I are great friends.

-Bobby

--he wouldn't let me go home with the large girl. no matter how drunk I was

ilovemyglo perhaps you need to take a break from this friendship.

I had a friend like yours. I knew from her pattern of relationships where it was leading. After several years, I had had enough of being there to pick up the pieces and offering advice that was never used. With the last one, she kept getting mad at me when she'd ask for my advice and it was always the same. To stop dating a loser and have some respect for yourself. She accused me of being jealous of what they had. I told her for the sake of our friendship I'm walking away and did.

Fast forward to three years later, I get an email from her with a apology. Eight months ago he dropped her after abusing her verbally, emotionally, and financially. He's moved on to another girl and she's in therapy.

Over time this friend of yours will become emotionally draining to you as long as she's involved with him and cannot shut up about it when she talks to you. No you can't change her but speak your peace. It's time for you to do what's best for you. She's already made peace with her decision.