father jack-"that would be an ecumenical matter"

Mrs. Slocombe (on the phone to a neighbor): Go to the front door, bend down, and look through the letterbox. If you can see my pussy, then drop a sardine on the mat.

"they'll ride up with wear"

father jack:"who are you? What's dat ting dere? are those my feet?"

Saffy (in Morocco): Mum, that man just pinched me!
Patsy: Don't worry, he's very old and obviously blind.

Eddy: I did tell you the facts of life, didn't I, sweetie?
Saffy: If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at 2 in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear, "By the way, sweetie, people have it off," then yes, you told me the facts of life.

Eddiy: Sweetie, we dragged these people screaming into the 20th century. We gave them all the mod-cons, darling. We gave them the non-squat toilet ... toilet tissue, darling. I mean, how do you think they used to wipe their bottoms before we came along?
Patsy: Old bits of hoof.

"again please"the intrepreter for the spanish infanta-black adder

"sure, didn't our Lord himself pause on the cross for a nice cup of tea, before giving himself up for the world."mrs. doyle

"no, He did not mrs. boyle",father ted.

"well, wine or cake, or whatever they had for tea back then. and speaking of cake, i have cake."mrs. doyle

"none for me mrs. doyle," father ted

" oh, go on......it's got cocaine in it",mrs. doyle

"what?!?"father ted

"oh, what am i going on about?.....i mean raisins,"mrs. doyle


from father ted

http://www.ananova.com/images/entert...p1_363x500.jpg

Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!".

Aidan Walsh: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it's actually a song about...

Paul Tool: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972.

Alan Partridge: A massacre? Ugh. I'm not playing that again.



http://www.davidwalliams.com/full/lb...fromthesun.jpg

Social Worker: Vicky, where is the baby?

Vicky: I swapped it for a Westlife CD

Social Worker: How could you do that?!?

Vicky: Yeah I know, they're rubbish.